Hey user sorry to be a bother but my car got a flat outside your house and I was wondering if you'd be a dear and let...

What's wrong with the picture?

It's the stupidly-posed Wolverine knife fingers.

>He thinks I make dinner instead of getting fast food every day

I do eat this every day.

And don't call me Shirley.

So you're probably some form of mutated german they used in the Marvel comics as a villian. Don't eat that shit like that, don't eat that shit in that balance of fat/protein/carb. Stop being a disgusting person in general. Take more showers because people can smell that meat fat on your skin.

iza tellem "youze in da wrongz nayborhood white boi"

I was going to make caldo verde. Nothing spectacular but still I think he'd appreciate it.

He wouldn't ask that if he smelled it..

>pasta
>pasta sauce from a can
>frozen meatballs

he'd probably notice the sodium content more than anything

>pasta aglio e olio

He probably wouldn't like it since I'm not very good at making it

>He's never seen "Airplane!"

That it's too low for his liking?

Sure chef. I got the beginnings of split pea soup going in the crock pot. I don't have any ham hocks on hand, but I used some homemade chicken stock and bacon grease to give it some flavor. Also I forgot to get more carrots, so the soup will be short on those. Right now it's just the peas, the potatoes, the carrots, and spices in there. The onions will go in during the last 45 minutes. For spices I went with black pepper, garlic powder, mustard powder, sage, and a splash each of Worcestershire and white vinegar.

I would give him horrific flashbacks to an abusive apprenticeship by using Knorr chicken stockpots in everything.

The movie just isn't appreciated that much anymore. Lighthearted absurdist comedy is out of fashion, while dark nihilist comedy is in vogue. Airplane pretty much the peak of lighthearted absurdism.

Excellent, I have prepared for this day.

I grab the chloroform from the pantry and put on my robe and wizard hat. It's time for butt-ventures

Sure, I made this authentic Irish lamb stew for me. And with authentic I mean really really authentic, like they do it in good ol' Eire, sir.

>you are a guest in my house Gordon. Eat what i give you or dont, but dont be a cunt about it

Like you would actually say that to his face

>p-please no...

>Allowing your guests to disrespect you

oil-free unsalted beet walnut hummus with unsalted whole wheat bread

I hope that would be enough to make creepy plastic face leave

>THIS SOUP IS FUCKING BLAND GORDON
>b-b-but M-Marco I used the stock p-pot
>ADD MORE THEN
>b-but Marco this isn't soup it's literally just a hot bowl of Knorr chicken stock pots

and so the abused becomes the abuser.

I'd take it as a chance to get a free cooking lesson from him, and tell him I like him.

I don't think he'd insult you horribly considering he's getting into your house because his car broke down

I'd give him a drink and hear out his woes:

>"I've been a chef for so long now it's like my entire fucking being has succumbed to rage, any day now I'm going to have a fucking aneurysm."
>"I don't even enjoy the fucking food anymore I just enter the kitchen to abuse people"
>"Please don't let the network executives know I'm here, I'm not fucking going back!"

Then I'd call up the network HQ and turn him in, because listening to other peoples' problems is exhausting.

>wat do
Shut the door and call the cops. There is no way i'm letting a stranger carrying 3 knives enter my house.

>>"I don't even enjoy the fucking food anymore I just enter the kitchen to abuse people"
>Excellent, but you had to ruin it with "turn him in" instead of "bonding over fucking fast food"

Mind if I ask what kind of sausage that is?
Looks good

I made myself a bowl of Reese's Puffs with 2% milk last night after getting home, right before going to bed. Enjoy you limey fuck.

It's not about respect or disrespect
It's about the fact that Gordon will kick your fucking head in if you treat him like that

>Listening to other people problems is exhausting but going out of your way to snitch someone who has done nothing wrong is too much effort

Try more next time

I made fried chicken and potato wedges for dinner. Used my home made mayo with to make fries sauce for dipping.

How angry would he be?

Are you seriously implying that Gordon Ramsey would assault me in my own home? He's a chef, not an animal.

A bag of flaming hot puffs, orange digestives, 2 cups of tea and a glass of water.

If he complains then i will perform an exorcism because only Satan could be displeased.

"The cockpit? What is it?"
"Its a little room where men fly the plane but that isn't important right now."

>He's a chef, not an animal.
youtube.com/watch?v=gH6arvgbYUw

He grabs someone to throw them around a bit and later gives him a bit of a slap to the chest. I'm guessing he's calmed down a bit since then but he was a dickhead in this video.

>implying I'd do a woman's job

I'd let him in and give me good criticism. He's leagues better then what I can do, and I'll respect him for that. Can give me something in return for the phone call

A-All I have today are frozen chicken nuggies and fries, Mr. Ramsey..

I make you my 3 star michelin mash potatoes

youtube.com/watch?v=tglNuzSuOMU&feature=youtu.be&t=408

That he looks like such a faggot in it. Hope that helps

that was on a night where he knew a Michelin inspector was coming down. Have you not ever seen him in a situation where he isn't stressed or working? He's a nice as fuck guy, just don't ever fuck with him when hes working

Lots of people get stressed and can work without assaulting their employees

Lots of people don't have Michelin rated restaurants user.
Not saying it's fully excusable but it's not like he went Mike Tyson on his ass.

"Sure, help yourself, but first there's some drunken Brazilian out back that needs removal if you wouldn't mind."

youtube.com/watch?v=R8yCH3fsOqk

Most people with Michelin rated restaurants also don't assault their employees. Having a Michelin star doesn't matter, and if the employee started fighting back it would have been really stupid of Gordon to start a fight in a kitchen full of knives and hot, dangerous equipment. You say it's not "fully excusable" but on some level you think it's okay because why? He's famous and got a Michelin star?

Sure, I was just about to sit down and have this meatball sub.

>Invite him in
>Yell at the wife to go get my shotgun
>Pull out phone
>Make a phone call to a buddy "Yeah, looks like a spider caught himself a fly"
>Tell my wife to go let the gimp out

Wasn't there one restaurant in paris(?) where the owner became a prostitute?

So they say, I don't really believe it, since her father was loaded, but who knows. Here's the episode, clip is also from there. Imho it's the best kitchen nightmares episode out there, India a cute!
youtube.com/watch?v=QB6yEpgknO8

>Sure mate. Stay for dinner, would ya? I'd like tips very much, but I swear I won't annoy you with a single topic dinner
>Thinking to myself I will post this on \ck later
>Dinner goes well af and he is a nice guy irl even though my cooking is shit for his standards
>"Thanks for the hospitality m8"
>Go to \ck, post dinner with Ramsey greentext
>Thread gets 2 replies, the first calling me a flyover
>The second asking if that's what white people really eat
>Thread falls into oblivion
>Back to shitposting, forget everything, never apply Gordon's tips for cooking

Pretty accurate, flyover American.

>what's that user? avocado on toast? well hello there fancy pants I didn't know you were a Rotschild.

why do pictures of male chefs always show them holding knives, and female chefs holding pans and potholders?

Sexist patriarchal society.

>>hey user

H-how did he know my name?

>tfw he will never verbally abuse you

I actually think he isn't that extreme in private.
In front of the cameras, yes, because it's his thing to do. Yell at people who fucked up, when they should've known better.
It's a huge difference if some john doe from around the corner cooks a meal for himself or a aspiring star-cook fucks up an egg that was meant for high paying guests

odd then that the guy working pans makes more money than the prep cook who would always be holding a knife all day

>I called a tow truck. Should be here shortly. Have a good night, sir.
I'm actually eating out but it'd be funny to watch him critique Culvers buffalo chicken tenders.

>hubby loves it
Reads like an Allrecipes review. Might wanna make sure that's what he actually likes and not him saying it because he wants a little puss.

"Aioli"

that plate looks fucking retarded

If he wanted a little extra boipuss he'd pretend to like it the way I like it. He knows I enjoy a good crust over good toppings, he likes it the other way around.

>sauce on the bun

woah....

It's just some rice and beans man, don't hurt me

>He doesn't irrigate his food

But he's a Scot. Scots are animals in human clothing.

Sure, it's store bought chicken kiev, some peas and brussel sprouts and peppery mashed potato+sweet potato.

If you say it's shit I know you're just being a fancy nancy, Gordon.

underrated post, I actually laughed out loud

...

You guys are gay?? EWWWWWWW!

i was watching an episode of Ramsay's kitchen nightmares, it was for a restaurant called la parra, turns out the restaurant manager from the episode is my manager.

Whenever he acts a cunt, I get a blissful image of him getting chewed out by senpai

It looks like shit.
This is...this is not good enough. I think I'd rather have white vinegar poured in my eyes

post proof