DESPERATLY NEED HELP

I invited this super cute chick out for dinner tomorrow. She works with me and we went out with a couple coworkers last week and she and I really hit it off and got a bit wasted. I ordered beef stew at the place and said i make a better one. (No idea why I said this.) Anyway when I asked her out she basically said "How about I come to your place and you make me some of that awesome beef stew?"

Long story short I have no fucking clue how to cook. I am a career chemist though, so can anyone give autistically accurate details on how to make beef stew? Otherwise I'm gonna have to fucking order some from some gourmet place and dirty up a bunch of pots and pans with its residue before she gets here.

Other urls found in this thread:

seriouseats.com/recipes/2016/01/all-american-beef-stew-recipe.html
publix.com/aprons-recipes/homemade-beef-stew
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

no, you lied to her now deal with it.

>I am a career chemist though
Just buy a stew and slip her a mickey.

If she offered to go to your house, she's already planning to bone. She doesn't really give a fuck if you don't know how to cook. If you're really intent on cooking though just google a recipe and pick the one with the best reviews.

Toss the meat in flour, season it well with salt and pepper. Brown it in a heavy bottomed pot, do it in batches if necessary, you don't want to overcrowd. Take the meat out and throw in some onions and garlic and cook for a few minutes. Deglaze the pot with some red wine and let it reduce a bit. Add beef stock and the meat back into the pot and let it simmer for a couple hours. Then add your potatoes, carrots, and celery in and simmer for another hour or so until veg is done.

I gotta be honest with you I'm scared she is actually looking forward to beef stew. I've been looking at recipes all day. WTF is a medium potato? Is this a standard thing? I'm so fucked.

You should also taste and adjust for seasoning while it's cooking, keep in mind the liquid will reduce and anything added near the beginning will intensify as it reduces

Dude the potatoes are going to be cut up into bite side pieces, you're not going to throw whole potatoes in the stew

>start with beef chuck roast, 5 or 6 carrots, some chicken stock, tomato paste, some quartered white onions and like 8 cloves of garlic and the standard seasonings (bay leaf, salt, pepper, cayenne)

>cover beef in enough salt to where it doesn't feel wet
>brown the shit out of the beef, really brown it well
>brown the peeled and quartered carrots, and the onions as well.
>toss in the tomato paste, cook till it's brick red and toss in some stock to deglaze
>toss the all the ingredients except for the carrots in a slow cooker, set to low
>pour in stock until the meat is about halfway covered, maybe slightly more so
>toss in some dark roux to thicken (you will have to use kind've a large amount since dark roux has less thickening power)
>once the garlic and onions are thoroughly mushy take a stick blender and blitz everything but the beef
>toss in the carrots in the last 3-4 hours of cooking
>maybe toss in some browned pearl onions too if you're really trying to get laid
>oh and butter helps

Oh yeah by the way if you ruin this silky gravy with potato starch I will personally find you and cut off your balls you broth-ruining piece of shit

Yeah I really, really, really doubt any of that shit you just said is true at all, but we might as well have a stew thread anyway.

Start with getting the right ingredients. The most important is the beef, of course. You don't want a lean cut, you want a nice fatty cut that will become tender and moist after being cooked for hours and hours. Something like chuck roast or eye round. Either buy it already cut into chunks from your grocery store or butcher, or buy it whole and cut it yourself into nice chunks. Whatever you do though, SEAR YOUR FUCKING MEAT. I cannot understate how important this is. Get your pan very hot, put a little oil in it, and then throw your beef chunks in. Get a nice dark brown crust on them before you take them out and set them aside. This will improve both the taste and the texture of the meat by a fucking lot.

Vegetables are important, but the exact ones you get are basically personal preference. I like red potatoes in my stews because they're quite waxy and hold their shape well after being cooked. The rest of your vegetables can include turnips, parsnips, green peas, tomatoes, green beans, or whatever you want really.

The main three vegetables you actually need to have are carrots, onions, and celery. Dice them up fine, throw them in a pot with some butter, and cook them on low until they start "sweating" their juices out smell sweet.

Add the chopped vegetables, the onion/carrot/celery mix, the browned meat, and beef stock to a slow cooker. Season with whatever you like. I usually do garlic, rosemary, sage, parsley, and black pepper. Cook it on lolw for 6-8 hours.

Don't skimp on dumplings. Everyone loves dumplings.

Also forgot to tell you, a couple dashes of Worcestershire, balsamic vinegar, and some red wine will really improve this

She's not. Pick a recipe and do your best. If she doesn't like the stew, just man up and tell her you lied to impress her. Unless she's a fucking psycho, she'll think it's cute.

>Unless she's a fucking psycho, she'll think it's cute
Ehhhhhhh...probably not.

Whatever dude. If you don't want to get laid that's not my problem.

OP here. Ok I did exageratte on my inability to cook and I do think I have a chance of bedding this chick AND I'm pretty sure she's not expecting much with my "expert stew" but you people have dropped some great advise and please keep it coming. Gonna check this again when I wake up before I go to the super market.

She's gonna find out you can't cook either way so either learn how or man up to it

Don't pay attention to the size, just use as much as you want. I personally think there should be an average meat-to-potato ratio but if you like less, use less. It doesn't matter what type you use either, it's going to be simmered to hell so it basically falls apart. If you got a dutch oven use it, but I don't so a frying pan and a heavy stockpot will work just as well.

>get a slab of chuck, cut into slightly larger than bite-sized pieces
>toss in a mix of flour, garlic powder, black pepper, salt, and paprika
>brown and place in the pot, brown sliced onions, chopped garlic and a couple of tablespoons of tomato paste in the pan and also add to the pot
>peel and slice 3-4 chopped potatoes, 1-2 carrots, add to pot; add enough beef stock to cover and bring to a boil, before it gets too hot stir in a tablespoon of flour
>add a tablespoon of worcestershire, 1/2 cup of red wine, dried thyme/rosemary and simmer for 3 hours
>in the last 30 minutes add some frozen peas and sautee some chopped mushrooms in the frying pan you used before, add them to the stew
>taste for spices and salt, add anything if needed

seriouseats.com/recipes/2016/01/all-american-beef-stew-recipe.html
this is a good recipe with exact measurements

can confirm
tastes gud

I think you may be going down a slippery slope user. What if now she thinks you're some god level chef and asks you to cook shit all the time? I dunno man. Better just say it's a family recipe or come clean

saved this
looks delicious
danke

If the stew turns out shit literally just say "I lied about the stew" and she'll giggle if she likes you. You're overthinking this brah she doesn't give a fuck about stew

Different guy here but I love beef stews the only issue is the meat is never tender.

How long do you guys cook it for? is it always boiling? Any specific cuts of meat ?

How long do you usually cook them for? I do mine at least 3-4 hours on a medium simmer, but I also don't use very fatty meats either. The lean meats break down easier.

Don't go heavy on these, they can really overpower besides the red wine

Cover the meat of your choice in minced onions for an hour. Take the onions off and blend them into the stock you'll be using to deglaze the tomato paste. And sear the shit out of your meat

see
It's a secret brazillian uma delicia recipe

Well that explains alot i cook it for 1-2 hours and it's never as soft as I want it.

My advice is to chicken out, buy a couple of pic related, and try to pass it off as your own handiwork.

>I am a career chemist
>WTF is a medium potato?

"Chemist"

Sear chuck roast in pot. Deglaze pot with beer or beef stock. Add chuck roast back to pot. Add cut up potatoes, celery, carrot, and onion. Don't use babby carrots, they have less flavor. Cover everything with more beer or beef stock. Add salt, pepper, and bay leaf. Cook in oven at 350F for 3 hours or until meat is tender. You can do it on the stove top if you can keep it at a simmer but it's easier in the oven. After that, strain the stew and measure how much liquid you have. For every 2 cups of liquid, use 1/4 stick of butter and 1/4 cup of flour for a roux, then slowly add liquid to roux while stirring, bring to a boil over medium heat and let it thicken for a couple minutes. Add vinegar to taste, might sound weird, but it balances out the rich gravy and brightens it up. Taste if it needs more salt or pepper, and discard bay leaves. Mix thickened gravy back with the stew ingredients and simmer it again just to warm it up if necessary. Serve with fresh bread or biscuits.

Experiment with recipes today and find a nice one. Do that tomorrow when she gets there. If things don't go to plan, don't make a big deal of it. Sounds like she likes you anyway.

>career chemist
>can't research a recipe, follow the recipe, change the recipe to suit your own needs and then publish the new recipe

Yeah, sure.

t. actual biochemist

bad advice desu, you want cuts that are heavy on connective tissue for stews and braises, it doesnt matter how long you cook your lean meat, it wont get more tender, itll rather just fall apart.
next time use oxtail,cheek,neck,leg...
itll be tender after about 4h of simmering, but can also take longer, which doesnt really matter anyways

Laughed my ass off at this, OP. Best of luck to you.

ATTENTION Veeky Forums I HAVE BEEN FORCED INTO A SITUATION WHERE I MUST PREPARE FOOD AND I AM EXTREMELY RUSHED ON TIME. YET I AM UNKNOWLEDGEABLE OF THE PROCESS, I HAVE NO MEANS TO PREPARE OR COOK THE FOOD AND I CANNOT SPEND MORE THAN $5 (MY WEEKLY ALLOWANCE). I HAVE NEVER READ THIS BOARD AND I HAVE NO INTENTION OF READING THIS BOARD AGAIN. OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS PREDICAMENT BEFORE. ALSO I'M COOKING FOR AN EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE GIRL I'M INTO IT MUST BE VEGAN AND GLUTEN FREE AND I AM ALSO A GIRL (IN BEFORE NO GIRLS ON THE INTERNET AND YES I HAVE A BOYFRIEND). ALLOW ME TO WORD THIS IN THE FORM OF A CHALLENGE OR GAME IN THE VAIN HOPE THAT THIS WILL SEEM MORE INTERESTING. DO EVERYTHING FOR ME GO!

I'll will eventually find you and rip your head of with my bare hands. Just fucking llettinf you know ok?

I would make beef bouginon instead of a stew. Really the same thing. Don't chintz out on the wine, get a nice cotes du Rhone to cook with and a nice rose to drink.

Just look up a recipe and follow it to a T. Make mashed or baked potatoes as a side.

90% of the flavor in a stew like that comes from browning the meat and onions. Both need to be really deeply browned if you want that depth of flavor.

Heat some oil in a large, heavy-bottomed pot, and deeply briwn your meat on all sides, in batches. Don't just buy 'stew meat', that's typically just miscellaneous trim. Get some chuck or short ribs and cut inti chunks. Once all the meat is browned, lower the heat and add quite a lot of diced onions, and cook until those are also deeply browned. It should look like a lot going in, they'll cook down a ton. At this point add some flour in and cook it out for a few minutes, until the flour jyst starts to smell toasty. Deglaze the pot with some red wine and/or brandy and cook until the liquid is almost gone, then add beef stock and put the meat back in. Cook until meat is ALMOST but not fully done, then add your root veg. I like a mix of potatoes, carrot, parsnip, and rutabaga. Cook until the veg are tender, then adjust seasoning.

Order take-out beef stew from a decent restaurant and put it in a crockpot.

*high 5 * user .....

you shut your damn mouth you edgy little fuck ....he ain't wrong

Honestly how common it is on Veeky Forums for guys to just completely whiff on signals from women is hilarious
And yea it does suck that women aren't more direct but still if you're that autistic it's pretty hilarious

If I only have a slow cooker and no oven, what are my options for beef stew recipes? The serious eats one posted itt looks good but I don't know how to adjust it for a slow cooker.

OP here. You guys saved me. Used a combo of all your suggestions. Just got my peepee succed. And she thinks it was my own recipe.

Good pair of state droopers right there

Man, these troll posts are getting really elaborate.

This thread was a 19 hour setup.

nice tits OP.

What that say about you, user? Sat and monitored a 19 hour thread on a Taiwanese Cooking Forum just in case if titties?

It's a fucking potato that's not small or large, it's a fucking medium sized potato. By career chemist do you mean you mix fucking jenkem and huff it all day?

Wew lad, you're late to the party....

Seriously just do this, modern women can't cook so she'll just be impressed it's more complex than avocado smeared on toast

SUP KANE

...

buy a few dinty moores and put them in a saucepan and destroy the evidence

Good job OP.

>Unless she's a fucking psycho, she'll think it's cute.
yeah I love it when people lie to manipulate me it's fucking adorable

It's a white lie. Not the kind of thing a reasonable person would get upset over.

Celery cooks quick but you have to cook potatoes and carrots for a lot longer than that or they're basically going to be raw. Particularly if you're slow cooking it which is the correct way to do it.

Reading shit like this from a "career chemist" really makes we wonder how smart most scientists really are.

w-what

Look up a recipe you stooge.

I always add a bottle of wine just like Julia Child

publix.com/aprons-recipes/homemade-beef-stew

cheap, simple, quick, tastes pretty alright

Counterfeit and homosexual

To be fair to OP, most of my fellow STEM career friends are terrible cooks. I'm alone in this hobby and they think I'm a wizard.

Example: friend wants a fancy cake shaped like a brain and filled with red jam for her birthday party this weekend. When I told her it was no big deal and asked what kind of fondant and jam/glaze flavors she wanted, she kinda freaked out and had to be told it was all essentially different permutations of sugar and nothing too exotic.

hi mommy

thanks jean

i hope she pulls out a feminine penis and fucks you in the ass for lying to her.

OP would learn how to cook decently!? How horrible, we'll miss him in all the shit fast food threads!

Simmering, not boiling.

>making stew on your first date

have fun tryin to get your willy wet

nigger what. it doesn't take a fucking hour for CHOPPED potato and carrot chunks to fucking cook. a WHOLE potato takes 20-25 minutes to cook in boiling water. holy fucking shit.

>Toss the meat in flour, season it well with salt and pepper. Brown it in a heavy bottomed pot, do it in batches if necessary, you don't want to overcrowd. Take the meat out and throw in some onions and garlic and cook for a few minutes. Deglaze the pot with some red wine and let it reduce a bit. Add beef stock and the meat back into the pot and let it simmer for a couple hours. Then add your potatoes, carrots, and celery in and simmer for another hour or so until veg is done.
Translation for OP: Toss the meat in a mix of starch and gluten protein, usually used in this context to thicken sauces, seal taste and caramelize, season with salt and pepper. Use heat to activate the Maillard reaction and caramelization reaction (175 and 165 degC) in a heat buffer of oil, in a massive pan that will provide good heat conduction and thermal inertia. Cook flavorful vegetables so that heat will reveal some flavor and weaken their cellulose structure, freeing some liposoluble taste molecules into the oil. Remove all ingredients from the pan. Add a cold liquid to the pan, this will dissolve all solid taste bits into the liquid and partially boil off some of the liquid, leaving you with concentrated taste molecules liquid. If wine is added, the only difference is that wine flavor components are added, ethanol boils at 85. Put meat in a pot with beef taste juice, and put at a very low boil to activate the collagen denaturing reaction for the stew. Add vegetables to cook and impart flavor, adding them at the beginning would completely collapse their cellulose structure. potatoes are done when you get a for through them without forcing.

Not him, but wouldn't an hour make sense then? You're not boiling the soup for an hour, you're lightly simmering it at best. Also, you don't want for your vegetables to have crisp edges, you want for them to be soft and taste like meat and spices all the way through.

Considering the thick mass you have to process to optimal flavor-melded mush, an hour is a good estimate. You can shortcut by passing your root vegetables through the oven before adding them to the stew, but I find that this creates a less satisfying texture.

How do I make a sauce that rich and thick looking?

>we hit it off
>if I don't make beef stew she's not gunna like me anymore

really makes you think

She doesn't care about the beef stew idiot, she wants you.

It's amazing how many times this website has shown me that generally smarter than average males just fucking DON'T GET IT when it comes to girls. Holy shit. You could feed her fucking mcdonalds

...

-Make sure you coat your meat with flour and brown it beforehand.
-Use proper homemade stock instead of water
-Long, slow, cooking.

You can cheat and thicken your stew with a little flour.

>She doesn't care about the beef stew idiot, she wants you.

Clearly. But that's also irrelevant at this point. Given that OP has promised a good stew now it's up to him to deliver.

it is not irrelevant. op has such a cuck mentality right now. The kind of mentality you get when your mom teaches you how to deal with girls. he could still learn from what that dude said

Is true grils actually fart and shit?
Asking for a friend thanks

Bravo.

He promised a beef stew though. Getting laid is an entirely separate issue.