I just finished writing a short story and was wondering if any of you'd be interested in reading it

I just finished writing a short story and was wondering if any of you'd be interested in reading it.

Other urls found in this thread:

pastebin.com/rCcJike6
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Just post it, man. Why even ask first? Are you this insecure?

pastebin.com/rCcJike6

Eve was a cunt

Wut

what do you think of your story op?

Well, I felt like I didn't have much leeway, considering it was just my own rendition of a short biblical story. What are your thoughts?

was nice

some of the phrasing and grammar is pretty bad, the characters are underdeveloped especially eve.

Couldn't get through more than first few paragraphs. Terrible prose. Don't keep trying.

>some of the phrasing and grammar is pretty bad

Thanks, honestly. I'll try to read Strunk and White to work on that.

i just finished jerking off onto a piece of black velvet stretched over a picture frame, and was wondering if any of you would be interested in seeing it.

Expand on the sex scenes and you'd get a few views on literotica

Reee, etc.

But the sex is only a trifle aspect of the story.

Shameless bump

It was a pleasant read. The ending could be expanded a bit, but that's just my opinion.

I liked it.

Not very innovative, though.

Liked it

Meh, it wasn't bad just not something I am particularly interested in. But if anything some constructive criticism, it seems like when you're trying to describe or set up a scene your approach is kind of stop and go ya know?

Example from text:

Adam awoke to the sound of a cool breeze that blew through the Garden of Eden. He sat up, dazed. Birds could be heard chirping melodies from amidst the treetops

My example:

A cool breeze quested it's way throughout the garden and stirred Adam from his slumber. Dazed he stumbled into a clearing bathing in the warmth of sun, and the symphony of the birds upon the tree tops.

Thanks for the input, friend. I'll try to work more on my flow and overall prose, I suppose.

Your version is overwritten