Hello friends! I bought this premium sirloin for a measly dollar...

Hello friends! I bought this premium sirloin for a measly dollar, what id consider a HELL of a deal! Feel free to chime in with ideas as I show you all how to make a meal fit for a king!

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Man oh man, just look at that marbling!

Now, the first thing you'll want to do is use PLENTY of olive oil in this recipe, or else you'll be seriously missing out on a lot of that authentic prime rib flavor.

>USA beef
>further processed in mexico

A little more...

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Perfect! Now, crank it up to a medium heat, and toss those bad boys in! No need to thaw them either, they'll turn out fine in the end.

(You)

Alright, we're gonna let these brown up for a bit, and while we do that, we're going to make the breading for when we deep fry them.

>breading for when we deep fry them.
my interest has been piqued

You had my interest, but now you have my attention.

>Dextrose listed twice
>soy listed
***"CONTAINS SOY"

what the fuck dude and it's only 140 calories. It's filler food and contains almost nothing needed to sustain life.

Are we making country fried steak OP? Where's the gravy? Where are the biscuits? Dear God where is the Beer?!

I'm glad to hear it friend! Now, for this breading, I've used one and a half cups flour, a healthy dash (maybe three tablespoons) of MSG, some garlic powder (to taste), paprika, rosemary, ground cinammon, LOTS of red pepper, and a hefty kick of ginger for that Oriental taste we all love. Also, if you're feeling it, add some generic steak seasoning, for that down to earth feel!

>nothing needed to sustain life
Isn't that kinda the point?

I'm sorry doctor, but I don't believe in the devil's piss involved in the crafting of my meals.

>that Oriental taste we all love
ok now I know you're shitposting

I suppose yes, you're right, long-term suicide is always an option.

A bay leaf to garnish...

Mix it all up well, preferably with a dirty fork, so you can get the ghost of meals past in the mix.

Perfect! Now on to the next part, the egg wash. For this we'll need to start with two eggs.

the Wolfe pit did a video on something like that recently

I don't think you know what a garnish is.

I took two eggs, a healthy dob of hickory smoke barbeque sauce -including detest tangy- a quarter cup of Cholula chili garlic hot sauce, a cubit of fresh honey, another quarter cup of maple syrup, and emptied about an eighth of a bottle of vanilla extract.

Add a dash of almond milk and take those lovely chops of sirloin off of the heat

Whoops! Meant to say ribeye. Sorry, the fumes in here are a bit heady.

Put me in the screengrab

What are you deep frying them in? The same oil as before?

>ghost of meals past

ok here's your (you)

This is obviously a farce, the amount of liquids you claimed would fill that bowl twice over.

Now that these wonderful morsels have fully browned, we can get on to the next step: soaking them in the egg wash. Look at that glisten!

But of course! Maybe a touch of butter to boot, but this will largely be a one oil dish.

I hope OP gets violently ill

Gorgeous!

literally my moms diarrhea recipe

I'm monitoring this thread

Jesus, this shit is taking FOREVER. Imma gunna go post another fast food thread. Because they're fast. Get it? Fast?

Back into the frying pan with these babies. Be sure to get one of the bay leaves in there, very important.

Good food takes time, general. I know you need it fast to give those dirty xenos hell though, maybe check out the galley?

You had me going there for a second but that is just over-the-top.

Looking good. Just like mom used to make.

STOP

Now on to the topping!

>(maybe three tablespoons) of MSG
You're gonna get a very sweet steak.

For this, I took a few spoonfuls of creamy peanut butter, a healthy splash of red wine vinegar, an unhealthy splash of soy sauce, and a great big plop of homemade extra hot salsa!

...

Thanks man, I really do think these steaks will be pretty sweet.

Now, mix it all together, and mix the resultant concoction with the egg was from earlier

OP, how drunk are you?

YAMERO

Like I said friend, I don't believe in the drinking of alcohol. Its simply immoral to put yourself in that state where you're not thinking clearly.

>Like I said friend, I don't believe in the drinking of alcohol. Its simply immoral to put yourself in that state where you're not thinking clearly.
This is the gayest reason for not drinking alcohol I've ever heard in my entire life. It may, in fact, be the gayest THING I've ever heard in my entire life.

wtf is going on in this thread

Coming along very nicely

If you're feeling artsy, add food oloring to your topping! I chose red and green because Christmas is my favorite holiday :)

well apparently you think all buddhists are gay

alright im done, you better eat all of this though

Cool! Almost done :)

Take two slices of white bread

mmm talicious
tone rappel bee!

And place our premium ribeye with a nice dollop of our wonderful KAPOW sauce on top. Don't worry anons, the rest of this sauce will be eaten by my relatives at a nice 4th of July grill-up we're having.

A quick question though, should I add cheese to this sandwich? I have American, parmesan, and pepperjack on hand. I don't know, I normally stick to the recipe pretty closely, but I'm feeling adventurous tonight, boys.

What the sweet Christ.

>thanks man I think they will be pretty sweet

This fuckin guy lmao can someone help me find my sides they're in orbit somewhere

I liked this thread until this reply. Sage

Please eat it

Guys pls, I need an answer, my foods getting cold.

Parm for sure

Preferably not grated. Just slap a whole block on there.

mate i know you're just shitposting here but chop up your rosemary

Thanks friendo :)

See what happens when you don't drink alcohol? You make his bullshit

np man, lemme know how it tastes

>Adding good cheese to that.
You should've added cheese whiz

Now for the FINAL step! Sprinkles! This has been a family tradition for years, ever since my auntie spilled some on top of my cousins sandwich when she was making a birthday cake. Just liberally apply until you like what you've made :)

I hope this gives you really hard, jagged shits that cut up your butthole.

Final touch, I added a little candy up top. It looks like the flag because I love America :)

Forgot the image

this is why he didn't toast the bread

It's not too late, he can still toast it. Just throw it in the oven.

Delicious, my good man!

Beautiful plating

The chin and nose of a man who has lost control of his life in a wild pursuit of reactions from anonymous strangers on a Vietnamese basket-weaving discussion board.

This is admittedly the most healthy thing you've posted, night-night chicken man

Nice trips, but I dont want to ruin this family recipe, user. I feel it'd mess with the subtle flavor balance. The parm was almost too far.

>if you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you

>almost too far
my fucking sides

lmao almost posted your dick

Dr.Pepper is gross

Whoopsie! You caught me user! Don't try this naked at home folks, it's not up to health code! Last bit. Very rich, hard to get down if you're not used to it. Been a while since ma passed.

>Been a while since ma passed.
and here it comes full circle

Last bite! Good to the last.

I really hope you all enjoyed learning this down-home classic, and hope you put it to use in your personal cookbooks sometime soon. Thank you all, and God bless :)

Thank you OP

I'm between amazement and disgust.

Oh, I almost forgot the taste. It's sorta got a tex-mex meets Chinese takeout taste. The sauce is really thick and creamy, almost overpowering in it's complexity, though there's very a distinct nutty taste. The parm didn't add much, but it was good too, subtle. Would definitely go with pepper jack next time though. And of course the sprinkles made it nice anf sweet. So literally all of the flavors :)

That sauce looks disgusting.

Goodnight all. I can finally rest.

This is why I still come to Veeky Forums thanks OP

Fuck dude that looks absolute disgusting
I wouldn't even call it food, I would also starve to death before putting whatever the fuck that is into my stomach

>eating that shit sober