Psycologist help me:

Veeky Forums - Science & Math

>fucking stab holes
did you mean "creating stab wounds" and you were just using "fucking" for emphasis?
Or did you literally mean putting your dick in animal stab wounds?

>Are you sure it sounds worse then it was?
Well I never felt like life was shit, worse then most in a first world country, never felt suicidal at least.
>How often were you punched, belted and shouted at?
Not too often, only when I fucked up, like when I backed the tractor through the fence he pulled me out and smacked me upside the head. Shouting was never bad, like he yell at me to do dishes or to feed the calfs, thats just how he communicated.
>Was he affectionate at other times?
Yea, he was still my dad and would teach me things in the workshop and take me fishing, dad stuff.
>Was the animal harming a way to get away from mundane/cruel everyday life?
I guess, I didnt have much to do as a kid. Shooting rabbits and magpies was just what I did for fun.
>What exactly did you do in infantry?
NZ army, never saw deployement, went to Australia a few times for training but that was about it, it was pretty much 6 years of digging holes and showing people how to use a comms pack, I lived on base the whole time. I joined because I liked the idea of potentially going to war, but mostly was just because I liked being a grunt, not having to think just being told what to do, also sorta enjoy pain.
>Did you have friends
1-2 growing up, we were the school shooter types. Never had a girlfriend, just fucked fat sluts a few times in my teens to get it out of my system.
>Did you feel singled out at times
Yea, I always hated doing shit in front of the class, I get stage fright. Also everyone couod sorta tell I was a little off, could feel them looking at me.
>What was your close family like?
Workers, nobody talked about anything other then projects and work. Always felt disconnected from them, felt like they were strangers sorta.
>Role models
I liked Rambo (26 now, Rambo was an old movie back then) and Trinity, he's a charismatic cowboy.

Stabbing them just below the ribs (they collapse otherwise and you dont get stomach juice and shit everywhere) and fucking them.

What the fuck? You're one mean motherfucker.

Theyre just goats.

Alright.
Usually what leads to having a self image of being broken is a chain of events. A self-perpetuating cycle if you will. For example certain traumatic experiences such as social rejection from peers at important developmental milestones might cause you to feel inadequate and choose not to make the effort to improve after that, thus creating a self-fullfilling prophecy. You said everyone could tell you were a bit off. So you identified with the self-image of being a bit off, rather that making the effort to better understand social dynamics, thus becoming more than a bit-off.
The not having any friends or girlfriends part is a huge component, whether you recognise it or not. It stunts emotional growth.
Fucking animal wounds because you are bored might not seem like a big deal at the time, but it might have set in motion the chain of events that caused you to identify yourself with what you beleive you are now. I suspect you do not actually care as little as you beleive, since you said you get stage fright, which is a very social response. One that true sociopaths lack.

Of course take everything I just said with more than a grain of salt. There is only so much that can be communicated through a few internet posts and there is no subtitution for actual psychotherapy! I suggest you talk to a proffesional, no matter your fears.
If you are actually afflicted with Antisocial personailty disorder rather than identifying with a false-self resembling it to avoid the pain of rejection and feelings of inadequecy, then I'm sorry to tell you that you cannot rewire your brain. What you can instead do, is set long terms goals and channel your sociopathic tendencies towards those goals. There are ways to express your urges that fall in line with societal norms. You cannot choose what to choose, but you can express it in different ways.

Also if you want, I would like for you to describe the first time you decided to fuck an animal wound till the point you actually did it. What did you feel and think at the time before, during and after doing it and why did you choose to keep it up?
When there was a time in your life that you felt attraction towards a girl, what did you want to say and do and what did you end up doing instead? What was going on in your head at that time?
How often do you use fantasy to get away? Do you imagine yourself doing things more often than you actually do them? Do you imagine being accepted by peers in imaginary settings and conversations? Do you have fantasies of domination, be it social physical or otherwise?

hurting animals isn't bad if you can keep it inside your head, just remember idle hands are the devil's plaything so keep it inside your head and it will not be a problem

can't help with the rest

>I enjoy shooting goat in the hind legs and kicking and beating them to death with sticks, then fucking stab holes)

>Stabbing them just below the ribs (they collapse otherwise and you dont get stomach juice and shit everywhere) and fucking them.

So which is true, you kill them first or not? You are contradicting yourself bud

>Describe the first time you decided to fuck an animal wound
Well I was doing goats and a couple times I missed and blew off their legs, to save money I just stomped them or cut their throats. Didnt think anything of it, I did this shit at the freezing works just trying to be effecient. But for some reason I started getting a stiffy doing it, started fucking up my shots more often and just watched them dying with my hand down my pants. Till eventually I just decided fuck it, im up in the hills nobodies here, Ive got a wacky idea, and it felt good so I kept doing it.
>Was there a time in your life you felt an attraction towards a girl
I always had a thing for my sister, Ive always sorta seen women as warm holes to fuck and nothing more except for my family.
>How often do you use fantasy to get away?
I drift away from time to time, I think about woodworking and hunting alot. If im in a shit mood then I guess ill think of ways to chop up people, how to get away with it, and this is the reason im scared. Sooner or later I might end up doing shit like that, I dont want to go to jail.

What you need is not a psychologist, but a psychiatrist. Or probably many. A lot. And electroshocks.

I dont fuck them alive, dont really want a thrashing billy knocking me out. When I shoot them I shoot the hind legs (the back legs), they dont run off and its pretty mich the only place you can shoot them without killing them (if you shoot them in the front shoulders then the pressure from the bullets fucks their organs), then ill have my fun until its dead, thats when I stab a hole into them and go to town. Smells like blood and is still warm.

OK, I think I'm starting to get a very rough picture.. a bit of a follow up then. I know I'm asking too many questions, but it's the only way I can understand your condition. See it as a very shitty psychoanalysis.

How old were you when you did your first goat wound fucking?

Please describe to me your relationship with your sister with as much detail as possible. If you could further elaborate on your family's dynamics such as your sister's relationship with your parents or your parents' relationship with each other it would be extremely helpful.

Also, how do you satisfy your sexual urges now? Do you still do the goat thing or get gratification by your sister? If not, how long till the last time you did either of those?

>How old were you when you did your first goat wound fucking?
25, im 26 now.
>Relationship with sister
We more more friends then anything, didnt have neighbours to play with so we did shit with each other. Also I emphasize, things never got too serious with her it was a week of fun at most.
>Family dynamics
Well my sister never did as much work as me, she was sorta dads princess, and dad and mum were constantly fucking when they werent working.
>Also, how do you satisfy your sexual urges now?
wanking for the most part, its been three months since ive done shit with a goat (that includes beating it and stuff), still doing pest control but sometimes I just get an urge, dont know what will happen if I dont take it out on a goat.

You still have time to change or at least learn how to function considering that happened so recently and that there is a part of you that actually recognises that a change is needed. That is more important that you might realise.
The fact that you presented the things you did with your sister as highlights before, but now try to downplay it might mean that this was more important to you than you tell yourself. I could be wrong of course.
To me it seems that the root of most things, be it goats, or your sister or your urges to harm others stem from an undeveloped sense of your sexual and social self.
My recommensation to you is to try to find more healthy conduits to express your sexuality. Try a prostitute (To fuck, not to bash her head in) and definitely talk to a proffesional in order to find ways to channel your urges in alternative ways. Do not go to a psychiatrist! Go to a psychologist and if he deems it necessary for you, he will recommend a psychiatrist. He will help you find ways to express your sexuality and be social (have friends). It will feel fake at first, but you can actually fake it till you make it. You have a sense of avoiding "Bad stuff" even if it stems from a self-preservation instinct and being careful. You can develop that with the right methodology. If all else fails, you could work in a slaughterhouse or something similar. If you keep anything from this, it's that sociopaths do not always become serial killers and that you could learn to channel your urges. A good portion of ASPDs learn to control it and become CEOs and such. That said, you are probably closer to Schizoid. And remember that it is very hard to get away with murder these days. Even organized crime is in an all-time low due to all the technological advancements.

This thread is fucking awesome, thanks guys.
I hope it turns out all right for you, OP. I wish all the best!

I'm curious. Where does OP wetting the bed for 17 years come into play?

Stop LARPing as a psychologist pretending you can help on an online gender bender forum.

OP clearly displays traits of a classic lunatic psychopath just one straw away from his school shooting killing spree.

Theres not much anyone can do to stop him unless somehow the authorities preemptively arrest him first for a crime he has yet to commit.

Unless it's a medical rather than a psychological condition (it most often is medical, even in such cases) in this instance it might be correlated with low self esteem or lack of appropriate conditioning at important milestones while growing up. (Correlated as in causing in part or being caused by) As I said before, him getting stage fright implies one of the most social affects: shyness! Thus, I'm not sure if this sociopathic self-image is an elaborate defense mechanism to avoid feelings of inadequecy rather than a true one.

As I said, there is only so much that can be diagnosed from a few posts in Veeky Forums considering there is a myriad of factors to be considered and correlated in many different ways. The cause might be the effect or vice-versa.
Also there is an overlap between true sociopathy and similar looking disorders such as schizoid PD, so there is a VERY wide margin for error. The OP should DEFINITELY talk with a proffesional, while there is still time to improve!

Do it against black people.
#Hitler_did_nothing_wrong.

Thanks for the answer, appreciated.

>tfw OP is actually a classic psycopath who's made up an entire complex personality for (you)'s

Stop samefagging, retard.

Is this going to be expensive, will I have to move to Auckland?

OP I've diagnosed you with a terribly bad case of needing Jesus.

I dont want to trust myself around a prostitute.

I do not know about NZ, since I'm european myself. Here prices for a psychologist typically fluctuate between 30 to 50 euros per session. Some of us (me included) will charge less than our normal prices if the patient seems to have financial troubles. The reason we got into this profession was to help people after all.
But the value of your own well-being should be priceless in my view. What good is your money if you can't be healthy enough to enjoy it? That shouldn't preclude a little research in your part of course. You can definitely find a good psychologist for a good price, especially since we live in the age of information. Use the internet, do a little research and find someone specializing in your condition with good reviews for a decent price.
On a last note, it is my view from the little information you've given me in this inappropriate medium that you are not as bad as you might think. You are still struggling to contain yourself. Even if it's for your own self interest, it is way more valuable than you might realise. Take care.

Cool, this makes me feel better that I fuck the regular fuck holes on animals!