Write what's on your mind

>I will never have my 400 page epic poem of world heroes and legends combining in the form of patriotism through my country published

just end it

klip klap klop
clop
they all clopped together for hours in the trash, the ash, bash his head with a knife, cut him up from the waist to the neck and rip out his guts and eat them, you won't see that on trash, you have to go to /b/ for that, on /b/ you can be yourself, not so much as your self self ego self but your id self that masturbates to traps which are not so much traps but girs with penises that follow a lifestyle that could entrap someone who normally would adhere to sexual morality otherwise which is why they haven't overrun the world yet thanks

>girs

Veeky Forums is full of people who don't read the classics
Write anything
Or experience the world

And have extreme opinions about all of these things

I feel unaccomplished and directionless. I get that life isn't a game but I nevertheless cannot help but feel like I'm losing at it.

We're all going to become Beautiful Ones.

Just fuck my shit up.

A whole lot of qualia.

I addicted to porn and can't maintain erections enough to fuck my own wife. I have close to zero self control and pretty much hate myself. I wish I could more easily afford drugs.

Why isn't he talking to me? He said he's busy saturday, but I've heard that from other people before and the only option is that they don't want to see me. In truth, I imagine he's probably chatting up some other strapping young lad right about now, giving him the precious time that I would never receive, the bastard.

I wish I could find a paperback copy of the Enuma Elish. I can never find fucking "mystic" texts unless they're Greco-Roman, can't find a single Egyptian myth book, and god forbid I look for anything Mesopotamian other than the Epic of Bilgamesh.

Fuck my life.

I'm so emotionally drained I can't read a singe page. Aristotle's prior analytics being the book I'm currently reading doesn't help.

...

Lonely fuck in wretched chair, out my window I sit and stare.

People who run, who live, who shout.

People with none, within, without.

From my perch I see them all, from great height my pride will fall.

Will fall, has already dropped.

No ball, no real way to be stopped.

Nothing to be said, nothing to be done.

I'll be at university, well read, until the fall's begun.

What am I doing?

just remembered that john hurt died
little bummed out

8/10 would read the paperback

Why has no one ever told me how good Mishima is?
I'm reading temple of the golden pavilion and it's 10/10.

I have been telling you for over a year, you just didn't get it. Enjoy.

the odds of being born human are astronomical, barring the possibility that lesser animals' lack of higher cognition simply renders them effectively nonexistant

What? The odds that I was born human are 1/1.

kek'd

but no, i mean as opposed to another animal, one that exists within the food chain proper

in retrospect, i explained that like an asshole. carry on, all.

is this your first book from him?

i know this feel all too well user. in fact i don't think i will live to see the end of this year, but i feel that way every year since 2007 or so

oh how good it feels to just share what's going on in my life and thus in my mind DDD so good, so liberating and healthy. what tdo these old man say: The more oyu share the better - as it eliminates feelings of loneliness and despair. This is a universal truth, as my philosophical studies have taught me. It is quite undoubtable. You want empirical evidence? Okay listen up ya'all cuz this is it: The evidence i'm delivering is delicious. We were leaving the train and it was also raining quite heavily and there was wind that made noises with objects like woosh and etc. She couldn't speak and i was filled with fear and regret. All i wanted was there to be goodness again and love. But sometimes you reach a point where you know that a fundamental rift has appeared. And it can be menial. It can be truly menial. Yet it feels like there must be sometihing radical to change or otherwise yit is over. To protect oneself. to save oneself from self-destruction. How rude one can become. How aggressive and hurtful. Just as to show one's hown desperateness. Just to show how much one needs to be saved. so we stood there under orange lihghts in the rain. And i kind of loved it because rain is simply beautiful and dramatic. I was covering my book under my jacket. It was in her rucksack but she woul d take it home and i wanted to read in the train. She said: So everything i do is absolutely wrong. And i said: I didn*t say that. I was specifically saying TONIGHT. Dont evade. And you? everything YOU do? Are you serious? I have to change entirely for you, it's me who has to change. It's a strange situation. Because i am so right and she knows that i am right, that the whole clearness of the image evokes distrust in myself. It is so evident that she's in the wrong, that she treated me badly that i feel somehow very manipulative and dishonest. And so on. She said: I'm not going to talk anymore and walked away and i shouted if you go now we are no longer friends. it sounded ridiciulous to say "no longer friends". she was gone, she had gone and returned before but i knew she wouldn't do that now. My train would come in 13 minutes i think. I felt beautiful then, i loved it, i loved my sadness. and on the other train platform 2 male friends, maybe tery heavily and i felt that this was like a novel. everything was beautiful then. She didn't return. I couldn't read. I thought about killing mself. I think such a death would have been beautiful It would have elevated my life. I felt like i could be a character from a Mishima novel. And who knows maybe i'll do it. Not because i love her so much. But because i learned that i could love and that it still ended in pure misery. That life remained miserable and sad anyway. But maybe i can't love. Maybe that's the whole drama. Maybe she waits for me to show my love fully, without paraoia and fear and oversensitivity and selfptrotection and reservation. I am not without fault. Whenm i returned home i called her and asked her if she had

harro i am from hjapanese main country lani . but there is more to le secret. samurai? Sounds kind of fishy it reminds me ofMANDSCHURAI. As in The Manchurian candidate - secret service an government lies.there are samurais who live in socks and watersafe bots. They are so tiny that they can teleport behind you three times faster than usual regularsized samurais. In retrospect i enjoyed my time living with my boot-samurais in the military. . They were always very kind to me and would tell me bittersweet anecdotes about love betrayal and death. One that stuck particulary to m ymind was the anecdote of a young novelist named Shingeki no Train. His name was no coincidence. His talent was an acccident. But his eyes were well-formed and sad and through thme he pierced through appearances. Man was more than naked before his sad and wellformed eyes. Shingeni no Train was a man of grand statture. He was vigorous and woman appraised his vitality and eschewed sense of beautiy. ut he was also a vast conossoir of food, especially food from microwaves. He had a black long beard and eyes like a swan. His moustache had never existed, thus it was beneath beautiful. Shingeki no Train was a man who held various convictions. He sometimes would collect all children from his town at night in his cellar and then say things akin to "Love is a principle that ranks higher than say punctuality." Or he would then berate the children on being mindless of the individual aspects of comradery, whatever that meant. He was a lunatic, but in an enlightening way. Never will i forget the anecdote of when Shingeki no Train moved to new York and there met Don DeLillo in the Bronx where DeLillo was commentating on imaginary baseball games. DeLillo woul dway Shingengi no train away saying things akin: the halfinvisible breath of your mind makes me feel repulsed. I am on the EDGe of NO CONTROL. And then waved his femine fists at Shingeki, symbolizing the threat of physical violence unlike any Shingeki no Train ha d ever experienced. Shingeki no Train was not just any dude though. He was well-versed in the Arts of conviction and responded: Jon DeLillo - You are wasting your life. I have watched you from variou sangles and it seems that you have been commentating n imaginary game of american football for over 65 hours. and you are just in preseason!! Are you not aware of what you could have done in th emeantime? My what poverty, my oh my oh my. You could have caught 10000 fish and then bought a steam boat and helicopters and so on. you could be so rich that you could in the end do whatever you want. DeLillo got up and smirked like an asshole an dsaid: That's what i've been doing until you started interrupting me. Shingeki no Train was surprised and pleasantly congratulated on Josh DeLillo's maturity and self-confidence. He bowed deeply and made oriental fingersigns and said: John, yi came her to taught you but it was you who taught me. Nice+! I digged this whole convo and i really like dht

Enough. I am tired of being a virgin.

Today begins my quest to engage in sexual intercourse with a beautiful female human. Each of these qualifications is critical:

She must be a human. I simply have no desire to have sex with a member of any other species.
She must be female. While I could theoretically have sex with a man, my quest is not merely to have any sex at all. My aim is to maximize the aesthetic experience. Females are more beautiful than males (when it comes to humans, anyway).
She must be beautiful. This is self evident: if my goal is to maximize experienced beauty, then the human female that I have sex with should be beautiful. And she should not only be beautiful to the sight, but also to the hearing, the touch, the smell, the taste, and the emotion. The female who brings about the fullness of aesthetic experience will be ideal.

As long as I am who I currently am, this ideal female human will be out of reach. I must develop of program of self-improvement which will maximize the probability that I will have get attention from women, and by extension have sex. The details of such a program, I am still working out.

this shit deserves a bump

This is a terrible method if you really want to not be a virgin.

I have a girlfriend and a good family, I think I will have a 'successful' life. I still can't find meaning in it and want to die sometimes.

I want to write but I suck and I fear I wont live long enough to finish a long lasting fantasy series I've been tempted to write. It doesn't help that I want to join the military which decreses my chances of living a long fulfilled life.

lots of authors were soldiers. tolstoy, dostoevsky, gene wolfe, joe haldeman

I get hives from the stage, but I always think that it's not much my fault when it's been built for me to act on. But then I guess the world has opened now to various cures for this.

I could procure a hammer and set about removing each nail to use later to hang someone up. But I should admit that, possibly, the trick was done for fun. And the stage was only but another means to lure in an audience.

Did i tell you of intent, can you see my soul? Did you feast upon the damned, do you pine for my hole? Does your screen appear to show you a fiction, have you the means to create a fact? How does a coyote taste, and faced with disgrace, do you eat the soul, too? Shall you drink the coyote piss and warm you hands on my cock? Have you the thunder and clay to make men whole again, and does the future bother you?

What does the world learn when a man who cannot speak the truth begins to tell the world history?

I have rage and longing, and I am a sentry to my madness. Do not tempt me to be kind to you. Do not try to deny yourself some wit, you're coming along just fine, though still mostly immature and lazy.

I have known....

Reading the Bible start to finish in KJV so far has been completely worth it but also I really want to read things that are not the Bible now, but I still have a whole testament and the apocrypha to go. Really though the book order matters a great deal, I have no idea why people think bobbing in and out of it and cherrypicking books is better.

This board doesn't read enough poetry.

I second the prosefag sentiment, there are multiple layers to text and worshipping prose is just swapping one surface level reading to an even more basic reading.

I want to go to law school, but its another three years. I've lost all interest in finance and no longer want to pursue a career in this field. It seems very unfulfilling.

Cormac McCarthy is literal fucking TRASH as an author and his books are incredibly overrated. Americans can't compete with Russians and the French.

I have been going out with friends to bars and shit quite often the past six months but i'm still a turbo virgin.

Turn your life over to god like Levin does in AK.

I have big hole in my chest. Not literal hole. Maybe not a hole. Maybe a bubble. I have a friend who is very open about her health physically and mentally. She makes me confused about mine. Things she lists as abnormal sound normal to me. It makes me worried but it also makes me feel dumb. Because now I think maybe I have problems. But I would feel dumb if I went to a doctor and they told me my problems weren't real. Ho hum.

I am waiting for world war three to come. I think that is an over reaction. I think but you never know. Now is more likely than before. The worst thing about a war is that it likely won't change my life that much which would suck. Ho hum.

Tiemblan las hojas de otoño.

>I am waiting for world war three to come.
Between who? The world is violent today but wars aren't fought the way they used to be. You can't replicate the world wars of old in today's global climate. And the whole russia-us tensions are just a lot of tough words that can't turn into any basis of actual conflict. And tell me how the logistics of an actual 20th century style war between two powers on opposite sides of the globe would work? Cuba was literally the only window for that.

I am clinically diagnosed with autism. I'm pretty high-functioning, but I do have it. I've begun to wonder if I should try claiming disability funds for it. First of all, I wonder if I even can. I take medication for it, and this actually helps me function incredibly well. So I wonder if it wouldn't be more just for me to make my own way in the world. Also, I know there are people in worse shape than me, and I worry the funds I'd take, if I could get them, wouldn't go to those who are in much more dire straits.

But on the other hand, I fucking hate the daily grind of work. I like to write, I seriously desire a career as a writer. Maybe if I had some sort of disability payment coming in every month, I'd have the means to not worry so much about weekly income, so I could, as a result, just write.

I don't quite know what to do.

If you gotta take meds, I imagine you're in a position where you're entitled to compensation in some form. Can't hurt to see what happens if you apply.

I need to quit smoking.
My chest hurts on occasion, and that worrisome.
I'm not old enough to have developed something like cancer, but then who knows?
Part of me is alright with the thought, but then I think about the people who care about me. Then I wonder why they bother, when I obviously care so little about myself.
I think sometimes that it's just some obligation they feel. With family it might be true, but the few people I call my friends. They seem to genuinely care about me, in a way that I don't bring myself to feel.
Like I am somehow important, and that I matter, when I know I don't, when in truth they probably don't matter at all.
They matter to me, and I worry about them, am happy for them, and care for them when I can help. I just do not see myself in the same light that they seem to see me.
Maybe I'm right, and can only bring misery and chaos into the lives of those I care about, but maybe they simply see something in me that I am incapable of seeing.
I would like that to be true.

I'm here because I'm interested in trying to become a sophisticated and cultured person. My first thought was getting into literature. I've tried reading in the past and really half-assed everything. I'm thinking of going back. However I don't know what I want to read. I don't want to fall into the trap of reading books for the wrong reason because I will inevitably lose interest. Guide me, Veeky Forums.

I'm currently in school, halfway through my CS degree. Maybe I should choose topics related to my major.

People who "read" plays instead of watching them.

Read the Classics

Derrida and I would have been great friends.

can existence be like this—like everything you do translates into some sort of weird code that either determines if someone lives or dies? basically, can you kill someone on accident? raise your right hand slightly. that was a spell i just did so my grandson will win the lottery. buy a root beer for your mom. what if life was simply all about the chance to make children. what actions lead to having children and increasing the life of everything that ever was alive by 1 person (at a time). have I killed billions before just to get the opportunity to type this to you? I like to think I'm a pretty peaceful dude but I have no idea the kind of loopholes I throw my subconscious into in order to exist. life is like one big false awakening where everyone is supposed to share the same dream and that dream is getting old and dying but there's an even bigger dream that's happening that includes our random disjointed adventures through dreamland itself. if life is all about creating more life how do we know that the life we create is really sentient? because it tells us it is? but we created it? just because we create something does that mean we control it? do we have to know something is bad for us in order for it to make us feel good? i love you guys.

>can existence be like this

Can someone teach us one study skills reduced to block out the bad signs and intelligence interference sort of fever I'm into an inteligent reader but I might be stronger. How do I remember rightly from a live intelligent reader out of this skunk

Read up on order manifesting your desires. Every bit of our planet earth is in sway and will be at a possible loop as the make of solidified thought is rendered more lives matter occuringly. This is considered more coincidence than outlandish proof depends of. Sitting empirical on the noose of generality is nothing strange though occurs do to happen fact. if you tend to drop things or require others to misplace and drop items with you then you possibly would hear things inside out or have another issue with pretending. Try appropriating what you dream for. Constantly refocus your intent to realise. A jumpstart for you; you can realize what is mapping you at this moment by acute amazing relief and prayer sequence. in sudden death tactics with reality worthy moves or motives remain short and stunning but are activated lightly when drumming or brushing your hair teeth and cats pajamas. while short attempts at 'response' can stay removed safely away in a locked storage edifice and shortly relived by tactful examples. If spitting running and jumping or shooting the animal. Short thought responds to nothing but is light and deserving heavy drumming is responsible. Remember thought cycles recurring go unnoticed due to relocation of the same single image through a variety of symbol variations. In mind relieve th3 central systems break through announcement cycle with hearty sinning or rhyming about hobo rule boards. Also as mind can seem ugly remember to relocate your dreaming cycle constantly and breech your inner systems alarm board by reliving your entire life. Amuse yourself with the rerouting of sound systems endangering the lively breadboard of talk using cyclical clicking bred with straight awareness of line thought. Talk slightly out of breath and align your everlasting enjoyment with the honest decay of older inner map structures and fluid breathing. Breath responsibly and tear the heart through its misover. any attempt to puncture reality by force by novice force or attention spawned remixing will accumulate in th3 afterlife and render you unwillling to respawn in all realities formerly. Time travel Is fraud and should outlast your opinions indefinitely.

I sure do talk and think alot about emancipation from work but im not very sure what id do with all that freedom. I'd still have the crippling anxiety of reaching out to another person. Maybe id have more spare time to think all of it through and realise its all in my head. Would I be able to produce a work of art, or something, then show it to others? what would be the point of all this freedom if i was just creative for my own sake, not showing anyone out of a mixture of inadequacy and social terror.
Then again, I feel I would be content with just living for myself but it would be nice to have someone else to live for, someone nice.

Waiting till mom kicks me out of my neet existence.
Social anxiety, hate leaving house, hate having to talk to people cause what I say and how I act is unappealing.
No willpower.
Wish I at least had the willpower to travel far away and die in some painless way.

Getting fat.

Just waiting to go to the CPA convention, which is an hour's drive away.

I regret taking these laxatives this morning.

>not doing both

Pleb

I'm going to kill a feminist one day.

Slowly, languidly enjoy the hours of my day pass, I ruminate halfheartedly. Perhaps voluntary admission was not a branch to explore after all. But I know this too shall pass, for time herself is a manic mistress. Perhaps the only one at that. Perhaps.

Why not become a feminist and kill yourself?

Plot twist: that's what xir meant.

Directed by: M. Night Shamalamadingdong

I'm not a raging narcissist, which those two acts mainly consist of.

I can't believe I let things get so out of hand that something meant to be a short story is now becoming a six book monstrosity.

>meant to be a short story
>now becoming a six book monstrosity

If you enjoy reading poetry, you might have schizophrenia.

>People are nothing more than a game to me.

>Spend months at a time strategically planting ideas into people's heads, and playing mind games

>Get bored of someone after a while and move on to my next victim but that's okay because there's literally billions of you dirty little roaches to fuck around with.

>Some people actually believe I care about them as people but the truth is I only use them for my personal advantage and entertainment

I have been here since February and found one girl who seems interested in talking to me. She is not the most beautiful. But she is the only one who gives me more than casual conversation. I can talk to her about books, music, something other than the weather, or the assignment due for class. We approach school the same way.
I still feel like I don't really know her. I know I don't really know her. She has a boyfriend, he's going to grad school to be a doctor. He takes her to expensive places I can't afford. I have nothing to offer her, really, except conversations on hobbies.
Sometimes I think of us lying in bed and just talking for a long time. It doesn't really matter how long, but we are there together, and everything feels so natural, so unforced, so unlike every other girl I try and interact with. And I doubt this dream will ever really be a reality, and she will be with her doctor boyfriend whom she's been dating since 2012, and I will be a public school teacher, filled with unrealized potential, afraid that I won't even reach the point of normalcy where I can get married just for the sake of it, instead being alone and conversation-less.

My girlfriend is studying abroad, and I'm afraid she wants to leave me. We already made plans to live together this summer, but I'm worried she'll just go through with it because she feels trapped with me. She's so Veeky Forums and much better than I deserve, just wish I could get this worry that she's going to leave me out of my mind for a while.

If you can afford it, see a doctor. I used to date a girl who found out she had bad anxiety and attachment disorders when I opened up about my own issues. We don't date anymore, but I'm happy that she is doing a little bit better with her mental health

So, you're like every sexual partner I've ever had. Neat.

She's 110% already fucking someone else.

only way to survive through the worries you have is to completely trust her. you'll be a lot happier for it, and she will too.

Der Schuft lacht,
Im Luftschacht.

what is there to do

I am anxious about not being able to complete a 1000 word essay that is due in a few days.

I am fully aware that my life has been reduced to a meme. I want to leave reality as it is painfully clear that I am not built for it.