Okay, thanks
So what was he experiencing?
I'm a typical suburban-raised, internet-addicted 21 year old American with a beta-male dad and feminist mom.
My high school years were spent believing that hard work and exceptionalism in school/athletics would end in a big salary job and contentment. After that I went to college where I didn't make any friends and dropped out after 1 year. Then I spent a full year living at home living the internet-addicted neet life. Then I went back to a different school where I again didn't make any friends. I dropped out last week.
Now I'm here and lost. I don't care about money as my parents have always bought me whatever I wanted so I realize that a shiny new car/phone/clothes will be cool for all of 10 weeks, after which they will be mundane and might as well not have been bought.
I've never been close with my parents or siblings, although I think I love them as the idea of suicide repulses me as the image of my mom weeping over my casket breaks my heart.
I've never had real friends as I was always just a side option for my high school friends. I was so committed to school and sports that I would only bond with anyone every few weeks, thus I never had any close relationships
I'm also a virgin because my parents never taught me how to be confident so I've always been to afraid to approach women. Also, the point about committing all of my time to school and sports is even more true on this point.
Now, I can't tell if the time I spend alone in my apartment bedroom thinking to myself is reflection or delusion. I don't know if what I tell myself is insightful or incoherent. As a result I'm totally lost.
The idleness of the whole situation leaves me feeling bad. I think it's getting worse as I spend every day doing the same things and the entire arrangement seems unhealthy/conducive to depression.
I just want some advice/recommendations for lit/philosophy that will ground me.
>So you want a new ideology?
Yeah. I'd rather have a good blend of various ideologies as it doesn't seem like there's a single one better than all others, but I suppose I have to start with one.
>Your a NEET and are alienated from society?
Just dropped out of school so I've thrusted myself back into the neet life. However, I'm not lazy, I don't play video games, I'm interested in learning, I maintain a regular sleep schedule, I'm fit, I eat well and I have a shaved head/face.
I will after I watch Picnic at Hanging Rock, Life of Brian and Pinocchio.