December 2015

>December 2015
>8/10 blonde at my workplace goes up to me with a mistletoe and says loudly so everyone can hear, "Hey user, we're both under the mistletoe!"
>everyone but me is howling with laughter
>I completely ignore her with my regular neutral facial expression
>the next day she does the same thing
>I react the same way but kind of move slightly towards her but only to reach something
>she immediately flinches backwards and does a small scream (all while smiling)
>her and everyone else laughed even harder
>tfw Christmas is coming up again and I have the same job

Who else will always be a loser no matter how Veeky Forums or intelligent you become?

Please end your miserable existence.

Without the autistic rage this would actually be a cute story desu

i think your coworkers were laughing at your coworker who got what was coming for her, and not you desu

you are still probably a loser though

Last Christmas one of my regular customers bought me cookies as a holiday gift

However, I'm a college graduate still working as a cashier, so I guess I'm a loser too

what's your job?

Of she does it again grab her and french kiss her. Hemingway would do it.

That or troll mode and go to HR for sexual harassment.

Just buy a gun and kill 'em all. But you won't do it, pussy

Just have a few drinks and ask her if she remembers. You could probably make something out of it.

i remember my birthday in hs, pretty girl asked me to wipe chalk from her ass. They all laughed at me afterwards, but still it was only time i touched girl ass, and it was damn good ass. Yes, i know i am cuck

I wish you would delete this post.

thanks for reminding me that i have never and will never touch a girl's ass

Why don't you just kissed her? Or took the mistloe and threw it.

Fucking bloodless.

Was it sincere to any extent, or was it with a bullying purpose?

>Who else will always be a loser no matter how Veeky Forums or intelligent you become?

Why do you care OP? Reality isn't fractured the way you think it is, it isn't "Be a loser or get the girl and live happily ever after", nine times of ten it's "Get the girl and makes her pregnant, she divorces you, takes the kids and leaves you in misery with alimony".

Trust me, the whole thing isn't worth it, and if I could, I would rewind time back to the year where I didn't have kids and could tell every cunt that walked by to fuck off.

Yes thanks for reminding me of my own inabilities.

>high school
>go to Wednesday night youth service at church with stacy for first time
>meet all of her stacy friends
>they want to play game where everyone sits in a circle of chairs and one person walks in circle and chooses someone's chair to steal, and then that person has to answer a trivia question
>i'm sitting in my chair zoning out
>literal 9/10 girl chooses my chair, but instead of taking it, she just sits on my lap smiling
>really really hot
>really nice butt in super tight jeans
>instant autistic reaction, hands go up like i got electrocuted, i literally flinch and wince and recoil with pure autism
>the girl gets up with a frown
>stacy friend i came with has hand over her mouth laughing so hard she is crying

Have never touched a butt since then. I still remember its soft pressure on my weiner.

what the fuck are you even supposed to do here

On the other hand, she is technically sexually harassing him.

Kiss her you raging homosexual

Nevermind, misread. Well here's my story:

>college Halloween party
>used to be fat, but finally got fit
>dancing, acting crazy
>accidentally knock a girl's drink out of her hand
>spills on her leg
>everyone eggs me on to lick it off her leg
>even the girl does
>lean forward to do it
>someone says "I bet this his first time getting this close to a girl"
>ignore it and begrudgingly lick it
>in a bad mood for an hour

>or intelligent you become?

How exactly do you become more intelligent?

>implying your intelligence isn't mostly decided based on your genes at birth

/adv/

>Well, intelligence is mostly genetic! I guess that means I will never more intelligent or learn anything! I'll just sit on this rock over here and do nothing for the rest of my life.

Stop with this shitty bait.

That's harassment and you should have reported it.
Also take this to /r9k/ (I know it's a shit board, but this doesn't belong here) next time, little frog man.

>report it
>get known as the awkward little guy who can't take a joke and ruins everybody's fun
>nobody will look at you
>eventually forced to quit job

lol now that's autism

I'm mildly depressed and antisocial, so I'm not grabbing pussies left and right and getting my dick wet 24/7 or anything, but is it really that hard to get laid or even just casually interact with a woman? I can never tell if these types of posts are just ironic memeing or if people posting this shit genuinely have no hope of coming into consensual physical contact with a woman.

fuck I HATE you guys

You are ... I don't want to feel this way. I don't wanna cringe this hard. Please.

its like people who are good are maths not knowing what its like to be bad at maths

i couldnt get laid if my life depended on it, and i was surrounded by thousands of women every second of the day, if i had a million years to do it

>At a bar last night with some friends and some people I haven't met before
>Chatting up this girl
>We are talking about movies and books we like
>My friends are going home already
>Her friends and her are going to another bar
>She invites me to go
>"Nah thanks, I am gonna head home"
Today morning I woke up and noticed I fucked up.

LIterally just stop masturbating. You'll also probably become cynical once it works, but whatever.

any advice beginning with 'just' can be discounted immediately

You mean like "just discount immediately any advice beginning with 'just'"?

Just be happy and don't kill yourself.

Pretty sure I'm incapable of arousing a woman. I'm not even irredeemably ugly; I've even been called handsome a few times, and by women other than my grandmother. My personality is just so thoroughly a-sexual that anyone who speaks to me is instantly turned off.

this

I can make girls laugh and such but not in a slick and sexy way but in a dry and emotionally dead way

The one time I got to bed with a girl I liked we were both drunk and I was so happy I got all emotional and I told her I loved her, to which she replied that it was a bit early for that. She told me she had a boyfriend at home and left me there.

Now I'm handsome, 18 and still a virgin

i feel kind of sorry for you but
i bet half of you are just ugly sociopaths

>The one time I got to bed with a girl I liked we were both drunk and I was so happy I got all emotional and I told her I loved her
Oh user, what the fuck.

I am an attractive sociopath though.

thanks obama

i was the same so don't worry budy. I actually got modelling invitations and a lot of girls thought i was good looking, but lost virginity only when I was 19. Now I could probably have sex with 80% of women I meet. I don't. I want a 5/10 Veeky Forums girl with a good heart, sense of humor who understands me and used to have a crush on me, but she's so cold and distant, doesn't reply... Fucking whores only makes you want to cut your dick off and drink more.

If you can do that you can get laid. All you have to do is be really up front and forward. You should try to compliment a girl a tell her she's pretty (or something along those lines) within your first few interactions. Girls love when guys are forward. In fact if you ever start having sex, you'll find out that most woman want to be dominated in bed and shit. Woman actually tend to be really kinky. I'm not personally into it, but most girls love it when a guy does shit like choke them, pull the hair, smack them, etc.

You just have to act confident even if you really aren't. Once you openly express your attraction, things tend to become a lot more comfortable.

me too, and it's hard. But i found a trick - I'm really bad at flirting so at a party I just come up to a girl and after some small talk ask her who she thinks the best looking guy at a party and the few times i tried that it was me, so just do a charming laugh (watch the Mentalist and practice in the mirror) like you're surprised and tell her that you two must then be the best looking people at the party then and hug or kiss her.

I am not that interested in going after women, and usually I am the one being approached, I am just too daft sometimes to notice when a person is flirting with me.

>On the other hand, she is technically sexually harassing him.

Yea because sexual harrassment laws are enforced with logical consistency

i second that
when i lost my virginity we were both a little tense and unsure about it but i just held her down and fucked her hard. she wasn't a virgin tho... reminded myself of that so have to go cry on the floor now

well then you're good.

I'm 23 and the nearest I've gotten is that time a drunken acquaintance forced herself on me, realized what she'd done, and wouldn't speak to me for a month afterward.

sure is literature around here

When I lost my virginity we were a bit drunk, so past tense. If I were to have sex now it would be present.

...

so that interaction went playfully well

sorry? i'm not a native speaker.

Once in high school a girl let me touch her boob if I did some homework for her. That's it.

It's a pun on the two meanings of the word "tense".

Everyone here knows the more books you get under your belt the bigger your IQ gets.

I know some of your existences are really awful, but the actual best social move to make is to play into it like you're not taking the implicit criticism seriously and you're not afraid to be identified as a loser. I might not be easy if you have bad self esteem but cracking is worse.

Think like when people throw eggs at politicians, the best way they can react is to play it off like they're in on the joke too.

Does that mean i dont deserve anything tho?

What a slut

>party
Another thing i dont understand, how anyone is ever invited to party, and why it never happened to me?