Cringe eating thread: post embarassing stories on they way you ate food. I'll start

>eat alone in a resturant
>some roastie sits with me, acting overly friendly in the impression that I might be a school shooter

I dont mind being alone in a resturant. But now that people catch a trend that antisocial people = future murderer, it just gets annoying.

...

I do this with popcorn to keep my hands free of butter.

I used to do this too, and shit like that when eating alone for a long time.
Like taco bell quesadillas for instance, i'd rip off a triangle, open it, eat all the steak inside one piece at a time, scrape the cheese off and eat that, then eat the tortilla. Probably the most autistic thing i've done
Something I STILL do is lick the flavoring off pringles before eating the chip

I eat alone at restaurants and no one ever approaches me. Try not looking autistic and retarded and they won't talk to you like that user.

>Try not looking autistic and retarded
Any tips?

>I've been getting
>present-tense

So...you're in primary school?

Neat.

So this one time, I got served gazpacho soup, and I had no idea it was supposed to be eaten cold. I chewed out the kitchen staff and demanded they reheat it.

They did so, and I sat there like a fool eating my piping hot gazpacho soup...

In grade school, in the eighties, before everyone went lawsuit happy and everything became clinical, sanitized, and individually prepackaged...

Condiments were sitting on a little table after the lunch line and the ketchup and the mustard were in those plastic squeeze bottles with the sharp pointy tips.

So you would get your food and then stop at the table and put on your pickle relish or mustard or whatever other things you put onto your plate, then you would go sit and eat.

I loved the days when they had tater tots.

I would stand at that little table and take each tater tot, cram the ketchup bottle into one side and inject a tiny drop inside, then fip it over and do the same with the mustard on the other side.

This was not a fast process, but I gave no fucks about the line behind me.

Every tater tot on my plate each meticulously injected with the perfect amount of ketchup and mustard, a little yellow dot on one side and a little red dot on the other the only clue that such a perfect balance was being contained in the crispy little drum of potato goodness.

Yeah I am very paranoid and always sit in a place where I can either get a good view of everyone in the place or where no one is able to see me.

Fuck you for being a line hogging cunt. Sounds tasty though

Reminds me of the jerk restaurant scene
youtube.com/watch?v=jP51U_QBx48
TWO BOOBS! bernadette peters has two great boobs in this scene

I don't do anything strange with food though

So?

I'm suprised there's still some sort of stigma about eating out alone, just don't go anywhere super high end.

Eating by yourself is great

>no babby palate friends embarassing you by ordering chicken fingers and fries
>server's attention focused soley on you
>get to enjoy a good meal in relative peace as you read your phone or maybe a bit of the paper without having to worry about making conversation, cooking, cleaning, etc.

It's nice if you're not a sperg.

Wanna be popcorn-buddies?

Smeghead

I eat fish with fork and knife. I also get akward stares while i filet it while everybody else is wolfing it down with their hands. White trash i call them

>everything I don't like is autism

Are you fucking daft? Do you actually believe us spergs go out with all their friends to eat?
Do you learn this shit on wikipedia and then proceed to spread your stupidity like a virus in good faith? I sure fucking hope not.

i once ate 12 mcdoubles in one sitting.

I love you /ck

>us spergs
???

When addressing or speaking about a group of people the speakers opinion tends to be given more weight if he claims to be a part of the group he is speaking about, even if that is not actually the case.

This minor psychological effect is widely known and commonly used, such as when local politicians claim to be working class or every time Obama said "My fellow Americans"

My dad used to own a subway, and I would go there by myself and order sandwiches with triple meat and cheese.

I ate lunch in the school bathrooms sometimes

Is Sumirenko your favorite 2hu?

>I've been
>been
underage b&

>[Contraction] [Linking Verb] [Gerund]

What's the problem again?

Apparently you're supposed to take off the wrappers for starburst. I didn't think they were wrappers for some reason. 23 and I was told how weird I was for it after doing it like that for 18 years. Am I autism or is everyone else autism for never telling me?

I used to get piss drunk and stumble home, take off ll my clothes and put like a pound of mozzarella in between two slices of fresh Italian bread and pop it in the microwave and lay in bed and eat it kek shit was delish my dudes

Why is this a meme? Unless it's a really nice romantic type place, no one gives a fuck.

I eat tortillas with peanut butter.
At some point used mayo instead of butter.
Would ask for bread at a hispanic bread store, ask for "panocha" with "miel". Turns out it means pussy with honey.
Not cringe i guess. Im slowly picking up mexican snacks or foods. Man those tortillas. Make them homemade now.

Nowadays that would be molecular gastronomy

>I eat tortillas with peanut butter.

ITT: things every single person does

bumping for the story of the user that ordered his burger "normal"

post pic?

wish i was zun desu

i used to eat hot cheetos and nacho cheese in middle school

Confidence

During the late 90's while I was in the elementary, classmates used to give me their yogurts since they hated it and I drank 7 of them in a manner of seconds.

No, I am literally a sperg and think this guy is an asshat for claiming we like or deal with other humans.
We don't. We eat alone.

i used to pour shredded cheese onto literally everything
i would get chips and do that
any kind of chips even cheetos

So you were seeing the doctor for something unrelated and he still wanted to look at your dick? And the fact that he told your parents about it means he broke the Hippocratic oath too, in addition to being a paedophile?

Also I sincerely hope Scooby Doo on Zombie Island was part if the marathon. That film was the shit.

Holy shit are you me? I do this with at least half the nuggets I get. Usually I'll try to put 4 on whatever sandwich I get with my meal.

>extended family outing to brazilian steakhouse
>cousin orders milk

He's like an IRL McPoyle

>hogging the condiments so you can inject each side of a tater tot with ketchup and mustard

I did that and pretended I was Yoshi

My worst habit that continues to this day
>pizza
>scrape all cheese and toppings onto plate
>roll slice up
>bite middle of slice to make holes
>don't even unroll to inspect holes anymore, just eat slice rolled up
>after doing this with 2 slices, eat cheese+toppings pile

Luckily I can contain my autism enough to eat slices normally in public/with friends but alone it's my ritual

When I was in junior high they had chocolate milk for a quarter

I wouldn't even get a meal sometimes, just 8 milks and chug that shit

>at grandparents one day
>teenager at the time so super horny
>go into bathroom to have a quick wank
>notice Frube in my pocket (uk version of go-gurts)
>use Frube as lube to jerk off with (I'm uncut but had fapped a lot that day already so needed to try something new to get the blood flowing y'know?)
>somehow get yeast infection

Being a teenager is never easy

>Steak
>Milk

Mirin bulk

>FB_IMG
>thumbnail

Op here.

I also remember how I used to take milk chugging so seriously, that I challenged the assistant principle in an autistic bout. That was the day that I lost the competition and my dignity

>plastic bottles of milk
>donut sticks
What the fuck?

...

What's that user

Clearly ur not from the US user

I've lived in the US my whole life. I very rarely remember seeing milk in bottles at school. Mostly cartons. Seriously though I've never seen a doughnut stick. Did OP mean churros?

I regularly get 10 McChickens. I started doing this years before it became a meme here.

I masturbated on the school bus once. Not food related but it sort of fits here. I only did it so I could say I masturbated on the school bus, like if someone asked me where the weirdest place I masturbated was or something.

So I'm a semi famous TV producer who is hugely successful with creating children's tv shows. I can't tell you who I am or what company I work for but I produce for a very major network which is a household name.

The reason I have to keep this all quiet is because I'm also kinda a big guy (for you), hence the browsing of Veeky Forums so my appetite can get me into trouble sometimes. I also a have a huge fetish for girls feet (I have actually snuck this into my work but nobody has figured it out yet haha) so when my stomach gets all a' rumblin' I have been known to spray whipped cream, gravy, ketchup, whatever I can find onto one of the actresses bare feet and lick it off.

I used to get away with playing it off as a joke in the early days, but now I'm more famous so I have to be more discreet and occasionally pay off potentially problematic witnesses in order to avoid lawsuits that would put an end to my little game.

Sorry I can't prove it to you guys but I have to keep up my little charade to keep everyone in the dark about my tomfoolery.

Do you perhaps have a plan and an unmarked van?

It's more like a trailer that stays at the studio (and where the deed is done nowadays) and yeah my plan is to continue getting away with it while slipping subliminal foot fetish material into kids tv shows

I used to sneak cups of dog food into my room and eat them as a kid.

>give friend bottle of hotsauce
>explain it is almost 1 million scovilles so be really fucking careful how much you use
>At some point and time his sister grabs it and completely ignores the warning label on it or the skeleton on the front
>lathers this shit all over some wings for her and her friends
>they all chomp into the wings
>all panicking after it kicks in
>crying one wipes their eye with the sauce beings to cry
>all try to drink soda (this only makes it worse)
>4 idiots running around crying yelling like maniacs
>get told it's my fault because I shouldn't give something so spicy like that out
>bottle of hot sauce empty and gone
>can't find it in stores anymore

Nice false flag, faggot.

I don't care what you think, it just makes it easier for me to do my thing without getting shit down. I get so much footpussy that if you guys don't believe me I don't give a shit.

When i first got my license I went to burger king and got 9 dollar menu items and ate them all.

>coking in a pub/motel/liquorstore small town combo
>tourist season
>some group of englishmen ordering hot wings every night
>we just use some franks shit
>one night they complain that the wings aren't hot enough
>oh rly?
>grab my own stash of hot sauce
>3 million scovilles
>slather those wings in it
>some cracked black pepper
>bit of lime juice
>they couldn't even eat one of them

>Peurto Rican coworker
>"Aww man you americans don't know hot ehehehehe, man back in my home we have the hottest stuff ever man! Maybe one day I get my wife to make you some food"
>It's just fucking Valentine hot sauce 99c at the store and it is EVERYWHERE
>"Eh man what do you think spicy enough for you ehhehehe"
>Say it's okay but not really hot
>"Oh mister bigshot over here eh? lemme try some of your hot sauce I'll show you how we puerto ricans use hot sauce!"
>Well this isn't my hottest one I have but I like it since it doesn't kill the flavor and has tastes instead of just being hot (pic related)
>Roughly 700,000 scovilles IIRC
>loads up his meal with it
>chomps down (this hotsauce takes about 15-20 seconds for the flavor to actually kick in)
>"oh man this isn't hot at all man hehehe"
>it kicks in
>basically cries like a baby about the heat and doesn't come into work the next day due to "digestive issues"
>Get told I can't leave my hotsauce out on my desk anymore because it could be harmful to people
>The bottle literally states one of the things in it is the worlds hottest pepper
>mfw I have no face

i used to roll cooked chocolate cookies into a compressed ball.

get outta here egg

>Be poor
>mom told me to fuck off and pack my own lunches when I got into school
>American cheese sandwich on bleach smelling bread
>Proceed to smash onto cafeteria table to pretend I had more food than I did and it makes it taste better (I swear)
>eat yogurt/pudding with hands because I was too beta to ask or get a spoon
>eat paper wrappers on cupcakes and proceeded to get lectured by a student's parent about eating paper in front of the whole grade
>just stop eating lunch by middle school
>Child Protective Services show up but at least they take me to a McDonald's
>proceed to eat several packets of mustard with meal while they ask me questions

>I have been getting

Yes. I WAS correct in assuming OP is 12yo, like most other autists who drop their spaghetti doing basic things.

Anyone else hates eating greasy stuffs with bare hands? I never understood why some people were so triggered by Trump doing this. I even eat pizza with fork and knife and disintegrate burgers to two buns with steak and salad before eating.

Dan the man

what? i must try

This is the equivalent of curb stomping someone when they asked for a firm handshake.

Bring a book, and then even judgemental people will stop caring about you being alone.

>>somehow get yeast infection
You are literally putting bacterial cultures on your dick in the bathroom, why does this surprise you?

Ok Rimmer

Sometimes when Im being careless Ill put my elbows on the table.

yeast is not bacteria

>be English on holiday
>enjoying the vacation
>found a good spot to eat every night
>perfect wings, no reason to go anywhere else
>after a few nights they don't taste as spicy since me and the lads have gotten used to them
>politely ask the chef if he could add a touch more hot sauce than usual, since we'd become accustomed to the spice
>he takes it as a personal challenge and completely ruins a plate of wings that we paid for
>american hospitality

...

Sorry if this is boring but whatever

>grow up always being told not to be wasteful with condiments
>mom used to scold my brother about dumping huge amounts of ketchup, syrup, etc. on his plate and most of it not getting used
>move out on my own, continue condiment austerity out of habit (and fear of both waste and weight gain)
>use only enough syrup to cover and flavour the pancakes, there's usually only a couple little sticky spots at the end as opposed to the pools of syrup I always see on other people's plates

>friend comes over from out of town, sleeps over
>I make pancakes for breakfast
>she puts a normal human amount of syrup on her pancakes instead of the buddhist-ascetic-monk amount I put on mine
>I stare at it in surprise, shocked that she would glop so much syrup on
>she sees me staring and is like "oh shit did I take too much?"
>suddenly realise I'm the one being weird, and explain my great-depression-era syrup habits
>breakfast proceeds normally

I still don't pour tons of syrup on, but I use more than I used to. I like having those little puddles to sop the last couple corners of pancake with.

Stop forcing your disgusting fetish onto children you degenerate

They just a quick peek at your dick to see if there's phimosis, a strong odor or anything else wrong. A young boy wouldn't tell the doctor something was wrong out of embarrassment. I got a boner when I was twelve when the 45yo 7/10 doctor looked at my peenie.

I do that with doritos

i just use a salt dish to hold my syrup or sauce

Don't you have a kid to be raising, Craig?

i'll post some pics of weird food i've made for my cousins to eat who are little kids. i really like to fuck with them when i babysit

are you 400lbs?