D-does anyone else talk to their food as they cook it?

I spoke with my wife as I cooked her alive, if that counts.

>come on, don't fight me
>there we go, that's a lot better
>don't stick, you know I don't like that
>your going to upset me if you start getting burnt
>Don't break when I flip you over, I don't want to have to start over
>don't worry, we're almost done
>just a little bit more
>perfect, that's great
My conversation cooking over-medium eggs about 30 minutes ago. I think I know why roommates don't like me now.

Aww come on, everybody has some sort of issues.

Also, who doesn´t refer to themselves as "we"? I mean, that´s just normal, bcs all the time you´re talking to someone else in your head, like a good friend, or an older version of yourself, so that makes atleast two of you.
Literally everybody does that.

"u gun b soo gud"
"aw yisssss"
"NOOOOO WHY TITFUCKDAMNIT"

W-well...
>ooh that's it baby
>hot damn
>oh baby~
>OW FUCK GODDAMN CHISPAS
>Wow, that felt good! (in response to getting burned or something)

kek same

I sing when I cook because I always play music. Fucking gets me in the mood and keeps me peppy.

But no I don't talk to my food.

Nope. But I randomly say idiot or you are so stupid to myself out loud when I'm alone

sing if noone's around

>smooth
>fuck off dont you dare stick
>you need more X
probably more, never starting a conversation

>get back in the pan

>pan nice and hot
>the lemon juice just... LIFTS
>rustic

I pretend I'm Gordo (this is a double meaning because gordo means fat in spanish)

I practice my Japanese speaking skills while cooking. Unfortunately my vocab is all from hentai and eroge so I end up needing to take a fap break.

I have conversations with my 'go 'za. Deep conversations.

The more interesting question is, "Does it ever talk back to you?"

When Im cooking with someone else the food im working on sometimes tells me to grab the knife and stab my buddy.

I do this too. Goes great with shaking refried beans out of a can when it makes that squelchy noise.

How many of us are there??

I've found myself saying
>Pan
>nice and hot
every time I turn on the stove

Whenever I usually cook food I sometimes whisper "you little motherfucker" whenever something tends to go wrong

I saw that

Uh, yeah. Pretty much every professional chef talks to their food, verbally, in some way. When you love cooking, your dishes become like your Frankenstein monster, or pet, who you coax to perfection.

Underrated post

I make the sounds he makes in that episode where he takes the worlds biggest shit

>sliding ingredients off the chopping board into the hot pan
>hot hot ot ot ot hot haaaww hot hot hot ot ot

When i open cans i find myself commenting on the quality of the hiss
When i plate my food i announce that im getting it out onto a tray

hey steve

no but I like to pretend that I'm cooking for someone and explain the nuances of the recipe, basically quoting TV chefs
>now a bit of white wine vinegar, you really need some acidity in there, plus it also deglazes the pan
that sort of thing

Please tell me you cum in your food.

friend thought I was calling him a fucking slut when he walked into the kitchen but I was talking to my pancakes

noice

This is what I do but to my cat. Primarily to just annoy my fiance.

Seconding this, people always use "we" when casually referring to themselves, just common instinct.

sort of sound a bit like that braaap pasta but instead of relating to farts its food