Have you ever emailed a writer you admire and did they write back?

Have you ever emailed a writer you admire and did they write back?

I emailed Jonathan Safran Foer and he replied a month later (after I emailed him again to ask if he received the previous email) accusing me of writing an email that was inconsiderately long and being a "worryingly delusional" person. He asked me not to email him and and it really wasn't the reaction I was hoping for.

Other urls found in this thread:

online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?82106-The-Ant&highlight=
gizmodo.com/the-online-legacy-of-a-suicide-cult-and-the-webmasters-1617403237
nymag.com/thecut/2016/07/natalie-portmans-emails-to-jonathan-safran-foer.html
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

this morning I emailed a girl who had said she was infatuated with me

I can't delude myself into believing they'd give a shit about what I had to say

Also, I only read dead white males

I emailed Junot Diaz once and he responded in broken English.

Haha wow, that really happened, OP? That sounds shitty.

I wrote Robin Sloan once when I was in high school and he responded in a pretty nice way.

Why not post the email/extracts from here? Remove your name and let us judge whether or not you are a worryingly delusional person or if JSF is just a cunt (or both).

Go on. I had a weird true love dream a couple of days back and am feeling soppy.

i emailed james joyce asking about masturbation tips and he responded the next day with an expletive-laden message telling to fuck off for disturbing his sleep

JSF is a notorious troll and doxxer

For what it's worth, he sounds like a cunt already. But it would be nice to have the confirmation. Writing is hard and staring into the camera from a stone bench being a smug litfuck who shits on other people looking for literary advice does not bode well for the man's case.

copy + pasted from my sent items:


Dear Mr. Safran-Foer / Jonathan, Please don't continue beyond this sentence if you are busy or otherwise distracted with more pressing matters. You kept reading? Great! Well first for introductions. My name's [my name] and I've read your first two books. Everything Is Illuminated wasn't great in my opinion but Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close really was a gripping read. I digress. The reason for my writing you today is to inquire as to whether you could provide for me any advice that you would have given to yourself at a younger age when you were writing your first novel and no-doubt dreaming of literary (and other) success? Wow, still haven't introduced myself, huh. Well, here's the slim. I'm 23 years old and I recently graduated from university with a degree in English Literature. Suffice to say I've struggled to find a job but I have in the time I have been unemployed written a novel that I am confident will have a major effect on the literary world should it find a publisher willing to give it a chance. Here's when you come in, Jon (do you mind me calling you that?). I have discovered your address via legal means online and I am wondering whether you would be willing to receive my manuscript in its entirety, along with a synopsis (I'll even throw in my author photo for free!) and first of all give me your feedback on it and then, providing you enjoy it to pass it on to your friends in the publishing world (I know how well-connected you folks are) so that I can avoid the dreaded slush pile of doom! Anyways, so let me know asap and I can have the manuscript on your straw 'Welcome' mat by the end of the week. If you'd rather I hand it to you in person and take some time to discuss our respective views on literature contemporary and otherwise I would love to visit your office at [his university address] and spend a few hours shooting the lit (see what I did there?). So let me know Jon and we can then discuss the next step of our correspondence. Thanking you again and again, [my name].

one time i wrote a story about a russian ant having a duel and i tried to look it up to see if it had been done before, but all i could find was this russian guy who used dead ants in little cute scenes of them building stuff and really kidcentric stuff, and i figured what the hell and sent him the story, he responded after a few days saying he liked it, and suggested that the ants would have shot him with his ass instead of a pistol. it was pretty cool.

kek
you don't come across as lovably zany, you just sound like a cunt. have some dignity, authors like being treated with respect as much as anyone else. also nice b8 m8

I always imagined Oscar Wao as the rapper AFRO even though I'm pretty sure he's supposed to be Asian or soomething

Did you even read the book?

Impressive autism there

didnt mean that as a reply to your autism. sorry.

I'm just an autist and so is she, it's pathetic.

What's his name?

Ok. So what did he write you back? That's what we want to know.

you don't sound worryingly delusional to me user. you sound like an excited guy who is 23 who has not yet had the wonderful experience of being sneered at by preening fuckface academics

anyways thanks for sharing, post JFS response

doesn't sound like a cunt to me. and who says authors are worthy of respect? he's asking for writing advice ffs. maybe a little unpolished but who cares.

a polite response would have been fine. calling someone 'worrying delusional' is cunty to the max. JFS doesn't give a flying fuck about this user, so there's no need to worry. and he's not delusional, he's just fucking raw. ease up on that edge trigger

Too autistic to be real/10

andrey pavlov

You sound like an overexcited teenage girl, it's kind of endearing.

oh wow, apparently the ants are alive, i hadn't realized that. now i feel like such a jerk since the story ended sadly.

Even better. If you don't want to that's fine.

here was the story (exceedingly short, so not too much of a hassle to read in 5 minutes)
online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?82106-The-Ant&highlight=

Hey, user!
I'm impressed!
Poor, poor AntOn!
Probably he had to shoot not with pistol, but with ant acid from ass (as ants usually do)

Kind regards

...

If you want something vaguely spoopy e-mail the Heaven's Gate guys.
gizmodo.com/the-online-legacy-of-a-suicide-cult-and-the-webmasters-1617403237

I sent Alain de Benoist a quick link to a forgotten article about some academic he was in a spat with and he emailed me back at the weekend thanking me. Wasn't expecting that

I wrote Brian Jacques back in the 90's when I was a kid but all I got was an application form for the Redwall newsletter. Still signed up for it though

No, no.
I met her ~a month ago, briefly, in a Veeky Forums-affiliated Skype chat.
We talked (in text) well for a day or so and I was so glad to meet someone who knew the same books and the same anime, especially since I never talk to anyone at all. And she said she was lonely too.
And then she dropped out of all contact for more than a week and I was in despair.
But when she messaged me again, apologizing, saying it was because of her anxiety, and we talked on video for three or so hours and fuck she's so so cute and she thinks the same of me and gods my heart was beating so fast and by the end we were blushing and, I quote,
i keep thinking about you and my heart keeps going crazy
i’m so infatuated with you i could puke

I emailed Kenji Siratori to ask what books were included in some compilation thing.
He replied "Don't know sorry thank you" or thereabouts.
Swell guy

I had a similar age dynamic in a relationship at your age. If you pursue it, it'll probably be shit but you'll learn a lot. Mostly to only date 21+s.

What kind of age difference is that even? Nothing.

Obviously though if you recognize her posting you have to report her. It's also XIX.

hahahahaha FUCK

Really? What a crazy piece of shit

>emailing james joyce
>not asking about face-fart and smells fetish

its almost like you want to be endearing but you're actually just autistic

awful bait

I donated some money to Peter Watts to thank him for putting his works on his website, and he wrote me a nice email thanking me back.

That sounds awesome

>Foer
If I wanted to email a talent-less hack, I'd address it to my diary desu.

True but that's essentially every word ever written on reddit. Its cringey but thats bascially your average late teens early twenties millenial. So, you have to be tolerant of it...

'shooting the lit (see what I did there)' made me lol, its just pure reddit:)

w-what are you doing here, a-user-kun? dont talk to me ever again!

This is bait, right?

I refuse to believe you sent this and that you're 23.

I like the irl tale between you and the ant man, and your little story was nice too.

Good on you user

Creepy AF

I wrote to Schiller but he didn't write back desu

ah, sweet vindication.

should have written dialectically to hegel desu

in the end you will always get a response

I wrote to myself (from my diary fame) and then put the letters in a book which I call my diary desu

you should write a pomo novel about writing to safran-foer

I wrote to the author of a Kant study guide regarding Kant's annoying conception of time.

He got back to me and explained it. That's about it.

unironically this 100%

genius user

call it letters to foer-chan

I think I snail mailed Gary Paulsen (YA author of Hatchet) when I was like 12.

Forgot to mention: I got no response

I think this is the perfect example how how not to email a writer.

>not calling it Noted from Undergrad

gr8 b8 OP
let me toss another (You) in your hat

Fits how I always pictured safran-foerfags.

Not that you patricians care, but I've interacted with Terry Brooks a handful of times.

holy shit this can't actually be real

nobody is this autistic

It's XIX

underrated post

I emailed Kevin Wilson once about his short story collection. This was pre-Family Fang, so I don't think he was getting too many emails at that point, so he actually sent me a very sweet email. He was very excited somebody liked his collection, and we exchanged a few more emails after that.
Otherwise I haven't emailed writers I didn't already know IRL.

I'm friends with Don Delillo and he comes over from time to time to watch CNN.

Dear [Mr./Mrs.] [writer's family name]/[writer's first name], Please don't continue beyond this sentence if you are busy or otherwise distracted with more pressing matters. You kept reading? Great! Well first for introductions. My name's [my name] and I've read two books of yours. [book title #1] wasn't great in my opinion but [book title #2] really was a gripping read. I digress. The reason for my writing you today is to inquire as to whether you could provide for me any advice that you would have given to yourself at a younger age when you were writing your first novel and no-doubt dreaming of literary (and other) success? Wow, still haven't introduced myself, huh. Well, here's the slim. I'm [age] years old and I recently graduated from university with a degree in English Literature. Suffice to say I've struggled to find a job but I have in the time I have been unemployed written a novel that I am confident will have a major effect on the literary world should it find a publisher willing to give it a chance. Here's when you come in, [writer's nickname or first name] (do you mind me calling you that?). I have discovered your address via legal means online and I am wondering whether you would be willing to receive my manuscript in its entirety, along with a synopsis (I'll even throw in my author photo for free!) and first of all give me your feedback on it and then, providing you enjoy it to pass it on to your friends in the publishing world (I know how well-connected you folks are) so that I can avoid the dreaded slush pile of doom! Anyways, so let me know asap and I can have the manuscript on your straw 'Welcome' mat by the end of the week. If you'd rather I hand it to you in person and take some time to discuss our respective views on literature contemporary and otherwise I would love to visit your office at [writer's location] and spend a few hours shooting the lit (see what I did there?). So let me know [writer's nickname or first name] and we can then discuss the next step of our correspondence. Thanking you again and again, [my name].

Same. T_T

>worryingly delusional
I really am looking forward to reading this letter you wrote.

Here:

delicious guts getting stuffed with tender orange slices and suet mingled with nutmeg.

>Jewish author has high opinion of himself
whoda thought

>worryingly delusional
>adverb
what a hack

More /co/ related than Veeky Forums but Robert Kirkman answered one of my questions in one of the issues of The Walking Dead last year.

...

participle, breuh.

an "ly" doesn't automatically mean adverb. you hack.

i emailed christopher hitchens a couple of months before he died and he responded

Sir,
The idea of your service awes me (and does me too much credit). I can only tell you what you already know - about the extraordinary calibre of the people you will meet.
On a micro scale, I am honored to have introduced you to some of those authors and feel gratified that you met this. There are more minor Orwell triumphs in store.
Sincerely
Christopher H

That's pretty neat dude. What was the initial email about?

thanking him for helping me argue myself out of libertarianism, opening my eyes to the muslims, getting me into literature, etc

adverbs can modify adjectives

>you have to be tolerant
No. You guys lost, deal with it.

>tfw read it in his voice

He merely saw himself reflected back OP, no sweat.
nymag.com/thecut/2016/07/natalie-portmans-emails-to-jonathan-safran-foer.html

Also, was it his hotmail?

>and spend a few hours shooting the lit

My spine snapped between from the cringe.

Entered a competition Michael J Sullivan hosted. Got a write back saying he'd review my submission and send me constructive criticism.

NO REPLY

>muh anxiety
She is shit, get a real girl.

ITT: We write Johnathon Safran Foer an email one words at a time

>Hi

>As you may recall, it has long been rumored that Foer developed a whopping unrequited crush on Portman after she decided to adapt one of his books. Portman allegedly rebuffed him, but not before Foer told his wife, Nicole Krauss, about it (oops!), leading to the dissolution of the literary power-couple’s marriage back in 2014.

lmao how much more beta can you get

>CRASH!

Most guys could probably get away with a cheeky "phwoar, Natalie Portman" etc etc too. Holy shit.

same, I'm crippled now

>Only

>One

>enemy

>CRASH!

Hello

>CRASH!

>remained