A mysterious object crashes in your backyard. Upon inspecting the object...

A mysterious object crashes in your backyard. Upon inspecting the object, it is not made of materials known on Earth and you deduce it to be an alien satellite. Inside the device, you find schematics with calculations that seem to be for an FTL communication device. What do you do?

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Make a sandwich.

A mysterious object crashes in my backyard. I call NASA and the police before doing anything.

>convenient alien derelict space probe that happens to have instructions of FTL travel inscribed on it

I ain't building that shit nigga, it's a hyper-nuke that wipes out humanity so that alien takeover is easy.

Do you think ayylmaos would feel the same way if they found the golden record on the voyager probe?

Auction it on ebay.

drink more booze

Develop and patent the device.
start the milky way company.
[Colonialism]
profit

Then the aliens and humanity eventually make contact and everyone finds out you didn't invent the device and your reputation is ruined.

Yeah but not before he has multiple space-yachts, a mansion in the TRAPPIST system, and enough money to buy a planet.

>you find schematics with calculations that seem to be for an FTL communication device.
Opie, why in the FUCK do you think alien schematics of any kind would be recognizable as schematics in general, let alone recognizable as being FTL comms?
Take a look at pic related.
What's this a schematic for?
It's too complicated to be a dishwasher, but what is it?
Time machine? Your mother's dildo? Stephen Hawking's voicebox?

set up an automation and keep sending back to them repeatedly a picture resembling a stereotypical badger

>ayylmaos find Voyager
>find golden record
>follow instructions and build a record playing device
>turn it on for the first time
>ayylmao ears are tuned to different frequencies than hours, all they hear is screeching and buzzing

>ayylmaos pissed, victims of interstellar sonic warfare

This. And i will own all of the major trading ports, shipping roots and a large collection of mines.

Cartridge connectors make me think old gen console but I want to know the real answer

>Time machine? Your mother's dildo? Stephen Hawking's voicebox?
>I want to know the real answer

It was a trick question.
Stephen Hawking's voicebox IS your mother's dildo.
That's why it still has that buzz-y sound in 2017.

google.com/search?q=mks-30

>it's made of advanced materials I don't recognize
>inside I can just magically understand the schematics
>I am supposed to know what to do with these instructions
Fuck, I'd just call NASA or some shit.

>What do you do?
Thoroughly destroy the schematics and hope that I find a way to also destroy the satellite.

As a joke that's funny, but they wouldn't hear anything if their ears were tuned to a different frequency. Also the human ear can hear quite a lot, 20-20,000 Hz, could probably assume theirs would hear around the same, depending on atmospheric density/constituents.

Lets be real as soon as you put out the world on what you got a swat team of armed G men would how up and take it away from you and probably even confiscate all the property around the crash site as well. So it would probably be best to not put the word out publicly but instead try to get a meetup with the decision makers at space companies like that space mining company that was f funded by google or maybe elon's company.

>tfw you don't hear shit beyond 13kHz

This actually happend to me once. It was truly the weirdest thing ever. Really light material so I could just pick it up (object was about a 2 feet in diameter). So I pulled it inside my house and tried to decipher the inscriptions. I'm quite good at cryptography so I was able to make out some of the markings. Then the doorbell rang. like a dozen guys in with overalls with gasmasks on telling me I should wait for them to finish. The took the craft and then I woke up.