Let's have a thread of Veeky Forums stories. I'll start:

Let's have a thread of Veeky Forums stories. I'll start:

>be me
>1st year at uni
>move to a shared flat
>2 guys will live with me for a few months, better be nice to them
>guys are useless idiots who don't even know how to fry an egg, but they're kinda okay
>1st day, I try to make my own food at the flat's kitchen
>tfw there's only pre-prepared food (mostly instant noodles and microwave rice)
>decide to buy pans and utensils to make me food and not the shit they ate
>when I lived with my parents I had to make my own food since I was 15 so I have kinda medium tier of cooking knowledge, also I love to do new things
>decide that first day to eat at a restaurant I knew and, at night, make some decent food for all
>the night comes and douchebags ask why I bought all that shit if they don't cook
>"bitch, that's for me"
>make some curry-flavoured kitchen and rice to them
>tfw their faces
>from now on I would do all the things they ate during what was going to be there

A month and a half later:

>a guy from the idiots' pair has a crush on a girl
>idiot told her that she could come to eat to his house cuz he knew of guy that cooks very well and that can make a really good dinner meal
>guess who that guy is
>tfw I have to stay a whole night making his meal to fuck that girl because I'm too nice to say no to that
>guys pregs to me and passes me 100 euros (place is Spain)
>try to see the good side: I'll act like a chef and see if I have the level, also I won some delicious money
>think about what I cook to them
>a week passes and I got it
>day arrives and I'm finishing some dishes
>meanwhile the couple arrives
>nice girl, an 8/10, not bad at all
>she gives me two kisses in the cheecks, I do the same
>I made a simple salad with goat cheese to start the dinner
>girl likes it, it's a common-tier salad so I don't expect much
>next is vegetable tempura with grilled steak
>things look tasty

Cont...

>I serve to them
>girl's face when she eats what I've made
>girl is now giving more attention to me than to the guy
>girl finishes quicker than the guy and goes to the kitchen to give me the plate
>tells me to later come with her to share a beer
>I already knew what was going on
>the dessert: cherry pannacotta
>they eat it
>the trial has been done
>the guy's face when the girl he was flirting with now likes me more than him
>that night we went to a club and drank a few beers and shots, guy drank the whole place
>from 12:30 to 3:00
>time to go home
>panorama: I made out with that girl and now she's grabbing my arm like my grandma, also the guy is so drunk that he can't even walk
>I think this is a success

>be me
>12, stupid but good at cooking
>get hungry for some fries
>want to put salt and vinegar on them
>in my 12 year old genius, I put the vinegar on first
>pan bursts into flames
>mfw

>hooking up with married woman, thick ass, very charming cougar
>loves to eat
>rent a hotel for a weekend, spend entire time fucking and going out for food
>pick up cheesecake from bakery, go to hotel room, proceed to serve and eat it off each other
desu i fucking disgust myself

You really expect me to read all that? Fuck you.

fucking degenerates

erp hurp i won't read it but i will still post fuck you xD

wow sure feels like 90f in here
don't you have a school assignment to do buddy ?

I'm not even him but you're a fucking fag dude.

>Work at a dinner theater for first job ever
>On salad bar duty all the time
>Put 4 plates of sardines on the different bars x2 shows a day
>Nobody ever eats them
>End up having to throw them out every couple of days bc rancid
>Just stop putting them out bc wasteful as shit
>Nobody notices for weeks
>Customer walks up to me while I'm refilling the shredded carrots one night
>>"Where the hell are the anchovies?"
>"I'm sorry, sir, it looks like we forgot to put them out, if you'll wait here one sec I'll be right back with a fresh plate of them."
>>"This is fucking bullshit. THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ANCHOVIES!"
>I throw a handful of shredded carrots in his face and walk away.
>Customer was paralyzed with rage
>My manager has me apologize to dickhead, then laughs about it with me for the rest of the week

>click on a storytime thread
>WTF IS WITH ALL THE TEXT

Just how fat are you guys?

>be cook for a nursing home
>be only male there
>nurses range from 17(interns) to old
>if not single then lonely since they don't see their partners
>be amazing at my job
>have sex with several nurses in old people beds

Fuck it
tl;dr I fucked a lot of nurses because they're desperate for a man that can cook

>be me, 22
>going out on roadtrip with mates through Britain
>at that time we were in Scotland, in the middle of the Highlands
>find a decent looking place to have lunch
>friends have yet to have heard of haggis, it's the cheapest thing on the main part of the menu
>I had it a few days before
>manage to convince them to eat it, without telling them what it is
>ask for four haggis, neeps and tatties
>plates arrive soon after
>everyone starts eating
>they're throughly enjoying
>halfway through explain what haggis is

The look on their faces was fucking priceless.

you should both be skinned alive and hanged by your testicles desu

fuck off normalfag greentexting scum

This

...

You learned the true reason to learn to cook. Congrats man!

>making out with a girl you just met

trash behavior

>be me
>get hungry
>cook food
>eat it

get out of here, snowflale

I don't understand, were they vegetarians? Or just limp wristed fairy children?

That's pretty tragic. Sorry, user.

faggot

Mostly just surprised as to what haggis actually is (offal) - there's a similar dish from our country which tastes pretty awful. Shortly after that I reminded them that it's basically the same process for sausages, and one actually did ask me why it tasted so much better than sausages.

stop being bootyblasted, /r9k/
learn to cook, quench thy autism, and you may too find a woman

This

>be me
>erp herp XD you guys are mean :(
Fuck off reddit

>I'm the cook

>cook food
>eat food
>shit food
>dispose food

story of my life

>have really weak tastebuds
>make chili for roommates
>make sure to make it mild so they can eat it
>they still think it's too strong but it just tastes like nothing to me until I add more spices

>dude pays you for dinner
>cuck him

10/10 user

if you believe ops story that is, which is obviously and blatantly made up.
sure a student shells out 100€ to let some random fuck cook dinner for him and his date.
sure said student, that is apparently wealthy and alpha enough to make someone cook for him and his date, doesnt fucking murder you, a person he knows, for taking the girl he has a crush on, after paying you to help him lay her.
try harder next time, if somebody really believes cooking gets you more laid than any other hobby watched too much cooking anime/ chefs table. also the food you apparently made sounds boring af

>all this unintelligible English
>"Cont"

That's really not necessary, sweetie

>asking someone to cook a meal is alpha
>100 dollars is wealthy
go home /r9k/

Because it's the king of the pudding race.
I'm so happy that the haggis ban will likely lift this year in America.

If more than 140 characters scares you, then there are other more accomodating places that even some orange tinted Emperors use. Some on this board like stories.