I have come in possession of a box of 1000 altar breads (don't ask)...

I have come in possession of a box of 1000 altar breads (don't ask). As some of you might know they taste of absolutely nothing, as it is made of flour, water and a blessing.
Can I use it for something, or should I just return it to some church?

Make a Jesus. Use Google to find a recipe.

use it as a meat substitute for your favorite dish and tell us how it works out

>Can I use it for something

Set up a little booth or stand in a public area offering to sell them for $1 each.

Make Jesusloaf

Those Catholic feels

>return

you stole it?

You can hold a black mass, but only if it's already consecrated
The host only literally becomes the body of christ when you consume it, so you'd have to eat it first and then puke it back up

time to make the saddest salsa you can come uo with

shit well then regurgitate it then use it as a meat substitute.

thanks for the religious lession.

Take that Catholic crap back to where it belongs and rob a Protestant church that uses real bread.

Hell, they're Protestants so they'll give it to you for free if you ask nicely. Come in on the right Sunday and they'll offer it to you without you having to even ask.

Rub your dick on every peice and then donate it to a church.

You can buy them pretty easily. They're just crackers.
Close. It becomes the body and blood during consecration, but retains the appearance of normal crackers and wine. That's called transubstantiation.

Is there a priest in the factory that blesses all of them individually?

Ex-protestant here. We got also got those bisquits and a sip of wine. No goddamn real bread.

>Protestant church that uses real bread
You're thinking Orthodox.

Sausage + cheese

Put them in a blender and you can have jesus breadcrumbs

I'm also an ex-Protestant. The church my parents took us to had loaves of nice homemade bread donated by a little old lady that was a part of the congregation. We had Welch's instead of wine though.

One of the catholic churches I went to as a kid used "real" bread (by which I assume you mean leavened bread)

>tfw really like the taste of communion wafers but would feel weird eating them by themselves even though they're technically just crackers if they aren't blessed

I was thinking of ordering some on amazon and using them instead of table water at a party for the heck of it.

Dude you're going to become the 2nd coming

You should grind them up, toast them with some herbs, and then fry tendies coated with them.

Ketchup with onions

>grape juice in place of wine

Christ, protscum are weak.

Actually I agree with this

Actually I agree with this

I use them to soak in liquid LSD and then I distribute it to church attendants and perform all kinds of miracles. But I guess you could also soak all kinds of flavours in it or maybe fry them and use them in croutons as salad.

They're not blessed until a priest prays over them. It's not like kosher or halal food where that's done before packaging by a holy official. Just crackers.

The baking may only be performed by a believing Orthodox Christian in good standing—having preferably been recently to Confession, and is accompanied by prayer and fasting. Before baking, each loaf is formed by placing two disks of dough, one on top of the other, and stamping it with a special liturgical seal. The prosphora should be fresh and not stale or moldy when presented at the altar for use in the Divine Liturgy. Often several prosphora will be baked and offered by the faithful, and the priest chooses the best one for the Lamb (Host) that will be consecrated. The remaining loaves are blessed and offered back to the congregation after the end of the Divine Liturgy (Eucharist); this bread is called the antidoron (Greek: αντίδωρον, antídōron), i.e. a "gift returned", or "in place of the gifts".

It's more because it's a United Methodist church in the South East USA, half the population of which considers drinking alcohol a sin.

>orthodox Christian

Why do Catholics consume them?

Why do you have a box of a 1000 altar breads?

Well they say it's a sin but then they "secretly" drink. At least here in east TN.

I wouldn't know, I grew up in a 'drinking is okay in moderation' family. Good wines, good beers, and fine whiskey is the stuff I grew up around.

>It's more because it's a United Methodist church in the South East USA, half the population of which considers drinking alcohol a sin.

That always confused me. The bible never says that merely drinking alcohol is a sin. Jesus drank wine, and is credited with the miracle of turning water into wine. So where exactly does this "drinking is a sin" crap come from?

Prohibition coupled with the fire and brimstone preaching of the Great Awakening never really dying off down here. My parents talked about extreme Baptists that used to preach that fucking dancing is a sin.

Although there are some situations in which the Bible forbids alcohol, it never says that alcohol is always wrong. Since the Bible doesn’t absolutely forbid alcohol, whether or not you should drink as an adult becomes a personal decision you have to make for yourself.
..and..
Although the Bible never says that alcohol itself is sinful, it does say many times that drunkenness is a sin. God says, "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit."

No forbidding as such.

Pour into bowl
Add milk
Instant Christ Chex

Meatloaf.
Use goat for maximum heresy

Yeah, that was my point exactly. I can see how a Christian religion might preach against drunkenness, after all there is biblical support for that. But the idea of avoiding wine altogether? That sounds ridiculous when you consider that Jesus himself drank wine and encouraged others to behave like he did.

Dane Cook pls go.

The ones you can just buy aren't consecrated.

They are..

>aren't consecrated

So? Wave your fucking hand over it while holding a cross and chant some latin mumbo jumbo. Wala, fully consecrated, just like your friendly, neighborhood, robed and collared pedophile would do.

If you have them blessed by an authentic Catholic priest they become infinitely more valuable. Thinking you might be able to make some money off them.

I know. Look at who I'm replying to: They asked if they were stolen.

Just lie your ass off and sell them to some Satanists or something. They won't be able to tell the difference. Don't try and sell the whole box though, then they'll know it's not the real deal.
About the only way to steal actual consecrated Eucharist from a church is to break in and steal them out of the tabernacle, or go incognito, receive Communion, and then not eat it, but there's so many people watching it'd be hard to get away with.

If you believe in transubstantiation, stick some up your ass so you can say you had the flesh of Jesus in your butt.

Are they kosher?

ADD SOME FUCKING CARAMEL TO THAT SHIT AND IT TASTES SOO GOOD

They claim what Jesus drank wasn't really wine, it was all just some mistranslation. Nothing else was mistranslated at all, however.

Make matza, feed the Jews and then tell them they are the Messiah.

>are
Ate, or whatever, either works.

Make altar tacos and altar kebabs.

wafer au gratin

"Come in possession."


Not yours, return it.

As an Orthodox,I can tell you I've never eaten any sorts of crackers in a church.

Just flour and water. They haven't been consecrated yet.

This but I would go a step further and rent a priest's outfit from the costume store then stand on the corner offering free sacrament to passerbys. Record it guerrilla style a la Tom Green and upload results to youtube.

That would be great. Bonus points if it's an obviously shitty costume as opposed to one that's really authentic.

Either that or go all-out over-the-top bible thumper. Think Johnny Cash in the "Devil comes back to Georgia" music video....the unkempt hair...the crazed facial expressions, finger-pointing....perfect for this.

Video recording is a must!

Do they disintegrate much? The brand my childhood church used would disintegrate within a few minutes if you didn't chew them and just left them in your mouth

Y'all should go back to R*ddit desu, it's where your type belong. And take all the ribbit and marty fags with you.
>muh saysjuan sauce xD

Always though that was a Baptist thing. My grandparents don't drink, but they used to partake in some "medicinal" Kentucky moonshine back in the 30's.

You can use them as the base plate for all kinds of baked goods like Kokoskuppeln or Schaumküsse.

Fuck these tasted so good. My priest used to use those giant discs with the designed impressions and break them up.

Use them to either make a breading or a batter for a Good Friday fish fry.

How do they get them so thin and flavorless, anyhow? It honestly astonishes me. You'd think flour and water would result in a very basic cracker with the texture of a cracker, not a packing peanut.

Best idea in this thread.

Actually I agree with this

They're not "blessed" at all, no matter what happens to them. Enjoy your fairy tales though.

Thank you for standing up for reason and logic, m'lord. God damm christfags shoving their superstitions down my throat all the time

as a kid i genuinely believed that when the priest raised the wafers up and the altar boys shook the bells, god made them tasty.

i remember praying for forgiveness because i wanted to eat eucharist like a snack.

it feels pretty bad knowing the truth, like when my brother and cousins tricked me into doing or saying stupid shit.

>johnny cash

Fucking, mah niggah. Believe it or not, I met him in a walmart parking lot in Branson, MO. I was going to pick up some equipment for trout fishing in the White River. Yes, he wore entirely black clothing. Yes, he talked to me in a walmart parking lot about fishing for trout in the White River. Yes when I went into the store, the flush faced women employees had wet spots between their thighs.

actually I'm from pintrest

>send money to universal life church
>get ordained as minister
>start church/cult/whatever in some cheap rented commercial space
>hand out crackers at service
>spout a bunch of shit about jesus or spiderman or something
>take up collection
>do faith healing
>place hands on people's boobs and junk to "draw the sin out of them" and make them holy
>spend money
>repeat weekly

Interestingly enough, these are sold as regular food in some places, with added ingredients like caramel.

I don't know why either but I always loved the communion wafers. Haven't been to church in forever but I remember as a kid it was my favorite part.

Actually i agree with this

Actually I agree with this

Similar thread happened years ago
Use like theater pop-corn flavoring salt on them and eat them like 'tato chips

Come now. Have a priest Eucharize it and then make meatloaf.

Also Episcopal feels.

Have with cheese and fruit on them. Or cheese and jam. Maybe some meat too. It's a great snack.

Have the lads over get some boxed wine and wine coolers and go to town

Actually I agree with this

Get out satan

Give it back, ahmed.

actually i agree with this

fuck you, they taste delicious

No-one gets to make fun of reddit anymore. This place is indistinguishable from reddit.

I agree, actually, this with

what the fuck is with the hatred for reddit here recently? what about these posts indicate anything reddit related? what's so bad about reddit? do you realize that r/all pleb content does not reflect the rest of reddit? what's wrong with you?

Go back, roach

>defending the cancer

I often forget that I'm on Veeky Forums. I honestly think I'm on /tv/ most of the time because of how bad it is. Fuck this board

Actually I agree with this

Namefag sites are automatically trash, gas yourself

...

recently? how fucking new are you?

>Can I use it for something, or should I just return it to some church?
Well, you probrably should return it, not like you can't just get a bag of tortilhas.

It really is not worth using it.