Born in worthless burgerland with shit parents who didn't know how to cook

How do I even decide what to learn to cook? What am I even supposed to eat?

Yes, OP, you sound a bit whiny, but let me, as a non-burger, still give you some general advise:

- buy one (1), BASIC cookbook
>so yes, don't bother with any fancy sauces, or 10+ spice mixes, just basic recipes

-learn what is okay to buy pre-packed
>herb mixture? yeah! curry spice mixture? yeah! microwave meal with tons of added sugar and salt? no!

-study some basic recipes!
>chickpea and cauliflower curry
>rice and beans with spicy sauce and bacon
>spaghetti bolognese (with homemade ragu, not from a jar)
>if you're from Europe: 10 potato-based recipes

- For breakfast, get either muesli (a mix with no added sugar) and yoghurt or porridge
>as a burger, deffo avoid other oats and cereal because they have a fuckload of added sugar

- off of the top of my head I can't think of any other stuff because atm I am drunk, but these few tips should be at least of some help, OP

I never helped my mom cook growing up and she's not a particularly great cook anyway.
Moved out for university at 19 and learned on my own. I don't understand how you're finding it so difficult to be honest.
All the stuff in the OP is nonsense. There are plenty of easy to follow recipes out there. Start basic like make pasta or wok dishes and learn what tastes good and which things go with what and work your way from there.

>If so that's great because you can tell me how to do the same thing

Buy a cookbook. Follow directions. Use a dictionary to look up the meanings of words you don't understand.

That's how I started. I would avoid the internet at first. There's just too much information. It's overwhelming. Starting with a cookbook does two things:
1) It avoids information overload
2) It avoids shitty recipes--someone had to pay money to get that cookbook printed. That ensures it was well vetted, unlike the internet.

>>>near infinite conflicting information
Get used to that. There are multiple different ways to cook things, and everyone has their own preferences.

People who can't cook should be exterminated.

JUST FUCKING PICK SOMETHING AND GO WITH IT. You're literally worse than a woman that when asked "what do you want to eat" replies with "I dunno, whatever is fine". Have a fucking opinion for once in your goddamn life.

Fuck it I mad.

>Are you telling me that every single one of you learned to cook entirely on your own with no parents, no helpers, no schooling, no outside influence at all?

Have you never learned to do any task without someone holding your hand through it? If you are already giving up at eggs, real life is gonna suck for you because nobody is gonna hold your hand through that either.
Get your shit together, OP.

Thanks anons. I'm going to go look for a cookbook and see where it takes me.

Sorry for my existence Veeky Forums

I forgive you. Just cook something.

Watch Good Eats

Just be yourself.

>What am I even supposed to eat?
what do you like to eat? start with that.

Common sense is your friend.

Brown the meat, add onions with some garlic, bit of oil. Add vegetables, put meat back in. Spices, whipping cream.
If the vegetables are not soft yet or the meat not done, put a lid on it and let it simmer a bit longer.
Ta da, this is like 90% of the food I make. Thanks to different meat or fish, vegetables and so on this never gets old. serve with rice or noodles or just like that. No use in making fancy stuff with lots of side dishes for one person.

Both of my parents worked and hardly ever cooked. I grew up going out to eat or getting fast food brought home. Nobody sat me down and taught me how to cook.

I looked at cookbooks, I followed youtube videos, I googled recipes. I watched cooking shows and browsed Veeky Forums. No single one of these things would have been good enough to stand on its own but each contributed towards basic kitchen knowledge, cooking creativity, and lessons on what and what not to do.

When I moved out at 19 I had no fucking clue what I was doing and sometimes made mistakes resulting in inedible food but I learned from it. You're not going to learn how to do this shit overnight.

And if you want to do it well, and do it right, don't give yourself a bunch of stupid shitty hurdles to overcome. If what Veeky Forums tells you to eat is not sitting well with you, make something else. If you're not ready to make the switch to just water, find something else to drink. Trying to cold turkey into a Veeky Forums regimen isn't going to be easy if you're totally unaccustomed to it. Take it slowly if that's what you need to do.

tl;dr don't rush or panic, try a variety of things, be prepared to make mistakes, find what works for you, and nobody will judge you unless you're blogging to Veeky Forums about it.

Don't be a Debby Downer and apologise, we all have to start somewhere.

I wast just fortunate enought that my dad taught me.

To add to the list list of basic recipes that I provided:
- pasta pesto (pasta of your choice, with green pesto, chicken, and any green vedge (like spinache or zucini))
- chili (with beef, and any mix of chilli and beans that Veeky Forums tells you to put in)
- any stew
>doesn't matter if you have a Dutch oven; you can make goulash and Irish stew in w/e pot you have laying around
-pita breads which w/e filling
>like chicken breast and chickpeas
>like minced meat and canned corn

the possibilities are endless. Basically what I'm trying to say: fuck all the Veeky Forums haters, we all have to start somewhere, try these recipees for a start will you

drunk /cock/ signing out

Christ Almighty, you seem like a legitimately insufferable person.

I'm on your side, OP. It's a hell of a challenge to make a life change like this.

Cooking comes down to four axes: time, temperature, method, ingredients. Each axis works with the others in a holistic ballet of awesome. Cooking takes practice. Learn about the ratio of time and temperature. Learn about different ingredients and how to use them to bring out their best potential. And learn about techniques that bring out the ingredients potential as well.

For example, lean meats such as chicken or fish need to be cooked quickly over high heat. Fatty and tough bits need to be cooked low and slow over a period of time. Learn how to use herbs, lemons, garlic, spices, and accents to bring out their best flavors. It's mostly going to be about practice. I don't think there's a single online source that can take you to culinary school.

I'd recommend finding 15 or so quick and simple recipes, requiring only a handful of common and inexpensive ingredients, that can be prepared very simply and quickly. Just google those key words and once you have 15 that you like...you're set. Just stick with them and cycle through every couple of weeks. Once you have the 4 axes down and have some experience and confidence you can slowly expand into new recipes. Good luck.