Lately I'm finding myself getting more and more numb and apathetic: I can't think straight, I can't verbalize what I think, I can't manage to care about what I have to read for my college essays, I can't sit and start reading or writing the non college related stuff I enjoy because I constantly tell myself I ain't got no time 2 looze; but everytime I try to read some monograph (I face it as a task, and I approach the work with the perspective that it's something to finish, not something to do) for an essay I end up lurking on my social media. I only want to ditch my college duties, dedicate myself to ISOLT (maybe that's the problem, I've heard about people that only managed to read it while unemployed or on vacation) again and take back my own writing, which I left 4 months ago or so. I can't concentrate on (and therefore calmly enjoy) those things because I constantly feel that, a couple hours after, or the next morning, or during the weekend, I'll have to get them out of my mind to focus on the other stuff. As a result, and as I said before, I don't do shit but stare at my fucking phone in the whole day. Only things I enjoy are the rare moments of peace when I can keep calmly reading ISOLT, MDMA and (sometimes) being drunk. It's been three months like this.
Any other user has ever gone through a similar experience? If so, how did you get out of it? I've even condidered ditching college, getting a manual job, moving out of my pops' (inb4 basement dweller, it's usual to live with your family as a young man or a student in my mediterranean catholic country) and devote myself to reading, writing and learning on my own.
I'm going full vegetative
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might be the eccies mate, don't do it so often or it will fry your brains happy makers.
Yeah I know, I already put some distance between my highs
Please respond
how often do you take mdma? that can definitely fuck with your ability to focus. should probably keep that down to once every other month at most
Literally me while being stuck in my depression. You should drop out temporarily of your uni, I don't know how it's called in english but basically you pause your studies for a year and the next year you start from the semester in which you left. And go to a psychiatrist.
I would recommend that you cut down the M to like a triannual basis. You must remember, user, not to fall into the delusion that escape from external situations is in any way positively attentive to yourself. I am you, OP, with your compulsive behaviours of whatever variation that I seek to root out. I believe in scholarship under whatever circumstances, whether in something as cushy as a modern youth's parents' house dwelling or a straw far less convenient. I intend to read the Shallows by Nicholas Carr for the issue of attention span being destroyed by the internet.
As for the ever-present issue of time to do what you need to do, I can only say that you manufacture it. If your body works all day, your mind should do the same through the evening, unimpeded by leisure. You are hazy of mind for a number of reasons, not just one, that you've sustained throughout your adolescence. But we all have to start from somewhere. I recommend regular cardio and meditation, or whatever else you can tack on. You make the decision. Can't make it for you. God knows my own decisiveness was difficult enough to cultivate. Be a man, OP. Remember the virtues and the corresponding deadly sins. Best wishes, sir.
What is ISOLT?
Only took it on august, december and two weeks ago. Last time was the most pleasurable tho. I don't think the solution is quitting it, I already had similar breakdowns before I took it.
Yeah, here we call it año sabático. I've been thinking about going see a psychologist or something for more than a year I'd say, but everyone I asked (on the internet) said it wouldn't solve shit. Also I don't want to get into antideps since I heard they pretty much castrate your of creativity or initiative to do any other than what you're supposed to do.
Thanks for that mane
In Search Of Lost Time
Are you me?
Except I don't do drugs, but I have the same problem.
How long have you felt like that?
What was the last thing you wrote/tried to wrote?
>Only took it on august, december and two weeks ago. Last time was the most pleasurable tho. I don't think the solution is quitting it, I already had similar breakdowns before I took it.
oh yeah that should be fine, got the feeling it was more frequent. hate to be that guy but what about the alcohol..? i quit alcohol 8 months ago and my head is a lot more clear now, though to be fair my relationship to it was very bad
>How long have you felt like that?
Since I entered High School, probably.
>What was the last thing you wrote/tried to wrote?
Because I couldn't manage to muster up enough attention to write something fictional I just ended up collecting my thoughts/episodes of the day in a disorderly fashion but with the utmost detail. My first language is spanish, so I don't think an example would be helpful to you.
I usually get shitfaced at least once every weekend. Always have memory gaps, but I never vomit or wake up with crippling hangover. Even tho, every week I see it as a shittier drug to exclusively rely on. I feel like it works well as a social lubricant, it makes you give less fucks about everything, things (socialization, ideas, writing... depending on the dose tho) flow better and shit, but I feel like it's getting less "funny" by its own.
>my first language is spanish
Kek same here boi. ¿Sudaca o ibérico?
Mexicano.
Lol forgot to say that since I'm finding it more boring I'll stay sober until the 1st of april. I'll probably take molly too on that day.
Feel free to post some of that stuff if you want
ya ive been going through this for a while, but i've got better at making more reasonable decisions by just thinking about things. i've been considering dropping college (very very seriously) and going to france or something because i can understand french and working on a farm.. there's this program called workaway where they give you food, shelter, etc. in exchange for working for them for like 20-25 hours a week, so i've been considering doing that. in the meantime i'd imagine i'd read.
as for the problems man.... just take action, i've had depression for a few years now and every time i get in the swing of things its always because i've just taken action. the tough part is maintaining it for more than 3/6 months :\
No pienso que haya mucho de valor. Sólo trato de formar descripciones que no son del todo verdaderas. Sin embargo creo que me ayudan a ejercitar mis habilidades descriptivas. Ejemplo:
"Mi profesor es un ser metódico, irritante, y alarmantemente correcto. Pareciera que todas sus energías se concentran en favorecer una causa impersonal y fuera de su interés propio. Es decir, es un peón. El servicio es en exceso dueño de sí, las ideas serviles son dueñas de sus actos: sus pensamientos son fríamente determinados por la fuerza del servicio. Su frente es ancha, su cara graciosa y antipática, su humor infantil e ingenuamente irónico (siempre apuntando hacia la idea del servicio como un claro ideal). Se burla del trabajador holgazán con sus dientes de burro hacia afuera; pero no nota la gracia que tiene el paupérrimo estado de su cuerpo, su exiguo sueldo, su falta de madurez, ni su monótona y solitaria vida. No nota que la mayoría de sus alumnos le detestan y de que casi ya nadie se inscribe a sus asignaturas. "
Kek, precisamente ayer, mientras caminaba hasta la parada del bus, estuve componiendo mentalmente una filípica, en un tono similar de minuciosa virulencia, contra mi región. Creo que te gustaría Bernhard, si es que no lo has leído ya.
>mdma
k stop that
I've been a lad of """"melancholic"""" temperament since my teens, but I've also had periods of sincere enthusiasm and devotion torwards what I did. Never had a plan or "took action" in the sense of "cmon man you gotta keep yourself busy so you can get out of this hole" tho. Things were just naturally easy.
>but everyone I asked (on the internet) said it wouldn't solve shit
It usually doesn't if you go full neet. But if you start to work in anything with a steady schedule for a couple of months you'll start to figure out some shit.
>Also I don't want to get into antideps since I heard they pretty much castrate your of creativity or initiative to do any other than what you're supposed to do.
Yeah, I said the same thing. Go to a psychologist, then. Just don't dwell in your problems by yourself, and don't listen to your friends because friends are usually in the same kind of shit and they don't know how to deal with it either.
Jaja. Ya lo he leído. Me gusta bastante.
Gracias por la recomendación, disculpa por tardar en contestar.
How did seeing a psychologist help you?
Basically this OP: What you're experiencing is the MDMA frying your brain.
that depends on how much he's doing
wanna read some erotica i wrote... pls & thx patreon.com
went through similar process. I dropped out and got a job doing manual labor and spent the whole year doing whatever I wanted. Lost seventy pounds and read a ton. Now I'm back in school and have a 3.9. Manual labor sucks but it'll help you appreciate how easy your life is now once you're there.
I don't do it often enough for that. Also the worse part of it started between january and february, following a short period of joyful enthusiasm which wasn't related to my molly high of december
>it'll help you appreciate how easy your life is now once you're there.
Do you mean that manual labour makes life simpler or the opposite?
Shit, meant to reply to too
I'm in the exact same position.
I got so much to do for school that I can't focus on one thing and I end up just browsing Veeky Forums.
All the while when I only want to read.
Try getting out more, just doing different things than what you're used to. People always change.
Also I deleted all my social media a couple of months ago. I miss out on some news but I don't miss the experience at all. I even do a little more work now like reading and writing. Not a lot, but much more than I used to. Sadly I don't actually 'get out more' much and am an unemployed graduate but feeling productive/feeling like learning (and seeing the results of work) is a good first step, as is help-seeking. I still get anxious about wasting time and paralysed in a way because I feel I have so much to do, but I'm in a much better position than I used to be just by doing stuff I wasn't used to doing, volunteering at uni, walking everywhere, meeting new people. And anti-depressants.
It means that manual labor sucks and if you have any brain at all you'll quickly decide to get your shit together and finish your degree.
Start psychoanalysis
ya but he says hes in a rut