Help! I need a simple recipe to redeem myself in the eyes of two hot black girls

seriously though, trolling or fucking autistic?
you literally would have been better off unironically ordering KFC for them

Make a Puttanesca type pasta for them. Tastes great and if you just follow the instructions even a retard like you won't fuck it up. Prep time is 15-25 minutes, cook time of 60 minutes. Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees

1lb rotini pasta
Shredded parmesan cheese
1.5lb canned fire roasted tomato
2 cans flat anchovies
3oz diced kalamata olives (optional)
4-5oz of capers (optional)
5 or 6 cloves garlic
Olive oil
Italian Seasoning
Red Pepper flakes
Salt
Pepper

Sauce:
>Pour your canned fire roasted tomatos into a large casserole dish. Finely dice your anchovies. Finely dice or mince your garlic. Add the diced anchovies, and garlic (capers + olives too if you like the taste of those) into the casserole dish and stir well. Drizzle the top with olive oil, sprinkle a tablespoon italian seasoning, half tablespoon of red pepper flakes (more if you enjoy spicey), and salt and pepper to taste. Cover the dish with a lid or foil and then bake that bitch at 350 degrees for an hour.

Noodles:
>20 minutes before the sauce is done boil water and toss your rotini in there for 8-9 minutes until al dente.

>Once noodles and pasta are done toss the rotini in the sauce, sprinkle liberally with parmesan and serve.
Seriously OP its the easiest fucking recipe ever, will cost $15 tops for all the ingredients, and will make you look like a much better cook than you actually are.

I don't think anyone is trying to roast you. who the fuck makes ramen for dinner? how much of a weeb are you?
literally anything else would have been better/less cringy

why the fuck would you lie you retard?

>top ramen with peanut butter in it

What the fuck? Is that it, you boiled a package of top ramen and threw a spoon or two of peanut butter in the it? Why would you ever serve someone that? I get it if you are hangover and just want to make something for yourself, but did you really serve someone else a ramen and peanutbutter in a bowl?

Just choose a normal meal. Serve them fried chicken and then some watermelon for desert.

>trying to impress
>still fucking set on ramen
>not even legit, but fucking top ramen
>is even considering cereal

I can't tell if you're baiting or just really incompetent. Just make some spaghetti and a salad. It's impossible to fuck up and easy to make it taste amazing.

I feel so bad for these women.

You are why we need feminism

Ribs man cook a rack or 2 of ribs and they will be begging for your white cock. Mash some taters and steam some broccoli to make it look legit.

It was the one thing I had made for myself more than once. I dug around and while this isn't the exact recipe, it's pretty close:
foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/dan-dan-noodles-recipe-1924053

I had to substitute a few things so it would be even more different from that, but it's close enough for illustrative purposes. I found it to be tasty, filling, and easy, but the batch I made for them was not great even to me.

This sounds pretty good, and I have some of those ingredients already. What can I substitute for the anchovies? I'll halve the recipe and practice it a few times for myself.

Definitely open to other options too though, don't want to convey that I'm only open to pastas.

Cooking ribs seems... aggressive for someone of my skill level. And, again, one is vegan.

Get some vegan mince (not Quorn) and cook bolognese.

I had to look up what mince and bolognese is but yeah, that sounds pretty good too. Thanks

Chicken katsu, japanese curry, and white rice. Or if you're feeling lazy just do chicken katsu, mashed potatoes, and gravy. They're black. They'll like it.

And for chicken katsu you just need chicken breasts, flour, eggs, and panko bread crumbs.

Forget the vegan one. Black and vegan is too much, who knows what she likes

>black
Set them on fire until they die. Consider yourself a hero of the white race.

Now you're cooking!

What country are you from that you've never heard of mince or bolognese?

ur right brother xD
praise kek!!

>What can I substitute for the anchovies?
4 1/4 cups of salt.

> Pasta Aglio e Olio
> a fucking pizza with pre-made dough
> some bananas flambées with rum

The vegan blocks most of the good and easy recipes. Jettison her.

>2 cans of anchovies

Unless you meant 2 anchovies, you're an idiot

If one of them are vegan I recommend vegan bolognese. Super simple, really good and pretty healthy too. Translated from the language of cucks, so excuse any spelling errors.

1 celeriac (celery root) diced
3 carrots, diced
2 yellow onions, diced
4 garlic cloves, diced
3 Cans of whole (or chopped) tomatoes
2 tablespoon thyme
1 tablespoon oregano
A few tablespoons of red wine or vinegar
A bit of water (is has to boil for awhile)
salt and peppar

Fry all the vegetables in a big pot until they are dehydrated and gains a bit of color.
Add the tomatoes, water and wine, along with the spices.
Let it boil softly for maybe an hour (the longer the better taste you get). Add more water if needed.
Its done once the taste is nice and the consistency is like regular bolognese sauce. You dont want it watery and runny.

Serve it with spaghetti or some other type of pasta.

Not the most complex recipe, but as a vegan substitute for bolognese its really nice.

No water. More wine.

But you dont want to taste the wine. Atleast I dont.
Its just there to break off the otherwise rather oily taste.
Vinegar might be even better than wine in that regard.

>black girls.

garbage.

How beta are you?

Vegan bulgogi. Google or YouTube it. Recipe by Seonkyoung Longest.

I'm a meat eater but that recipe is delicious and not to mention simple as fuck. Cheap too.

Serve with white rice and I guess a vegan kimchi. No where near as good as regular kimchi, but it's better than nothing, I guess.

>black girls

commit a bunch of crimes

Countries that aren't the UK or Italy, clearly.

Fried chicken, watermelon and grape juice.
And also this

It's also popular in Australia, New Zealand, North America and parts of Europe.

>Fried chicken, watermelon and grape juice.
Fucking do this OP, check their sense of humor.

That sounds both complicated and non-vegan. I've had it before at a Japanese curry place and it's good, but won't really work here

Vegan pork ribs with a paprika, lactose and nutmeg sauce

Fried shicken

I live in Portland, every third person is vegan. Better to prep now

I get that I'm totally ignorant of all things cooking, but I'm not *that* ignorant. Can anchovies be substituted for a little bit of sauce and maybe some kind of seaweed extract? I know the Japanese have that umami thing they put in their salads.

Which language is the "language of cucks"? I just assumed that was English now.

>vegan kimchi
Isn't kimchi vegan to begin with?

I'm thinking about experimenting with fried tofu. Like, cut extra firm drained tofu into thin strips, toss in breading, fry in oil, and then use packets of BBQ sauce from KFC to cover it all. Thoughts?

Just make the vegan bolognese. It's so easy even a kid can do it. Don't try to be creative and original when serving people who aren't in your inner circle.
If you're really that intent on not making pasta maybe you can try a vegan lasagna if that's a thing? Just don't do anything that's not retard proof unless you want to make an even bigger ass of yourself. Especially if you'll be cooking it with them around and not prior as you can't hide any fuckups.

holy fuck this
if your brain didn't go WHAT THE FUCK NO when you heard 'peanutbutter and ramen' together, you can't be helped.

see

Fried tofu sucks unless it's marinated beforehand in something like soy and garlic because what minimal taste it naturally has is boring. It's best when disguised in something like a stir-fry, but I can't stress enough that you need to add the flavour beforehand, squeeze all the moisture you can out of it and slather it in something other than BBQ.

>2 cans flat anchovies
>3oz diced kalamata olives
>salt

you got this nigga making the saltiest pasta dish in the world...

Gonna preserve himself with all that salt.

This picture always pisses me off
What the fuck is wrong with his hand and why is he holding milk

Rice peas ham (lots of ham) and egg, bit of sesame oil to taste, a few drops of maggi sauce to make it pop, some soy sauce for color, a pinch of cumin and another pinch of cayenne powder. Then a tablespoon of lime juice.

I said chicken because you're serving to NIGGERS. /pol/ man strikes again

Is Alain Soral known outside of France?
>joelecorbeau.com expired, means "Joe the raven".

You mean what's wrong with his face?

this

fucking oil driller

do people actually wear faggy meme tshirts like this out in public

...

Just grill a couple of steaks marinated in olive oil , season them with salt, pepper and oregano and make some fries.

Although you might fuck even this up since I'm under the suspicion that you're retarded. After all, you though ramen with peanutbutter would be a good combination.