Veeky Forumserary confessions. All your Veeky Forums-related sins must be repented for. Otherwise you'll never be cool

I mean, yes. It is actually.

I knew a guy who would open up books in the library just to fart inside them, shut them quickly and put them back on the shelf.

I'm surprised this makes the book smell for weeks afterwards .

> be me at uni
> reading expensive copy of moby dick while waiting for class to start
> it's so pristine and beautiful
> people keep speaking loudly
> i cough and clear my throat loudly then say "hey some people are trying to better themselves!"
> they giggle to themselves then quieten down
> i hear someone fart and then they talk about shit " haha i laid this massive turd it couldnt fit in the toilet haha it was the size of the cubicle haha it was a tenth the size my dick nigga haha tsssk sssk ya mean???"
> i begin to raise my war cry and grapple my chair, i shake the chair on the floor so it wobbles on its legs and it nearly falls but it's ok because i caught it in time
> let out a high pitch defensive shriek and then civilly ask "DID YOU SHOWER AFTER YOU SHAT NIGGA, DID YOU WIPE YOUR BOT-BOT????"
> he begins to sing a muddy waters song, i can start to smell something off so i light a scented candle and waft the fragrance towards the class
> I scream that if he infects my beautiful book with poo gas then I will end him and his family
> put on my trench coat and walk away out of the classroom
> hear the teacher ask "who was that"

I am the hero you need.

charles bukowski is one of my biggest inspirations as a poet. both for his work, and his attitude toward publishing.

i could never admit this in the liblit circles i run with, b/c OMG HE'S A SEXIST PIECE OF SHIT CIS SCUM

>> i begin to raise my war cry and grapple my chair, i shake the chair on the floor so it wobbles on its legs and it nearly falls but it's ok because i caught it in time

Probably a bit like pork desu

I enjoyed Twillight-series when I was 14

i liked his books too. mainly because he's blunt and not an entitled cunt

i've read all ASOIAF books and loved them. i'm yet to find something that i can immerse myself in like that

> All my books I've read are dog-eared

Unforgivable.

...

I do book reviews on FB I do it through my main page. Not sure if it counts

I am a slow reader

I've a bad tendency to pile up 20 or more books and go through about half before picking up another 10 or 20

I only like long novels if they are Classics, technical historical books and indepth historical books. I'll never end up reading DFW or Pynchon.

that is...

correct.
you're patrician as fuck.

Pynchon's work is considered to be on the standard of many modern classics though. He is worthwhile. Can't say much about DFW since I haven't read much by him.

The rest of your post sounds like me.

>The only philosophers I own are plato, aristotle, aurealis, hegel, and wittgenstein, and I've only got one work from each if I don't count my collection of linguists.
>The only real classics i've ever read are moby dick, 1984, and maybe a handful of others buried in the bulk of what I read, which is mostly academic nonfiction.
>I'm aware that i'm not smarter, only more versed in the histories of certain lines of thinking, than most people.
>I'm a linguistics major on his way to a career using applicable skills to accomplish substantial things and support my family.
>I've read more books AND had more sex than 95% of this board combined.
>I feel sad for the existence that most of you lead. It's so self-defeating and delusional. Tortured genius delusions, paralyzing fear of just being vulnerable to the scrutiny that comes with social situations. Heaven forbid you ever question yourselves. All in all you people are pitiful but you're the only ones I know who talk about books.

When you get a Nintendo Switch, lick the cartridge. Nintendo made sure they all taste like candy.

I think Tolstoy is actually pretty shitty as an author and an absolute mess of a person

I look down on English majors who don't have a working knowledge or and regularly read deeper-level lit instead of YA and lite reading shit

I don't like the Greeks

If I ever want to get into pynchon, what is his short novel that requires the same amount of attention as a regular novel?

i own all of ayn rand's works and really like it.

i've been plagiarized multiple times and it has discouraged me severely from getting more publishing exposure.

i gave away my treasured signed pynchon book to an ex who cheated on me and can't bring myself to get him to return it. i can no longer read pynchon.

The Crying of Lot 49 is his shortest novel. As long as you take it slowly it's enjoyable, funny and conspiratorial.

> giving a signed pynchon to anyone

Whether that even exists, that's a dumb fucking thing to do ever.

Never give books away, even with the intention of lending them. Nobody returns them back or reads them.

>I read for enjoyment so I have not read most of the classics or philosophers
>I read political books knowing from the get go that I will hate them.
>I read girly YA and erotics books about everything from girls taken by 2 werewolves to books about men turning into girls
>I like audio books.

10/10

> when i was 8 i didnt think the bible was a real thing i thought it was just an edgy story of angels n demons (to be fair, i was never exposed to christianity)
> sometimes im that classics snob kid
> i quote literature in my everyday arguments

basically im that kid

I have read all of John Green's works

>tfw gave away my copy of The Island by Huxley to a friend of mine 6 yrs ago
>never saw it again.

stop. that is a dark path that lead me to tell my friend "nah man that's pleb tier" in real life. I cringe to this day

where on earth to borrowed books end up? you can't really sell them on since print is dead and it's just monstrous to bin them

i've borrowed books before from friends and always return them unless if they say otherwise , like if they specifically say to me i can keep it or that i should give it away afterwards

is there a limbo where all borrowed books go

> buy nothing but books and guides on how to write well
> get to a chapter on different character types
> "Try to avoid stereotypical character relationships and types (e.g. the good girl gone bad, the good girl next door, the magical negro, etc.)"
> "the magical negro"
> "magical"
> "negro"
> put the book down in the trash

From this point on I am pirating all my books.

dropped

I'm dyslexic

I read William Burroughs while listening to William Basinski.

>I do book reviews on FB
congrats on those three likes

Instead of reading self-help trash about how to write why don't you read books that appeal to you and learn how to write that way. How can you even trust that the person who wrote that garbage knows what they are talking about.

>I know nobody will watch it
i'd watch you desu

I don't know why you are so triggered. also you could have saved yourself money by going to tv tropes.
>Try to avoid stereotypical character
you can't. everything has been done so often that there is no avoiding some type of stereotype. The best you can do is to add some dimension to it and execute it well

>hello! i am the magical negro!

to be fair, it might be a clichée that was used in the 60s . always check the age of the author when buying books that need to be up to date

I do them on my shitposting page, not on my profile.

I will watch it if you become my friend. only requirement is that you show me your good reads so I know if our tastes match and that you have good quality audio and video. I would not even watch god if he had potato level equipment

>I've read more books AND had more sex than 95% of this board combined.
>I feel sad for the existence that most of you lead.

NORMIES GET OUT REEEEEEE

FORGOT PIC BECAUSE AUTISMO

REGULAR MEN DISPERSE RIBBIT RIBBIT

>in the 60s
What? Was not there an oscar winning movie about a magic negro who played cello few years ago? There is also a movie I loved as a kid (and would even today) where there was a magic negro called J who come out of nowhere to save some guys telemarketing tv channel and teach him shit about life. magic negro does not mean a voodoo doctor( but that can be part of it)

whatever IT is, avoid it

>linguist
>normie

I point and laugh at your storytime major.

YA is really fun

I don't read books to pretend I'm smarter or more cultured than others, they're just fun

I only read philosophy to make up for the fact that mom never loved me.

i like you, carry on.

what's your favorite title?

Welcome aboard

Thanks man

I can't really say right now, my book collection is very small so there might be a book that will wow me that I haven't read. My favorites so far are Catcher in the Rye, Hunger Games, Lightning Thief and Black Moon. Can you recommend me a good YA? I kind of want to buy Fangirl for shits and giggles.

Different user here.
Are you 16-17? Those were the books I read at that age. You can try Battle Royal and the Hobbit.

No, I'm about to turn 19. But I admit I like to enjoy stuff made for younger people than me. I never really got to enjoy my early teens and I'm making my best effort to compensate.

And thank you!

neat, i highly recommend Rick Riordan's other works if you liked lightning thief! he's good about using accurate information too. Fangirl is amusing, but i think it's easier to enjoy if you're a girl who has been through something similar.

seconding the hobbit here

>I never really got to enjoy my early teens and I'm making my best effort to compensate.
Cool, have fun!

>when your crush's novel is total trash

how do i deal with this nicely? he has potential but also a fragile ego.

Just do like every man: say whatever (s)he does is 'fine' and proceed to fucking.

we're not close enough for fucking. maybe improving his writing will change that, any other advice?

He's a man, he's always close enough for wanting to fucc, you're a shit homo for not noticing this on grindr

Are you looking for a dicking or a ghost writer?

>novel is trash
>how do i deal with this nicely

step by step. tell him that its ok but its not really the kind of thing that you like the most. then proceed to point out SOME of the mistakes he makes (the way he writes, the ideas, the characters... but only ONE THING at a time) and say it like it doesnt matter, like everythings fine although improvable.
Over days or weeks you can get deep into why its so shit. But always step by step and nicely. Gotta keep fucking.

"Trash"

Just from your complete failure to contour your critique to the specificities of the novel in question, I assume we know nothing of that novel and YOU are trash.

I once got James Joyce confused with James earl Jones.

I made myself a quota of 25 pages a day, but now I'm reading Ulysses and I'm rushing through it, and not enjoying the prose or paying attention to smaller details enough. I took my time with Portrait and savoured it. Also a lot is going over my head for Ulysses.

Before Joyce I've only read a handful of books.

Throne of Glass (only the first 2 books)
The Heir Chronicles, by Cinda Williams
vampire academy (start from the 3rd or 4th book and then read the previous ones if you feel like it)
godlanders war
Origins of a D-List Supervillain
night lord by garon whited
the Edge of Hell Meredith, Peter (if you ever wanted to read a mummy story with classic powers like fear aura)
Necroscope Lumley, Brian (another old book that may or may not work for you)
Alastair Stone Chronicles
Jenkins Cycle
cycle of arawn
the anubis gate

less a confession, more a rant

>constantly have trouble expressing basic thoughts
>overthink before saying or writing anything to the point of paralysis
>too uncreative and dumb to come up with anything unoriginal. like, browsing Veeky Forums is one long torturous "wow, i never would have thought of describing that in that way" or "damn, i'll never come up with something that funny"
>read in the hope that i'll one day be a half-decent, witty communicator/writer but if anything it just makes me feel more dejected

I know the feeling well.

I have read a bunch of books, but about 10 times that number are books I've read 10-100 pages of and just put down. Not sure why I do it, I just get bored of the characters I guess.

I preferred the Iliad to the Odyssey. :(

The dog is just intelligent enough to know that something is up. His look is akin to an inquisitive gesture 'have I done something bad? What did I do to deserve this?'