Only god tier opening lines are allowed in this thread, I'll start with a classic

Only god tier opening lines are allowed in this thread, I'll start with a classic.

“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta."

"For a long time I used to go to bed early."

Call me Ishmael.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

Jane Austen has god tier irony that many Ameriplebs just dont get

Lolita is weeaboo trash.

To the first maggot that ate my body's cold flesh I dedicate as a glad remembrance these posthumous memoirs.

I kinda translated this right now, so sorry for the prose.

In a vast room hung with strangely figured arras and carpeted with Bokhara rugs of impressive age
and workmanship four men were sitting around a document-strown table.

Awoke Gregor Samsa, one morning;
found he: himself in a monstrous vermin -- transformed.

noice

Late in the winter of my seventeenth year, my mother decided I was depressed, presumably because I rarely left the house, spent quite a lot of time in bed, read the same book over and over, ate infrequently, and devoted quite a bit of my abundant free time to thinking about death.

Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum's Grand Gallery.

Sorely, limp Bob Morrison slinked down the ladder holding a bag of lizards on which lay curled a stripper and a taser.

"Ite, missa est".

So God-tier.

"My mother was pronounced dead some tine within the last 48 hours."

A Gentle Knight was pricking on the plaine,
Y cladd in mightie armes and siluer shielde,
Wherein old dints of deepe wounds did remaine,
The cruell markes of many' a bloudy fielde;
Yet armes till that time did he neuer wield:
His angry steede did chide his foming bitt,
As much disdayning to the curbe to yield:
Full iolly knight he seemd, and faire did sitt,
As one for knightly giusts and fierce encounters fitt.

En un lugar de la Mancha, de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme, no ha mucho tiempo que vivía un hidalgo de los de lanza en astillero, adarga antigua, rocín flaco y galgo corredor.

"riverflow, by the rivers of Babylon, from sewer sand to bulge of bile, sweeps us by a circus maximus of regurgitation back to Howard's End's environment."

Gen. 1:1
"In the beginning there was nothing; everything, if you counted God."

My tongue doesn't tap on my teeth when I say 'ta'.

"U wot maet!"

"It is a known fact that, when a family is happy, it is happy just like every other happy family is happy, but when they're not so happy they tend to think up all sorts of crazy ways of being not so happy, you know?"

underrated

Ironically, that's a good first line.

Amazing, this is for my epitaph

Dog carcass in alley this morning. Tire tread on burst stomach. The city is afraid of me. I have seen it's true face

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.

I am surrounded by countless heads and bodies

A screaming comes across the sky. Stately, plump Buck Mulligan is seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was consciously congruent to the shape of my hard chair. He held the bowl aloft and intoned:

The Evacuation still proceeds, but it's all theatre.

My posture has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now. There are no lights inside the cars. This is a cold room in University Administration, wood-walled, Remington-hung, double-windowed against the November heat, lift girders old as an iron queen, and glass somewhere far above that would let the light of day through, Introibo ad altare Dei, insulated from Administrative sounds by the reception area outside, at which were lately received. It is too late. No light anywhere. Above him came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed, Uncle Charles, Mr. deLint and I. But it's night. He's afraid of the way the glass will fall--soon--it will be a spectacle: the fall of a crystal palace. But coming down in total blackout, without one glint of light, only great invisible crashing, sustained gently behind him by the mild morning air.

Ideology/10

>combining the meme trilogy into one opening

Is this pasta?

Three keks

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Bottom's Dream?

Bane?

It's good until the tip of the tongue part. Very good
Trash

"Whoo-oo-oo-oo-hooh-hoo-oo! Oh, look at me, I am perishing in this gateway."

Based John Green

Humanity… All of my suffering on this world has been at the hands of humanity, particularly women.

Mother helped me sort the eyeballs.

You can't leave the rest of the chapter out

>particularly women


sounds like an interesting book.

Title?

I opened my eyes to see the rat taking a piss in my coffee mug. It was a huge brown bastard; had a body like a turd with legs and beady black eyes full of secret rat knowledge

AH! I'M A BUG!

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies.

Is it good? Stephen King has no trouble with prose, but his plots can be SLOW AS FUCK!!! Is the Gunslinger good and can it be read as a standalone novel?

On September 15th, 1981, a boy named Jack Sawyer stood where the water and land come together, hands in the pockets of his jeans, looking out at the steady Atlantic.

Yes it really is good and it doesn't have any douchey cliffhanger that makes you read the next book for resolution

i think you're going for:

i am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies

which is god-tier yes

kek

Sounds like No Longer Human desu.

Nice paradox to start your masterpiece Elliot

In case you aren't kidding around, the book is My Twisted World, which is Eliot Rodger's manifesto. If it was fiction, it would be a masterpiece.

It was the year when they finally immanentized the Eschaton.

Edgy

lol yeh the da vinci code is truly a masterpiece.

Is this from that comics?

>fire of my loins
Cringe

underrated

Very good, John!

yes it does. T is a dental, you can't make that sound without your tongue touching the back of your teeth.

He probably pronounces the T in Lolita as more of a soft D hitting the roof of his mouth

>it's

Great work

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the Anal Cannon? The Anal Cannon is loaded when a funnel is placed into an asshole, and the 2nd whore pukes into it. After the ass is filled with puke, a cock then fucks it until the pressure is all built up. After the Asshole has been fucked hard enough, the cock is pulled out and the Anal cannon explodes! To top it all off, ass to mouth occurs, with both ladies licking off the fresh mix of vomit and ass for the ultimate anal dessert! They were good friends.

Call me Ahab.

Holy... I want more

Monty Python's Flying Circus-s-s

Autistic formatting and syntax. Just post the fucking normal translation or the original, you fucking autist.

p l e b

>that quote
>that pic

lost my shit so hard. why is this shit so funny

how did i know this was john green without looking ahead in the thread and without ever having read any john green

In the Beginning.

Literal god-tier.

"See the child."

Yikes :/
I write like John Green, how do I fix this?

>It was the year when they finally immanentized the Eschaton.

On the burning February morning Beatriz Viterbo died, after braving an agony that never for a single moment gave way to self-pity or fear, I noticed that the sidewalk billboards around Constitution Plaza were advertising some new brand or other of American cigarettes. The fact pained me, for I realized that the wide and ceaseless universe was already slipping away from her and that this slight change was the first of an endless series.

The Zahir?

"Look at the kid. Just look at him."

CRASH

What's this from?

"Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story of that man skilled in all ways of contending, the wanderer, harried for years on end, after he plundered the stronghold on the proud height of Troy."

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
For your love is better than wine."

The sky above the port was the colour of television, tuned to a dead channel.

Rorita, right of my rife, file of my roins. My sin, my sour. Ro-ree-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a tlip of thlee steps down the parate to tap, at thlee, on the teeth. Ro. Ree. Ta.

>tfw this is the only one I recognize immediatly except for Lolita :/
should I off myself?

I like how he writes to be perfectly honest. Keep writing :)

Metamorphosis?

It's from The Posthumous Memoirs of Bras Cubas, one the best books of brazilian literate

>:/

no but I banish you to reddit

Me no likey this translation.

Muchos años después, frente al pelotón de fusilamiento, el coronel Aureliano Buendía había de recordar aquella tarde remota en que su padre lo llevó a conocer el hielo.

Tr: Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.

Better in spanish obv.

>took him to discover ice
sounds awkward as fuck

Its quite smooth in spanish

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura
ché la diritta via era smarrita.

>mfw I understood and recognized this even if I don't know shit about Italian
Feels good knowing Spanish

>trying to keep the sentence structure to keep faith with the original German
>is too dumb to be able to actually read German

ahahahahaha

That's a rather poor translation you have there.

Call me FUCKED SIDEWAYS

"Today, mom died. Or yesterday perhaps, I don't know."