I need help editing my novel

I am looking for a special individual/s (this is not the average text) to make my work their own and add their brilliance to mine to finalize a piece of writing I have been struggling with (and chipping away at/for)(for 5 or so years) which may go down in history as a great work and be cherished and celebrate for 100s of years.

I am being overly confident, smarmy, scarily pompous, to attempt to dissuade average bitter people from contacting me, as I have made these posts before, and editors have contacted me ("i've been editing ("worthless garbage") for 20 years and you expect me to sacrifice my most holy precious time to help you for potentially no guaranteed pay but possibly half of the earnings of your pie in the sky?

Please, I am not seeking the icky ilk of your kind.

There must be someone in the world who wouldn't mind a pet project, or who is brave enough to risk beginning a peaceful email conversation with me to determine if in fact I am writing the next bible, and they believe they are worthy enough of contributing.

Looking for an individual/s who may posses qualities such as these:
-intelligent
-creative
-open minded
-well rounded
-poetic
-brilliant
Thank you for your time, and I do hope my writerly soul mate reads this.

Other urls found in this thread:

pastebin.com/zxdjFsPh
pastebin.com/bzs0ACAz
pastebin.com/rZ4BB3Zt
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

Tentatively interested but you should give us an idea on what it's about. If it's basically unpaid it should be something close to my heart.

You need to be about 100 times more concrete if you'd like to get serious replies, you've told nothing but that it's a project you've been working on for 5 years. No genre, no length. Hell, it could be written entirely in macaroni noodles for all you've told us.

Want an editor, write up a proposal better than "I'm a dick to drive away cynics, here's some cryptic egotistical generalities."

>writing the next bible
Interest piqued
>beginning a peaceful email conversation
Literally how with no address?

Pitch me your idea. Be warned however, no dragon no takie.

You guys have throwaway Gmail emails you can make (or any other site)?

All I can really say is I am very open to another talent and if they inspired to infuse their abilities with my text than I cannot imagine a harsh limit (besides my ultimately executive powers to say the final say: no 30 page cum guzzler exposee (hope you get that inside joke)) to the extent of which I would be ok with someone contributing to the text. Observations, attempts at poetic prose, loose narrative, attempts at philosophy, politics. I have written a lot of ideas, vignettes, scenes, quotes, sections, rough drafts, sketches, and I pretty much want to include anything interesting I think I have thought of, in some way. Like, how awesome are you guys? How epic? How Great? You can be humble, or think those are as lame and unfair questions as I do, but there may be a truth to them all the same.

So, this is problematic, because forum rules prohibit sharing of email addresses. However, I suspect this is more likely to occur through autofiltering rather than human oversight, so I'm going to put my new throwaway address in a pastebin and link it below. Hopefully, this one-step removal will serve as a sufficient loophole, as I do not wish to violate policy, nor do I wish for this thread to be deleted.

Just in case, you should act quickly.

pastebin.com/zxdjFsPh

And here's mine

pastebin.com/bzs0ACAz

pastebin.com/rZ4BB3Zt

Your lack of savvy concerning Veeky Forums gives me a poor impression of you, any by extension, this project of yours.

Do what real authors do. Write cover letters, send them to literary agents who deal in whatever genre your project belongs to. If an agent finds you a publishing firm, they'll have a professional editor for you.

If no agent accepts your work, there's probably a good reason for it.

You sound shitty. Like someone I wouldn't want to collaborate with. The way you write just screams insufferable cunt.

Genre. Publishers. The industry of print media. What century are you in? We're from the future, homefry; step to the rhythm. You're cute, though.

In fact I'm pissed solely on your writing. I'm pissed at your response for revealing to me how much of a snotty snob you are. Your writing and ideas are simple. Wanna know why I know that? Because if you weren't you wouldn't have been warranted a response like this one. You dissapoint me in revealing the depths of how far my dissapointment can fall.

You have wasted my time, the time of everyone in here, and yourself.

Also, that wasn't even OP. Check your assumptions, foolio.

Haha, yeah. Good luck trying to get people to read your self-published shit, boyo. Your thing wouldn't be well-received in any century.

You hear that, OP? You have wasted this person's time. You should be ashamed of yourself - because this person wrote that response, they were not able to find the cure for the virus that will take out humanity in a few years... and all because of you. How very dare you write something that this person doesn't like? What the fuck is wrong with you, using words to combine in ways that aren't universally praised? Fuck, I don't even know why you bother displacing air, because your circulatory system is just going to turn it into something unbreathable by other human beings, you misanthropist twat. I'm glad this person made us all understand how terrible it is to waste peoples' time.

You need a hug. You are important, and you are loved. Everything's gonna work out fine.

Shut the fuck up. OP is an insufferable cunt, and you write like a fucking redditor. Don't post here again, don't even reply to me. Cunt.

ROFLMAO - No, I literally want to hug you. You are a precious jewel of childish rage, and I want to smother you with love. Take it in, user. Feel the love. You deserve everything you want, and you will someday have it. But so will I. That paradox is your source of suffering, so resolve it through acceptance.

>roflmao
Just stop

Oh, are we too cool for that acronym now? Golly gee willikers; I must be an oldfag. Gotta say "kek" or else we're not hep-cats, I guess... hurpadurpadurpa COOLNESS! You're a cool dude. Now I'm all embarrassed.

Frankly, I have to agree with you Op. This man should stop because his insults pale in comparison to describing your total incompetence. Words themselves, scour the world itself and you'd never piece apart a sentence that could describe your worth of being to anyone that would care to hear it Op. My God, the stench of air around you itself emanates through my monitor as I type this now and it is miasmic. It is torturous. I am surprised it is even human yet when I look at what you've written I'm relieved that maybe we aren't of the same species. I don't think I'd be able to go on thinking that, to share something with your likes.

Disgusting, if you could even raise yourself to such a word.

hahahaohwow.jpg

I can tell from OP's posts that his novel is an insufferable, hot mess.

Predictions:
>if OP finds a lil bitch to do his bidding, OP will be a nightmare to work with
>whether or not OP reels someone in, absolutely nothing will come of this novel

I can only hope that OP looks back on this work someday and realizes how terrible it is but there's also the possibility he'll go to his grave thinking he's an undiscovered genius who'll be appreciated as a master only after a hundred years after his death.

OP, prove me wrong. Post one paragraph to show us how brilliant you are.