Why are the majority of opening lines in stories and novels cringe-inducing?

>I just met you
>and this is crazy
>but here's my number
>and call me Ishmael

>the man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed

That line was porn to me when I was a teenager, 2bh pham.

Dieser Zats gefiel mir als Kind.

>A pale sun had risen in the morning, as it had done the day before, and after its setting, the moon had taken its place.

This is the translated first line of my novella. Is it cringeworthy?

I kinda like it. It sounds a tiny bit clunky but that might just be the translation. What's the book about?

>Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

"It was a dark and stormy night"

Opening stories with weather reports is such a cliche. Don't do it. I've only ever seen hacks do it.

The book it set five years after a nuclear war. It follows two Finnish men, a Younger one and an Older one, as they try to survive in the world devastated by nuclear winter. They meet a mother and her daughter, and the Older man and the mother, being very paranoid of strangers, hastily kill each other upon meeting. The Younger Man - who only now gets a name - starts traveling with the daughter and they eventually fall in love. In the end they find an old man dying of cancer, who has started a garden in an abandoned greenhouse.

The themes of the novella include the question of when, if ever, is life worth living. I also drew a lot of parallels to the story of Adam and Eve, whom the Younger Man and the daughter represent. While the book has a seemingly happy ending, it is uncertain if humanity can ever rise from the ashes; this uncertainly is present throughout the novella. I also liked creating a lot of contrast between moments of blissful happiness, like, for example, going to the sauna after two weeks of walking, and the gruesome fates of people the characters come across, like the corpse of a man who has been tortured to death by raiders.

It is definitely the best thing I've written so far.

I agree, but in this case the environment and the progression of the weather is very important, as the story takes place between spring and autumn, and the seasons play an essential role. The book is even called The Fall of Eden (Eedenin syys in Finnish). The name actually works better in English, due to the double meaning of the word fall.

Consider yourself lucky you live in an age where the opening is just a few mines instead of whole pages of of-so-meaningful purple prose mountainous scenery.

sounds like over-written garbage desu

Worrying about the opening line is plebeian and low-attention.

*a few lines

she looks like the mole man from the simpson

Wieso last du die Verwandlung als Kind

CRASH! Mom made pancakes.

Tsk. Overwritten, underwritten, a bad book's a bad book.

Das Buch schien mir cool

>DUDE LMAO HE BECAME A BUG

Imo it's the expectation that it has to be a certain way to entice readers.

>Only one enemy remained. CRASH! Two if you count the golden retriever we decided to adopt.

by george....i desire a continuation

>xanaxagoras
>le millenial drugs with ancient thinkers reference

wow ur so cool.

It's not really my kind of genre but it sounds like you put a lot of work into it. I think it could turn out good. Just don't make the ending to happy, you know

>He doesn't like Proust's 3 page long descriptive sentences
I hate you.

it doesnt matter what youre reasoning is for why you want to open with the weather. if you send it to an agent or publishing house they will stop reading after the first sentence and assume you're a hack. just dont do it. keep the sentence but move it to the second paragraph or something

Here's how I would open it:

You think it's depressing to be Finnish as it is? Well in 2100 some fucking nuclear bombs fell and it got even worse. Marmo and Parmo were growing some carrots in a greenhouse to fend of starvation for another day, wondering if life was even worth living now they couldn't engage in the great Finnish past times of eating rotten fish and sitting in a steamy room.

This line is making me wet right now, tbqh

Kek

i would read the shit out of any book that started like that

Is the second paragraph really far enough? Would you want to mention it at all in the portion of the manuscript you send to an agent? Where's the cutoff?

It's great.

kek
is that The Dark Tower?

Sounds interesting, if a bit heavy handed on the metaphors.

CRASH our adopted golden retriever had made pancakes!