Sorry if this comes off as an /r9k/ post but does anyone else here not have many friends...

Sorry if this comes off as an /r9k/ post but does anyone else here not have many friends? I've taken solace in literature and I've used to it to try and better myself as an individual, however I still feel quite alone.

I noticed that my group of friends just stopped inviting me to things, did things without me often. I must've been very draining to be around, or an asshole or something, I feel guilty about that. Now most of them have gf's, I've had sex but never had an ltr.

what books can help me deal with coming to terms with loneliness? I've already picked up some Dostoevsky.

I make it a mission to actively avoid that place, I did at one time but it's toxic to the soul. I'm trying to be better.

R u like a Brick from the Middle? Just take it easy, and in the meantime here is advice from the "London for Immigrant suckers": But he (Peter Kovach) didn’t mind (to be alone) and he never complained. He was doing some push-ups and sit-ups, waiting for better times to come.

Loneliness sucks, but you won't solve it with a book.

Maybe do things that make you uncomfortable until they are no longer uncomfortable. Don't worry about being obnoxious around people, your insecurity is uglier than you are likely grating. Just do what you want, and do no harm and be proud of yourself first. Try and be happy with what you can muster together.

JUST BE YOURSELF BRO

loneliness is a spook

b'ing yourself is more important than anything
if you cant stand yourself that sucks cause its who you are

>books can help me deal with coming to terms with loneliness
>escapism instead of problem solving

I've always been quite extroverted, but only one person has ever really been my "friend".

It sucks when no one will want to hang out with you out of their own volition. (Even though you were making them laugh, having a good time etc.)

I recommend some sort of fantasy for a bit of escapism. That's about it.

I mean the guy's not wrong but I totally see the frustration that comes from someone telling you to be yourself or be confident. You're being told the solution and not the steps to take to get there, largely because the process to get to be able to be comfortable with yourself is incredibly subjective.

Being confident in yourself basically means that, even if you fuck up in a situation, you believe you will be OK in the end. It's equal parts trust and faith.

You get confidence through hardship and pain. You will never know who you are or what you are capable of if you are always comfortable, because you will never challenge any part of yourself. Who would you have more confidence in being able to work and sustain themselves: Someone who's lived in a perfect bubble for 20 years, or someone who's lived in poverty and hardship for 10?

Exercise is often recommended for those lacking in confidence because you are ideally pushing your body to its limits. Don't look at it as a cure-all for getting friends or getting laid, that's just a possible side benefit. The only guarantee you get from exercise is confidence from constantly stressing your body and breaking its limits. You find out how many push-ups you can do. You find out how much you can squat. And you fail, and you get sore, and then you slowly get better if you keep at it, because you're always pushing those boundaries.

Same thing applies to literally any skill. If you talk to other people more, you get better at it. If you read more challenging literature, you are able to process more complex information.

Humans are made to adapt. Anything can seem scary if you've never done it before. When you actually do something that you fear, when you find out how much you can handle, you find out afterwards that you're okay. And that's when you start having confidence in yourself. You trust yourself that things will be okay when you fuck up.

Push your boundaries and do things you are uncomfortable doing constantly so that you know how much you can handle and have more solid faith in yourself when you do these activities.

There's not much else to it.

just be yourself bro nut up get laid it's in your head

play japanese visual novels so you can pretend you have friends and girl friends

I'm facing the same problem living in London where, after university is done, you lose a major social group and then you get exposed to the reality that in this city people come and go all the time and every relationship becomes somewhat disposable, they never seem to last and you are already ready to let them go even before they get going.

Not unique to this place of course and I suppose I'd be lonely anywhere, but I can't help but think that the lack of intimate, constant relationships whether they are friends, colleagues or an LTR is seriously detrimental to ones mental health and escaping into books shouldn't be the final answer

I agree with somewhat in that there is a fine line between escapism into literature and actually using to help yourself.

My library brings a lot of comfort to me at times, as it is full of people like Kafka, Pessoa and Seneca, however, sometimes when I gaze at this collection I look at it as if a kid would look at at teddy bear - its a source of comfort and essentially an enabler that lets you hide from the challenges that you need to face

I also have a journal which I think of as my most "precious" possession even though it's full of little else but the story of a somewhat inert life - very much like Pessoa. I cling to this thing sometimes, but it's a bit irrational

I wouldn't give up reading of course, it is valuable in so many ways, but as you'll see when you read, a lot of authors who know a thing or two about depression, solitude and loneliness will also tell you to get off your ass and find the treasures in "the caves you fear to enter" (Josehp Cambpell)

Currently I am reading Pessoa and while I enjoy it immensely for the poetic display of emotions I wouldn't keep all this increased sensitivity to myself but strive to take it outward - into the world

Intimacy is scary and involves risk. Gotta learn to deal with it. And a part of reaching your potential is realising that you could have done it sooner

here are some Man pills to help you sack up

Don't read Dostoyevsky, he's a meme. Start with Flaubert.

Loneliness is a blessing.

To answer your question more directly though I would say read:
The Hero with a Thousand Faces and what Cambpell has to say about facing ones fears
Letters from a Young Poet by Rilke where is basically says "the purpose of life is to be defeated by ever greater things"
Seneca will teach you fortitude against loneliness
The Art of Loving by Fromm which explains that your problem isn't (or shouldn't be) not being loved by others but your inability to love them yourself

if I am ever in a productive mood I just read about stuff normies do like economics and running a business or whatever ever else I am trying to do. read critically but unironically and try to apply the knowledge to become a player in the world and suddenly it's not so shit anymore

I second the above post about "London for Immigrant suckers" book. Face your loneliness and take the most of it. Do something for yourself. It won't last forever.

I'm 22 years old and about done with university. I've gone through both "normie" and recluse cycles, and I've got to say it makes little difference with happiness to me. Girlfriends add stress for me since I am paranoid, and all of my relationships have ended within a few months because I go through intermittent periods of hating everybody and locking myself in my house alone and studying/reading for days.

I've gotten fit and I eat a healthy diet, I've read a lot of virtue-focused literature, tried socializing and partying, and I'm almost done with my engineering degree, but I am no more happy than I was 4 years ago as a NEET browsing /v/.

Sounds like BPD

that's a big claim

For you

Fuck off, your thread is trash and you're ruining the board. Your friends probably don't like you because you're a self-centered sadsack.

This is why people get married and move to the suburbs. The war is over when this happens. You have basically guaranteed combatant against loneliness and can just exist comfortably until you die.

I fucking hate you frog tortoise.

>what books can help me deal with coming to terms with loneliness?
You've never been lonely in your life if you think books can help you.

I apologise, I do see the value in empathy and I can understand why my friends would avoid me. I don't like inflicting sadness on others which is why I'm seeking to learn and be my own person capable of fulfillment.

Schopenhauer's aphorisms about life, Petrarch's "De vita solitaria", Ecclesiastes, maybe some religious literature to see things from another point of view. Anyway good books are way better than vain and thoughtless people which are almost all of them.

>this thread again

Don't agree with everything but good post

Confidence isn't too hard to acquire, as long as you have it as your main objective and keep putting yourself into social settings. Honestly though, I've been through stages of being incredibly prideful and now I look down on that. Pride makes you treat people like shit, and overall turns you into someone you're not. I'm still working on finding the balance between confidence and pride. But anyway, people can sniff insecurities incredibly easy and I secretly believe it's behind every inability to connect with others, like this guy said:

Relationships have always been disposable. You should have realised this by now.