Tfw reading the Bible and am continually blown away at how amazing it is

this made me lol. thank you

>tfw you despise the monotheistic religions and curse Jehova everyday but absolutely admire the bible as a literary work and can't deny its greatness

I agree. The objective infallible view of the Bible was all I knew growing up and it fucked me up a bit and I'm still trying to figure out how to experience any other way.

>Taking obviously symbolic stories literally

Genesis, Exodus, Kings 1, Psalms, and am now on Proverbs, friend.

Good

Yeah it's a lot. A lot of people in my program believed in Mosaic authorship. Sargon I parallels crushed most of them.

I don't know if they're "obviously symbolic." I think a later redactor added a lot of the literary merit to the OT.

>trying to figure out how to experience any other way.
Here ya go ;)

I forgot to include Job.

You should read the Book of Enoch. Unless your family and priest calls you a heretic, in which case don't. I dun wanna start sum shit.

It still pisses me off that my church made the Bible seem boring and unrelatable when I was a kid.

>watches anime as a replacement for interaction with real women

>Baptist
I'm sorry, user.

>Enoch, the only person not to die in the Bible was taken by God when he was 365 years old.
>365 days in a year.
>Enoch's son is Methuselah.
>Methuselah in Hebrew means "His death shall bring judgement," and he lived longer than any other man, at 969 years.
>His grandson is Noah.

The Bible has the deepest lore. On this note, I never understood creationists big ado about the Earth only being 8000 years old, but I was arguing with a friend of mine who is a pastor and believes that, and it dawned on me that just within the genealogy in the Book of Matthew alone mankind must be over that long. Methuselah almost occupies a whole millennium on his own! I wonder what Ken Ham would say to worm his way out of that.

>Enoch, the only person not to die in the Bible

That's just plain false. The prophet Elijah never died; he ascended up to heaven in a chariot of flames. Git gud, faggot.

anime has nothing to do with The Lord Jesus Christ. Everything man made is of the world.

I wish I could be Catholic but sadly my craving for cocks is nonexistent.

The Old Testament was originally in Hebrew. The New Testament is in Greek.

...

Probably a Pentecostal actually. Baptists is probably the closest denomination to getting to the most fundamental tenet of Biblical liturgy, that is, a personal relationship with God since it's not about showing off your faith. I won't dog any church since everyone comes from a vantage point unique to them, but being in a Pentecostal church might be just as bad as not going to church at all if it's not you. While at a Baptist church, the worst that can happen is you'll be bored if you have no interest in God.

...

Could you briefly summarize your view? Does the Bible point to any kind of objective truth, or is it just a bunch of myths that can be useful for understanding human nature, like any good literature

>and Mershwat began Fip, and Fip begat Eshram, and Eshram begat Poz, and Poz begat Zif, and Zif begat Yabadabah, and Yabadabah begat Manischewitz, and Manischewitz begat Ernie, and Ernie didn't move out of his mother's until he was 29 but became partner at a nice law firm where his coworker laid his wife Shoshana who begat Nomaham who begat Ihmamim who begat Jamesh who begat

In addition, does one have to genuinely believe in the story of Jesus to be objective truth to be a Christian, or is enjoying the ideas enough?

bump

Methuselah and most the real old niqqas have their kids when they are sub 100 tho n jus live a longass time after

Muhammad did lie.

Can we please stop LARPing the bible is complete shit as a literary work.

It is boring and unrelatable what on earth are you fags talking about??

...

fuck off, I could barley make it through a page in church school without being bored and confused. There's no point in having this thread if we just lie all the time.

...

Really love Genesis, Psalms, Proverbs and Kings+Chronicles as well.

Especially the few short chapters about Abraham. I feel like I'd learn something new literally every time I reread them for a long while.

>Chronicles

Shit's confusing af, m8.

Can you please give me a real answer. There is no way you people are being serious.

Why is that?

I really hope you're reading secondary materials. Like the Jewish Publication Society's translations and commentaries. Great stuff.

>There is no way you people are being serious.

>does one have to genuinely believe in the story of Jesus to be objective truth to be a Christian

From any orthodox/traditional perspective, yes you actually have to literally believe it. The Nicene Creed and Apostles' Creed are written to present a literal occurrence, e.g. specifying Christ was crucified under Pontius Pilate. The ecumenical councils were primarily dealing with the correct formulation of how Christ is both human and divine, a concept that is meaningless if the story isn't actually true.

The stories are all literal and fact based history, until I need them to be symbolic, and symbolic until I need them to be literal history!!

>not an arguments

If you don't genuinely believe it what is the point of it? It's all or nothing.

It's either Christ is literally of God, who is capable of having multiple personages, and gave The Law as a way to show that man is incapable of living up to His standards, as well as sin must be atoned with blood. And that because of this, He through His love and grace sacrificed Himself for you and all that all who believe in Him are saved.

It's either true, or not true. You believe it, or you don't. Enjoying the ideas doesn't give you a relationship with Christ. Christianity is a personal relationship. Read like Hosea, Jeremiah and Romans for instance.

The early church (I'm speaking generally) did not see a dichotomy between the two and interpreted the text as being both simultaneously.

Yes, but this still puts contemporary Jews/Christians in a bit of a bind. Unless you're a very radical Protestant outside of any church tradition, I suppose, though that itself is problematic.

It's only a bind if you are unwilling to be a fool.

This is true.

So did the Virgin Mary

When?

what translation?

I know you're joking but those are both good stories.

No it isn't, Leviticus for example sucks dick

>WHY YOU NEED A HAIRBRUSH YOU DON'T HAAAAAAAAVE ANY HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR

Was this the greatest theological question of the twentieth century, Veeky Forums?

>A lot of people in my program believed in Mosaic authorship. Sargon I parallels crushed most of them.
Is there any clear evidence that Moses' birth story is derived from Sargon's? I hadn't heard of this but I just looked it up and saw that the story about Sargon of Akkad hasn't been dated, so it could be the other way around, or they could be otherwise related.

>He hasn't even made it to the good parts yet.

Like if the Sermon on the Mount makes u cry every time

Look you stupid faggot, all kids get bored in Bible class because they don't understand or care about what they're being taught and the teachers suck cock because they don't even understand what they're teaching and sanitise everything.

But when you look at it from the point of view of historical context, it's cultural context, it's literary development, and plain just reading it without a Sunday school filter, it's fucking fascinating.

The fact that you didn't specify why makes me think you're lying.

thats a sin user.

>so it could be the other way around

The "scholarly assumption" is that if there is a similarity between a biblical story and some other ancient story, then the biblical story was inspired by the other. There is little proof of course, only bias.

>baptist

Fucking kill yourself you stupid fucking heathen

Is there a book in the OT that can compete with Ecclesiates?

I used to make things up to support my hatred of religion. Don't worry, I learned like my mom and dad after I turned 16.

>how amazing it is
nigga u think niggas gonna waste neurons on shite oral tradition fo' wisdoms only guy. real nigga weights then

>Read the Quran
>It fixes literally all my problems with the bible.

>Genesis
Genesis sucks so bad.

uh oh

I'm pretty into Job and Proverbs, but no.

But it doesn't even accurately represent the Bible. It even gets the trinity completely wrong.

It is a collection of fantasy short stories.

>tfw having premarital sexual relations and am continually blown

No, it gets the bible completely RIGHT and fixes all the mistakes in it.

Like the fucking trinity.

The trinity isn't even in the bible.

>what is taqiyya

John 1

tl;dr
what's the punchline?

>being impressed by autistic lists
can't say I had your reaction

numbers? or Numbers?

Just finished Book of Jeremiah yesterday. The whole thing besides a few parts just seems like some assblasted dude writing about the fall of his country going "it wasn't the might of the enemy, it was only because we had forsaken God". Sounded to me like literal historic revisionism. The only really interesting parts of the Bible so far were Ecclesiastics and some personal stories within some books. Other than that it's a huge drag to read at times.

>it's