Desperate; please help

I need meaning. I feel bad, my life sucks, and I want it to be good.

Is there literature, philosophy, or advice that will help me? I'm still young so emulating a role model seems like an option.

I don't know anything, I feel sick, and living keeps getting worse.

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Join the military, your mind will be completely focused on everything except your depression.

Whats wrong?

Depression?

You don't know anything? Well then start learning about literature, you might still feel like shit, but at least you'll learn something, whether it's useless at the end of the day or not.

Read The Violent Bear It Away. Then, you realize that you could have born as a retarded child raised without a mother by his weak father and you'd die by being drowned by your cousin brainwashed by his fanatical uncle

I guess that makes a person feel good

How is that any different from becoming a slave or heroin junkie?

I don't know what do with my time and it's making me feel bad. If I had some guiding light I think I'd feel better.

Read the Bodhisattva Way of Life

The directionlessness of my life is why I feel like shit. Blanket advice like, "Read some books," and, "Learn something," is what I've been trying for the last couple years. I've spent thousands of hours watching lectures, reading encyclopedias, and posting on Veeky Forums and it's done nothing for me.

I don't think reading about other people's suffering will make me feel any better. Just based on my experience in never ever threads on /int/.

To be honest, I don't think that the retard lad was suffering

Without you providing anything further; I'm just going to assume you're a teenager / young adult with the general youth depression that exists nowadays.

Two books that helped me in similar circumstances were Freud's 'Civilization and its Discontents' and Thomas Ligotti's 'The Conspiracy Against the Human Race', both books are easily digestible and rather short.

>I don't know what do with my time and it's making me feel bad. If I had some guiding light I think I'd feel better.

So you want a new ideology?

Or

Your a NEET and are alienated from society?

Watch the Rambo movies :)

Okay, thanks

So what was he experiencing?

I'm a typical suburban-raised, internet-addicted 21 year old American with a beta-male dad and feminist mom.

My high school years were spent believing that hard work and exceptionalism in school/athletics would end in a big salary job and contentment. After that I went to college where I didn't make any friends and dropped out after 1 year. Then I spent a full year living at home living the internet-addicted neet life. Then I went back to a different school where I again didn't make any friends. I dropped out last week.

Now I'm here and lost. I don't care about money as my parents have always bought me whatever I wanted so I realize that a shiny new car/phone/clothes will be cool for all of 10 weeks, after which they will be mundane and might as well not have been bought.

I've never been close with my parents or siblings, although I think I love them as the idea of suicide repulses me as the image of my mom weeping over my casket breaks my heart.

I've never had real friends as I was always just a side option for my high school friends. I was so committed to school and sports that I would only bond with anyone every few weeks, thus I never had any close relationships

I'm also a virgin because my parents never taught me how to be confident so I've always been to afraid to approach women. Also, the point about committing all of my time to school and sports is even more true on this point.

Now, I can't tell if the time I spend alone in my apartment bedroom thinking to myself is reflection or delusion. I don't know if what I tell myself is insightful or incoherent. As a result I'm totally lost.

The idleness of the whole situation leaves me feeling bad. I think it's getting worse as I spend every day doing the same things and the entire arrangement seems unhealthy/conducive to depression.

I just want some advice/recommendations for lit/philosophy that will ground me.

>So you want a new ideology?

Yeah. I'd rather have a good blend of various ideologies as it doesn't seem like there's a single one better than all others, but I suppose I have to start with one.

>Your a NEET and are alienated from society?

Just dropped out of school so I've thrusted myself back into the neet life. However, I'm not lazy, I don't play video games, I'm interested in learning, I maintain a regular sleep schedule, I'm fit, I eat well and I have a shaved head/face.

I will after I watch Picnic at Hanging Rock, Life of Brian and Pinocchio.

>Life of Brian
Watch The Holy Grail too, shit's hilarious

DMT
Shrooms
LSD

>alienated from society

To say the least

I did LSD a few months ago and it's part of the reason I've grown to not care about anything.

Also, is +20% pot psychoactive enough to have an insightful trip? I've smoked intermittently over the last couple months and can't tell if my thoughts are stoner-tier incoherent or somewhat clever/helpful.

I grew up watching The Holy Grail. I've probably seen it 15 times. Don't know why my dad never gave me his copy of Life of Brian

Search for a hard labor job. You will start relishing the slow devoid times.

>How is that any different from becoming a slave or heroin junkie?
You'll be making money and presumably getting healthier.

>I'm also a virgin because my parents never taught me how to be confident
Wow. You may possibly be taking the 'everything is my parents' fault' thing a bit far at this point.

To be honest it sounds like you need a job and/or hobbies involving other people more than anything. You need some structure and social contact in your life.

>I don't know if what I tell myself is insightful or incoherent
It's pretty much guaranteed to be banal. I guess it could be meaningful for you, though.

Bookwise I'd suggest The Importance of Living by Lin Yutang. Might just help you live more happily with being lazy, which may not be the most useful thing, but it's fun.

do molly and meditate

G N O S T I C I S M

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the myth of sisyphus - camus

I grew up in a dead, poverty-stricken lumber town. My high school basketball coach was totally incompetent and his favorite movie was Full Metal Jacket. I played all four years because I was convinced that quitting was the worst, most dishonorable thing I could do.

That guy didn't understand that FMJ was done to expose the reality of war and the military. He actually used it as the basis for his coaching. The lock policy, the chants, the physical training, the verbal abuse, we got it all.

Lucky for me, I was his Leonard Lawrence. I dreaded going to sleep every night from early November through mid-March because I new what was coming for me the next day. Seriously, everyday I had noxious butterflies in my stomach due to the dread of having to go to practice where we'd run suicides and get screamed at.

While I'm grateful that it's over, it doesn't make my current misery any better.

The Air Force is something I've thought about. It would work pretty well as there are a lot of ex-Air Force guys in my family so I think they'd all be proud of me.

I'm just worried about losing my independence and getting pulled back into dogmatic thinking. As much as I hate my life, spending time alone has made me totally detached from the norms of society and giving me a more objective perspective of myself and the world. I'd hate to lose that.

Today I realize that it's not that difficult to approach women as long as I don't psych myself out, but my confidence issues as a teen is totally my parents fault. I felt guilty and scared to talk to anyone because I didn't value myself at all. They didn't teach me that I have as much of a place in this world as anyone else and that I shouldn't let people walk on me.

>It's pretty much guaranteed to be banal. I guess it could be meaningful for you, though.

Of course I don't have any deep insights that would be of use to any learned person, I'm a dumb, lazy kid. My concern is whether the things I say to myself are meaningful/good for me or if they're harmful. If they are bad I should definitely get on some philosophical regimen.

Is molly not a party drug?

Yeah?

I'm not going to kill myself. I want help in figuring out which rock I should be pushing.

Are you dense? Its about working, earning your own money and being constantly doing something.

Literally an apologist for your own faults. You just have to accept failiur and that what you are is your own making.

meditation is what did it for me. its a two for one deal, philosophy + systematic mental training

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whatever you choose to do, good luck

This thread really made me feel better about myself. Poor parents tho.

>Its

Life?

>working, earning your own money

Why these things?

>constantly doing something

Yes and I want to figure out what that something is for me. I posted this thread for literature and philosophy recommendations that might help me obtain that.

>Literally an apologist for your own faults

I'm not trying to pass blame onto others to make myself feel like I'm perfect. I'm just evaluating the situation.

>You just have to accept failiure

Yes, I accept that I'm in a shitty situation and that through my own actions I can get out.

I also realize that inaction will keep me here. The reason I'm on Veeky Forums asking for help is because I've decided to take action and am asking for guidance.

>what you are is your own making.

That's just not true and especially false when it comes to indoctrinated teenagers and children which I was.

Yes

Anymore lit recommendations?

Oh yeah, poor them for growing up in East Greenwich Rhode Island and then raising me shit-tier nowheresville.

Seriously, stop telling me that I'm an entitled asshole for being pissed off that I received a very, very shitty public education and had to grow up around white trash. That was entirely the incompetence of my parents and I'm dealing with the consequences.

I'm not blaming them to make myself feel better, just pointing what happened. In fact, I'm doing my best to dig myself out of the hole they put me in.