What's stopping you from living sincerely?

Childhood nostalgia that adds to my timid adulthood.
Every fond memory I have is shared by me and me alone, unless you count fictional television characters.
My best friend died shortly after high school and my boyhood dog soon after. Since then I've been slowly drifting through life waiting to hit a strong current to really begin living.
I want to fall in love with someone so I can build memories and a life with them, that way I can recall times from my youth with a smile and slight chuckle before she returns that closed-eye half-smile that says "oh my God" with happy embarrassment and begins telling a story before I can.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. ;_;
Is that what you wanted to know, OP?

How fond are you of these fictional tv characters? Perhaps commit to creating media / art of your own style that appreciates what joy they've given you over the years as a creative way of coping with your nostalgic attachment.

self-hate

Very fond. I share memories with them and when I recall 'big' events in my life, a fictional character is quick to come to mind.

Thanks, user. I just might do that. It would certainly improve my current situation.

why lads?

new wallpaper

my memory for mundane things and small talk is zilch, so I find it hard to develop relationships, which has stymied anything meaningful i could have developed in my day to day

self-hate as well

its okay to have a distaste for small talk and the mundane, and if that's part of where your self-hate comes from then eradicate that notion from your mind because I hate small talk. If I'm gonna talk, I'd prefer it would be about something interesting and not just babble for the sake of it. Because of this, I often keep away from much of what qualifies as socializing, but I don't consider this to be a personality defect that I hate myself for. I'd prefer to meet people who feel the same way. I think most people actually do, but they're too concerned with keeping up appearances and desperate for companionship that they're willing to play the games. I'd much rather not play the games and have no friends. Which is my current situation.

Only I myself when I lose sight of myself, which is not often.

You have to be sincere, user. Just like DFW said, irony and cynicism are the tools of a prisoner that learned to love his cell. We need to find a way to be free of our own spiritual demise.

>my boyhood dog is dead
>I want to fall in love with someone so I can build memories and a life with them, that way I can recall times from my youth.
I know how it feels.

my lack of sincerity comes from lack of engagement with the majority of situations i find myself in.

Because I'm afraid that nobody will understand me if I say what I really think.
I keep my mouth shut, speak only when spoken to, and typically answering in single-word responses like 'yes,' 'no' etc, because the moment I say what's actually on my mind they think I'm weird and stop coming around me. Or even worse, they understand what I'm saying to them but in a watered down way, which is the most hurtful thing to me, because then you don't even get the credit of being incomprehensible.

See, if somebody said this shit to me in real life, I would be thrilled, to tell the honest truth. But nobody ever does.
There are billions of people on earth and we can only meet a few, the odds of encountering somebody who actually understands are slim to none.
On the internet we can see maybe hundreds of thousands to millions of people over a given time, and even then the 'real deals' are few and far between.
Personally, I can remember specific posts on Veeky Forums that shaped me more than the events in my own life did. It's so tragic because you have to come to the internet to get reality, while real life is filled with bitter shallow stupidity and fat people.

Absent mindedness doesn't so much mean absence of mind as much as it means presence of mind somewhere else.

looks like a character from a Steely Dan song

fuckin lol

>It's so tragic because you have to come to the internet to get reality, while real life is filled with bitter shallow stupidity and fat people.

haha, nice to include 'fat people' in there with your contempt

Yes it is tragic, which is why I no longer seek to win the lottery of face to face interaction and just rot on the internet and sometimes find another gem of a person that I resonate with. However I cannot sustain this for very long, if not simply because my eyes are slowly dying, then because I still want to have a life in the 'larger world', that big ol place outside this box full of interesting stuff happening beyond in as yet unknown places that I could groove with.

To become a citizen of the larger world, the only road I can see to doing that, would be to contribute creatively, artistically, to culture, and in doing so draw the people whom I could groove with towards me. There doesn't seem to be an other option, at least for me.

It was meant to be a subtle suggestion that I'm not fat since I understand that my edgyness is neckbeard-esque and might make people think that.

Aha, I'm pretty sure I've done that before too.
To be frank, fatness does put me off quite a bit on multiple levels. Though I'd never tell a fat person that.

Read camus' myth of sisyphus;
I used to feel this way too, not that MoS changed my outlook on the world, though it's... helpful