Post the opening line of your masterpiece. Don't be harsh

Post the opening line of your masterpiece. Don't be harsh.
I'll start:
"I've never cared much for other people, and I'm pretty sure that they don't think I'm anything special either. Which of these feelings came first: I wouldn't tell you if I knew."

>"Lavender. So that's what the redpill tastes like," he muttered to himself as the pill started doing it'w work.

Also OP, yours is embarrassing.

"I am skeptical towards meta-narratives." said John Everyman

Only one dog remained; Two, if you counted my dog.

This is horrendous

THAT'S how you open your masterpiece? Fuck dude....

Well at least it's honest, in telling you it's going to be typical bullshit about an edgy loner who does nothing throughout the book except wander around and observe random bullshit.

Good luck on your suicide, btw.

There was a man at the foot of my bed.

>BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

The thunder woke me up with a startle, but it too was a dream.

My name is Johan Green.

Any feedback welcome:

"Matthew realized, with a sort of laugh, that every joke he had recently heard had been told by himself, to himself, and at his own expense."

...and owls were not what they seemed?

This is my masterpeace... Fuck! Masterpiece.

would not read
would read
would read
would read. i definitely wanna see where this goes
would not read
would read
would read
would not read
would read

"Behind him was a windmill, and it seemed to be striking his head."

>brainlets don't understand that OP is playing 4d chess
Those are the opening lines of a YA commercial success that will be the prequel to his true masterpiece.

IN THE CORNER of a first-class smoking carriage, Mr. Justice Wargrave, lately retired from the bench, puffed at a cigar and ran an interested eye through the political news in the Times.

"I can't speak for all of us" beamed the young student "but I can speak for myself -- and in some way, speak for many of us" He was, of course, referring to the recent philosophical shift of the academics away from the moderns, and into the post moderns. Sat beside him with jeering eyes were the feminists, weirdos, and aspirants, appealing to the student body council. Ironically, all of his protests would be for nothing -- the council had as much say in the matter as a water droplet has in the goings of the current.

wow he's so much le sm4rter than all of us

>be me

>Don't be harsh.
Will try. It sounds like an entry from any sulky teenager's diary.

Trying too hard. "Look at me, I'm quirky XD."

Certainly makes me want to read further.

Does this make more sense in your native language? "Startle" isn't a noun.

Cagey. It's almost like you're not staking everything on your opening sentence. What do you think you are, a real writer?

If this is a Dickensian pastiche, all well and good. If not, consider euthanasia.

>mfw I probably was a bit harsh after all. Sorry OP.

Thank you, finally someone who ""gets me""!
Also to the others, you are completely correct. It is pretty awful, but I think that it kind of tells the whole novel in two sentences.
It's about person whos grown bitter due to others not liking him, which is only natural since he lies constantly and thinks he's somehow special. All the while the narrator is rather unreliable, but his lies are completely lucid, as in the opening line: he says he wouldn't tell even if he knew, which indicates that could/and is not telling it to you right now, which means that he's hiding something, which means that the truth is the less favorable option of the two, which means that the opening line says: Others have never liked me and thus I have in return not liked them.

>It is pretty awful, but I think that it kind of tells the whole novel in two sentences.

What's the point of writing a book if it can be summed up in one sentence?

Other than that, it's a story that's been told countless times enough to be totally cliche now.

>Trying too hard. "Look at me, I'm quirky XD."

This guy doesn't get it

>Clotted thorns of blood crown the prisoner's head.

>What's the point of writing a book if it can be summed up in one sentence?
two sentences

To make money and become famous? The modern age and it's philosophy is long dead. Welcome to the age of Momcore, special edition CostCo novels, nestled between Nora Robert's and Bill O'Reilly

People like this are why I want to end my life out of pity for humanity

>getting this butthurt about it
Relax. You are clearly destined for the Nobel.

It will certainly be your greatest contribution to literature.

Would
"There was only one enemy left. Two, if you counted God"
ring any bells?

The reason you don't get it is because it's a meme that gets posted on Veeky Forums from time to time. Why are you being such a defensive prick?

He ached and pained in many different places at the remorse of knowing the legacy he left behind.

I'm sure you'll create enough masterpieces for the both of us, what with how intelligent you obviously are. Don't forget to write us after you've penned Moby Dick 2: The Reckoning

>doesnt get memes
>doesnt get obvious John Green jokes
>uses 'Dickensian pastiche' unironically, not realizing how much of a complete faggot he's being

Was it autism?

Feedback welcome, I'm actually trying to do something. Below is the original text, if you want to try to read it aloud and see how it sounds.

The reddening of the end of the night towards dawn coloured the smog floating over the flat field in to all of the shades of red and yellow; in the opposite direction the emerging light revealed clouds over the forest, plumpy and great, who hurried to bring Gods rain to the fields. All this was observed by the man.

Aamuyön pimeän punertuminen hämärää päin värjäsi alavan pellon yllä leijuvan sumun kaikkiin ruskan sävyihin; vastakkaisessa suunnassa lisääntyvä valo paljasti metsän yläpuolella pilviä, muhkuraisia ja suuria, jotka kiirehtivät tuomaan pelloille Jumalan sateen. Tätä kaikkea seurasi mies.

>The parking lot looked sterile, as the mid-morning sun bore down hard on it (for once).

Nice floral description, who would you say you're influenced by?

Mainly Joel Lehtonen, but other favorites are Aleksis Kivi, Volter Kilpi and Antti Hyry
In the anglosphere it's trickier; reading Joyce a lot these days, I really love how he does conversations. I like me a Faulkner too, can't really say

I could see this selling to angsty teens in the vein of catcher in the rye i guess
Givin me a giggle m8
Quality
Kinda cliche
Choppy clunky prose
Yeah i could see this landing if you're good enough
Promising for an ok book but not a masterpiece
Holy shit I hate people like you so much drink bleach you boring edgelord go read chuck palahniuk fuck
Promising
You should be heading to bed, user. It's a school night.

"Your what now, in my who ha?" Beatrice exasperatedly exclaimed as her eyes darted from side to side and her forehead began to conspire to rain; "why, I dont think thats such a good idea Tommy", though Tommy had different ideas.

Most human's have five fingers on each hand. Tony had six. He also had six toes. Total. That's five on one foot. One on the other. You know what they called him? Six Toe Tony. And, by God, he was the best damn quarterback that the Quakers had ever seen.

"I began that year a failure"