Can broccoli actually b made not disgusting? Help a noobie pls

I find it funny that american veg and fruits are more expensive then McDonalds. Its the exact opposite just about everywhere else in the world. Further proof that your government hates you

I'm growing a bunch of shit, but it's slow ass work. Should be a joyous year once those peppers hurry the fuck up and stop growing 1 inch in 30 days. Fuck this shit is slow.

Find the nearest (or best) Chinese takeout place near you get an order of chicken w/ broccoli and an order of beef w/ broccoli and tell me that broccoli isnt delicious.

I HATE just steamed veggies, but love the broccoli in chinese

That sounds really good.

Burn the broccoli.

It's surprisingly sugary so it caramelizes nicely, and roasting doesn't make it mushy.

Cook minced garlic in oil
Add broccoli florets
Add a splash of water and salt
Cover and cook for 5 minutes on a high heat
Take off cover, add butter or soy sauce depending on what you want

If you fry vegetables, they're hard to mess up

I prefer to blanch my broccoli but honestly it's pretty plain, I just like the taste of broccoli itself

You're fucking man children i swear. It's without a doubt the best vegetable especially with garlic.

>Bang cheese on it

Fuck off fatty.

>government allows him to keep 3€ of pay from 92 hours he worked that week so it can house sandniggers
>spends on broccoli
>claims american government hates it's people

My favorite vegetable, you nigger. If you're a child, then smother it in cheese sauce.

I liek teh brocolli

>Its the exact opposite just about everywhere else in the world.
Bullshit. I'm in Taiwan. I can get three medium-sized broccoli crowns for $4, or I can buy two Egg McMuffins and a Coke for that.

Fresh, good-quality vegetables are expensive everywhere. If you're talking about rice and beans and lentils, those are dirt-cheap in the U.S. too -- in fact, cheaper than in most of Asia because most of Asia is so inefficient at farming.

^this^ with a butter cheddar sauce and a dash of garlic salt and crushed pepper.

It's barely edible. It smells like the same fart BEFORE and after you eat it.

Broccoli is the dumb hipster cousin of cauliflower. Can't even into maillard while cauliflower at least gets a really nice taste when browned.

boil it for 4 minutes only and then take out

if you hate it still, you're a fag

Cauliflower is the retarded nephew of broccoli that should have been put down at birth. It literally has one way to make it taste like anything and that's to smother it in oil and burn it.

Tot guy here again. I found roasting veggies really nice and easy. Try tossing broccoli in a mix of oil, soy sauce, and some sesame oil, then putting on a lined pan in the oven. Bake at 425 for ten minutes, flip broccoli around, then bake another 5-10 minutes.

Also in a pan toast a big ol bunch of sesame seeds. Or if you wanna be lazy make a foil tray and stick it in the oven. Watch these carefully, once they start browning they go FAST.

Put finished broccoli on your plate or serving tray and pour the sesame seeds everywhere. SERVE

The recipe I followed was 2tbsp oil, 1tbsp sesame oil, 2tsp soy sauce. Think I upped the soy sauce a bit. Also 1tbsp sesame seeds. Seems like a lot but they're a great addition.

recipe?

DONT OVERCOOK IT

I actually made a pic for this one, here you go.

Be sure that final mix is really chilled before you try to shape it or they'll fall apart. You also might want to bake 10 minutes each side rather than 9, or maybe a little more... mine had JUST started to crust on the edges which was pleasant but a little more would be nice.

Here's the recipe for the spicy aioli. Whisk the shit out of it. Stuff is delicious, I probably could've thrown in more minced peppers. On step 6 (adding more adobo sauce) I ended up putting in like 4-5 large spoonfuls extra.

As for the lime juice make sure you overbuy on the damn limes, I ended up with 2 almost completely dry inside and really had to squeeze the hell out of the juicy ones to get just enough juice.

If you get your vegetables literally anywhere besides Wal-Mart, it's going to be way cheaper than McFatass.

>4 minutes

You want to blanch it, not mash it. Cut the pieces smaller and cook for 2 minutes.

Cook the meat and broccoli separately. Blanching (quick pre-cook in boiling water) has been discussed before in the thread; it's an important step because it sets color, flavor, and texture.

Garlic, pepper, and salt at a 3:2:1 ratio is a good basic spice mix that can accentuate the broccoli's natural flavor. Mix some in to taste before adding your broccoli to your chicken.

Make sure your pan is plenty hot before you start your chicken. If your meat doesn't sizzle when it hits the metal, it's going to be rubbery and gross. Use the same garlic/salt/pepper mix as before to season. Make sure the chicken is fully cooked before you add the broccoli, or there's a very real chance of you getting the shits like never before.

Cook these together with acid, but make sure not to overcook. The acid keeps the broccoli from getting soft and gross, and brings out the flavor of the chicken fat. Sriracha + honey is a good choice for beginners. Once again, do not overcook.

>I'm a man child, the thread

One last thing, try cutting your chicken into strips instead of chunks. It's easier to control that way. Cook the strips 3-4 minutes on one side, 3-4 minutes on the other, seasoning on both sides. If you fuck with your chicken too much (eg rolling nuglets around in a lukewarm pan) then it gets rubbery and gross. Chicken is fully cooked when all juices run clear.

forget the florets, broccoli stems is where it's at man

This.

Toss your broccoli with oil, salt, and pepper and throw it in a 475F oven for 20-25 minutes. It'll get a bit scorched but that's what you want. I think they take on a potato chip-like flavor when cooked this way.

Broccoli is absolutely delicious you child

just throw some butter on it

Looks good. We eat a ton of broccoli, usually roasted or steamed. Never tried making tots. Thanks for posting.