TL;DRing the world's longest piece of English literature

most autistic thread on Veeky Forums right now

>literature

God help me, I almost want to read it.

Why greentext?

>to make this actually interesting i hereby declare that if this project gets off the ground i WILL submit numerous chapter summaries, but that all of them will be intentionally wrong, from subtle changes to major misrepresentations of the source material. these inaccurate summaries will have varying styles and i will submit them from different IPs, so even with mod cooperation detection will be impossible. the OP will be forced to either read every chapter himself for verification, or he will never know.

Speaking of meta-autism...

>He was an empty seashell that had a hidden pearl of sadness that begged for company of other pearls...

Holy...

First chapter.

>Tabuu from SSBB has just fought a battle with the characters from the Smash Bros. games, killing some of them (those that didn’t make it from Melee to Brawl) and imprisoning another (unnamed) one ‘as a trophy.’ Mr Game & Watch has been ‘captured.’
>The defeated characters have been returned to their own game-worlds by Master Hand, and Tabuu plans to invade and bomb them with the help of his ‘ancient minister’ R.O.B, who is working for him as a double-agent. He eventually wants to take over the ‘real world.’

>In the ‘real world:’ a hispanic high school kid named Chris lives in LA with a telepathic Lucario, which escaped from his Pokemon game and now considers Chris his ‘trainer.’ It knows Force Palm, Extremespeed, Double Team, and Aura Sphere.
>Chris has just bought SSBB. Lucario sees that the game has a dark red aura. They try to boot up the game, and the room glows with purple lights that go to inhabit the cases of his other Nintendo games.
>Master Hand and Crazy hand shoot out of Chris’ Wii and explain about Tabuu and the battle. They are away that Masahiro Sakurai created them, and claim to gather characters from video games to host tournaments for money (these are the Smash games).
>The Hands ask Chris and Lucario to gather the characters from the games and defeat Tabuu. They need to gather up the Subspace Bombs that Tabuu has planted in each game, and recruit the characters once they’ve ‘finished’ their respective games by helping the plot along.
>They get a Wiimote that can open portals, and use it to transport to the Earthbound games, where the first Subspace Bomb has been planted, to help Ness.
>Chris is given powers that allow him to take on the abilities of different Smash Bros. characters, but has to 'earn' each of these.

>Summarize a insane piece of literature

We are on the fringe of art here, you know. Almost Like a religious experience

Damn

I actually laughed aloud.

I actually wrote a ssbm fanfic for my English lit class I'm secondary school and got 98 for it. If i remember correctly it was about link, Garth and ganondolf in the desert

> To condense all this autism

HAHAHAHHAHAHA

Ch 2:
Chris and Lucario pop up in Winters, Eagleland, which was peaceful until Giygas started fucking with it, using enraged animals and possessed objects to prey on its human inhabitants. Chris unfortunately didn't bring any winter clothes, so he's cold until Master Hand throws a jacket through another portal.
>Chris realizes his life could be in danger and looks for a weapon. He notices his and Lucario's bodies have changed to fit in with the rest of the population
>Chris and Lucario contemplate their decision to go on their adventure. They also contemplate on their own relationship. Deciding to push onwards, and try to meet Jeff, Chris walks right into some deep snow and is buried in it. Lucario dives in after him.

>Jeff is off on a journey to save Paula and Ness. His friend Tony is there to help him over the fence and see him off.
>Jeff enters a convenience store. Outside, Chris & Lucario discuss how to make him trust them, as they too want to rescue Ness. When they approach the store, Jeff walks out with a monkey. He's fascinated by Lucario. They make awkward conversation and Jeff starts to walk away. Chris cuts to the chase and asks Jeff if he needs any help. Jeff eventually allows them to accompany him through the approaching wood.
>as they walk, Jeff describes himself, his situation, and Eagleland's situation. Suddenly Lucario determines that the whole land is tainted. He soon feels the entire aura gathering at one point.
>An angry goat attacks the group. The group finds themselves in a turn-based RPG situation. Lucario kills the goat, which shocks everyone by how gruesome it is. Jeff agrees to have the 2 travel with him further.
>the group hops on the back of a vegetarian monster named tessie, and crosses a lake. Jeff reflects on his mission aloud. Lucario, disturbed by some strange force, instinctively runs into a cave. Chris rushes after him, and Jeff hesitatingly follows.

Unironically going to read more of this, it's shitty but it's a charming, sincere kind of shitty. One chapter a night seem reasonable?

>tfw if i was just a little more autistic i could actually write something longer than a 20ish page short story
>might even have a shot at getting published in a non-meme publication

Thank you for your contributions.

You do realize that the total word count for WoT is 4,287,886, right?

godspeed user

Who cares?

You're going to be reading this for the rest of the year, and beyond. Rather you than me

You do understand that he doesn't have to do any of that, right? By claiming that he will sabotage the summaries he has already sabotaged the summaries. Even if he never posts anything the whole thing is suspect now.

(I would totally post slightly inaccurate summaries of whatever the fuck is this if I had the time.)

Also I think this would be more entertaining if people intentionally picked random chapters out of order and tried their best to make sense of them. Somebody do a random chapter from the middle now.

hey guys i read the entire work AMA

>literature
Sure.
Fanfiction is the true new sincerity desu.

>the longest single piece of English literature
>4,061,129 words

the chris chan wiki, the CWCki canon generally acknowledged as a single biographical body of work, counting its articles, text content included in images such as comics and documents, archived sites or facebook posts, and troll interviews exceeds this

sonichu.com/cwcki/

Fanfiction can't be sincere because it subverts the material it is derived from. The subversion isn't a calculatedly ironic one, so it isn't exactly what DFW was after, but it does prevent the writer from being authentic in the sense that it is text that can only define itself against its source material.

There's no complete values there, only large negations of the original values, or supplementation that often is tacitly in an ironic relationship. (Ironically, fan fiction is often better at deconstruction than calculatedly deconstructivist texts.)

>Fanfiction can't be sincere

I call to witness the subject of the post prior to yours

That isn't sincerity, it's fetish. Fetish often involves a lot of distortion of its object. It's sincere in the sense that it isn't clinically cold, sure. But people can be unconsciously insincere. It's especially easy if you have very little introspection.

It's the other way around, the introspection takes away the innocence and sincerity.

>This isn't sincerity

youtube.com/watch?v=UFQrhp84jDo

In both of these cases the person isn't in a relationship with the actual object of their affection, they're distorting the object or using it symbolically.

There is a distance in there that is equivalent to the distance between a detached postmodern observer and some object.

They are both "lost in the funhouse" so to speak.

There's a reason DFW is still discursive and not writing plain realism. The discursivity can help you reach a state where you are are able to engage sincerely, directly, with things, instead of engaging with them through waves and waves emotion tied to internal complexes, or through a bunch of cold intellection.

Wew, sincerity sure is tough, explains why no one does it anymore.

Im calling Nintendo, give the phone

Instead of reading the Greeks this is what you do.

"and here i was thinking that we were going to end up somewhere nasty like a sauna with naked men" self hating gay detected

I thought it was in search of lost time.

probs still more readable than clarissa

>Nintendo fan fiction is many times longer than the Bible.
Holy fuck, and I thought Chris Chan was wasting his time on Planet Earth.

also i'm interested in doing a chapter what shud i do!?

Is it?

I read all of them in 2 weeks when i was a meet, so this fanfic shouldn't take long to get through

This is amazing!
Thanks for sharing OP.
Bookmarked for summer reading :)

Shove it up your ass.

>Right now it's 4,061,129, which is the longest piece of English literature in history
Sounds like someone hasn't heard of Darger.