Tfw fell for the coffee meme

> Not naming the -afinils.
> Praising ampthetamines.
> Needing any stimulant to be at peak performance.
AHAHAHAH

How do you shit in the morning? Coffee is the best laxative.

>How do you shit in the morning?

By being young lol. Sorry grandpa.

So your bf has a huge dick he plugs up your ass to loosen the stool?

Tomorrow drink 1 cup half decaf half caffeinated.
Next day 1/3 cup decaf
Last 1/4
Then drink decaff
Then stop drinking cold turkey

Withdrawel shouldnt be near as bad, avoid tea coffee and chocolate and energydrinks

No, it is just that when I want to shit I can shit immediately. How old are you? I mean, my parents need laxatives too but the fucks are like 50 now. Already have one feet in the grave. Are you younger?

Coffee is fucking disgusting, it amazes me how people get addicted to it when it's impossible to even drink

You drink it once a day. You're going to start cutting back slowly. Stop drinking it on Sunday. Then a week later cut out Saturday. Then Friday...Finally end with Monday. This will work easily.

gunpowder green tea

Superior beings like me shit once in 4 days at exactly 16:37. I've been like this since puberty, but it now interferes with classes. I would prefer to shit early in the morning.

>Not realizing amphetines is how Erdos ascended to god tier

Here's my experience with the coffee jew:

Shakes, jitters, usual
More alert and awake
constant 'disturbed thoughts'; like worrying about my cat being run over, or other bad things happening
constantly irritable
more depressed
worse cognitive function when haven't had coffee
normal - not better - cognitive function when drinking coffee
piss smells like coffee and obviously my kidneys are working harder to filter what I'm drinking

Each time I'd drink is also anywhere from 200-400 calories extra. Easy to get fat on it.

I cut out the coffee jew about a week or so ago and I feel significantly better. Less irritable, less depressed, no disturbed thoughts, and I'm back to normal cognitive ability rather than a depressed-until-I've-had-coffee state.

What I miss about it is that I don't really have a non-water thing to drink. I've been trying to substitute with hot chocolate and it works alright, but honestly cold water with icecubes seems to be the best.

water is the GOAT

The only thing i drink is water and smoothies. If you're looking for a non-water drink to start drinking daily, i suggest smoothies. Just pop a fuck ton of bananas and strawberries with milk in a blender and youre solid

Sweet tea > Coffee > Energy Drink > Energy shot > Caffeine Pills
If you ever see me take an energy shot, it's been a bad day

That might as well be pure sugar.

Might do it with protein powder once I start lifting

>Putting "jew" after things you don't agree with

Here's my experience with coffee

>Drink a cup brewed to suggested strength
>Feel a little more energy
>Goes away later
>barely notice it

If you really get that kind of reaction from caffeine, your homeostasis is way the fuck out of whack or you're not drinking enough water as is.

its fucking fruit and milk you nimrod

>Each time I'd drink is also anywhere from 200-400 calories extra.
What kind of a faggot are you? Im quite certain that when i grind my handful of coffee beans and drip hot water through it, the substance doesnt suddenly have 200-400 calories. If you stuff your portion with sugar and cream and whatnot like you average american, sure... but that goes with anything you eat.

> they literally sell Meth as intelligence pills
>Not realizing Meth is how Erdos ascended to god tier
> Praising Meth.

Many Meth Majors are addicted to Math

Drugs like Math can boost your intelligence & performance when doing Meth Problems.

But Math addiction can make you crazy

Crazy just like the Grigori Perelman, the Russian Methmaticians which looks like a Hobo

Grigori Perelman rejected the Fields Medal in Methmatics equivalent of "Nobel" in Meth.

He probably became crazy due to Math addiction.

Fruit is full of sugar, genius

Nobody gives a shit about your numale hipster coffee habits

Why the defensiveness over ingesting liquids laced with unnecessary sugars and fats? I assure you they are not healthy, no matter what the advertisements say.

I'm just sick of insufferable twats stepping into any discussion even tangentially related to coffee to let everyone know how they're a special snowflake who REALLY knows the secret to drinking coffee and any other method of drinking it is wrong

nobody gives a shit how you drink your fucking coffee

Taper off very slowly. The only way.

>Wah it's not sweet I can't drink it

fatties should be put down

That sounds really unhealthy. Keeping waste inside your body for so long increases the time of exposure to toxins. You should aim to shit at least twice a day. See a doctor.

I was disturbed too. First doctor gave me laxatives to shit every day. It was terrible so i stopped that. I recently visited second doctor who went "what a shitty doctor wouldn't investigate" and did, among other, genetic tests. Patiently awaiting results. But is twice a day really normal? Most of my family goes once unless they have diarrhea.

Start taking amphetamines

Calm your tits chump. My only point was that black coffee has like 1-3 calories per cup. If you take offense that i grind my beans like tens of millions of people prefer to, then i will deeply apologize for making you upset.

Black tea has l-theanine antioxidants and caffeine

much better for the brain.

>drinking the brown jew
hahaha what a fuckin IDIOT
*lights cigarette*

What's weird is that beer tends to do this to me. The obvious logic would be that coffee wakes you up, while beer calms you down, but for me its the opposite. I find coffee calming, but beer makes me super anxious for some reason. Why does my body have these paradoxical responses?