Share the eating experiences you're most ashamed of

I ate 3 extra large meatlovers pizzas for breakfast, lunch and supper one day. I don't regret it, they were great pizzas. I'm just ashamed of myself.

>be on vacation
>KFC buffet in town
>go there with brother
>$8 all you can eat
>clear house, they only had 8 or so trays to choose from to begin with
>ask to see manager
>tell them we need more chicken
>you'vehadenough.jpg
>sperg out Homer Simpson style about being denied all we could eat
>causing a scene now, brother laughing maniacally to the side of me
>cackling ensues and manager bribes us with food to leave
>NOTGOODENUF4ME REEEEEEE
>keep sperging out about false advertising, muh rights and demand franchise owners information
>manager fills 3 buckets of chicken and tosses a dozen or so biscuits in another bucket
>finally satisified we leave, walk back to the hotel
>rent porn movie, sit there with my brother eating chicken and watching porn
>parents knock on our room door and I get up to let them in
>"where did all that chicken come from?"
>brother and I start laughing and say we'll see them in the breakfast area in the morning
"Ooookkaaaaay then"
>parents still talk about how we got $100+ worth of chicken when they onlt gave us $20 to begin with
>15+ year inside joke of my brother and I sending pictures of eachother eating at KFCs across the country

Over the course of an hour, I cooked and consumed a 90 pack of Bagel Bites while playing Morrowind.

I regret nothing.

user, are you retarded?

It became some Charter school and now no one goes to it so it's just an empty school 24/7.

>watching porn with your brother.

lolwut

Who are you quoting?

>ex gf has coupon for free bag of frozen tendie wyngz chicken by-product
>she tries one, its fucking awful, throws bag back in freezer
>fast forward a year later
>she's cleaning out freezer, finds bag
>wyngz are covered in shiny coat of freezer burn and some kind of bacterial growth
>tosses bag into trash
>later that night, i end up getting code red obliterated at neighborhood bar
>crawl home, need food
>cant find anything, or really even get off ground for that matter
>remember delicious chicken tendies that STUPIPD BITTCH threw away
>slap trash can over and eat tendies out of trash while laying on the ground and watching porn on my phone

didnt even get sick come at me

I'm living it right now.

Needed a quick dinner, kids already ate. Slapped together quick salads for the wife and I. The bottle of French in the fridge was pretty low so I grabbed her a new one out of the pantry.

She was putting her salad dressing on and stopped, was like "well I just ruined my salad by putting on dressing that expired in 2015"

So I gave her mine and am now eating hers, pretending it's fine and having the "best if used by" vs "will kill you if you eat it" date argument...

But seriously, I fucking hate French dressing, I can't tell if it is actually good or not because I don't eat French, but this shit is nasty.

You dont indulge in a cheeky brojerq every now and then? Are you fucking gay or something? Its even better when you and youre bro do swapsies

I bet that actually happened

6 years ago I fell for the fried egg on burger meme. It tastes the exact same.

>be me on valentine's day
>decide to cook my gf something nice
>wait till the last minute and realize I am missing many essential ingredients
>use butter as a substitute for 4 of the 5 ingredients
>the 5th was chicken
>overcook that shit
>feed it to my gf
>mfw she eats essentially 3 sticks of melted butter and overcooked chicken and says it tasted good

You don't deserve her.

This prompted a date check on the rest of the dressing in the pantry. 8 bottles have been relocated to the trash can.

Mostly weird crap like "cucumber ranch" that someone bought on sale but we never opened because.... ew.

Update: got halfway through the salad, tossed the rest discreetly off the back deck. Not feeling too great, but not gonna let the wife win. If I end up puking I'll sneak out to the backyard so she does not know.

I worked over night in the kitchen at burger King for 2 years 5 days week. I lived off bk food,Chinese food,7-11 taco cheese things, and subs and pizza. Eating a home cooked mean was a very rare occasion.

I regularly eat totino's party pizzas. I grate really nice parmesan on them too. Also, I flip the second pizza onto the first and make a pizza sandwich.

kek nice

>9 years old
>mom at work
>dad going to work soon, decides to drive the both of us to get papa johns pizza so me and her have something for lunch and dinner
>at least, that was clearly the intention of this drive as i see it now, not then
>got two large pizzas one mushroom one regular
>not once in the drive back or hour after coming home did it occur to my fatass that this was for two people
>ate both pizzas in that first hour back home
>mom comes home and doesnt even believe i ate both

it was bad

>be holed away in my room for 2-3 days
>order pizza hut online
>leave room and shower, come out to discover roommate has ordered pizza
>tell him I need to make a run to the store
>go pick up pizza, eat half, go buy foil and wrap up the leftovers
>return with stuff I needed to buy and eat half his pizza

>got two large pizzas
>one mushroom
>one regular
>regular
What the fuck is a "regular" pizza? Pepperoni? Cheese-only? What idiotic class of people call any pizza a "regular"?

How the fuck does any human, let alone a child, eat two large pizzas by themselves? I get painfully full on slice #4.

>painfully full on slice #4
are you a woman or a homo

you're a moron

I'm not a fatass

I used to eat chocolate dog treats from my local supermarket, they were like oversized chocolate buttons and whenever my mother took my food shopping I'd run off and steal pockets full of them.

This was a really long time ago though, got to be well over 17-18 yrs ago when they kinda had big pick&mix isles just for animal treats.

Not really eating, but
>Be me, like 15 or something, idk.
>Be sleeping soundly onna school night.
>At around midnight, wake up to the smell of fried chicken.
>Leave my basement room, start going up the stairs trying to figure out if I was going nuts or if somebody broke into my house to make fried chicken in the middle of the night.
>Holy shit, the whole house smells like fried chicken.
>Go into kitchen, find dad and some guy I've never seen before.
>They're SURROUNDED by fried chicken.
>Still more cooking in a big ass pot on the stove.
"What the hell, dad."
>" Oh, sorry user, did we wake you up? We're making chicken for a thing for the KoC (Knights of Columbus)."
>Too tired to really care, just glad that I wasn't going nuts.
>Head back to my room, go to bed.

>mfw I never got to taste ANY of that fucking chicken.
To this day my father has not since done fried chicken. My mom is a health nut with some blood pressure issues, and would outright refuse to eat something that high in cholesterol.

Well, there you go. Now imagine you weigh 350 lbs. Not too hard to put down a large pizza.

When I was an undergrad I used to spend my Friday nights sitting in my room, playing vidya, eating a personal-sized pizza while drinking my way through half a six pack.
I would do this almost every Friday for like two years.

Who're the Knights of Columbus?

It's an international Catholic fraternity. They do fish fries and stuff to raise money.

Honestly though it's an excuse for a bunch of older men to cook really good food in massive quantities.

>be 11
>be a fat fuck
>eating with parents at Chinese buffet
>buffet has those foods all fatassed Americans love
>meat in cornstarch sauce, veg in cornstarch sauce, mushroom in cornstarch sauce
>binge on all of the above
>puke on floor
>server moves us to another table while pissed off cooks clean up the mess
>I recover and eat two more plates

when i was 17-18 i had no idea about nutrition. at some point i realized i could stay up late at night watching cartoons and eating entire full-sized bags of barbeque chips and other terrible shit if i wanted to

i stopped exercising and started eating terribly and got fat. took me a long time to even realize i was getting fat. stupid fat fucker. im embarrassed of that period of my life food-wise

jar of marshmallow fluff, microwaved some hot fudge and threw it in there and just ate it with a fucking spoon

Ah, I'm from the South. We don't have a lot of Catholics. I think I knew like one family of them when I was growing up.

what the shit user

once when I was eight i was eating a wrap and the bite just got stuck in my throat, blocked off all air
i tried to get my parents attention but i guess I wasn't panicking hard enough so i just crawled down to the basement, fished it out of my throat, and tossed it
when it started rotting no one found it and we moved out of the house because no one could figure out what the smell was

this was about 8 months ago.

8 mcchickens
80 mcnuggets with bbq sauce
4 large fries
ate over the course of about an hour and a half.
i wanted to vomit by the end of it but didnt.

Take every small win you can you poor married bastard

god this is great

Shit like this is why I don't marry. I prefer my relationships are balanced enough so neither of us have to do these pissing contests

>suffer severe bowel disease
>painpainpainpainpain
>having a colonoscopy
>no eating or drinking anything but clear fluids
>have to chug down 4 litres of chalky ass water with medicine
>midnight, finally finished 4 liters
>starving, tired and a but crazy
>decide that condiments won't effect me because the portions are so small
>proceed to sample every condiment in the fridge, even the ones you're supposed to mix with things
>feel like shit
>vomit
>go to bed

Is cornstarch sauce another way of saying high fructose corn syrup?

American Chinese places thicken their sauces with corn starch rather than reduce them. Faster and easier.

I'm referring to that sauce that's on everything at those places. They all have like a cup of corn starch in them.

My two worst stories involve marijuana

>Do Persian family dinner at local Persian place
>Have a fuck load of bread and yogurt dip
>A liter of what is essentially yogurt soda
>A light salad
>Three huge kebab skewers
>Three cups of buttered saffron rice
>And a big ass ice cream cone
>Go to a little party after
>DUDE
>WEED
>Take a fat bong rip and start coughing up a storm
>Coughing upsets the delicate ecosystem that is my bloated tum tum
>Turn white as a sheet
>Run to the bathroom and puke out my dinner in reverse chronological order
>Actually kind of cool seeing literally Everything I ate

My friend's house smelled like Persian food for a week

BONUS STORY

>Get tricked into eating very potent edibles
>Go to Korean BBQ
>Weed is too strong and I pass out in the middle of the restaurant
>Wake up to paramedics standing over me

I haven't smoked weed since

I was a disgusting piece of shit in university.

> making cookies
> like eating cookie dough
> make a batch of cookie dough to eat it raw
> realize that the primary ingredients are butter and sugar
> eat bowls full of margarine and sugar for the next few months

> buy $15 of bulk candy every time I go shopping
> eat it all the same day

> make a batch of fudge and eat it out of the pot with a spoon a couple of times a week
> make a pie or a huge batch of cookies and just bring it to my room and sit at the computer munching until they're gone

Other than an out-of-control sweet tooth I did pretty well. I never bought junk food or premade stuff and cooked every meal myself.

I've lost 30 pounds since I got out though.

>freshman in college
>staying at friend's apartment
>drunk as shit, eat an entire frozen pizza
>decide to cook one of his frozen tilapia filets at 4 a.m.
>cook it for maybe 5 minutes, no thawing
>pass out
>wake up an hour later and vomit all over myself and the couch
>mfw
I'm almost positive that vomit was food-related.

Only 200 lbs to go!

Nah I hit 190 and I'm down to 160 now. No I'm not a girl.

It helps that I bike 100 km a week.

How about embarrassing eating stories with my lower mouth?
>decide to use coconut oil for lube
>lather up my asshole real nice
>really slick, dildo slips right in easily
>get really into it, pump the dildo in and out of my asshole with extreme vigor
>next I suction-cup it onto the wall and hump it
>handsfree cum so hard that I deathgrip onto the dildo with my anus
>years of Kegels caused my ass to become so strong that I handsfree rip the dildo off of the wall
>tfw a piece of the wall came off with it
>tfw told the strata agent that "I accidentally smashed the wall while turning in my sleep"

I think he meant with just your regular mouth, not so much what you're talking about

I had the opposite problem where I knew about nutrition so when I started to do my own shopping I never bought junk food so I became underweight since I never wanted to put the effort in to eat enough calories

>be born
>eat at least twice daily for nearly 9000 days
>still living

Boy, there's egg on my face haha

I laughed

>Be me
>5 years ago
>Try cooking frozen chicken
>Didn't preheat the oven
>Left it for 30 minutes in 220 degrees
>Raw inside burned outside
>Ate some of it before realising my mistake

>eat most of my fast food
>decide to try and be sneaky so I put a few hairs in the little bit of my food I had left
>really phone in a freak out get the shift manager involved and everything
>get a replacement meal (I put head hair in my fries and a couple of my long pissy NEET pubes in the sandwich) along with a bunch of coupons for other free stuff
>decide to do this at all the other fast food places in town
>mostly just as successful as the first caper with replacements and vouchers for free food
>eventually I run out of places in town so I go to the next city over and start doing it there
>everything falls apart once I get to the mcdonalds because the manager was the same as the one from the first time I guess he works at both
>he says it's too coincidental that the same exact thing happens to the same person so he won't refund me anything
>accept defeat and leave

it was a good run while it lasted heh...

Ate a dozen hotdogs one night for no other reason than I wanted to know what it was like to eat 12 hotdogs.

This thread is making me feel better about myself.

Hahah great bonus story

An old co-worker of mine insisted that there was nothing weird about him losing his virginity in a threesome with his brother and his brother's girlfriend.

Reposted to /r9k/ where it belongs...

>long night of drinking
>everyone is hungry
>a girl that chewed a gum for the entire evening starts puking
>pukes her chewing gum out
>now's my chance
>I quickly grab the gum and start chewing it
>friend objects claiming half of the gum
>I take pity and split half of it and give it to him
>a true friendship was born that day

I ate a giant burger, when they gave it to me I knew it was too big but I ate it all anyway. I felt bloated and guilty for days and never went back, ever.

>drinking heavily alone
>3pm
>no food
>order lebanese sandwich from grubhub
>forget
>order dominoes pizza/wings/cheese bread
>taking too long
>order blackjack pizza/wings/cheese bread
>dominoes arrives
>don't want it anymore
>go to subway next door
>lebanese delivery guy calls while 12" meatball sub is being made
>get him to wait
>arrive back at apartment as blackjack delivery guy arrives
>eat like a king for 2 days

probably margherita

> buy $15 of bulk candy every time I go shopping
> eat it all the same day
This is me. I just try to buy less since buying none at all just makes me irritable as fuck. Last year I bought and ate ~1-2kg of cookies per week. Never again,
Not fat though.

all my worst food experiences happen overseas
>on skiing holiday in japan
>go to a sushi-train cause it's cheap as fuck
>eat over 30 plates
>end up making a tower like 6" high
>spent about $60
>puke out the window of the car on the drive home
i'm not ashamed of it but the people that I went on that trip with won't go to any decent restaurant with me.

weak. I would've killed it all in one sitting with the help of weed.

That simpsons episode inspired a dozen other television programs to use that exact premise.

Been there, buddy. I used to eat like a fucking mongrel when I worked third shift

Well at least you tried.

...I think?

>be 3am and clubs are closing
>fastfood time
>me and friends order kebab plate with fries
>the place has these shitty plastic forks(guess they ran out of regular ones or something)
>they break while trying to eat
>everyone says fuck it and starts eating with their
>be slobs and some get on the table
>eat of the table with my hands
>pretty sure one of friends swallowed a bit of plastic from his fork
was still delicious though

I just said "oh god" out loud. ....congrats you fucking pig.

What the fuck, you weigh 450 lbs right?

So you had to get more chalk water right?

Most times I go out to eat with my parents, really.

>inb4 edgy teenager that hates mom and dad because he never asked to be born

My mom has her temper on a hair trigger, and can get angry at anything at the drop of a hat; as a result of living her life pissed at everything and yelling at people, her voice has basically become stuck on "loud as fuck" at all times. She also has the habit of badmouthing everything she hasn't cooked herself. Add those two, and every time we go to a restaurant we get hate glares from the staff because she spends half the time "discretely commenting" about how "THOSE MASHED POTATOES WERE NOT MADE WITH ACTUAL CREAM", and "THE WINE TASTES VINEGARY", and "THIS ICE CREAM IS TOO DAMN SWEET", not to mention the nuisance of a person that talks to someone 2 feet away as if they were across the street. I wonder how the fuck she worked as a social worker for decades without someone punching her for yelling at all times.

Dad has the bad habits of eating too damn much, talking with his mouth full, and making an art out of being inconvenient to friends/acquaintances he meets at restaurants.

Isn't chocolate bad for dogs or something?

It is. Theobromide poisoning. The treats probably contained artificial flavoring, not actual chocolate.

>It is the year of our lord, 2010
>Make reservation at Veritas (RIP)
>Tell friends reservation time
>Remind them the day before of the reservation time
>One friend shows up one hour late
>Shows up visibly drunk
>What the fuck
>Despite being super late and one member visibly fall down drunk, they seat us (which was a terrible mistake)
>Drunk friend sits down and lets out the loudest "WOOOO!"
>Everyone in restaurant looking at us
>ohshitIjustwantedtoeatavealchop
>Manager finally notices the sorry state of our party
>Politely and quietly asked to leave
>Feel spaghetti falling out of all my pockets and orifices
>Females in party shooting death stares at drunk friend
>Wrap arm around drunk friend and guide him out so he doesn't cause another scene
>utter_futility.jpg
>Drunk friend screams out "THIS PLACE SMELLS LIKE SHIT ANYWAY"
>So much spaghetti falling out of my pockets
>Drunko insists we go to Mcdonalds
>Take cab to mcdonalds
>Huge line
>Make drunko and one other friend get the food
>I sit on the sidewalk, contemplating my life
>Hear a commotion in the distance
>Ignore it
>Fuck my life
>Female friend I sent with drunko comes of mcdonalds screaming "They're fighting!"
>Who, what, why
>Go in Mcdonalds
>Drunko is on the floor laid out
>Turns out he started talking shit to some basketball Americans and got himself blacked.com
>People in the store laughing and hollering "WURL STHA"
>Wind up taking drunko home with a brand new black eye and empty stomach

Please tell me you used chicken skins for lubrication.

Wat? Did they touch dicks or something?

After that I used the money I would have spent on the meal on a pizza and hooker.

I went out with my girlfriend and got very drunk.

Got some chips on the way home.

So drunk that I managed drop all the chips onto the street in dramatic fashion.

Instead of leaving it, i crouched down on the street and started scooping them back into my bag.

Girlfriend watched in horror as I sat on some steps outside and ate the filthy chips.

Put the salad in a strainer and rinse off the expired dressing instead of eating it retard

>Bongs think it's shameful to eat fries with your hands
THE SUN NEVER SETS

entire big tube of pilsbury cookies

underrated

Hey there same poster, talked with my gf and told me that wasn't the most shameful or embarrassing food moment I've had.
>be me at 19
>don't want to work or go to school
>join the army for no reason because I got a phone call
>fat as fuck, lazy as fuck, depressed as fuck
>talk with friend
>recommends I go with him to a depression testing thing
>I fail/pass
>now in returning home unit
>basically clean and eat
>RHU not allowed to do exercise
>get fattened up
>one day we have pizza party
>everyone bought like 5 small pizzas each
>they only eat about half
>get woken up that night
>"hey user we're going to get some more pizza want to come along"
>being fat as fuck, I agree
>me and three other guys stay up past lights out and dumpster dive for unfinished pizzas
>ended up eating about 8 small pizzas
>next day
>only I went the second day
>lonely dumpster eating
>get to go home right before Christmas
>I still miss those dumpster pizzas but my gf threatened to force me into a vegetarian diet if she ever catches me
>no more dumpster pizzas for me
>mfw every few months I go to local pizza place and steal pizzas from dumpster anyways

>kfc buffet

This is a thing? Where!?

Ate an entire extra large Papa John's pizza in one sitting by myself.

i was 14 and on my period leave me alone