Hasn't released a book since 2012

He's dangerously influential. My sister parrots false facts from his history series all the time.

>Most YA is released only to be purchased by other authors in the community

Lol what?

Who the fuck is Alex Westfall?
Because I know an Alex westfall

New sincerity is an autistic worldview, Green just makes it so painfully obviously.

>Just as the Bradys were getting locked in jail, Lara randomly asked me, “Have you ever gotten a blowjob?”
>“Um, that’s out of the blue,” I said.
>“The blue?”
>“Like, you know, out of left field.”
>“Left field?”
>“Like, in baseball. Like, out of nowhere. I mean, what made you think of that?”
>“I’ve just never geeven one,” she answered, her little voice dripping with seductiveness. It was so brazen. I thought I would explode. I never thought. I mean, from Alaska, hearing that stuff was one thing. But to hear her sweet little Romanian voice go so sexy all of the sudden...
>“No,” I said. “I never have.”
>“Think it would be fun?”
>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?! “Um. yeah. I mean, you don’t have to.”
>“I think I want to,” she said, and we kissed a little, and then. And then with me sitting watching The Brady Bunch, watching Marcia Marcia Marcia up to her Brady antics, Lara unbuttoned my pants and pulled my boxers down a little and pulled out my penis.
>“Wow,” she said.
>“What?”
>She looked up at me, but didn’t move, her face nanometers away from my penis. “It’s weird.”
>“What do you mean weird?”
>“Just beeg, I guess.”
>I could live with that kind of weird. And then she wrapped her hand around it and put it into her mouth.
>And waited.
>We were both very still. She did not move a muscle in her body, and I did not move a muscle in mine. I knew that at this point something else was supposed to happen, but I wasn’t quite sure what.
>She stayed still. I could feel her nervous breath. For minutes, for as long as it took the Bradys to steal the key and unlock themselves from the ghost-town jail, she lay there, stock-still with my penis in her mouth, and I sat there, waiting.
>And then she took it out of her mouth and looked up at me quizzically.
>“Should I do sometheeng?”
>“Um. I don’t know,” I said. Everything I’d learned from watching porn with Alaska suddenly exited my brain. I thought maybe she should move her head up and down, but wouldn’t that choke her? So I just stayed quiet.
>“Should I, like, bite?”
>“Don’t bite! I mean, I don’t think. I think—I mean, that felt good. That was nice. I don’t know if there’s something else.”
>“I mean, you deedn’t—”
>“Um. Maybe we should ask Alaska.”
>So we went to her room and asked Alaska. She laughed and laughed. Sitting on her bed, she laughed until she cried. She walked into the bathroom, returned with a tube of toothpaste, and showed us. In detail. Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete.
>Lara and I went back to her room, where she did exactly what Alaska told her to do, and I did exactly what Alaska said I would do, which was die a hundred little ecstatic deaths, my fists clenched, my body shaking. It was my first orgasm with a girl, and afterward, I was embarrassed and nervous, and so, clearly, was Lara, who finally broke the silence by asking, “So, want to do some homework?”

Your little sister has read this book.

I follow some small-time YA authors on twitter, and this is how it usually goes. It's a cacophony of self-congratulation and obligatory ass-pats. Everyone in YA below a certain threshold of success follows everyone else, they all retweet promotional pieces about each others' books, and they never seem to realize that the same 2000 people liking their posts every time doesn't count as good buzz. Then they all buy each others' books when they're released, which begs the question: how are they making the money to do this when so much of it must be going to their publishers and agents? The answer is, of course, from their jobs at Starbucks.

This can't be real

Hot.

Good. I would hate for her to grow up into those unsuccessful women who don't give blowjobs.

>This is what DFW fags actually believe

this

He's a numale cuck

He looks like such a worthless, pathetic, disgusting cuck

>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?!
This can't be real.

It's real, just copy/paste into google and see. That's not even a good example of how bad his prose is lol

He is on this website as we speak researching misogynistic attitudes of the internet.

He could be in this very thread RIGHT now.

>this is actually real

Jesus christ he's actually even worse than I thought

books.google.com/books?id=oMXQBAAAQBAJ&pg=PT99&lpg=PT99&dq=We were both very still. She did not move a muscle in her body, and I did not move a muscle in mine. I knew that at this point something else was supposed to happen, but I wasn’t quite sure what.&source=bl&ots=4v-cnKtEa7&sig=ePZlERuDjiK-JUQK-m9f3ahzIJs&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjbw8zztNLSAhUEwGMKHT7zA1QQ6AEIKDAC#v=onepage&q=We were both very still. She did not move a muscle in her body, and I did not move a muscle in mine. I knew that at this point something else was supposed to happen, but I wasn’t quite sure what.&f=false

>Nanometers away from my penis

>What's he got up his sleeve?
Money

He keeps writing first drafts and every time his publisher informs him that animorphs already did that story before it's back to the beginning.

Because he's so fucking smug. How dare some YA writer deign to teach me history.

I honestly doubt any girls first blowjob, no matter the instructor, could make a guy "die a hundred little ecstatic deaths"

are you dumb? the kids reading their books don't have twitter. or, the kids who do have twitter don't even read the books their parents buy them.

YA is an extremely profitable genre regardless of twitter buzz.

>Also, I would like to see equal attention given to the sexism in popular work by men, from Nicholas Sparks to for instance J. D. Salinger. Catcher in the Rye—although I like it very much—is profoundly and disturbingly misogynistic and yet seems to get a critical pass both online and off. This happens a lot, I think, with books by men, and I don't want male writers (including me!) to get that pass."

I don't really hate him desu. I don't like his history at all though.

>No woman has ever been called the great!
>except for Catharine but she doesn't count XD

There's also the small matter of the very stupid thoughts and opinions he broadcasts to the internet via twitter, reddit, etc.

How to Make America Great Again according to John Green:

Step 1. Raise taxes so we can give more money to other countries
Step 2. Raise taxes to look for space aliens
Step 3. Start paying our public school teachers more (by raising their taxes)
Step 4. Raise taxes

Yep, you got it XD. Free cheerios for Africa.

>insulting Salinger
he really is a fuck

>tfw this qt is a nerdfighter and would put out to Green the moment he even implies

why live

cowards die a hundred little ecstatic deaths before their death

>What's he got up his sleeve?
My guess? Arms.

BA DUM TSSS

>What's he got up his sleeve?
Crippling depression. I think he frequents /r9k/

What does he say that's wrong? Are the historical facts at least right?

Crash course is a okay series, that user is just balls deep in alternative facts

>alternative facts
what, like lizard people?

Not that user, but I agree its an okay series.

It's just a fact though that John Green is so seeped in white guilt he acts like anything a person of a different shade has done is special and amazing, as an adult would a child.

too busy fucking cheerios prolly

Lots of money

Does he know about he rapes his sister Phoebe?

more like CRASH! course hehe

It's not so much that the stuff he says isn't true, although that is sometimes the case, and they've had to remove videos and apologize for how poorly researched they were, it's more about information he leaves out, and the information he chooses to spend time on. If he's talking about a white man, there's a good chance he'll spend a huge chunk of time talking about the bad things he did, where if he's talking about nonwhites, like the mongols, he'll gloss over any atrocities and talk about the good things they did.

Can you explain new sincerity like I'm a retard

>tfw plebs don't know Green wrote YA in order to earn a quick buck so he could work full-time in his masterpiece.
>tfw plebs were fooled by the sublime irony of his portrait of the millenial zeitgeist.
>tfw ''The Fault in our Stars'' is actually the YA equivalent of ''Don Quixote''.
Swallow the Greenpill, my dudes.

why does this sound so true?

because the other option is too sad

Mongols were white.

...

I know we're supposed to hate him, but some of his books have a very special, nostalgic place in my heart.

It mostly hast to do with his youtube shit, not his YA shit.

I genuinely thought this was satire until I read the responses. Holy fucking shit. That´s My Immortal tier

His prose is bad, his characters are flat, and his subjects are formulaic. Still, he's read as an author who expresses new and sincere things, and his influence dwarfs many, much better authors in the movement. Green is to new sincerity as King is to horror.

Hey isn't that guy from crashcourse?

i was being ironic

youtube.com/watch?v=VZ_ViQxKYL4