What did one of Britain's most popular contemporary authors mean by this?

>I'm a beta cuck snowflake
The mad man actually said it

>implying you read anything at all

>pedo
true love transcends the bounds of time and space

I read your post

4/10 low hanging fruit apply yourself

u got me

>people ITT actually don't know who Matt Haig is

Here's an excerpt from the beginning one of his most popular, award-winning books The Humans:

"I know that some of you reading this are convinced humans are a myth, but I am here to state that they do actually exist. For those that don’t know, a human is a real bipedal lifeform of mid-range intelligence, living a largely deluded existence on a small waterlogged planet in a very lonely corner of the universe.

For the rest of you, and those who sent me, humans are in many respects exactly as strange as you would expect them to be. Certainly it is true that on a first sighting you would be appalled by their physical appearance.

Their faces alone contain all manner of hideous curiosities. A protuberant central nose, thin-skinned lips, primitive external auditory organs known as ‘ears’, tiny eyes and unfathomably pointless eyebrows. All of which take a long time to mentally absorb and accept.

The manners and social customs too are a baffling enigma at first. Their conversation topics are very rarely the things they want to be talking about, and I could write ninety-seven books on body shame and clothing etiquette before you would get even close to understanding them.

Oh, and let’s not forget The Things They Do To Make Them Happy Which Actually Make Them Miserable. This is an infinite list. It includes – shopping, watching TV, taking the better job, getting the bigger house, writing a semi-autobiographical novel, educating their young, making their skin look mildly less old, and a vague desire to believe there might be a meaning to it all.

Yes, it is all very amusing, in a painful kind of way. But I have discovered human poetry, while on Earth. One of these poets, the very best one (her name was Emily Dickinson), said this: ‘I dwell in possibility.’ So let us humour ourselves and do the same. Let us open our minds entirely, for what you are about to read will need every prejudice you may have to stand aside in the name of understanding.

And let us consider this: what if there actually is a meaning to human life? And what if – humour me – life on earth is something not just to fear and ridicule but also cherish? What then?

Some of you may know what I have done by now, but none of you know the reason. This document, this guide, this account – call it what you will – will make everything clear. I plead with you to read this book without prejudice, and to work out for yourself the true value of human life.

Let there be peace."

matthaig.com/books/thehumans/thehumansfirstchapter/

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Simon & Schuster)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at the University of Tübingen, and I've been involved in some serious ontology. I am trained in dialectical warfare and I am the top dialectician of all German philosphers. I will wipe you the fuck out with some serious post-Kantian idealism, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Hegelian sorcerers across the world and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, caveman. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can destroy your entire philosophical system in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in the ancient philosophy of the Greeks, but I have access to the entire arsenal of German Idealism and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

lmao gay

This thread is not about him as an author, it's a 'fuck libcucks' thread where we pat each other on the back for being conservative. It's very important when you need to erect an idealized self-image. Do like this:

lol what a cuck. This really proves how brainwashed liberals are. Only women and numales would read this faggot's shit.
Can't wait till Milo gets another publisher and BTFO SJWs

Is this a joke?

It's awful.

People will hate this because it's certainly not a classic but it's alright.

jesus christ

For you.

Your opinions and projections have been noted though, thank you.

This reads like something you'd see from one of those reddit threads.

For those curious, pic related are the opening pages of his latest book, REASONS TO STAY ALIVE, which has sold over 500,000 copies.

woah...............

>The Red Pill for Blue Pills

jesus christ

kill me

thirteen years ago he should've just killed himself

He's looking for a bull to give his wife a son.

"Lol i am such an autistic nihilist and my species is dumb look at how smart i am for pointing this all out'

Die.

>Hegelian sorcerers
10/10

Never heard of either of them.

That isnt:

Ian McEwan
Iain Banks
Ishiguro

It means he supports the vilification of an abuse victim but wants a life-long pity party because he did too much E in Ibiza.

theguardian.com/books/2015/feb/22/my-solution-to-depression-was-never-medical-matt-haig

Whatever he learned from his experiences, compassion wasn't part of it.

bump

Fuck off with the "I"s

But people who self publish earn for more per sale, so if Milo outsells him then he gets BTFO even further.

Bragging about being with a "real" publisher is just bragging about making less money because you were too scared to go it alone.

Milo is not self-publishing. He's already stated that he's been contacted by more than one publisher and that it's coming out this year as planned.
So i don't know where this guy gets his "also, you know, published" shit from.

there is no way..

see

British humor is so reddit

He intends to make the second part of what he says throw the first part, in which an opinion about him not necessarily his own is expressed, into question. Mockingly. He's being ironic, in other words, and a little 'passive-aggressive.' Other than its also being a modern mode of juvenile provocation, that's pretty much it.

why are you on a Veeky Forums board if you can't even read an interpret a simple tweet?

Hi Matt

ive read loli anal hentai with more depth than this

exhentai.org/g/749715/039e9c9076/

Not a bad choice.

Right, it's a literature board. That's why it should come as no surprise that I've never heard of a random britbong genre writer. He's beneath notice.

I don't have an idealized self image. I'm a fascist because I'm basically a failure and have nothing to lose if the current order is overthrown.

But isn't it healthier to look towards an artist's work, rather then his personality? what do you thing would happen to Joyce after that?

reads like my diary desu

>MUH PUBLISHING DEALS
>SUCCESS SUCCESS SUH SUH SUPERMANNNN

sounds like an insufferable asshole

>And let us consider this: what if there actually is a meaning to human life? And what if – humour me – life on earth is something not just to fear and ridicule but also cherish? What then?

This is so banal yet smug at the same time.

Literature is in its death throes, lads.

Stopped reading 2 sentences in, what a shit writer.

>I know, I know, we are humans.
>What then?
Why does he write like this

Isnt this just ford prefects thing from the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy (both the real and the fictional book)?

>reads the title of news articles instead of looking at primary sources and assessing the evidence himself

Yes, except I can almost convince myself Douglas Adams was being ironic

>book is called reasons to stay alive
>not filled with blank pages

absolutely plebeian

he sounds like the type of guy who enjoys sniffing his own farts just like that South Park episode

you forgot the pic