What is the opening line to your novel /lit?

CRASH. Mum dropped the frying pan today, or was it yesterday? Our golden retriever jumped at at her while she was making pancakes to appease our one enemy. Two if you counted God.

Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin.

publish this shit now

>It starts in darkness...
and the last sentence will be
>...and ends in understanding.

Twas the second month of his pilgrimage and each passing second seemed to flow ever slower than the last

You mean the last sentence of the novel? That's kinda dumb, honestly.

Any more to share?

"We did it, reddit!"

Her back was curved, carved and pinkish pale, like an icy slope in the morning.

>implying this is a good book

Now we see the door where sky and sea combine.

“Well I’m having a HALIBUT good time” giggled Craig as he knowingly tapped the seafood menu in front of her.

The date was going well.

“This opening sentence can be reflectively perceived upon as a cryptic metaphor for what the book as a whole is ‘about’,” said John.

There was now only one pancake. Two if you counted the CRASH.

"Goddammit", said Father Mather, just loud enough for the congregation to hear.

And truly, for the very first time, Anonymous began the greatest written work that would ever grace the Earth: "His Diary, To Be Honest".

Woody and Buzz appeared from the 11th dimension, subtly Woody's hand revealed the tip of his sloppy privates dangling like a leaf just before the first winter storm.

Divin... j'en veux plus...

End

Jizz on my tits farted Noras lubxurious hole as it had all evening Jizz on my tits until there's no more splurge to sqwander into me isn't it funny, though, thought Jimmy, how her wet naughty farts sounded positively inviting kek kek fwap fwap fwap fwap fwap fwap Ooooh Jimmy Russel me harder fwap fwap fart cum on my tits kekkek, now Jim, patience, fwap.

checked
edgy
6/10 depending on where you take it
3/10 if you're going for a whiny "AND im an NYU film school graduate SUCKA and the school of visual arts AND the academy of art university San Francisco. You SUCK"
2/10
0/10
Seems like it will go very tryhard very soon but has potential
the meme duo

The dawn arrived on another day, great Sol, in all it's vitality and might, casting its rays down upon the scuttling transient forms below.

JUST

memes XD

pseuds detected:

This is cool, but needs to be worded better I think

"Jake, it's your turn", his little sister Amy reminded him.

It was one of those days.

*Seinfeld theme starts playing

"Youre a god damned Nigger ass bitch!" the white leady screams as shes getting pounded in her asshole by Tyrone. My wife's son watches on in horror, and nothing can cast me free from these shackels!

I know it's just a coincidence, but among the things I had going in the background as I wrote the first draft was Seinfeld.

For days they had been traversing the barren slopes of the mountains along the northern border. Dust highlighted the hair and hooves of the horses, and every fiber of Mykhael and Grygory's clothing was gritty and white with regolithic powder.

A man, if he could be called such strides sqaggeredly into the room from outside, draped over his shoulders, a long black coat, his head topped with a short brimmed pork pie hat with a long plumed feather stuck into the brim. For a moment Tyrone and the white woman stop their salacious dance, and a glimmer of hope illuminates your face. You strain against your shackles as the turgid stranger waddles over to Tyrone and his quarry, and reaching into his pocket he draws out a small greasy bottle. Tipping his hat and licking his swollen lips crusted with cheadle, he mumbles a soul-crushing suggestion, "Care for some lube, m'lady?"

>It's an old trick of dishonest people to offer sacrifices which are unnecessary and which cannot be made so as to get out of making those that are necessary.

It's called preemptive facial preservation.

Pretending to be blind let me grope women.

Beyond the swelling hills of the valley rose slopes of pine where the line of horizon met the sun shower of the evening. They towered to my right. And to my left, a young nubile in the back of a sedan lifted her top, her breasts misshapen, dull; a dreadful sight.

I dig this one, reminded me a bit of Dubliners

No, shh, it's alright, don't move.

It was the dust in his nails that had him bleeding.

When I found child porn on dad's computer I called the police, after making a copy for myself.

pomo description of a 13-year-old girl in an informal dress. No I will not take a seat.

I had started that year a failure.

One enemy remained; twelve if you counted the members of the Greek pantheon.

-Festering nigger diarrhea? You get festering nigger diarrhea in the next world, here you have the law.

Mah home boy Tyrone got capped t'day. . . or wuz dat yestaday. . .

I don't think I'm a very good person, and I think most people would share that thought.

>he hasn't read the entire meme trilogy

i have a little sister named amy and my name is jake why are you reading my diary

HAHAHHA

fuck that MEME REDITOR

Only one enemy remained; two if you counted God.

"The first sentence is always the hardest".

wow....

Eugh

Holy...I want more

wtf I hate God now

As a professor at a respected community college I am blown away. Please suck my dick from the back, im a blow hard im a blowhard.

He had only one enemy remaining. Two if you counted God.

When god's light left this world the devil made sure to trick mankind into thinking they weren't left in the dark. That they weren't runnin round blind. That there was a captain at the helm ensuring them safe passage. That they had a destiny. A purpose. A reason. That they were still god's children and not some abandoned pet project. That they were loved.

Only two enemies remained; one if you counted God.

I am a tank.

Only seven enemies remained, seven if you counted god.

Women are shit

Don't push me, because I'm close to the edge.

I stared at the roots cracking through the stone floor and marveled.

"How many hamburgers?"
"How many hamburgers?? What am I? A fucking fat fuck? GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

"Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins."

heh..

I voted Trump. That's right. I'm not ashamed to say it. I voted for change, I voted for hope, I voted for 1776. Now that I have that out of the way, let me begin my novel.
Ahem.
Only two enemies remained; one if you counted ISIS.
.
.
.
.
killer opening desu

Donno yet.
Like a sandbox where I'm filling in this patch and then that one. Where it starts is vaguely planned out, but I need to see it as a while filled in before I choose.

Isn't this a more sensible method?

It all began that fateful winter night when my balls exploded.

I was in my twenty-fourth year when the letter arrived.

Her last drop of milk slid from his lip.

I had just came and still had my eyes closed in ecstasy when there was a knock on the front door. I opened my eyes and slitted them in the direction of my bedroom door. After pulling up my shorts from around my ankles, I wiped the excess lotion on my stomach. On the way to answer the door I threw away the warm and sticky semen filled piece of toilet paper.

Who got it?

Mom found the piss-bottles.

This isn't the time to give up, son.

Dude sounds hot. Continue please

"Once upon a time"

"We should start back," Gared urged as the woods began to grow dark around them.

>Gared

Ugh

7/10

"psssh, nuthin personnel, kid"

"Piano music echoed through the long and dark halls, stopped, and started again. It grew fainter and fainter until Isaac could barely hear it over the sound of his own boots hitting the wood floor."

The dead hooker lay on the floor. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

The End

Starting a novel with quotation marks should be a crime.

"Never trouble yourself with the opinions of faggots," said Steve.

Gregor realized, with a sort of laugh, that every joke he had recently heard had been told by himself, to himself, and at his own expense.

"How do you think you'll ever be able to accomplish these aspirations of yours?" said mary, "your life and all your goals are nothing but pipe dreams."
"Well I may be inclined to believe you," responded Harry, "but right now, NOTHING CAN STOP ME I'M ALL THE WAY UP"

I was sixteen when comrade Castro died, and twenty when they brought him back.