Hey Veeky Forums give me ideas for stupidly simple inventions and ideas you thought of but have lacked the business...

What about a machine that invents inventions for you?

A pink lump of clay that keeps kids from dying if left in a hot car.

A vibrator for your butt.

That might be good for Zanesville, Ohio.

...

I was on the toilet and something came to me: a cure for obesity. Obesity is the number one killer of sexual attraction in this country, so there's a clear need. The implimentation: integrating piezosensors, microcontrollers, and some old TV and microwave transformers we construct kitchen floor tiles that deliver high voltage, high amperage shocks to whomever steps on them. The sensors will detect the speed and weigh of the person stepping on them and deliver a shock that scales in proportion to these values. If a person is too fat and slow, they will have to starve until they are light and lithe enough to reach their fridge without being electrocuted. Alternatively, they can stand on the plates and literally burn the fat away.

Now, business slave, tell me how you will market this to the 18 to 35 year olds.

A dowsing rod for landmines. I've already got a contract with the Iraqi army.

Veeky Forums worthy

A small device that you put in your ass and makes your farts smell like roses, and silent too.

>inventions and ideas you thought of but have lacked the business knowledge to pursue
Said absolutely nobody ever. Business is piss easy and completely secondary to the work involved in coming up with a viable product.

They'd probably be dumb enough to buy it too

fucking kek

It's always bugged me that microwave ovens haven't got any better in the last 40 years. I want there to be an overclocked microwave that can cook my burrito in ten seconds instead of a minute.

Part of it would be making a more powerful magnetron; but I think the wave stirrer can also be improved a lot. Right now it's just a spinning piece of metal that throws microwaves out like a garden sprinkler. A system that uses a thermal camera and aims the microwaves at the food would be more efficient. It could also eliminate those times where something's burning hot in one area but still frozen in another.

>>thermal camera
how do you see inside food?

T. Every failed business ever

>ideas you thought of
>dyson spheres

What happens when you need to move the appliances to clean or replace them?

why would i pay an exorbitant amount of money to turn my house into an electroshock therapy room

Microwaves

A microwave that doesn't do so much fucking noise.

>Hey Veeky Forums give me ideas for stupidly simple inventions and ideas you thought of but have lacked the business knowledge to pursue.

Ah, a free invention datamining thread, huh?

>What happens when you need to move the appliances to clean or replace them?
You unplug them, duh. Did you think they'd be self sustaining? That's just be crazy.
>why would i pay an exorbitant amount of money to turn my house into an electroshock therapy room
That's what the marketing department is for.

well shit, i couldn't move a tv or sofa or anything like that cause it'd register as a lot of weight on the floor tiles. i'd get shocked as fuck just for trying to rearrange some furniture. also what about my fucking cat that lives in the house, i don't want that bitch to get shocked no matter how fat she gets. great fucking idea, user. i'd love to pay thousands of dollars for a shitty torture house, thanks.

Lmao, lost it

there you go OP

An emoji like list of characters that you can use to describe words directly.

...

I'm Freeman Dyson m7.

Bruh, thats Chinese.

Underrated post.

You could just set the shock threshold for a healthy human weight. If any cat ever gets that fat you would be doing it a favor by electrocuting it. Turn off the kitchen breaker before moving heavy things to avoid dying.

Transparent chip bags (producers would fucking kill you for this)

A more resistant plastic bag with a open/close zipper for all your snacks which you don't want spilling.
2-3 sized plastic gloves with each bag for greasy, dirty snacks.

A much more concentrated version of a soda.
And more soda pop strawberry and rasperry juice which doesn't taste like shit.

Cream filling without the chocolate bar.
A separate jar of cream variant for every chocolate with cream filling which tastes amazing especially on its own.

Rainbow chocolate bars, so you don't have to purchase 10 different choco bars or an entire box of chocolates.

you sound so fucking fat

A genuinely painless way to die.
A poison truly undetectable/or that makes the victim behave like it was an accident.
A mobile apparatus that scans your body and brain for statistics.
A program that creates programs
A game that creates games.
A detector which detects specific organic materials(diamonds, truffles, fossils, seashells, fish)

Nanomachines

I have 80 pounds. :^) faggot

80 pounds of fat?

>has a TV and sofa in his fucking kitchen
You need this more than anyone lardass. I'm sure electrocuting a morbidly obese cat would sound and taste terrible, but it's a small price to pay to see you genitals again.

Emotion/emotional pills.
These pills make you feel anything you want. Nirvana, depression, horny, sadness, calm, angry, nostalgic, wonder, love. Basically you swallow a pill and for the next 1-24 hours and you can feel whatever you want.

Then next up we move onto personality cells which rewire your brain's subconscious to feel a certain way.
You hate who you are? Can't feel good about sharing, helping, giving? Now you can become a whole new person outside your archetype with this amazing worm that rewires your neurons to become who you want to be.

>Emotion/emotional pills.
u mean drugs?

a device that measures air humidity by creating a voltage between two electrodes with air in the middle, and measuring at what voltage the arc jumps.

Biological toys such as luminescent lab mice and glow in the dark flies.

No, I mean like soul drugs. They don't exist yet.

How about working fusion power?

Intel transformer OCing world championships? I would definitely watch that.

how about a way to power cars that isn't

A nanomachine fleet that "lives" inside the body, can move through the bloodstream, and can produce antibodies, thus fastening the body's time of response.

You could take it one step further and have them capable of delivering other substances or be used as "building blocks" for sevee burns or injuries.

number 1 reason for businesses to fail is wrong/non-existent managerial accounting

>lacked the business knowledge
What knowledge? How to firmly shake someone's hand?