>be attractive male hipster
>date a female hipster who thinks she's a poet because an autismLARPing chinaman, who was selected randomly by the zeitgeist which demanded a personification of new york hipster millennial pomo culture, decided that he needed quirky female sidekicks, so he uplifted her and published her ironic twitter poems about her menstrual clots
>she's pretty insufferable because of this and constantly tweets lowercase derivative livejournal sass thinking it's poetry, but whatever
>she's OK in the looks department, she has that hipster "I'm too much of a pussy to do hard drugs, but you better believe I live the hard drugs lifestyle >;-)" chic
>basically a skinnyfat basic bitch who wishes she were Daria
>date her for a few years
>go bald
>get tired of my low-paying job as assistant editor to a non-profit vegan dumpster-diving ezine
>suddenly she hits her mid/late 20s
>her skinnyfat transmutes into saggy trash, the freebie femininity and perkiness of youth fleeing her body by the day, so that all that's left is her flabby gut and saggy face and flat tits
>her ass starts looking like a lazyboy armrest that mike tyson punched six thousand times until it permanently deformed and now just loosely hangs off the frame of the chair
>she keeps tweeting fucking sassy remarks
>grit my teeth and check her twitter once every few weeks
>notice she's getting fewer and fewer "likes" for her tweets, as people are forgetting who she is, and drifting to the younger versions of her
>wonder if she notices this
>practically see her asexually now, can barely muster the enthusiasm to let her blow me
>try to just be nice and treat her like a roommate or a sister or something
>ask her to go to dinner
>her soul has been rotted by ten years of thinking she's some kind of quirkster memegenius, with no one telling her otherwise
>"hehe dinner? >:p how about i smoke this BONG and take a SHIT in the bathtub instead?"
>she rolls up her pant legs to show me for the tenth time today that she isn't shaving her legs
>see that she's drawn more lowercase sassy tumblr tattoos onto herself
>feel bad for her
>act surprised and proud of her for being suck a quirky ironic feminism
>buy her some more weed so she'll just leave me alone
>enter the bathroom hours later
>for one brief, shining moment experience happiness, as i see the tub is filled with blood and she's unconscious
>for one brief moment i feel my youth return to me and the possibilities of life open up again before me
>she stirs
>turns out she didn't slit her wrists, she was just free-bleeding into the tub for 2 hours
>tfw she makes me pose for instagram selfies with her
Be attractive male hipster
nobody cares
>>her ass starts looking like a lazyboy armrest that mike tyson punched six thousand times until it permanently deformed and now just loosely hangs off the frame of the chair
i bet mira posted this.
>turns out she didn't slit her wrists, she was just free-bleeding into the tub for 2 hours
Good kek.
p. good
who are we talking about here?
Am I supposed to know or care about what I can only assume is e-celeb bullshit?
hey reddit newfags,
I'm glad you enjoy browsing Veeky Forums but since you're too stupid to lurk and expect everything to be spoonfed to you for upboats l think it's time you moved on to the more reddit boards like Veeky Forums and /hm/ and /b/
this site is full of kids with no real taste or sense of humor
it's your fault for dating her to begin with.
link me to some of your humor.
kek
It isn't funny anymore when you just indiscriminately spam it
>e-celeb
go back to /v/
she has nice eyebrows
are we talking about mary elizabeth winstead?
>/b/
I got banned for posting this before. There's precedence.
...
You all just can't recognize the genius of Mira.
2 WEEKS AGO I WAS LOOKING FOR DRUGS AT A PARTY
one guy gave me alcohol then diagnosed me with 'major depressive disorder'
i said 'i don't think i have that' and 'thank you'
today i stole and drank 3 red bulls
people have gone into cardiac arrest from drinking more than 3 red bulls in a day
thinking about dying makes me feel tiny and calm
i feel mostly uninterested in dying right now
at 2pm i took pain killers and walked to the beach
i touched a crab and a sea urchin and a squishy thing
i think i am going to stop wearing my glasses
things seem better when i can't see clearly
i want to have an emotion that feels like being slowly punched in the face for 3 years
rude photo
this has been posted like three times in four months
Do these threads belong on the literature board, copypastas speculating about the private lives of meme internet poets? If so, why?
five times in two months desu
>lit
>difficult to comprehend
lmao desu
I like this
>being slowly punched in the face for 3 years
>suddenly she hits her mid/late 20s
After this, it becomes fiction. The correct conclusion would have been:
>she leaves me and marries an ugly ass doctor who makes more money than me.
This is how it ends with 'artsy' girls, if they are even mildly attractive.
>people don't know this is pasta
>tfw your life is so empty that rather than spending time improving it you shitpost on Veeky Forums about people who are able to feel important in their banality.
i've been on this site for 10 years lurking off and on on many boards, and every single one has one single commonality: obsession with minor celebrities.
most likely.
>yfw these nobodies were obsessed with Veeky Forums until they got banned for asking for drugs and shilling
there's nothing to celebrate about them. they're basically sonichu posters.
>shitpost on Veeky Forums about people who are able to feel important in their banality.
I mean, it's very difficult to be this wrong, but you do it. Impressive.
who remembers that vietnamese kid from tumblr? was his name kolsti?
Are you saying that he isn't shitposting or that Mira isn't banal?
It's not even an old pasta at that.
>paperback IJ
fucking philistine
>be attractive male hipster
stopped reading
you're going to hell
Ditto
Woh dawg, /b/ is not reddit.
I have a theory that Mira Gonzales is the person behind the FB pages Content Zone, Girly Bullshit, and Xim Xom
I can see that being quoted in Tyson's animated show.
Can you please leave and never come back?
>mfw
funny, but just stop dating her
Mira Gonzalez
>Veeky Forums: You aren't familiar with the thing we lambast/ironically admire? Clearly you are le Reddit trash and deserve to be doused in gasoline and set a light.
Pretentious fucks.
Is there anything more banal than this pic? Can't she see it?
Gosh you're dumb
I barely visit Veeky Forums like once every ten days and actively avoid all e-celebs in general and I still knew who this thread was about.
>banal
i don't think you know what that word means. either that or you think it's been overdone to the point of boredom for people to try to smoke weed through IJ in which case, you might want to consider your life experience would be better if you ended it.
I'm with Smoking weed out of IJ is very banal.
You are taking it as literally as possible so you can show your superior intelligence.
What's more banal, than doing the most over talked about, millennial circlejerked "so unique look at me" thing, which is smoking weed, out of the most over talked about, millennial circlejerked "so unique look at me" book?
>What's more banal
trying this hard not to be wrong about the definition because the word was used by DFW and became a meme here without anyone bothering to understand what their meme words mean? pretty sure that's more common overdone and boring.