Hey Veeky Forums I just got this (the satanic bible) and I must say I'm pretty disappointed with it...

hey Veeky Forums I just got this (the satanic bible) and I must say I'm pretty disappointed with it. It's got hardly any spells and none of them work. So what I want is advise on proper magic books (grimoire). Does anybody know of any like the Book of Abra Melin - ones where the spells actually WORK?

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Here, I've tried the spells in this book myself, they're fantastic.

You can even summon up a spooooooky cake!

liber null & psychonaut
liber samekh
Prometheus Rising
The Kybalion

Fiction is truth inside the lie, and the truth of this fiction is simple enough: the magic exists.

>and none of them work
Oh, user's!! They grow up so fucking slowly.

The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth

by Anton Szandor LaVey

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

Do not harm little children.

Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.


makes a lot more sense than "thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's oxen"

It says in the fucking book that "magic" is elaborate psychodrama.

LaVeyan satanism is just objectivism with rituals and cloaks. What did you expect?

You shouldn't summon fairies to do your cooking for you user. That's SLAVERY

>When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
edgy

The satanic bible is just elementary-level Hard Libertarianism with a code of conduct attached.

Reading a philosophy book on metaphysics would probably be a far better use of anyone's time

i see what you're doing, magic man.
warosu.org/lit/thread/442440

Practicing magic here: the Kyballion works perfectly. I've been following this list and it's pretty enlightening.

If you're serious, I can give you a throw away email and we can talk about this.

This shit is gay as fuck

This guy had to be larping

He had histrionic personality disorder, I think
so yeah, kinda

Did Sam Hyde write this?

Physical cringe.

why do you believe in that bullshit?

>destroyed by fucking ED
How shitty can you get

Wait, do people really not understand what was meant by 'bothers'? Or think about what was meant by 'destroy him'?
Sure, on it's own it's edgy as fuck, but it's more along the lines of "If someone attempts attack you and wont stop, retaliate".

Then again, everyone's probably baiting and I'm just autistic.

It's not bullshit.

It's not about casting flames and doing some voodoo, it's a guide to reaching metaphysical heights in your spirituality. I hope you can open your mind to it someday

The Satanic Bible is a fucking joke, and so is Anton LaVey

Luciferean Satanism is the only true satanism

Guess he missed that part......fucking plebs..........why does God get all the good servants, and we get all the retards?

>it's not bullshit
>it's bullshit
You really gotta make up yer mind, user: what are you trying to say?
Seriously, chum: yer first post was straight up implying 'magic!', then you back peddle, throw up some meaningless technobabble, and put a patronizing cherry on top. Do you know whereof you speak?

retard

Sorry, I know there were a lot of big words. Ask me and I'll help

I'm looking to buy a hard copy of The Key to Theosophy. Do you recommend a particular edition/bookseller?

No, see. that's the problem: you DIDN'T use a lot of words; and you DIDN'T use any big words. Like, at all.
I ask you, directly, to give us specifics, not mumbo-jumbo, user. Specific definitions of your terms, and specific examples of 'spirituality' and 'reaching' and 'metaphysical heights'.
Can you do that? Or are you just spewing nonsensical garbage??

>ones where the spells actually WORK
14 year old girls shouldn't be on Veeky Forums

Light as a feather, stiff as a board Light as a feather, stiff as a board Light as a feather, stiff as a board Light as a feather, stiff as a board Light as a feather, stiff as a board Light as a feather, stiff as a board Light as a feather, stiff as a board Light as a feather, stiff as a board Light as a feather, stiff as a board Light as a feather, stiff as a board Light as a feather, stiff as a board

Holy shit! 14 year old girls still do that EXACT SAME RHYME?!?!?!? You kids DO NOT want to know how old I am, and that rhyme has not changed one syllable in all that time....fug........and they're still using it.................yummy good times!

Blavatsky
Why are you so determined to dismiss the idea of magic?

It's simple. The brain is something that can transcend the physical world. What our brains can do is amazing. The point of magic is to manipulate what we can do and see. Most magic is to better ones life by increasing age, luck, and will.

Lot's of hot air, but no substance - that's sad, user: I gave you the chance to prove your shit, and all you could do was continue to spew lies and nonsense.
(You) need to go back to your containment board, /x/man.
>Most magic is to better ones life by increasing age
Oh, and how does one magically increase one's "age", user? lel, that's hilarious!

So deeeeeep

There's no Dummy's Guide. You just go into it. I explained to you, you're just choosing not to believe it

>ones where the spells actually WORK?

Veeky Forums is for 18+

jesus christ thats bad

>I explained to you
See that right there? That's a lie! Why lie, user?

You got me, you really rustled my almonds congrats

Use your magic to convert that nasty troll, user! Magic him good!

I know it's by Blavatsky. I want to know where to buy a good copy.

I mean it's worded really autistically, but most of this isn't bad advice.

It does.
True.
A haughty satanist. what a rarity!
It doesn't come with a built in social structure and a sense of community and belonging like other sects. There is no artistry in the written canon. It's kind of a boring and lonely lifestyle that is abrasive and unkind.

Pacificism is unprofitable.