Please hear me out! John Green is underrated

So he proved that even after IJ you can still pull out the title for your book out of Shakespeare?
It must be the next great American novel then

Is this book postmodern? Discuss.

...

You won't regret your purchase. You don't know how much it means to me. I am actually in tears right now. I think you have given me the gusto I needed to finally finish my next book.

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WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

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user do you need to call somebody?

Your parents are going to be furious.

>user's mother walks outside to find that their mailbox has two identical hardcover books crammed into it and 21 more laying in the grass around the mailbox, soggy with dew

he could be a bookstore owner or something.

>Balance: $1,576.33
>buying books full price from a retailer with the hopes of selling them and making a profit

I admire your optimism but that can't be it

I was thinking teacher or something. Why else would he have 1.5k credit?

Lol

I am crying laughing
This thread is off to a great start

He could be a teacher, ordering books for the class. We did it that way when we read stuff, though we usually had cheap books for 6 to 10€

Maybe it's actually just john green itt

No way would a teacher buy 23 full price hardcover books, and no school would want to reimburse that

>John Green
>Balance: $1,576.33

Actually a plausible theory

Let me get this strait John Green goes to make thread on lit because people make fun of him hear. He tries to convince people he is not shit and tries to pretend to be multiple people buying his books. All in the hopes that the mean people on the internet like him?

Sounds about right.

No user
Not multiple people buying his books
One person buying twenty fucking three hardcover editions

If he did, I don't care. This thread is gold.

...

Hes trying to start a new meme where you buy shitloads of his books hahaha. Good meme.

Tweet this thread to john. He will come.

Better prose than john green desu senpai.

Can someone please? I would kill for a response like "hope you enjoy the book! :)"

What is the meaning of this

It's not 'credit'. It's his balance, i.e., the amount of money left in his bank account.

I second this motion.

why the fuck does amazon know how much is in his bank account

>filename
>USAA_My Accounts_Account Summary

Man you are retarded haha

...

John is browsing this thread and I know it,

You're book isn't absolute garbage, I'll give you that but if you make one more Crash Course history I will burn you alive.

t. Veeky Forums

>It is not our own choices to blame, but instead the socio-economic situation we were born in.
if this is what you believe, then why did you use the "socio-economic" term 'neet' as an insult earlier in the post

atheist piece of shit

Greenie Weenie is a Christian, pal

I hope you didn't use your credit card for this.

I seriously hope teachers don't use John Green.

cant tell if trolling but nuts to your socioeconomic situation.

gird up thy loins and play your hand the best way you can.

t. Catholic

also its been a while since we've had a john green quarantine thread

His crash course on the French Revolution was pretty good.

>this entire thread

Magnificent work

Oh, they do. All of them do!

A history teacher I had would play Crash Course videos instead of teaching a class

Do you guys want to turn on ad block and watch the Crash Course Philosophy series together? I haven't seen it yet and I can only image what monstrosities lay waiting for me

That at least makes sense since some (depending on the topic) of his videos are okay but his fiction books are absolute garbage.

>turn on ad block
top kek

isn't that just begging the government to cut your job or at least pay you less

add me in the screencap

He already made 288 shekels today

What did he mean by this?

WHY? Please tell me I'm going crazy wondering why you would do this? Are you a millionaire, are you mentally ill or have you ascended to the godhood of shitposting? Please I must know

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i read it a month ago its really good
i loved the characters and the amount of care which john put in it
altho i loved it
i wont buy a fucking 23 copy
still john green rocks you fags
let the salt consume all !

Someone post that passage where the girl want to give oral for the first time

she never did
as far as i can remember

Why
For what purpose

I found it (from the book looking for alaska). The use of "beeg" stuck in my mind

Just as the Bradys were getting
locked in jail, Lara randomly asked me,
"Have you ever gotten a blow job?"
"Urn, that's out of the blue," I said.
"The blue?"
"Like, you know, out of left field."
"Left field?"
"Like, in baseball. Like, out of
nowhere. I mean, what made you think of
that?"
"I've just never geeven one," she
answered, her little voice dripping with
seductiveness. It was so brazen. I
thought I would explode. I never thought.
I mean, from Alaska, hearing that stuff
was one thing. But to hear her sweet
little Romanian voice go so sexy all of
the sudden…
"No," I said. "I never have."
"Think it would be fun?"
DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?!"Urn. yeah. I mean,
you don't have to."
"I think I want to," she said, and we
kissed a little, and then. And then with
me sitting watching The Brady Bunch,
watching Marcia Marcia Marcia up to
her Brady antics, Lara unbuttoned my
pants and pulled my boxers down a little
and pulled out my penis.
"Wow," she said.
"What?"
She looked up at me, but didn't
move, her face nanometers away from
my penis. "It's weird."
"What do you mean weird?"
"Just beeg, I guess."
I could live with that kind of weird.
And then she wrapped her hand around it
and put it into her mouth.
And waited.
We were both very still. She did not
move a muscle in her body, and I did not
move a muscle in mine. I knew that at
this point something else was supposed
to happen, but I wasn't quite sure what.
She stayed still. I could feel her
nervous breath. For minutes, for as long
as it took the Bradys to steal the key and
unlock themselves from the ghost-town
jail, she lay there, stock-still with my
penis in her mouth, and I sat there,
waiting.
And then she took it out of her mouth
and looked up at me quizzically.
"Should I do sometheeng?"
"Urn. I don't know," I said.
Everything I'd learned from watching
porn with Alaska suddenly exited my
brain. I thought maybe she should move
her head up and down, but wouldn't that
choke her? So I just stayed quiet.
"Should I, like, bite?"
"Don't bite! I mean, I don't think. I
think — I mean, that felt good. That was
nice. I don't know if there's something
else

>this man just made $288.04 selling prose of this caliber while I cut my hand open repairing a toilet today and made $115

yeah cool
but we are talking about TFIOS so yeah get fukd kiddo
i'd love to see your book about toilet installations :D
well not to be mean or anything but your interpretation of a 200 ish page book by a single scene makes me remember the ulysses' ban case made by america
when the judge removed the ban saying that we should judge the book as a whole
so yeah keep repairing toilets doofus
also the bible :D

>Late in the winter of my seventeenth year, my mother decided I was depressed, presumably because I rarely left the house, spent quite a lot of time in bed, read the same book over and over, ate infrequently, and devoted quite a bit of my abundant free time to thinking about death.
>Whenever you read a cancer booklet or website or whatever, they always list depression among the side effects of cancer. But, in fact, depression is not a side effect of cancer. Depression is a side effect of dying. (Cancer is also a side effect of dying. Almost everything is, really.) But my mom believed I required treatment, so she took me to see my Regular Doctor Jim, who agreed that I was veritably swimming in a paralyzing and totally clinical depression, and that therefore my meds should be adjusted and also I should attend a weekly Support Group.
>This Support Group featured a rotating cast of characters in various states of tumor-driven unwellness. Why did the cast rotate? A side effect of dying.
>The Support Group, of course, was depressing as hell. It met every Wednesday in the basement of a stone-walled Episcopal church shaped like a cross. We all sat in a circle right in the middle of the cross, where the two boards would have met, where the heart of Jesus would have been.
>I noticed this because Patrick, the Support Group Leader and only person over eighteen in the room, talked about the heart of Jesus every freaking meeting, all about how we, as young cancer survivors, were sitting right in Christ's very sacred heart and whatever.
>So here's how it went in God's heart: The six or seven or ten of us walked/wheeled in, grazed at a decrepit selection of cookies and lemonade, sat down in the Circle of Trust, and listened to Patrick recount for the thousandth time his depressingly miserable life story—how he had cancer in his balls and they thought he was going to die but he didn't die and now here he is, a full-grown adult in a church basement in the 137th nicest city in America, divorced, addicted to video games, mostly friendless, eking out a meager living by exploiting his cancertastic past, slowly working his way toward a master's degree that will not improve his career prospects, waiting, as we all do, for the sword of Damocles to give him the relief that he escaped lo those many years ago when cancer took both of his nuts but spared what only the most generous soul would call his life.
>AND YOU TOO MIGHT BE SO LUCKY!

>Please hear me out! John Green is underrated
>You're only allowed to discuss one book

2/10 made me reply

TFIOS is Infinite Jest quality, which is about the worst insult I can imagine

im not the op
yeah so he wrote a bj scene ?
how critical of you

>Then Augustus Waters reached into a pocket and pulled out, of all things, a pack of cigarettes. He flipped it open and put a cigarette between his lips.
>"Are you serious?" I asked. "You think that's cool? Oh, my God, you just ruined the whole thing."
>"Which whole thing?" he asked, turning to me. The cigarette dangled unlit from the unsmiling corner of his mouth.
>"The whole thing where a boy who is not unattractive or unintelligent or seemingly in any way unacceptable stares at me and points out incorrect uses of literality and compares me to actresses and asks me to watch a movie at his house. But of course there is always a hamartia and yours is that oh, my God, even though you HAD FREAKING CANCER you give money to a company in exchange for the chance to acquire YET MORE CANCER. Oh, my God. Let me just assure you that not being able to breathe? SUCKS. Totally disappointing. Totally."
>"A hamartia?" he asked, the cigarette still in his mouth. It tightened his jaw. He had a hell of a jawline, unfortunately.
>"A fatal flaw," I explained, turning away from him. I stepped toward the curb, leaving Augustus Waters behind me, and then I heard a car start down the street. It was Mom. She'd been waiting for me to, like, make friends or whatever.
>I felt this weird mix of disappointment and anger welling up inside of me. I don't even know what the feeling was, really, just that there was a lot of it, and I wanted to smack Augustus Waters and also replace my lungs with lungs that didn't suck at being lungs. I was standing with my Chuck Taylors on the very edge of the curb, the oxygen tank ball-and-chaining in the cart by my side, and right as my mom pulled up, I felt a hand grab mine.
>I yanked my hand free but turned back to him.
>"They don't kill you unless you light them," he said as Mom arrived at the curb. "And I've never lit one. It's a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing."
>"It's a metaphor," I said, dubious. Mom was just idling.
>"It's a metaphor," he said.
>"You choose your behaviors based on their metaphorical resonances . . ." I said.
>"Oh, yes." He smiled. The big, goofy, real smile. "I'm a big believer in metaphor, Hazel Grace."
>I turned to the car. Tapped the window. It rolled down. "I'm going to a movie with Augustus Waters," I said. "Please record the next several episodes of the ANTM marathon for me."

DNC IS SLIDING THIS THREAD

THEY WANT US TO FORGET WHAT HAPPENED HERE TODAY

SAY IT WITH ME

TWO HUNDRED EIGHTY-EIGHT DOLLARS AND FOUR CENTS

nope both good books

>urn

i can hear john greens dick get hard as he wrote that line about a hamartia

>So we went to her room and asked Alaska. She laughed and laughed. Sitting on her bed, she laughed until she cried. She walked into the bathroom, returned with a tube of toothpaste, and showed us. In detail. Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete.
>Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete

Obviously the fact that the oral sex exists in the book isn't the primary point of criticism

Jesus christ.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Hi, yes, this is Mr. Green here. Those 34 hardcovers just paied for my second chinese bride, thank you Veeky Forums.

i never read the book but i kinda giggled
i can see that you might not find it amusing yeah i respect that
but still he's not a bad writer just because you didn't enjoy him

>Oh, my God
This comma strikes a fierce lust for suicide into my heart every time I read it.

hes a bad writer because his career consists of shitting out platitudes and cheesy YA romance

YA yeah but far from cheesy
go eat your flintstone vitamins

>but instead the socio-economic situation we were born in

yeah you get cancer for being rich

see

>The whole thing where a boy who is not unattractive or unintelligent or seemingly in any way unacceptable stares at me and points out incorrect uses of literality and compares me to actresses and asks me to watch a movie at his house. But of course there is always a hamartia and yours is that oh, my God, even though you HAD FREAKING CANCER you give money to a company in exchange for the chance to acquire YET MORE CANCER. Oh, my God. Let me just assure you that not being able to breathe? SUCKS. Totally disappointing. Totally

Where in god's fucking name was John Green in high school if he genuinely thinks teenagers talk like this

He was the aspie kid sitting alone staring at the pretty girls and imagining them talking to him like this.
He was Veeky Forums.

Completely read that as 'um'

To be honest the post about toilet fixing was better written than that shit

It's... it's just as bad as everyone says..

I thought you were over-exaggerating. I thought you were being dramatic. I didn't think anything could be THIS BAD.

There is justice in this world tho

kek. do you think she talks to him like in the novel?
>"Honey I so so totally need you to take out the garbage RIGHT NOW. you know the part where you go and do the chores for me? yeah, that's happening."

>spending 300 bucks just for a couple of (You)s

He won't see it since he gave up twitter for lent

murdering him would be a kindness