This guy slaps your girlfriend on the ass and says your gluten is underdeveloped

This guy slaps your girlfriend on the ass and says your gluten is underdeveloped.

What do?

Y-you too

Show him my kneading skills until he backs down in fear and apologizes.

i like good eats, but can't stand him in anything else.

Yeah he's a pretty terrible Iron Chef host

Hate that gimmick show he hosts where he larps and absurd costumes are imposed upon the competitors. If you need shit like that on a cooking show for adults then maybe the world has too many cooking shows.

Man I haven't followed Alton Brown since high school. Used to watch Good Eats with my grandma all the time.

Who would pay money for those stupid meat shredder claws.

people who want to pretend to be wolverine while cutting their meat

hopefully no one after jack gave that scathing review of them

Ja/ck/

lmao this is so retarded

has this been used in a homicide yet?

not one where they caught the guy

>Florida man
It's bound to happen

>what if wolverine...
>was a pair of cooking utensils!!!

start to rape his ass

take his pulled pork claw things away from him, roast him in an oven, and make pulled pork out of him

I'd kneel before him.
"M-my lodge," I stammer, "I just want to say this is an honor. I used to watch your shows all the time. But, please, don't take my girlfriend!"
He smacks me and takes my girlfriend.

Jack needs to kill himself. How can he enjoy eating raw meat?

I apologize profusely and change my ways.

Bitch, please! Where we're going, we don't need gluten! We have fucking pentosans!

They work great if your bbq is actually cooked to the point it is falling apart. Sorry Jack

Kick his little pussy ass, that's what.

This shit activates my almonds every fucking time.

>activates my almonds

This phrase really suffocates my kumquats.

Stop buying unitaskers.

*blocks your path*

>police find corpse in the woods
>it's all clawed up
>"No need to investigate this one, bears got him."

That's also a bludgeon, good for breaking glass with.

to be fair i'm pretty sure he's said that's the only unitasker he wants in his kitchen

...

Why else would he be eating raw meat?