Tell me everything I should know about cooking lobster

Tell me everything I should know about cooking lobster.

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Wear cleats.

>eating creatures that survive by deriving nutrition from the waste of others

Eww.

When you buy them at the supermarket they are supposed to be starving.

Step 1: Get turkey fryer
Step 2: Fill with salty water and turn on
Step 3: Add lobster while still alive
Step 4: Cook for 4-20 mins (depends on size, cook until entirely red)
Step 5: Enjoy

So you don't eat plants?

Not the same thing, not the same waste.

>THAT shit is gross, but THIS shit is fine
kek

>feces and carbon dioxide are the same thing

Maybe in your post-communist shithole pingling.

>I don't know what manure is
Are you really this dense?

Make sure the pot is big enough ...

Manure is digested plants though.

Why does he wear the shell?

You saying you want a quick rundown?

Yeah,
lets eat some vegetables...
oh wait

Chuck em into a slow cooker.

A lot of butter for a crustacean

I understood that reference

Enjoy your McDonald's.

>toss it in cooking, pure water, refined with a pinch of fleur de mare
>cook it till done
>remove the lobster
>wait for the water to cool down
>drink it

Be hayai (meaning fast in Japanese) when you put them in the hot pot and close the top. They tend to react big time to the hot water and might clap you with their claws.

One: contrary to popular belief, you don't need a pot full of water. A large pot with a few inches of water is fine.
Two: if you're going to use a flavoured butter, don't use TOO much garlic.
Three: don't discard the tomally, which is the green liver/pancreas. That shit is awesome. Spread it on a croustini, or a similar toasted bread.

Lobsters come with rubber bands on their claws.

Do you boil them with the rubber bands?

Yes.

That makes sepsis.

>not hypnotizing your lobsters

Come on now

youtube.com/watch?v=YLr1I6JAzBE

Says who?

>hypnotizing
That's just stupid.
All it's doing is overloading their brains, as lobsters don't have central nervous systems.

Lobster scientists.

I wouldn't trust lobsters telling you how to prepare lobster if I were you user, even if they are wearing lab coats.

...

Don't panic when it starts screaming.

It's just steam anyway.

Drawn butter makes for great lube.

>say "if you were being boiled alive wouldn't you?"
>why the fuck did I say that

gets me every single time

so you dont eat pig?

every single time this one gives me a good smile.

Usually you just stab them in the head or freeze before boiling them.

Fuck off

Why not? We let fish tell us how to eat sandwiches.

Why didn't you just say fast you fucking weeb.

He trick is to kill it quick. You simply cut it in half down the middle.

This.

Boiled > grilled = steamed > baked > everything else.

Eat with herb butter/clarified butter and/or lemon.

Drive knife into skull
Drop in boiling water
Poach
Remove meat from shell
Grill

I mean it is literally a water cock-roach

But that's a burger.

sounds delish
what to do with the leftover lobster?

Kek

Replace/augment water with white wine seasoned with some Old Bay and garlic cloves.

>literally a water cock-roach
Cock roaches are insects; lobsters are crustaceans (decapods). Fuck off nigger.