ITT:

I eat grapes in the store

I always take 2 free samples for myself. Sometimes I look around briefly as if 'm looking for the second person .

Don't tell me what to do

Me irl
youtu.be/JWtQW8vAslc

I say hi to people and I laugh when they try to walk away without saying a word

I take as long as possible at the self checkout. I get a buzz off the anxiety knowing there's an angry queue slowly building up behind me.

I literally eat a full lunch in this aisle 3-4 times a week. I don't even bother putting in the charade that I am just samlpling anymore. I just chow down then leave. Those dried okras and the macadamia nuts are my jam

That's theft.

They want your address so they can come fug you in the night

no it's just piracy

At a regular supermarket I buy a trolley-full of cat litter and purchase one tub of margarine because I do most my groceries at costco

>go to store with my kid
>get in line
>start stacking things onto the checkout stand
>pretend I forgot something
>"hey I'll be right back!"
>leave my kid with a long line of people behind
>come back after far too much time has passed
>act like nothing happened

I don't understand, can you elaborate?
I've never seen this free stuff

on the condoms aisle is a product called man-delay. i will get a few of those and put in peoples baskets. they get upset when cashier rings up pervy item. i also make announcements on the intercom, usually to emberass some loser stock person.

Watch the video this user posted

Why do the other customers get so upset about that? I'd defend them...

Muhh nigga

...

Because they're being dumbasses and harassing the store owners. I'd charge them for everything they opened and if they didn't pay for it I'd call the cops.

Eat my chicken At the place where I got it

kek

>end up in nursing home when you're old

I've worked at a grocery store for 6 months, I've never rung up brusselsprouts.

I call ahead for soda.
Once a week I order 20 2L bottles of Big K Diet Drop Red.
They usually only keep 6-10 on the shelf.

lmao

My neighbors cat leaves dead birds in my yard. I collect them and put them in a cunty woman's cart when she's not looking and then follow her around while fondling myself until she notices

>Shop store long enough to learn the numbers of important people paging for people over the intercom.
>Customer service has a phone that dials outside the store for customers who need to call home.
>If you don't hit #9 first, it acts like an employee phone.
>Turns out I didn't need to study the intercom, they have numbers to different managers, cashiers, etc on a cheat sheet on the phone.
>Find loss prevention's number, they pick up, act a little sheepish and tell them I locked myself out of the fuel kiosk outside.
>It's easily 105 outside.
>I can hear him groan and asks me if my manager could just unlock the door.
>Tell him I checked them first, they don't have a key for the door.
>"Fuck... okay, give me a minute..."
>Store now has nobody watching the cameras.
>Go fuck with customers shit unimpeded.
>Move random merchandise from one end of the store to another.
>Follow an employee trying to fix shelves and make it look like he didn't do his job.

>cashier or card terminal asks for a rewards account number
>enter random numbers until one works
Someone needs to save me from myself before it's too late

I was on board until the public masturbation.

Do you at least reward your kitty accomplice?

All that effort just to rearrange some shelves Jesus Christ

Being able to confuse cashiers on Christmas eve is a power no man should have at his fingertips.
>Tell five to swap with 3.
>Tell five of them to call for extra baggers, then tell two of those cashiers to go on break a few minutes later.
>Lines out the ass.
>Managers are freaking out trying to untangle the mess as customers are getting pissed.
>Overhead a Code Adam (Missing child)
>Activate the overhead and leave the phone alone (This turns off the music, drives employees up the wall.)

I sometimes wear an employee "outfit" since all they wear is a red shirt with a nametag and a cap. I tell people with carts completely full of stuff that they can take it for free as a special promotion and just walk out with it.
Lots have been gullible enough to believe me, they walk out and get stopped by guards.

>never caught

Goddamn jesters...

This never occurred to me.

So many lols could be had pretending to be an employee.

A comedian aye? SUBALUAH!!

Yeah, it is piracy, because you are the one leaving your nuts behind by doing that. No net loss in nuttage for the retailer.

You nutless prick.

thanks for explaining that joke so thoroughly I was awfully confused

RIP light rail avenger...

It's still the stores property until you've paid... But nonetheless people sometimes like a cheeky nibble

Put random shit in peoples trolleys
write in the ice cream

I make the employees that work at the bulk food area let me have a free sample even if the sign says no sampling!

...

t. terry davis

Take items from the very back of the shelf so I get the freshest food with the longest expiry date and staff don't have to face up after me.

You sick fuck.

They only took the free stuff though

If you're going to make things up at least try to make it interesting

I move the caution wet floor signs

Dance my rats, dance

>buying some soda
>approach soda fridge
>grab soda
>put soda in the ground
>grab second soda
>put it in the ground
>take all the soda out of the fridge until i get to the last one
>put the rest of te soda back in
>take the coldest soda home

I do this with beer but why the fuck do you take them all out? What is wrong with you?

Front is coldest but oldest. Back is newest but might be warm. There is nothing in the middle dumbass.

not with soda
store employees are too lazy to take all soda out so they just stock the fridge
cold soda is a fast moving product anyways, they will have to restock soon enough

I intentionally and meticulously inspect each shopping cart before I take it. When I first started this I had a notepad with things to check off so I could find the perfect shopping cart. Often I would pull out around 15 shopping carts before finding the perfect one. I want to make the shopping trolley collectors job as easy as possible so I will re organize them then and there when I am done. This isnt an easy process so unfortunately other shoppers have to wait for me to finish before they can access their shopping carts. I know the check list off by heart now so ive saved a lot of people a lot of time but they still get angry with me. Good thing my aunt is the security guard at the store so nobody fucks with me

What's the list? I want to be able to pick out a quality cart.

What the hell for? Don't like noisy ass aldi carts?

>"what the hell did i do to deserve this"

Actually isn't stealing from the bulk nut dispensers etc actually just piracy?

Like, vegetables and nuts just regrow from seeds, like copies.

So is stealing food actually a crime since it can just clone from itself to the shelf for consumption?

relax Hassan, it's just a joke

(You)
Work harder on your bait next time

I follow the instructions and wet the floor.

>No no, Mr. Policeman, you are misunderstanding. I am not a pedophile. I was just smelling the childseat to make sure it was clean and fresh and I could select a mint condition shopping cart.

I always do the area code of where i am and 867 5309. Works about 95% of the time

>take some pork meat
>put it between the halal meat

>pork meat
Generally known as pork.

le ebin trole xd

bad man

>shopping in a place that offers kosher or halal

I live in Britain, everywhere sells halal

I'm glad I do not live in your country user

most people are

4550. Hit me with your weirdest.

Most stores are too cucked to do anything about it to a customer. The LP is there to watch employees not you.

Deus vult.

Me irl

youtube.com/watch?v=cj0Xy0hkUOE

surely you don't know the PLU for bananas or cucumber :^)

4011. 4062 for conventional 4593 for hit house.
Cmon bruh.

Take condiment packets from Gas Stations/Convenience stores/Taco Bells. Literally never have bought mustard, ketchup, mayo, Sugar or Sweet N Low for coffee. Also have a nice stash of Diablo and Fire sauce.

>I always take 2 free samples for myself. Sometimes I look around briefly as if 'm looking for the second person .

I don't get why someone can sample a grape to see if they are good, but can't sample a malted milk ball or chocolate covered toffee from the Bulk candy aisle.

I thought everyone did this

rhubarb, millet, chicken liver, go user.

Everyone who isn't stupid does this.
Where are you shopping that you can just sample a grape and they won't bat an eye? I'm actually jealous.

When I worked as a CSR at night and was in the cash room, I always called the register furthest from the cashier and let it ring until someone picked up. I also use the phone speakers to scare shoppers by startling them with loud noises as they walked by phones in various departments. My favorite thing to do was make out of date pages, like telling new employees to go to layaway even though we had stopped that years ago.

This.
Even had LP flat out tell us that was what they do most of the time.

Rhubarb is 4745. We don't sell millet at my store anymore and I'm not good at the bulk foods anyways. Meat products have PLUs but are only used by the meat clerks for the items behind the counter, I just scan that shit.

Star fruit.
Are you supposed to scan store coupons first and then manufacture?

Find stuff that's expired, fill a basket with it, and hand it to the service desk people. They hate it when I do that.

Purchase food from one store and place those items of the shelf of a different store that does not sell that item.

Take refrigerated items and deliberately hide them in non-refrigerated areas.
I once put a rotisserie chicken inside a vent and it was in there for five months.

Occasionally if I picked up something from the cold aisle and decide to chuck it I'll put it in the freezer. The gems I've found lurking from other shoppers in there

4256. I can't imagine a situation where it's ever mattered.

>Where are you shopping that you can just sample a grape and they won't bat an eye? I'm actually jealous.

America