Write about how you're feeling right now. Just let it out, no one here will judge you

An hour ago I was feeling suicidal but I'm pretty Ok now, actually more than Ok, too much energy, I don't like when this happens because I loss sleep
If I could get a grip, some discipline, everything could be better, but I just fail to care, any books on how to... "care" about stuff? Like, I need the opposite of that book called "the art of not giving a fuck. How do people need a book to do that? Like nigga just go NEET or something hahahahahah
Pls help me
Also I'm sick of being addicted to this place, when I used to date a girl (literally the only girl I've " dated" and we lasted like 2 months) I barely used the internet, watsup with dat?

How is this place any different to r9k

Frustrated yet hopeful of what is to come with undertones of depression.

I can't think critically anymore, it seems like. I have no real thoughts about anything other than either my own mental state and its relation to the things I've blocked myself from doing, or what I can do to make myself APPEAR more intelligent, like a Californian.

Also, my depression seems to have gone away. I still get sad or upset or angry, but it's not the suicidal ideation that I'd experienced for 7 straight years. It just went away. I dealt with this, where my best achievement for the day was getting out of bed and actually doing part of an assignment, and it just went away one day for no discernible reason. I still lack motivation and discipline for anything that's somewhat difficult, but not feeling an overwhelming urge to die makes it easier to work, no matter how small. This might be antithetical to what I said above, but what I mean here is more...physical. I still have problems with """intellectual""" pursuits, but still, it's getting better. Still wouldn't mind waking up dead, but it's not a constant desire anymore.

Don't have kids lads. If you must, make them go outside and discourage introspection.

Who is the guy in the right?

I'm tired and wanted to take a nap but someone came to the door five minutes in so I had to go answer it. I couldn't fall asleep again.

Stop masturbating
Stop doing drugs (including alcohol and coffee)
Stop going on Veeky Forums
Write with a typewriter or paper and pen

These things have helped me, this is the first time I'm back here in a week and in posting this I can feel my concentration sapping. It's like the keyboard sucks it from your fingers

You dont need a book to do that. Reading a book to make you do stuff is ironic.
There is no secret to make you "see" things differently and finally change and start a new you.
The dissapointing reality is that you just have to do it and it will be painfull

Lit derives self worth from being able to list books read and other useless knowledge. R9k derives self worth from how other people perceive their social accomplishments

Fuck. I thought the quote was in english.
Translation.
A crisis has 2 important moments. One to end a phase in your life and another is to start a new phase. Most men will change in a significant way ONLY when they are at the edge of the cliff, realising that change only depends on themselfs

I think it is more painful to stay here desu

I'm stuck inbetween the 2
If I don't masturbate I start getting horny while reading. I think the real problem is masturbating to porn.
>t-tomorrow my new lifestyle will start!
Just end my life desu senpai
How is a man supposed to do anything while completly alone?

I want to kill foreigners, traitors and politicians

—That is because. That is because, I heard a man moan from inside one of theses shrouded houses: that is because, that is because. And the house seemed to sway also with his voice, flickering between myself and what was obscure. I thought of his voice for long after we had passed his house there on the road. Letting my mind wander I gave myself to the swells and ripples beneath the surface of my life; it would seem his voice was linked now to my steps and that my footsteps carved out measures of his voice which would jar against those lines already in the sidewalk and appear as two figures dancing and eventually meeting at one accidental and harmonic moment before starting again.

The girl who lives in my building is stunning. I wonder if she has a boyfriend.

Rape her in the hall and see who she cries out to for help

There are two things I feel at the moment. First is an overwhelming sense of dread. It just feels like the world is going to end, and I don't no where it's coming from.

I'm also frustrated at how inadequate I am. I want nothing more to be better than who I am, and I spend my time dreaming about achievements far beyond my capabilities that would make up for mistakes I've made in the past.

I think i need to get out more. I basically spend the whole day (when im not at uni) procrastinating, masturbating and reading. I only interact with people if they interact with me first. I need more money but i cant find a job. Im thinking about teaching highschoolers privately but im probably too autist for that.

Theres this girl that kinda likes me on another city. Sometimes we hangout, kisses happen. Friend of a family. But shes a bit fat and ugly and i feel ashamed hanging out with her. If my friends find out they would mock me. But we'll probably never fuck anyway, shes a devoted christian.

I want to gift a book to my dad but the edition of Moby Dick that would be perfect is too expensive. So ill probably just pick some pocket/small classic book. Maybe The Great Gatsby. Any recs?

I hope someone replies to this post because it was hard typing it on my shitty phone while uncomfortably laying on my shitty bed.

I instantly regret posting this. It reads like some depressed teen rant. Sorry lads.

I still need the book rec though.

Everyone here is a whiny teen, nothing wrong with your post :)

Just get him a cheaper edition of Moby Dick. Don't skimp on your dad's birthday, he spent thousands of dollars and man hours raising you.

I'm feeling empty and unsure of what to do about it. I also shit out blood earlier today, but it was only a little.

I have a pretty good backlog of books though, so that's cool.

>How is a man supposed to do anything while completely alone?
That's the only way a man ever does. You have to exist for yourself before you can exist with anyone else. Seriously, stop masturbating. However you best resist the urge, do it. You'll be better for it, and it will probably be much easier to focus on something like reading in as little as a week.

The only joy I get nowadays is in reading or in my dreams. All my "Close" friends consider me as nothing more than an acquaintance, and have all but abandoned me. I can hardly bear to get out of bed in the morning, let alone stand up or perform well at my job. Every woman I've wanted in my life has rejected me regardless of how plain or unimpressive they themselves were. My nerves are frayed all the time, but I've finally gotten good at hiding it so that's a plus. I feel like an asshole for neglecting my family and being so irritable all the time, but I barely have the energy to talk to them anymore. I need more sleep, but I always stay up late and try and savor the minutes because I hate my job so much. My diet and exercise have gone off the rails as well, I simply seem to have lost the energy to live, and even the smallest misfortunes have begun to affect me profoundly. On top of all this I feel guilty that I'm causing my own problems, I've slipped out of this state before, but only for perhaps a couple months before I slip into it again. I honestly just want to sleep forever.

I just sick of the fact that nothing makes me happy at this point, my brain always finds the way of showing me the bad side of anything, I swear someday I will blow it off with a shotgun for being such an annoying asshole
I can't belive, trust, enjoy, find interest in anything or anyone, am I even human anymore?
Even when I'm in my best mood having a good time with friends or my family, I can't help but "zoom out", and in one second everything turns from a good time to just plain sadness. This is not even depression, is just something that "is" and thats that. You either deal with it or kill yourself, how nice.

I'm alright

I have these zoom out moments too. The only thing i can do about it is bury the feeling before it drives me insane/to suicide. Any book that helps with this?

contentment

Shit. I'm a procrastinator and I don't know why I do it, I guess it's because I've conditioned myself to be this way my entire life. I've got a test in uni coming up this Friday and I've been trying to study these last couple of days but I just can't. I want to finish school, yet I can't bring myself to study, I don't fucking get it.

The procastination meme got out of control, is ruining lifes.

I want to be an artist.

At least you know what you want to do user, many people don't even get that far.

I have no life and I barely care lmao

Thoughts are like fractals is like you spiral out
Need to let go of them and you can feel them fading into nothing, if you don't let go you can literally feel yourself get more and more pulled into the depths of abstraction from the reality around you

Now pertaining the bad side, you need to stop being a little bitch, recognizing there's shit in your shoe doesn't mean you have to cry, nor that you have to pretend there's nothing on it and just keep smearing all over the house.

You just act like a fucking adult and try to wipe it off, then if it doesn't come on you just take the shoe off and wash it or just throw it away and get a new one.

Seriously, and stop posting here, people here tend to believe that if you focus on the good side of stuff then it all works out, it doesn't, you are just escaping into a fantasy to avoid the pain of hardening the fragility of your spirit.

I wish I didn't lose an entire decade doing absolutely nothing substantive.

at least your bonds matured, right?

What happened? Why am I here, in this place specifically? Why did I ever come home? Nothing changed, and now since I've returned nothing has changed. I see the people I knew and grew up with and they pour their feelings to me, they try to tell me how much they want to go out and do something but when they sober up they laugh it off. I talk to my graduate friends with successful jobs and future careers and yet every night ends up talking about the "good ol' days" that happened not even a decade ago. We smoke and sit and drink, counting down the minutes until 8pm. Bedtime. "The wife has an early shift tomorrow
", "the dog is sick and shitting everywhere", "tired from a long day sitting"; and there I sit silently, nodding and smiling to not interrupt Cards Against Humanity, their one and only escape from the mundane cycle of their own making. What the fuck happened?

let it be what it is.

I feel alive.
I've met this girl who I feel strongly about, and I haven't felt that in a long time. Given the circumstances of who she is, there's no way we will ever be together, and while that hurts, I'm grateful for the feeling itself because it's proof that I'm alive. She's given me the gift of desire, the gift of Will, and because of that, I feel connected to the world around me because I'm a part of it. I am Will.
I also feel thankful that I found this thread. Whether or not anyone gives a shit, I'm glad places like this exist to give people like me the illusion that they do.
Regardless of who you are, what you believe, or what you've done, I genuinely hope that all of you experience nothing but happiness in your lives.

I've been wondering about worth lately. What gives a person worth? If it's their actions, then are invalids and babies that cannot produce "worthy" actions worthless? And what makes an action worthy? If worth stems from being human, then why do I feel so worthless?

Theoretically something related to effectively passing down your genes and having healthy offspring

Practically how much money you make

i feel dejected because i'm ugly, socially retarded, and underemployed

I have no idea why i am still fucking alive.

Litterally each few hours i ponder between two totally different ways that my life can go on from now because now there are no words to describe how much this very minutes of this very day i´m writting this, are affecting the possible place in which i am going to be by the end of this year.

I´be been already dumped from one career, it´s like the 2nd year of a second one i´m making, you have no clue how close i am from getting dumped from this one too, i have exam tomorrow and haven´t studied properly in 2 months.

I truly don´t want to face anyone that knows me if that happens i would for sure disappear.

I truly don´t want that to happen so guess i´ll get back to study.

After a long sleep
I squint my eyes
In the bright light

nice

i have confidence issues when my 1yr long gf is around, she is around the same height as me makes me anxious, everytime she wears those stupid platform shoes i get really self aware, it almost ruins the rest of my day. her normal weight diesnt help much either, any advice on how to deal with this?

you have a gf dude you're already like 8 steps ahead of me don't sweat it

I can't figure out what I want to do with my life and I'm 26

No job, no prospects, no life

Programming sucks

I'm missing Ellis, in missing love mood but other than that, I'm fine. Getting by life with a few goal in mind

I feel a cold creeping up on me and work starts in about a hour. It's going to be a horrible day.

25 here i'm getting there

birthday coming up and it's that time of the year where i tell myself it's gonna be a milestone where i change my life

If you don't do something now you may not

I want to write or critique or even be a social media manager, but a million times I change my mind

I would hate to work somewhere else even though I will probably have to

I'd rather do my own things but I can't keep it up and I can't support myself

Now here I am typing incomplete sentences watching Mad Men on Netflix and I have to be awake in three hours so I can feed my dogs

I feel like these threads embody the worst of Millenialism--whinging angst which was taught in large part by that insipid Harry Potter series.

Yeah, cause talking about problems sure is for women ah shucks!

pretty okay. feeling a little unloved and unwanted, but such woes don't seem like anything substantial to me anymore.

I'm feeling good got myself a little bit of that zing zang you know what I'm saying I got that gaia hertz all up in the grill, str8 chillin b, homeboy with a twisted pinky couldn't cadge the light like I'm doin right hurr, popped the godhead like a pimple now I do shit all day, just catch vibrations from gunshots out the selva oscura caterpillar style have to end up guessing, can't count for shit past ten.

hey, i'm gassy too!

Yesterday we ripped it apart.
Today we gently stretch it.
Hymen?

Dad spent 3 days with a stomachache. He refused to go to the hospital even though it had gotten unbearable for him, 'til earlier today when I was sleeping, and my aunt gave him and my mom a ride.

The dogs woke me up around 11. They were barking, wanting to go out. I noticed there was nobody home, but I didn't think much of it. Went back to bed, but half an hour later, a deliveryman rang the bell. He brought a box for mom and needed some kind of receipt, so I called her and found out about them being at the hospital. But she said everything was alright, that he had been through some tests, and they were just waiting for the results. So I went back to bed.

Got up at around 4, and have been calling her every couple hours since. It's almost 12 hours later, and she says they've run a lot of tests, and they're still waiting for the results. There was some sort of accident, or series of accidents or something, so apparently all the doctors got busy at some point.

I hope everything goes fine. For both dad and the people in the accident(s?)

Meanwhile, instead of programming like I should, I've been watching chinese cartoons and Pawn Stars-related shows. And masturbating. I did clean the house a bit just because I felt kind of bad, but still, what the fuck am I doing? This project should've been done ages ago. Though to be fair, this is the first time I've been able to write properly since my dad pressed my fingers with the car's door while absentminded from the stomachache, so my left hand was out of service for a couple of days.

Still, I should really be working instead of wasting my time like this. But here I am again.

I wanted to go to sleep because it was 4a.m. and I like to get to sleep around 5 for work, so I chugged a third of a bottle of vodka. Now it's 5:30 and I still can't sleep and I just want to drink more. I haven't taken off my boots in three days, let alone showered. I haven't taken out the trash in a month. I have never paid a light bill on time. I lost my toothpaste Friday, the same day I experienced something that may have been either a psychotic episode or legitimately being stalked by men in night vision goggles miles out in the middle of a forest like in a goddamn horror movie.

Totally fine 2bph

nice theory, i could def say my angst was defined by ootter from very early on, so def potter was crucial on my character development

I sinned again.

Growing up I had been sexually molested by people, a brother and a sister from another family had convinced me to do things at a young age and looking back I feel nothing.

I bring it up only to give context to when my sexual desires, thoughts, and actions began. It has no weight on me, I believe, and I think it'd be a cop out to try and say it later influenced my sexual addictions and homoerotic fling I had for about a year.

No, all of that came about because of my own free will and knowing this I came to God and I'm looking for salvation. But I keep falling into sexual depravity and I just can't feel anything. I want to cry, and I want to feel a gut churning pain that really brings me to my knees so that I can pray to the Lord for forgiveness but I just don't feel anything beyond post-masturbation regret which lasts for about 3-5 minutes.

It doesn't even matter how depraved the act actually is, or what it is that I view to get off; it all has no impact in the long run on my emotions.

I want to find God, but I feel like I'm just a lost faggot caught in the whirlwind and that I'm going to be spat out in the fires of hell.

If any of you are Christians I'd ask that you pray for my salvation, and a strengthened will. I love Christ, but I ruin his temple so often.

Literature teacher at uni saw my writing, asked if I was published, said it was really good and that she'd like to keep it and maybe use it as an example for her students, then said she wouldn't because it would intimidate them. And congratulated me a million times.

Feels good, man.

Stay strong, brother. Christianity is cool as fuck. After years of losing my religion and, a decade or so later, learning about the evolutive psychological need for faith, I wish I was still a christian. Sadly, I'm mentally unable to. But if you can, take your strength from it.

Also, go celibate. Get into anime, fap to shota yaoi, and stop fucking real people. Real people are icky.

To quote /a/, Boku no Pico.

A wild week thats finally showing some sunshine.

quick rundown:
>university full time, 4 subjects, 3 of them heavily group based
>work saturday and sunday

living with a 55yo woman. it's her house, im just renting a room

she was flipping her shit at me at every stage, I think she's stressed out from work. She wants me to mop the floor but doesn't tell me when, I should just "figure it out" and know when to do it. this is despite being home only 1 day a week pretty much and the floors look fine. she flips out and tells me I gotta go. not literally kicking me out but it's enough for me to think "i gotta move out, she's not dealing with it", anytime I say "lets talk about it" she'll rile herself up immediately and rant and rave before saying "im sick of this, stop talking to me"

I can't talk to anyone because if i say "housemate is angry because I don't mop floors" then it sounds like I'M the dirty one, but no she just wants floors mopped at certain times that I don't know, and she won't tell me.

I have no money, car's on its last legs, every room wants bond / rent upfront. moving is going to be a pain.

>back at the house
anyway her son came over and I had to spend the night at uni, which works out because she wants me out of the house when he spends the night ( he only spends the one night )

now It's clear as day to me that she actually fucks her son. she wanted me out of the house whenever he's over and there were a tonne of clues.. that I can't really explain atm. but just,
>clear, as, day.

Anyway I'm not concerned about that, desu i'm sorta happy for the dude in a weird fucked up way.sorta jealous because I know that the sex would be amazing from the whole "forbidden fruit" aspect.

ANYWAY
finally negotiated peace with my housemate, got a word in while she's in her happy mood ( happy mood all day today, gee i wonder )

and she's given me a grace period: "spend the next few weeks getting your stuff together and you can move out when you're ready"

it's like, a huge fucking burden lifted off my shoulders desu senpai

oh and all this while I'm recovering for psychosis

I actually felt the psychosis coming today and I battled the fuck out of it

>this is a psychosis starting, I need to calm
>think reasonably, everything is fine. distract yourself a little
>you have control over your thoughts

which is another good mark desu,

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

This may or may not help, but consider trying to empathize with the people that are performing in whatever videos you are watching; i.e., what they are doing to themselves, the wounds or hardships they possess that would drive them to such behavior, and how it could affect their families. In a way you are taking pleasure in harm coming to other people. So that we don't have to think about it we tend to dehumanize them and view them as objects for our pleasure, but they are human beings created in the image of God just as we are.

I'm sick and tired of women and their bullshit

did you fucked her

It's time to embrace the 2D world, user.

>thinking a stupid series has that much power
...You have a very lit-centric worldview, don't you?

My life seems to have meaning for once

post sum

Yeah, but she was a boring, entitled whore.

It's in French.

Not me.

Post it anyways. Somebody will tell us if its worth a damn. Not that it matters desu

How do you deal with criticism from someone who you believe knows a lot less than you about a subject? I got into a certain hobby a few years ago. The person I know has been doing it for a bit longer, so in the beginning he would give me advice and I would graciously accept them. At some point my autistic drive to learn and improve took over while he continued learning at a casual pace. I'm definitely sure I've surpassed him in most areas of said hobby at this point. He criticized my most recent works saying that a certain stylistic choice I made looks very amateurish and I should stop doing it so much. I know my work isn't perfect and there's dozens of things to criticize, but that stylistic choice is something I've been building towards for years, it's not something I just decided to do on a whim. I'm still bootyblasted about the whole thing.

just commit. force yourself into what you have to do until you cultivate a habit out of it. good luck, user.

Look at the whole thing objectively. Put yourself in the guy's shoes, and try to see where he's coming from. Maybe some of what he's saying is right, and that last bit you need to have the goal down pat will come from it.

If that doesn't help, get a second (+) opinion.

If you're a furfag artist or something like that, burn.

i feel sorry for you user

If you are a true autismo and know more than him, then you should sit there and argue with him for however long it takes for you to prove he's wrong.

I'm sad. Just fought with my cat when playing catch, and my fear is he is turning hostile to me. Truth is I was rough with him and he scratched me too. I'm sorry it happened.

I'm not very social, and practically never hang out with anybody, despite having many good friends. Most people respect me, but I and unable to elicit compassion required for strong friendship. I'm normally happy the way I am, but I get sad when I think about people socializing.

I have feelings akin to love for my first cousin. It's tearing me up inside, because I know it's not my fault, its my brains natural reaction. She's the only female my age I've seen in a long while.

I keep remembering an old crush who purportedly liked me. But things never got somewhere, because im a chicken.

And they just came back. Severe infection. The doctors wanted to keep my dad in observation, but he refused and just got a prescription.

I actually feel great. It's taken a while, but I have a positive career future, my meds are working and my house is clean. I can spend time doing what I want to do, I have enough money each month and it's spring. I'm grilling with friends today. I'm making deviled eggs and grilled bananas. I'm reading regularly.

I've wanted to think and write in clearer terms for a long time. The other day I read some of Adam Lanza's writing (thanks to the post on here) and was struck by how precise his language was. For nearly an hour I read his banal (but concise) forum posts.

An autist mass murderer posting on school shooter fanbase forums.

I feel great. There's a storm coming soon, so to say, and I have to prepare for it for myself and others, but I remain confident and calm. Slowly but surely I execute my plans.

i'm becoming increasingly repulsed by everything in my environment. even going to the grocery store is a garish sensory attack. i wish i could just sit in my room all day every day, have food delivered to my door, and go for short walks in nature every once in a while. the society we've built, for all its modern amenities, isn't worth inhabiting. you might as well just stay in your pod and avoid exposure to all the crap people bombard each other with

maybe its a good thing that we’re becoming so disconnected. Interacting with people all the time is a big drain on mental resources. The more we separate and become aloof from one another, the less we have to worry about. Let everyone stay in their lane with their pad or smartphone, that way I don’t have to talk to you, or even look at you! So much the better. Just don’t turn your earbuds up so high that I have to hear your shitty music when im near you

That's what I did though. It was an extremely passive aggressive back and forth. He ended the conversation with 'lol' so I guess I won?

He did have some valid points, but I was already aware of those point and they could not be applied to that specific situation. On a fairly recent work I did before that one, I completely disregarded that stylistic choice because it would have weakened the overall impact of my work instead of improving it. I'm not just going full retard with it, I do have some restraint. It just so happens that the perfect time to use that stylistic choice was the time he chose to criticize it.

Most of the people I actually do my work for seem fairly happy with it. I've only had one complaint, which was a technical error that I admit was my mistake.