Inlaws

What is the one meal you'll make to impress potential inlaws.

Hard mode: They are massive foodies as well.

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they love it

obviously the Veeky Forums favorite non McChicken dish

Carbonara

lewd

Well, my inlaws never were or are foodies. They're dull people from the midwest without any sense of food. So I didn't have to try very hard at all to wow them.

First thing I ever made for them was a braised pork tenderloin stuffed with spiced apples, gorgonzola and fennel. Side of mashed potatoes with sour cream and chives.

Looks good how did that turn out?

Nothing wrong with simple recipe.

My in-laws are disgusting hillbillie trash. No idea how my wife became successful considering the environment she grew up in. Both have missing permanent teeth, have never graduated high school or college, no career aspirations or goals, no savings, no investements, no "salaried" jobs, have always worked hourly retail or trucking and are alcoholics. My mother in law is also dying slowly from COPD yet refuses to quit smoking.

The very rare occasion they're sober enough to drive 3 hours to visit us and the kids, they always want fast food or pizza. Pig-disgusting.

>marrying into trash

Feelsbadman. I sympathize with you. I really married down. Well, my wife is great. But her entire extended family is just as pig disgusting as yours. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel resentment about it. Oh well.

Well the good thing about that is they'll be dead long before my sons can internalize it as a "loss" when the reality is it's a gain. The odd thing about her parents is they come from money and normalcy, but are both blacksheep that "fell in love", despite the dozens of assault and DV charges they have between them.

>large breasted white chick gets hole stuffed full of tentacles

A delicious schnitzel with some Polish cucumber salad and mashed potatoes. At the end of the meal some kind of home made liqueur as an aperitif

>Roasted mindflayer head
The meal of heros.

I feel you bro. Do you feel like you can bring them up to your lifestyle?

Sounds good especially the homebrew, Right now it's a trend to make homebrew beers. Haven't heard anyone making liqour

Lolno. They're drunken losers. Once people hit a certain age they refuse to change. My Father in law is a trucker, if he got a GED he'd make 3x the money he does (for some reason) and refused to take the exam despite the fact my wife was proctoring the testing and would have just filled one out on his behalf for submission. He didn't understand that "just show up and pretend to answer shit" = his daughter answering all the questions ensuring a passing grade.

As they say, you can lead a horse to water etc etc etc.

Risotto with some decent meat. KISS

Fair enough. Well I grew up in rags and became a scientist. My partner is a doc and from a pretty wealthy background. No matter what I'm always telling my parents to consistently learn.

Hmm maybe he knew he wouldn't be able to pass but wouldn't cheat out of pride?

I'm trying to perfect a triple mushroom risotto with grilled chicken breast... thoughts?

Nah this is the same dude that snorts crushed up Xanax at 63yo at a child's birthday party alone in a basement. He has no moral compass or pride lmao.

Have you ever had a heart to heart with him and listen to his story?

Nice dubs.

Anyways, what recipe are you using? Are you doing a testrun in advance (because risotto cooking times don't scale)? How long are you toasting? What wine are you using to quench the roast?

He has no story, he's just an addict loser that found another addict loser to squirt out a litter for him.

I make medianoches and mojitos. They cream their goddamn undies. I make love to their daughter in front of them while they shout "wepa"

I toast in olive oil as I add a bit of butter just before plating and use a dry sav. The stock I made is pretty flavorsome as it is (Roasted chicken frames, onion, celery, carrots, pepper on simmer for 8 hours). My kitchen is set up so I can entertain guest and stir at the same time,

That's to bad bro. Tell us about your wife, is she the opposite?

>fucking a spic
I feel sorry for you

I make hot chicken w. homemade pickles and biscuits, cole slaw and a pitcher of julep

I always use butter to toast, seems to get tastier results. Also, olive oil tends to form a film over the broth, which means your kitchen is less likely to smell like heaven. Make sure you get the butter and cheese (I prefer grana padano) before plating just right - a risotto is objectively great when you can stand a spoon upright in it.

Always make sure your wine bottle is empty by the time your risotto is done. Remember, cooking is secondary to entertaining your guests.

Also of note: the best risotto's I've made used some wood pidgeons I shot. Use the breast as meat, and the frames for broth.

Fuck trying to impress your in-laws.

I'm 35 and have paid off my second home which is a 6,000 sw ft mansion with 4 waterfalls on the property. I make mad bank.

I host almost all major holidays (staffed) at my house and feed everyone a banquet everytime and have never even asked them to bring a side dish.

Neither my parents or my in-laws are happy with me because I don't go to church on Sundays.

OP, you do you. Cook something you want to eat. If they don't like it - they can have you over next time. You don't owe them shit.

Thanks for the tip. Like the best quote I heard, "I like cooking with wine, sometime I add it to my food"

What your opinion on adding a tad of mascapone for that silky texture?

I'm yet to try hunting. I do a lot of fishing and spearfishing for dinner, but I haven't tried shooting an animal with a gun. Also, I live in a city where shooting is difficult

Nice where you live? I know we will be financially stable where we can buy a few properties from our home country but in Aus you can't get shit

Another option besides wine is beer - especially on mushroom risotto's. Can be a bit overpowering though.

>What your opinion on adding a tad of mascapone for that silky texture?
You can pretty much dial it down with the broth, cheese and butter.

You don't want city pidgeons anyways.

We have Ibis everywhere (Youtube it). They look nasty, What kind of beer?

All your inlaws really care about is whether you can take care of their daughter and grandchildren, and the only way you can prove that is by a) being financially stable and b) being a good boy.

You'll show them what a good boy you are at the table, but you should cook something somewhat expensive, but not wastefully extravagant, in order to show them you can afford a family.
Salmon is a good option, or just play it safe and make some thicc steaks. Bonus points if you have a barbeque.

Atlanta

If I was going to cook something for my inlaws, it would probably be a tenderloin of pork, with a black berry sauce, over a bed of carolina gold rice, or mashed potatoes and a side of grilled asparagus.

Usually a local type of beer called Oud Bruin (usually froma brewery 10KM from my home), which works perfectly with game or fall-ish flavors like mushrooms and pumpkin.
nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oud_bruin
Alternatives I'd consider would be a Bock and Dubbelbock (typical fall beers), or a Quadrupel. I desperately want to try a kriek - but I can't imagine what kind of ''filling'' I'd use in that risotto.

My in laws are from the American Midwest. They don't like anything spicy and are distrustful of strong flavors like garlic. They're even put off by the smell of onions frying in the kitchen. They get enthusiastic about hamburger pie and spaghetti and meatballs made with sauce from a jar and topped with cheese from a green can. I would not cook for them. They're nice people, but the "normal" food they like is awful. And they'd be happier if I just ordered a pizza from Papa John's anyways.

She's a normal woman who isn't a feminist cunt despite the fact she went to Vassar college. MSA in accounting, she works for Jimmy Buffett.

OP doesn't know how to hard mode

True hard mode is inlaws who know nothing about food and you make a delicious meal and they say "we've had better" when every time you go to their house when they host you can clearly see they use prepackaged crap made 3 years ago and sat on the counter that gets 5+ hours of sunlight per day.

>Have girlfriend's family over first time
>make steak, roasted garlic mashed potatoes, and asparagus with aioli can't possibly miss
>full body red wine pairing
>girlfriend says her entire family only eats well done because always grew up eating it that way.
>I don't agree with it, but it is understandable and the night is about impressing them.
>Cook to 10 degree below temp, tent & rest to bring it up the last 10, cut MY steak right in half to visually check for done-ness.
>fully knowing I sabotaged the fuck out of my meat, but 100% confirmed it was well-done.
>I don't have salt and pepper on the table because autist and I want you to at least try a damn bite before putting anything on it, how can you possibly know I underseasoned it?!
>Before anyone took a bite, they ask for salt and pepper.
>Said it tasted just like home and they were expecting to be wow'd because my girlfriend apparently brags to them about my cooking.
>mfw all that work for "mediocre"
>"Ewww I'm not a fan of garlic" But ate the shit out of the potatoes until I told them it was roasted garlic in it.
>"You need to learn to read because that clearly isn't garlic. I've been cooking for 30 years and i never had no garlic taste like that"
>"user what is this aye-holy sauce on the asparagus, it's got this delicious bite to it!"

Foodies at least have SOME knowledge about the food they eat.

Depends on your level of cooking.

Oddly enough, I married someone from a rich family, but his parents were hippies and lived a completely degenerate lifestyle. Everyone else in that family lived in mansions and drove luxury cars, while he grew up with pot head parents who sponged off my spouse's grandparents their whole lives and bought everything from thrift stores and ate the shittiest food. My parents were horrified the first time they met the parents. I think they would have stopped us getting married if they hadn't met my spouse's grandparents and other relatives. Luckily, I don't have to deal with them anymore because one died of lung cancer and the other moved to be closer to other relatives.

fpbp

>"You need to learn to read because that clearly isn't garlic. I've been cooking for 30 years and i never had no garlic taste like that"

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Coq au vin

>user what is this aye-holy sauce on the asparagus

I'm gonna use this line in the future. I'm gonna use it the same way I overheard a now famous line at a car show I went to a couple weeks back. My friend shows up with his Acura NSX and this slack jawed yokel in (i shit you not) overalls walks up and says "What the hell kinda corvette is this?!?!"

You can't make up some of this stuff...

Haha. I'm not from America but is Cletis from the Simpsons a real thing.

uuugghhhh...........
That reminds me of a horribly uncomfortable situation when I was in uni, and my roommate and I were traveling across country on vacation. He was wearing a Butthole Surfers tshirt, and we stopped at some random Dairy Queen in the bible belt because we were starving. We're standing in line, and some local yokel with a trucker cap and giant belt buckle grabs him by the shirt and says "Butthole Surfers?! What the fuuuhhhkk is that?" He said "A band." and just turned around. The guy kept muttering about it behind us to the other customers, and we got our order to go and left before they could organize a lynching.

Steak Diane. Also my thanksgiving and Christmas turkey dinners are vicious. My girlfriends uncle callled me and said I ruined those holidays since his can't taste as good as mine.


Also my sure to have a good liquor/beer or wine selection. Men still respect a man of good taste. Doing a beer tasting can be fun after dinner thing too.

that hand disturbs me

>Steak Diane

>go to sam's club
>buy pack of pre-made, uncooked burger patties
>dump Montreal seasoning over everything
>throw on grill
>toast buns while burgers rest
>set it up buffet-style of make-your-fucking-plate-yourself
>been with gf for years now and they still say it's some of the best bbq they've ever had

Literally zero thought into it. I gave them what I knew they wanted, not impress them with a extravagant performance.

>burger
>throw on grill
>they still say it's some of the best bbq they've ever had
>some of the best bbq they've ever had
>best bbq they've ever had
>bbq
>bbq
>bbq

This REALLY suffocated my kumquats.

Burgers.

>to impress potential inlaws.
>they are massive foodies as well.
They sound like pretentious faggots and you sound like a cuck.


If your potential waifu is stupid enough to be swayed by the opinion of her parents, then she is too stupid to be waifu material.

Spaghetti's dad.