Describe your current lot in life, get book recommendation

>going to bed at 6am for the last couple months, sleeping until 3 or 4 in the afternoon and then laying in bed all day
>haven't written in 3 weeks
>haven't read in months

Dostojevskij - Notes from the Underground

>currently working a dead end job but will be unemployed in a couple of months
>no education
>in love with a girl who hates me
>no dreams or plans for the future
>functioning alcoholic

>Work 6am-6pm weekdays
>never write
>read a little maybe two weeknights a week and a lot on the weekends
>masturbate and shitpost all weekend
>only go outside to work or to buy supplies

>college dropout
>short, fat, pug-face, small dick, hispanic
>living with parents, 24 years old
>kissless and hugless virgin, no friends
>work at subway where my boss and coworkers constantly make passive aggressive jokes about me
>woke up at noon and then got in bitter argument with my mom for the 20th day in a row
>ate a bunch of poptarts for breakfast, felt like complete shit
>took a massive dump while watching clips of the bee movie and then jacked off, but missed and was out of toilet paper so I had to use the toilet paper roll to wipe my ass and clean up the cum everywhere
>want to become a writer but haven't read a full book in months, always starting them but getting bored and dropping them
>the last book i finished was siddartha because it's like 100 pages and super easy
>started a goodreads challenge for a book a week and then changed it to one book/year because of my constant anxiety about it
>wanted to spend last year learning a new language but learned only very basic japanese, spent most of my time watching anime and jacking off to hentai and JAV
>lungs and head hurts constantly and i feel nauseous 24/7 because of my nicotine addiction
>spend like two-three hours planning out my plan for this year and downloading various textbooks and creating study guides and book reading lists that I will never follow
>jack off again and then eat a bunch of hot pockets
>start to read a new book but then put it down and open my computer and spend the rest of my day alternating between watching cuck porn and writing "my diary desu" and various other low energy memes on Veeky Forums while chuckling to myself
>it is now 2:00 in the morning

Rate my life, Veeky Forums

The Castle - Kafka

2/10

Pretty comfy desu, you should stop worrying so much and enjoy your life it's not that bad

Quit porn and nicotine, eat clean and exercise. It's not a fucking meme, it will help you very much. Either that or piss away your one life jacking off to anime.

It's profoundly fucking horrifying mate.

>studying film theory
>good student
>watched 120 films in 2017
>I'm a fat fuck but that's okay
>I love my gf
>I read often but I'm a slow reader
>write like 4 times a week, I got a poem published a few days ago
>I believe in God and in Jesus Christ but I don't act christian even tho I think I should
>I drink too much tea

Marcus Aurelius - Meditations

what the hell

just died, was reborn again

0/10
Your life is a joke

>shitty dead end part time job
>writing things few if any people will ever read on my days off
>Not a virgin but currently being driven insane by my spontaneous feelings for this girl I've only met a few times and may or may not ever see again

stop being such a fucking cuck ffs
fuck bitches, get lit

quite literary desu

>It's profoundly fucking horrifying mate
You don't know what a "profoundly fucking horrifying" life is

Anything by Charles Bukowski or Herman Hesse.

I think it's the looking in the mirror that was profoundly fucking horrifying for that guy you're responding to

>18
>haven't had real-life friends in years
>ocd which led to agoraphobia. literal autism
>seemingly never-ending panic and skin-picking and counting and repetition and fear
>used to be suicidal every day
>still depressed all the time but it's barely noticeable until it becomes so extreme that all i can do is lie still
>lost virginity to a man 7 years older than me that i love 2 weeks ago, feeling guilty and ashamed of myself even though i'm in love and don't regret what i did
>horrible anxiety keeps me awake for days
>listen to music obsessively while drawing
>haven't left house but once since christmas
>father attempted suicide (again!) recently
>cousin was only friend but he shot himself a year ago. his birthday was two weeks ago

please, for the love of god, rec me some literature to distract me from my own mind. fiction, non-fiction, it doesn't matter.

>distract me
you've got it all wrong, you're feeling like shit because you distract yourself instead of doing things
but it seems like your moral compass is already skewed as fuck, so desu you're fucked
good luck tho

She'd actually have to be there in any capacity for it to be cucking. This is just being left hanging because I have no idea what's going on and no real way of finding out.

That and the le fck bietchs Xd mentality you're memeing is about the most vapid thing ever. I've had casual sex. I might very well have an illegitimate kid or two out there. It's all hollow and pointless.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Maybe read Norwegian Wood? Some nice light fiction to get your mind off life. lit shits on Murakami but it's a good book

>three tarot cards are describing my life
>the empress rules over my past
>the devil is prince of the present time
>the sun will light my way in the future

he's also probably feeling like shit because of all that family tragedy

no, you misunderstand me
fuck bitches as in disregard them, make your happiness dependent on yourself instead of others i.e. get a hobby or something

i have good ethics and morals, and i'm constantly attempting to improve myself, my mind, and my life, user. i've been to therapy several times, i was on SSRIs for ten years and they were disgusting and ruined me a bit.
literature is beautiful, and serves as a pleasant distraction. i don't want it for the pure sake of distraction but it's certainly a plus.
i feel like shit because life just sucks, you know? i don't do drugs, i don't engage in any reckless behaviors. i'm constantly striving to become a better person and i want to be good. i try to maintain as much of a level of asceticism as i possibly can, abstaining from casual sex, never drinking or doing drugs, fasting, etc.
i don't think i'm 'fucked' but my brain is definitely throughly tangled.
is it really that awful to seek refuge from a brain plagued by endless intrusive thoughts? i can't stop thinking terrible things.

thanks, i've had iq84 by murakami on my bookshelf for a while but haven't gotten to it, yet. i'll look into norwegian wood, maybe get a pdf or epub of it soon.

>stay up in my bedroom when I can
>feel talentless
>obsessed with history and my own past

can we have a Veeky Forums meet up where I just give free hugs to everyone? jesus christ you guys

Try antidepressants. They work well.

You should go to youtube and search for "motivation hypnosis," or maybe "self-esteem hypnosis." Listen. The books you should read might be self-help . Try:

You Are a Badass, by Jen Sincero.
Positivity by Barbara L Fredrickson PhD
Unfuck Yourself by Gary John Bishop

Me:

>41
>don't have friends but don't want any, socialized tons when young
>no gf but don't want one, did all that as a youngster and didn't like it at all
>wake up, drink coffee, check Veeky Forums Veeky Forums Veeky Forums
>read a big fat 1,000 page World History book because I'm trying to catch up on all I didn't learn before antidepressants
>feel pretty good to be alive, even though last night I dreamt I created a suicide club on Facebook
>don't care about anything except getting an education on history, politics, and self-help for some book project in my future with no plan yet
>was published last year, sold like 10 fucking copies only, and now have nothing new to say
>generally happy, easy-going, comfortable
>my body is starting to feel old man aches

I'm in if you'll swap hugs for blowjobs.

>Try antidepressants. They work well.

>i was on SSRIs for ten years and they were disgusting and ruined me a bit.

Whom do I believe....

SORT

>is it really that awful to seek refuge from a brain plagued by endless intrusive thoughts?
Get on contemplation and meditation, learn that your inner monologue is not "you" and that it can be observed, controlled and stopped for a while, but that it implies actually feeling emotions and not distancing (dividing) yourself by the language and the concepts of your inner monologue
I'm pretty sure I'm not clear at all, hope you get it and good luck

>Moved to a new city 4 months ago since I was desperate to find a decent job and couldn't in my hometown.
>Now I have the decent job, and things are going well, but I feel aimless since I know no one here, and making connections either for friendship or romance is difficult for me.
>Haven't written in a few months.
>I read all the time, but I constantly wonder if all my sedentary, isolating hobbies are what's holding me back from really starting a new life here.

I guess I got lucky. Since beginning them, I've improved in terms of productivity. I wish they worked for everyone.

>Having an affair with my college Professor
>We read books
>He's 20 years older than me
>I'm a grown up loli
>My boyfriend and school can't find out

> took a 1 year break from university
> work 4 hours a day - web dev
> live at my parents
> gonna travel 3 months in july
> no gf

Was just thinking: If DFW had stayed alive, maybe a newer, more effective antidepressant would have come out to keep him going. It would be tragic if he killed himself because of depression and not having working medication if a few years later they invented new ones that might have worked for him.

read Oryx and Crake

you do know that depression isn't even a real thing, right?

Ah, well that's different but still useless advice in the context of my situation. I've always primarily existed in a state of flux and have found personal truths through that kind of life. Pushing for anything else 'just because' or 'for myself' to reach someone else's definition of happiness would seem both dishonest and meaningless at this point. I probably enjoy my own misery in my own way more than I'd enjoy your take on happiness.

SSRIs simply made me feel detached. i was constantly in a dissociated haze. they serve to distance you, but they don't fix any of the underlying issues of your depression / anxiety. With obsessive-compulsive disorder and agoraphobia it's even more tricky, because pills will do fucking nothing unless the person in question goes through therapy as well--specifically, cognitive behavioral therapy, to learn that their anxiety is irrational, over time.
Really, pills are kind of useless. They made me feel worse in all aspects of life. I ate too much because they fucked with my dopamine receptors, and now my reward system is perma-fried. I felt like a holographic slug all the time.

I stopped taking all of my SSRIs, did a 360 on my diet and cut out meat, began eating only the healthiest of meals, exercised, stopped myself when I found myself thinking "I want to shoot myself," or "I hate myself."

I felt better after just a few weeks of effort, like this, after being depressed for so many years. It sounds stupid, I know you think "But, that wouldn't work, because I'm depressed." I promise you it helps and you eventually feel a little better, if not a LOT better.

Taking pills when you're depressed is like spraying Febreze in a trash-filled room.

Ok, I'll check it out.

Why that recommendation specifically?

Just like you.

Disgusting, disloyal, hedonistic narcissist.

You'll relate to the main character due to loneliness and your watching of loliporn

What book though

...

'Selected Unpublished Blog Posts By A Mexican Panda Express Employee' by Megan Boyle.

Schopenhauer's On Women (I know it's just an essay)
Or
Der Hexenhammer/The Malleus Maleficarum

>Megan Boyle
weak

o boy

Sluts love alt-lit.

Didn't know your mom read

I hear the same from a lot of people who take pills. No answer here. They work for some but not everyone. And the withdrawals can fuck a person up too. In my case, my life has improved dramatically. I shouldn't recommend them to anyone though, like I just did, because they probably don't work as well for most people. It may be a result of not actually having a real brain problem as opposed to having one. I've been a morbid sick person since about age 8, so in my case, but likely not that of usual people, it's just a matter of adding SSRIs. I tell you though: every time I'm on them, productivity increases, happiness increases, and even social anxiety goes down. But that's probably from having something genuinely wrong with my brain, rather than having a world outlook or a philosophical pessimism.

...

I probably don't, no, not what is signified by your implied and probably retarded conception of it. By definition, I'd go as far as to say no one on this board does.

Wow, sick put down bro, 10/10 really hurt my feelings.

No, memes aside, the /r9k/ lifestyle fills me with dread. They're usually people with at least some opportunity (growing up with families, like the guy I originally responded to), in western societies, with at least their basic needs tended to. The fact that they just give up and vegetate, existing at the exact level of complacency that keeps them in perpetual pain without the drive to change, that's fucking horrifying.

I kind of thought the opposite. I thought having genuine chemical imbalances and psychological issues would make it more difficult for SSRIs to work, and if it were merely philosophical outlook or conditioning, it'd be easier.. I can see why someone would think the opposite of this, though, because "Oh, I have a chemical imbalance. Chemicals can balance this, then I'll be fine," but with chemical imbalances comes a lot of issues that last forever if not dealt with properly, even when the chemical imbalances are dealt with.

>chemical imbalance

Is this the newest meme? What does that even mean?
Sounds a little too far fetched, idk if I can escape the blame for my own actions with something this unconvincing

A lot of ""studies"" have claimed that depression and other psychological conditions / disorders are merely the result of chemical imbalances and errors. Like, depression is just serotonin being sucked up too rapidly leaving you left with none. I don't think it's that simple, though, of course. Like, sure, it could be a large part for some people but depression can definitely develop over time due to an event and not just chemical imbalances.

My theory on why they don't work for some people is that the problem is psychological rather than psychiatric. I have no evidence to back this up!

I remember when I first started taking them in my twenties. Suddenly, after about fifteen years of suicide, self-harm, and shyness, I felt happy to be alive, stopped the self-harm, and felt far more able to be among people, even socially happy in a way. Went off them, back to misery. Took them again, same results: happy, social, smiling, even giddy. Went off them, you get the story. Each time I'm on them, I improve in the very ways I should. Now, I'm on Viibryd, and I wrote 3 books, if that says anything about productivity compared to staying in bed moping.

Not him but it's the meme all pill popping modern psychiatry is founded on.

>1.Diagnose something as a disorder of some sort
>2.Prescribe the """"right"""" pill for it
>???
>4.Profit

This is why I can't be entirely opposed to SSRIs. I'm not fond of them, you know, especially given my experience with them; but, they genuinely help a lot of people, but they genuinely harm a lot of people. My father can't function without medication, really--he's suicidal and violent without meds.

That's amazing, though, I'm so, so glad you've been able to make such great strides in recovery. Power to you, user!

Have you considered applying as a janitor on Veeky Forums?

The problem is how indiscriminately and lazily all this stuff is prescribed. There are people who it works for and it has enough effects on mood for everyone who takes it to seem like it's "working" in some superficial way even when it's only masking underlying problems. Psychiatry needs to be a lot more subtle and nuanced than it is now to not basically be quackery masquerading as science behind a haze of drugs.

Thanks, bro.

been thinking about tying bukowski for a while

how should I start, some compilation pf short stories or maybe one of the novels?

feeling like shit trying to get further away from friends and just Be My Self, by my self. It's hard.

Beeing urself is a really terrible maymay to have fallen for, friendo. You shouldn't have taken the folksy aphoristic pop-psych pill.

I went with the poetry and found it made me feel better about my low-class life enough so that I felt Bukowski sort of makes it hip to be a nobody.

oh, that sounds perfect

thanks man

A Confederacy of Dunces

As someone who spends every hour of every day "being myself" in solitude, I counsel you not to distance yourself from the people who care about you.

>Super Dissolusioned with Romance after a series of really empty relationships.
>Spend all my time on my own acting like I enjoy my own company the most.
>Do wish I had more of a zest for people and going out but for the most part I just find it uncomfortable.

>INb4 Steppenwolf.

>in the Navy, stationed on a sub in WA, exactly where I wanted to go
>not really a hard life, but complain like everyone else about how shitty it is (if we aren't bitching, it's actually pretty bad)
>enjoy doing various stuff outdoors
>can't shake off the depression always nipping at the back of my mind, so just ignore it
>kinda feel like I'm a forgettable person even though everyone enjoys having me around
>reading books, training, and hiking are my solace, but when I'm not keeping my mind occupied, just get sad for no reason
>recently started focusing on my appearance more and have gotten a lot of compliments, so that's pretty nice
>Turns out I like this guy I work with, so that's new

>probably dropping out of college this year, have no idea what I should do for living
>5'9 manlet but good looking and kinda suave
>have megalomaniac appetites for achievement, domination and adoration
>made Tinder profile 2 months ago, slowly getting addicted, dating 3 girls at the same time, it's getting ridiculous because I often lose track of what lies I'm telling to which one, especially when we're chatting over Facebook or something
>1 of the girls is a single mother and I think I might've impregnated the other
>women in general became a sort of expendable good, I haven't been in love in years, I'm only interested in having sex with them and parading them around like a status symbol pretty much
>actually I've been in love with this one girl who I broke up with a couple of months ago because she wouldn't have sex until marriage
>got back to reading 2 weeks ago, read Jonathan Livingston Seagull and hated it, moving on to Heart of Darkness
>in constant oscillation between eating healthy, working out and smoking, drinking, living like a 100% degenerate
>good at almost everything, but not excellent in anything

SORT YOURSELF OUT

>24
>just got a shitty part time job after finishing college 2 years ago
>no friends, no girlfriend of course
>my only passions are reading and jacking off to amateur crossdresser from the internet that i consider the epitome of feminity

Peterson's fun and all but he doesn't really say anything I haven't already considered myself.

>Wake up at 04:30
>Be at the restaurant by 06:00
>Do morning prep
>Cook breakfast/lunch service from 09:00 to 15:00
>Break from 15:00 to 16:00/Afternoon prep or backups
>Cook dinner service from 16:00 to 21:00
>Flip and clean
>Usually home by 22:30

Repeat every day except Sunday.

>19
>going to finish school one year later than my friends since I had to repeat a year due to depression and zero motivation
>balls deep in my finals atm, cant bring myself to study however because I will write good grades in history, politics, german and english with ease and fail at chemistry anyway
>should probably be happy that school is over and done with soon because our piece of shit education system is what almost lead to me suiciding and made me depressed but Im almost kind of sad since I only now start to connect with the people I go to school with
>going to university soon, will probably study history and philosophy
>excited to meet new people, mainly girls desu
>overweight fuck, starting to work on my health now and preparing for finally getting good at martial arts and starting MMA instead of just doing karate halfheartedly
>want to start writing and have many ideas for short stories but cant bring myself to start because I have no clue how to bring these ideas to paper, Im afraid that my writing will be either bland and uninteresting or just seem autistic and cringey
>this goes for both, philosophy and fiction
>want to make youtube videos discussing and interpreting movies and books, maybe some vidya related stuff but not for vapid youtube fame but just as an outlet, viewer community should ideally stay very small
>desperate for a girlfriend, could probably ask a certain girl out but Im afraid of rejection
>cant discuss philosophy or literature with my friends save for one because they only read limited boring stuff like game of thrones or other fantasy novels and no philophy at all, one doesnt know himself at all, can never explain and doesnt want to explain why he likes/ dislikes certain themes and elements in fiction, probably the most well adjusted to society out of all of us, the other is borderline autistic who thinks hes always in the right, unironic reddit tier atheist, both love about "le funny and stupid feminists" and watch edgy "humour" youtube videos, laugh about nazi and 9/11 jokes not because they are funny or witty but because of the topic alone, another friend is very funny and chill but doesnt like to talk about anything serious, last friend is true bro and the only one who I feel is on my level even if hes probably smarter than me which secretly urks me in a way even I myself ackknowledge as petty, we are training karate together and he tries his best to keep me motivated, honestly dont know why he even puts up with me
>tl,dr: Im afraid that Im a pseud and not nearly as smart as I think I am, feel inadequate to the great writers and philosophers, yet am one of the only two remotely smart and insightful people I know

ur fuking gay lmao

1. Focus on your health you lazy faggot.
2. write, it doesnt matter its bad. it will be bad, the sooner you get over that the better just write a lot.
3. Being smart is worthless if you cant apply your smarts. So stop considering yourself smart and start doing stuff.

uhuh, I've been looking forward to this.
>not doing the best in school while I could get what in America is a A++ every fucking time.
>feeling stupid 59 minutes out of 60 while having high IQ and knowing it.
>dead inside
>writing shit while my normal style is worth a Nobel.
>my relationship are a joke like those between gods and humans in greek paganism
>loving a girl but I don't feel worth of her, but I feel worth of conquering the world.
>dreaming of being the greatest human being in history but fleeing when I see a fucking mosquito.
>can't understand how many personality disorders I have, but I'm not even sure if I have any
>being Catholic and An-Cap but being some kind of NatSoc, even though how I said my views are totally different; you know, memes.
>living days like seconds and seconds like days, but that's an ordinary thing I guess.
that's all. I hope you all get better, God bless you.

Not gonna bother recommending anything, I'll just be called a cuck

>shift work so always tired
>good money though
>No plan for the future, just to keep writing
>have gf and friends and family whom I spend a decent amount of time with
>relish alone time when I get it and crave it always when I don't
>always dying for a drink
>obsessed with the idea that I'm never doing enough work, enough writing, enough reading

Asl?
22/m/aus

>no one on this board
Exactly

>shift work so always tired
>Asl?

fuckk off you wagecuck faggot

>Early 30s
>dissatisfied with job/career
>no clear goals
>life is empty and meaningless
>afraid to really put full effort into anything because I don't believe I am capable of success, so ironic detachment and cynicism is safer than genuine effort and optimism.
>this leads to intense self-loathing, only reinforcing the notion that nothing I do will ever work out

I got what I expected

Are you working 15 hours a day, 6 days a week? Where are you from and why do you work so much? 40 hours per week is usual where I live, so 90 hours feel like slavery...

Respect.

How much do you earn?

read wage labour and capital

this is what a human being should be doing

keep up the good work and don't listen to the faggots

Canada, working long hours for shit pay is expected in the food service industry.

About $60K CAD after taxes.

>engineering student senior year
>had one friend from high school, he moved away
>no gf
>kissless virgin
>probably ugly
>waste most of my time on the internet, still above average student though
>feel disappointed with myself all the time
>depressed because of health issues (digestive problems + vitiligo + psoriasis)
>should be studying for master's but I'm here with you lot
>will probably die alone

Value your health while you have it Veeky Forums. You know these weird diseases can hit anyone, but you never really believe it'll be you, it can.

> studying law for 5 years
> feeling low and not motivated
> need a job, go to job fairs
> but rather waste the days on pc
> or dream about being super popular

not really going anywhere, sorry

I wish you would be my best and only friend.
Try some houellebecq, it's pretty comfy in its bleakness.

no Veeky Forums recommendation here:
alpha m. styling guide? Veeky Forums life? get some acgua di gio, a good suit and a pair of monks. will make you easy on the eyes. we go from there.

thank you, kind user. i kept this thread open in a tab out of loneliness. thank you, thank you so much, for your both your warm words and your recommendation. i'd give you my email but i don't want you to feel obligated to speak to me.

Aw, get a room, you two.

No, seriously. d/l skype and just be friends already.