I just won 1st place in a shrot story award...

or go take a photo lmao

what do u get for winning ?

Share that story
Also, what was the contest, who organized it?

can you give me any tips on writing a neat short story?

Just use a picture of your Dad

$1,245.

It's just a regional competition. I can't share the story right now because I'm considering withdrawing my submission, I don't even want to read it again because I think I may feel nauseous and condemn myself for writing something so poor. The weird thing is that I wrote another story which took something like 4 days to complete, then I wrote this in a day as essentially prize-bait, and it won.

If I could I'd give them to myself too.

They need a "recent" photo of me. I still haven't replied and I picture this guy sitting at his computer right now checking his watch and shouting "I'M GIVING THIS CREEP FIVE MORE MINUTES"

just take a quick selfie then, go find a white wall with the light facing you and take a decent snap, don't bother smiling if you're one of those people who have trouble doing good plastic smiles

I don't own a camera. I have a webcam but the quality makes me look like a serial killer or a ghoul depending on the time of day. I think I'm going to go buy a tie after work and find the nearest photo booth. If I appear ok I'll scan it and send it to him, if not I'll just block his email address and forget about the whole thing.

Surely you have someone you know with a smartphone? Just ask them to take a picture of you and email the picture to your email

I don't know anybody where I'm at right now. I was thinking of buying a cheap digital camera and then sitting it up on the branch of a tree or a signpost or something then running in front of it and acting like I was being caught off-guard and was subtly amused by that fact, but that seems like a lot of effort. I've also considered asking a tourist to take a photograph but again I might just see what the photo booth pictures are like.

Submit an obscure pic of your favourite writer

I was actually thinking of sending a photo of Moot that doesn't come up as a result on tinyeye, since I think I could just about get away with claiming it was me. But the thing is I have to attend an award's ceremony too and stand on stage in front of at least 100 people. There are youtube videos from last year and it looks like something I just won't enjoy at all. I understand that such a large cash prize warrants my doing more than saying "k thanks" over email but the idea of reading my story out on stage makes me want to cut myself open in public. I have watched literally over a hundred youtube videos of writers amateur and professional reading their poems, stories and whatever else to a crowd and only maybe three times did it not seem awkward, embarrassing and entirely pointless. The award is to encourage "young writer" so I might ask some local kid to come read the story out for me and tell them I'm shy.

Sounds like something that might really move your career forward, do it

Congrats user.

If I were you I'd probably keep my real name (or penname) but send in a fake bio because I think it would be funny.

Do what?

And I'm not sure about the career thing. I mean the award is for under-30s and some of the past winners have been 18 years old writing literal garbage.

I am tempted to write something humorous but I think they would be pissed off and think I'm some hoaxer. I'll probably just write "I was born in [YEAR] and raised in [TOWN]. I attended [SCHOOL] and then studied for a degree in [SUBJECT].

I hate the kind of bios that say "she loves cats, coffee and *hates* the colour purple :)"

I've also considered writing a lengthy biography, several thousands words in length, and submitting that and telling the guy he can edit out whatever he feels is superfluous. I just hate writing this shit. If he wants to know something about me then why not ask. I can just tell he'll ask all about my job and all that kind of shit. Also if I see somebody recording the ceremony on their phones I'm going to freak out. Last year some guy studying for a PhD in English won and all his friends hollered and whistled when he walked on stage. His story was ok but still it'll just be me there and the less involved I have to be the better. The award is in memory of a deceased writer so I may just read one of his poems out instead since I just hate having to read to an audience. What's the point? Writing is to be read, not read aloud to a bunch of normies who are probably only there to get drunk and not be alone on a Tuesday evening. It's going to be embarrasing too having nobody to invite I guess. They will probably reserve a table for my friends, family etc but I'll be the only one sitting there.

Do attend the ceremony and put your face on the story
Kek on the literal garbage part, but don't pass up on the money

I'm not going to pass up the money if I can help it, but I have my principles and I'm not going to dance like a monkey because they think my story is neat. My job involves looking at hundreds of photographs every day and it makes me fucking sick of the sight of the human face, and I've never like the sight of my own in anything but a dirty mirror when the lighting is dim. I'm going to buy a tie tonight and find a photo booth and try and get a photo that looks ok. Most contemporary novelists seem like complete normies when they get their photos taken laughing or grinning dressing in a bright blue sweater. One of the reasons Kafka is so well-liked is because only something like 5 images of him exist, and they're all aesthetic as fuck.Modern photography makes me want to puke. There's too much detail, too much colour, it's all very much too much like real life, which is of course disgusting.

> Most contemporary novelists seem like complete normies when they get their photos taken laughing or grinning dressing in a bright blue sweater. One of the reasons Kafka is so well-liked is because only something like 5 images of him exist, and they're all aesthetic as fuck.Modern photography makes me want to puke. There's too much detail, too much colour, it's all very much too much like real life, which is of course disgusting.

I totally agree, this goes for a ton of other writers too, people like Rilke, or in a more extreme way for someone like Stirner where there's nothing but a simple sketch.
Why don't you have your face sketched by someone and submit that?

The thing is I like Stirner's image, even though the image largely exists as a form of mockery directed towards his forehead, which was apparently freakishly large.

I literally have to submit an image by the end of this week, so I can't get it sketched before then plus it would cost money.

I like pic related but I don't have that type of clothing nor do I know anyone willing to take a black and white photo of me staring autistically into the near-distance. It'll have to be a photobooth photo.

If you end up appearing on stage there will likely be photos taken there too, so all the effort that might go into creating a mystical image of yourself will be gone then anyways. They'll find a way to normify you m8, just roll with it or do a Pynchon and isolate yourself totally

The guy who won third place is more handsome than I am and has a photo like pic related. How can I even compete?

I have been trying to learn to sketch recently and I'm really fucking shit at it. Send me a photo of your face and I'll make a really crappy sketch out of it that you can send in.

I'm not trying to create a mystical image, I'm trying to not impose any kind of image at all. It really does help in my opinion to establish an "aesthetic" if you're going to be writer.

How many people would take Nietzsche seriously if he posed for photos like this?

Do this, it'll give off an artistic vibe too

P.S.: Send the picture to [email protected]

Stirney Hoxberg is a writer, dreamweaver and faberge egg designer from Austin Texas. In his spare time he enjoys showering and spitting out of the window. His favourite colour is piss

I just don't understand what I need to tell them about myself, but I suspect whatever I tell them will lead to them demanding more and more information. I have this terrible vision of them demanding more and more, and withholding the money until I'm forced to write a document several hundred thousand words in length detailing all my embarrassing memories, sexual perversions, bad habits and so on, only for me to turn up to the event and for nobody to be there, just an empty room which I then exit onto a street filled with people jeering and shaking their head at me and calling me an idiot and a stooge.

Good post, you have talent. I want to read some of your work

I appreciate the sarcasm but my fear is legitimate.

I know and I was being sincere

Kafka would have suffered it.

Suffered what?

The last photo taken of me was for my divers license 4 years ago. It's not that wacky.

OP here. Thanks for your replies.

I'm about to send the following email in response, does it sound autistic?:

Dear [NAME],

Thank you very much for your email and for the good news. I have written a short biography below, which I hope will suffice:

"I was born in [YEAR] and raised in [TOWN], [REGION]. I studied at [SCHOOL] and then later studied for a degree in [SUBJECT]."

As for a photo, I don't have one with me at the moment but I will try and send one across as soon as possible.

Thank you,
[user]

It's a little bit sparse. When they want a short biography, they want more than the dot-points of your life, they want to hear your voice. Unless you're obeying some kind of word limitation, consider placing a short anecdote about writing in there too.

Good luck with the photo.

he posed for pictures like that all the time you dunce

>short anecdote about writing

Like what??!?!?!??

That I wrote the story while balancing on my head?

OP here.

Would it be autistic if I wrote

"Most of my writing is published anonymously or pseudonymously online"

???

Not really

Just tell them that you have severe scarring on your face and would prefer not to show pictures of it

Do you think they'd push me to tell them where?

I have had two stories shortlisted under a pseudonym, and all of my shitposting on Veeky Forums should be taken into account too I feel.

just steal some pic from a /soc/ thread ffs

They need to see me in person to hand over the reward, in front of a crowd of 100 people at least.

OP here.

Would it be autistic if I wrote that I was "currently writing the final book of my debut six-part memoir"?

At least three people have found that funny on Veeky Forums so maybe normies will find it funny too.

>$1,245

is this normal for a short story award?

You're not funny. Take a picture of yourself. Say: I'm writer. Collect, do the reading, and keep writing.