Just cut myself bad, slicing an avocado with a rotten core. Have you ever hurt yourself cooking?

>it was like a papercut x30
WOW BOI

>meat cleaver over fingernail while chopping scallions - it's finally grown back
>sliced both thumbs in one day, first slicing meat for curry then later washing up the same knife
>tried to halve a cake, tilted the knife upwards into my hand
>steam burns on hands from reheating soups in the microwave and forgetting hot air rises
>oven burns from being a shitfuck and forgetting ovens are hot

I really shouldn't be in the kitchen.

>chopping scallions with a meat cleaver

What were you really expecting?

>working at dairy queen as a teenager
>making slushee castles with a bowl, slushee mix, a straw and the -10c cake freezer
>friend dares me to lick the inside of the freezer door
>being 16 i accepted the challenge
>tongue freezes to it
>customer comes in
>rip tongue away
>work rest of day with mouth shut, drinking blood
>scraped layer of frozen taste buds off of door later on

-10F freezer, I meant.

Loosing them buds forever gotta be the worst thing man.

Idk about America, but in Russia almost all children fell into the "lick the frozen pole" meme once or more, nobody lost their buds forever. how can you even grow up into a man without knowing what it feels like to touch frozen things with your tongue

A lot more than what I got. I've learned to wield the cleaver with power unknown to others.

you are one of THOSE retards, huh?

In America everyone learned not to lick frozen things at a young age from A Christmas Story and Dumb and Dumber.

Buuhuu why can't everybody be as stupid as me!!

Here your only teacher is your own life experience (also: 95% it's dad who suggests you to lick the frozen pole)

fuck off reddit
Non-traumatic childhood = boring childhood

Was cooking a bunch of pierogies once, went to put the boiled pierogies into a pan of oil to crisp them when they all suddenly slid into the pan. Hot oil splashed out onto my foot. I had a pretty cool splatter shaped scar on my foot for about 5 years until it finally faded away.
Witnessed a bad injury when I worked in a kitchen, we were super short staffed on Easter weekend so the place was absolutely packed and the kitchen was chaotic. We were having a special fish fry so there was a guy cutting the fish then tossing them in the batter.
>thunk, plop, thunk, plop, thud
>SON OF A BITCH
Everyone looks at the fish guy and the knife is embedded in the dudes hand. The hand holding the fish down had slipped just when he swung down for the cut. I saw him a few days later, he had nerve damage all along his hand and couldn't make a fist anymore.

Was making some pouched curry at 3am and my dumbass just threw the pouch into the water without a care in the world and a huge splash of boiling water hit me right in the belly. 1st layer of skin just sorted melted off, shit fucking hurt

How is your thumb even a few centimeters thick to begin with

I did this. And I watched Christmas story a lot.
Got stuck for 10 mins as my siblings held hot water in cups just out of reach.

It wasn't traumatic because I knew exactly what was going to happen. It did hurt like fucking hell though.

I fucking hate those mother fuckers and never plan on saying another word to them, naturally, though I did speak to them til I was 22 or so.

>first layer of skin just sorta melted off

What, no pic of the cut?

Nice, me too.

I mince chicken with a cleaver.
I grind almonds into dust for tea cakes with a cleaver.
Sometimes I buy half a dozen pumpkins and just go ham with lmao2cleavers.

They're pretty fun.

On my third patch. Finally the bleeding has stopped

Luckily foe me nothing to serious. Worst I have seen was a guy put his index amd middle finger in a robocoup before the bladed stopped spinning and ot cut the tips of his fingers off.

>Beginning of this year, trying to open a tuna can
>Tin opener breaks halfway through the job.
> Desperate for this fucking tuna, get my biggest knife and begin cutting the can towards me.
>Slip. Hit an artery and sever the nerves of my thumb + 70% of the tendon.
>After surgery and a couple months of hospital visits I'm still healing.
>tfw im a fucking idiot

>be me
>have a nice package of pasta and boiling water
>take the pasta out of the package
>put it in the water
>the package caught fire
>ohfuck.jpg
>grab the package
>rush to get it in the sink
>two drips just fucking burn through my skin
nothing else caught fire tho

Lol thats bad man.
I opened a beer bottle on a metal stove. Didn't notice the class broke and sliced my lip. I also swallowed broken glass and got nervous as hell but nothing happened. Got a big scar on my lip now but it's ok. I usually just say that some douchbag hit me.

Managed to cut the whole red part of my finger once. I was at work and thought it was okay but it bled so much they begged me to go to the nearest clinic because i was spilling blood everywhere.

Shits took ages to look normal again.

Forgot pic.

Somewhere in your stomach, the glass is just waiting for the right moment to tear shit up

Why were you shirtless

Last night:
>honing my cleaver with a steel at work
>faggot as dishwasher runs into my left arm
>steel somehow rotates, hilt is now 90 degrees from where I had it
>right hand still in motion
>THUNK right into my thumb behind the knuckle
>think I hit bone
>superglue bandaid finger condom duct tape
Guys I'm scared to take the bandaging off again

dude go to the fucking hospital you need stitches
also post pics

> Peeling potatoes
> Slip
> Peel index finger
> Remove half of fingertip

> Cooking breakfast
> Cheap oil
> Spits everywhere
> Get some on me when I reach to flip something
> Mash hand into frying pan
> Burn finger

...

Who the fuck hasn't hurt themselves cooking?

Right now I have a blister after a retard moment of holding a small bowl I was going to fill with the contents of a large pan

dear retards,

please calm down, disinfect your wounds and wrap them in clean bandages instead of just showing up at the ER, screaming and spraying blood fucking everywhere

that shit is annoying

I had a woman that actually made her husband take down her last will and testament if she was to die because she cut her hand dicing tomatoes

she needed two stitches

if you don't have disinfectant and bandages readily available, please stay away from the kitchen

t. ER nurse

It's humorous how people panic so much at a little bit of blood. I got shot once and the blood was spurting like a fountain. My shirt and pants were soaked. They put pressure on it and it slowed enough where they sewed it up. They did a 2 level stitching where they sewed the interior of the circle then the outer circle. That was that. I thought sure I'd need a transfusion, but they said no.

Was a temp in some kitchen, been there for 1 hr, cutting carrots with a breadknife, thats what they did there. Sliced my thumb pretty bad. Went to e.r. That need some stiches, user. Oh, ok. No sedative, no nothing, I might have squealled a little.

...

Worst one was when I moved a pan of half chickens from the combi oven ala server style and while going down the line tilted it wrong and 350 chicken juice went down my left shoulder.
Finished shift and could not sleep on my left side for a week.
Got a nice scar from it though.

>fucking slightly higher than torso level combi on a super tight line

I swear I used to bump some part of me against the inside of the open door at least once every night taking something out or putting something in. Nonstop little burns up and down my arms like I was a cutter but only had access to an iron or something.

Worst part about that oven is if you do not open it all the way, it will slowly close on you.
Will wake you up better than coffee, man.

That's the thing. Plus if it's higher up and you're putting in a sheet tray or something big you end up putting your elbows out and the doors are on both sides...

Yup, my coworkers put the potatoes on the top self of the top oven. I try to tell them we have two and I don't like pulling 30 bakers from that high but they say they Cook faster that way.

Yes, cook faster.

How bad was it for the guy?

do you wish you got pedo'd? lol

So the memes were real

The worst story I heard was from my buddy. His coworker was scrubbing the vents above the fryer with a sheet tray over it. He steps on the sheet tray, and it slides out of place. Dunks his leg in the 350 degree oil. Skin falling off like it was a sock....

broke my leg and knocked my dog unconscious while trying to open a coconut at 3 am

>I use my hand as a cutting board

Cunt

...

If you didn't want to deal with retards coming in for booboos you shouldn't have taken a job as a fucking ER nurse

Guess you could say that was one disobedient avocado

Pulling something out of the oven I stopped paying attention and I grazed the top of my fingers in upper edge of the oven. It took half an inch of my skin away much like one would take off a sock.

(((the year is 1991)))
>be making limeade
>lime is fucking dry and stringy inside
>use a knife to stab in and try to mash the rock-like little juicebags with the side
>knife slips
>goes all the way through finger down to the bone
>blood pouring everywhere
>just moved to the area, no idea where a hospital is
>call 911
>they send a cop first because shitty area
>ambulance crews need protection
>meanwhile I look in freezer for something cold
>no ice trays, so no ice cubes
>only thing I have is a baggie of ground beef
>hold on to that to keep the finger cool
>cop sees me, decides it's not so bad
>tells me to hop in, he takes me to hospital
>nurses get grossed out by bloody ground beef next to bloody finger
>end up with stitches for the night
>next few days
>zero feeling in finger
>severed the nerve along one side
>get surgery to reattach nerve
>get charged thousands of dollars
>good thing I have a real job with insurance
>surgery fails like shit
>quack tells me that's the breaks
>still only minimal feeling after 36 years

>durr you shoud do my job for me you retards hurr
You're in the wrong business buddy

In the last 5 years I have cut myself more with aluminum foil than I have with knives.

Think of a paper cut but about 3 times worse.

>tfw you have to wear one of these

Don't run in my kitchen

Finger condoms are fucking hilarious.
I wonder if the inventor ever made any money or did everyone just laugh at him for having a tiny penis that mandated he invent such a thing?

I'm going with #2.

At least you'll be able to turn pages really well.

he went and ran his face under some water for a while but it wasn't too serious

I feel sorry for this poor bitch in a HSE poster

Someone had to market for the Indians

Forgot image

>making
reheating

...

how weak is your skin i spill boiling water on myself all the time with no real injury

Right?
212 is nice and tepid where I work.

Once drank boiling water. My throat hurt like cazy and I couldn't eat in two days. Fuck

I once grabbed a George Foreman grill thinking it wasn't on and burned the shit out of both of my hands. I couldn't do anything but watch TV for two days afterwards.

>working at dairy queen
>come into the store at the start of my shift
>tons of costumers because tons of little league baseball kids and families after games in the summer
>no one at the register
>find boss's cow daughter in the back of the store, covered in water and ice cream, crying and not saying anything
>behind the counter has 2 inches of water, some sort of electrical failure caused the freezers to turn off and leak
>boss isn't picking up his phone and my 15 year old self is too scared to not serve costumers anyway
>blizzard blender footpedal is submurged in water while I try to use it
>get electrocuted, I saw blue
>quit on the spot
>throw away all of the can openers and every key in the store, including the ones to the safe and gumball machine

As a fun fact, my boss eventually got caught with cp on his computer.

Haha what

>throw away all of the can openers and every key in the store, including the ones to the safe and gumball machine
What a faggot.

>Fun Fact

For you

This happened to me a few years ago

Draining a pot of boiled potatoes. Tipped pot toward myself with pan against side of the sink ro stop the spuds falling out. Tipped too much, and boiling water all down my stomach. Still red and shitty two years later.

what keyboard is that?

I remember that, I have the other pic saved.

Just so you know, it was satisfying as fuck.

youtube.com/watch?v=KSU4g2wL9Oc

Cut myself pretty bad with a mandolin about 2 years ago. Sliced off a good chunk of my left index finger's pad. It's healed, but I'm still missing part of my fingerprint due to it.

How quickly were you trying to cut the cake in half?!

I was JUST asking myself this, what emergency sitation needed a cake halved so quickly you cut yourself doing it?

How did you manage to catch the box on fire?did you leave it half submerged into the boiling water and the other half touching the pot??

Do you work at a Macaroni Grill?

I've cut myself a few times. Nothing major. I got this yesterday firing my new 9mm. That slide just leaped back and bit me. Once is all I needed to learn where not to pu my thumb.

What do you cook with your 9mm?

I'm guessing ammo.

I'm a klutz with knives that's why I only use disposable plastic knives for cutting.

It seems like a lot of the posters here, could use a set of this fine cutlery.