ITT: Microscale stories

>Be me
>Organic synthesis master race
>Just finished rota-vaping a dye
>Fuck yeah, looking pure, now I just need to weigh it
>Oh shit, forgot to weigh boiling flask
>Tare scale to weighing boat, scrape into weighing boat (boiling flask breaks a bit so I throw it in the glass bin), weigh boiling flask, calculate muh yield
>54%
>OhMyGrignard.jpg
>Lab script says "expect ca. 60%"
>Shit! I remember transfer kills your yields!
>Go to glass bin, find technician inferior race trying to empty it, push that faggot over
>Reach into broken glass, cut hand but it's worth it for muh yields
>Scrape into weighing boat
>"1.3" grams, recalculate to 61%
>mfw

Remember Veeky Forumsentists, transfer kills your yields. Do you guys have any similar stories?

Transfers remind me that I'm a brainlet monkey. I always end up not thinking far enough and head and destroying my % yield.

That was a very amusing anecdote OP

Do you have any more interesting stories

Don't beat yourself up over it. We've all been there, bro.

>Be me
>Betafag technician
>Work for this asshole inorganic chemist
>He's constantly treating me like shit
>One day get revenge, contaminate his reactants
>Finishes making product, looks so proud of himself
>That sucker has no idea
>He goes and gets his NMR
>hfw
>Begin laughing
>ohshitohshitohshit he's confronting me about it
>Quickly make something up "di...did you remember to wipe the modulator clean?" (pray he doesn't know how NMR machine works)
>The dumbass buys it
>Faggot doesn't even redo NMR, can't find the modulator
>laugh my ass of about it with others in the prep room later on

Be nice to your technicians, guys.

bump, want to see more.

>Be nice to your technicians, guys.
>validate my personal sense of worth to others as the person who knows how the machines work or I'll fucking sabotage you

>organic synthesis
>master race

Pick one and only one. Unless your measure of success is getting fucked and chucked by pharmaceutical companies (if you're lucky)

Materials god here.

I don't know what God did to you to insult him like that, but aren't you guys engineers?

You are a worthless lab monkey and should be flogged in a public square for interfering with actual grown up work

>Do you guys have any similar stories?
Yes, mathematics master race here.

A sheet of paper once fell from my desk.
I immediately bowed down, picked it up and continued my work.

Really got me sweating there.

kek'd

wrong reaction pic, but also works

>be in chemistry class
>do experiment right
>get yeild of target 80% or so
>feel really great about my practical
>everybody else fails
>hahahah
>everybody else fakes their result in their papers.

A little ethyl acetate in the NMR solvent is comedy gold because the first time they think it's a remnant from their column but no matter what they do it always sticks around :^)

>do experiment to determine iron content in a razorblade
>teacher impressed by my lab skills
>calculate results
>101% iron content, o shit
>quickly readjust the mass of the carefully weight out initial lab sample to fit a more sensible 98% before reporting my results
>get A

101% would have been fine. Think about error
>brainlets

>NMR machine

This is why technicians are retarded

Its a fucking instrument

>be biochemist
>I'm computational
>I'm just writing for and if statements while peers are getting cucked in the lab

Feelsgoodman.html

>shitty o-chem highschool class
>fuck was in this flask? I need it
>lol i dunno, clean it with acetone
>fine whatever
>swishy swish
>pour into sink, slop a little
>ain't nobody got time to clean dat shit
>half hour later
>FOOMP
>grey smoke and burning smell from the sink
>fuck was that?
>lol i dunno it's not on fire who cares

>not pre-weighing every single piece of glassware in your lab and labeling it beforehand

>labeling it before you weigh it
brainlets everyone

Lab tape has mass

>Not drawing directly onto the glass with permanent marker

>Implying heavy-ass dye molecule don't have mass

>tfw wanted to become a chemist
>realized the error of my ways and became programmer master race
>don't need to be a pharma wagecuck or make anything illegal
>don't need any physical resources to speak of to make software products

>not superimposing marks onto the glass via sheer willpower so that your brain forcedly remembers the numbers when you look at each one

Damn, I've got to write that one down.

Yeah, but the fucking thing is a machine.

>OhMyGrignard.jpg
Top kek!! :D

>be me
>flithy ecologist
>helping my friend distribute LSD
>weigh out "10,000 micrograms"
>later my friend asks me what happened to 90,000 ug
>realize one of the vials has 100,000 ug in it
>Welp
>some poor, lucky bastard bought acid that will give you a breakthrough with 2 doses.

cont
>tfw regretting my decision everyday
>I'm just a replaceable code-monkey
>wish everyday I could've been a badass chemist, manipulating matter in the lab