Shitty storie or satirist genius?

Regret taking the time to read that, it wasn't funny bad, it was just bad. The whole thing is even worse it it's supposed to be satire.

good choice

Is there such a thing as satire of satire? This reads like satire of that.
11/10 would snap at a live reading.

>PAIN IS REAL
>PAIN IS FOREVER
true facts

"Pain and the resulting experience faithfully guide us through life into death."

We're not all bad desu

Fucking comma splice in the first paragraph.

loved it.

to answer the question though...

i can't say, i'd need to know the assignment to determine...

>whore feels like a rudderless waste after bf breaks up with her
>fucks the delivery guy to get over her ex
>suddenly life is on track again

how original

Well, at least now I have perspective. Maybe I'm not as bad a writer as I think I am.

this is the problem with studying to be a writer. you dont know shit about the world because you've spent your entire life thinking about yourself and writing about yourself. when the MFAg finally wakes up and realizes that they're actually quite boring they resort to writing about how the slightest disruption throws their life into disarray or how they once dabbled in a sexual fetish or of course their struggles with depression. graduate programs for writing exist solely to keep the dreams of the talent-less alive for the low-low price of 40k/year. no refunds.

I laughed at the conversation with her mom but yeah this is almost certainly sincere and partially based in fact

I thought the jump from past tense to present tense was way more jarring.

It was really funny.
Who is the author?

>But she doesn't want to talk about these things because they're boring. Not that she's narrating her own story or anything.

am I dumb? Where?

try to read commas as periods, it makes it easy to quickly spot misplaced commas.

Pain is only not forever if you're healthy.

I hope Martha's mom gets a particularly debilitating form of rheumatoid arthritis.

holy...

shit.

The story, or deconstruction or whatever (definitely not satire considering this is exactly what is on tumblr right now in the form of replies-to-the-omgmylifeisover-posts, unless the satire is copypasting those same posts), itself is I suppose interesting if one hasn't seen it before.

The writing is okay, but it overuses literary devices to make them ineffective as devices. "Ring ring goes the phone" should only be used 3 times in an entire novel ever, because it is a memorable ironic phrase -- the first time as a device is to get an ironic chuckle at someone's quirky life/personality, but the following times are to directly reflect on that first moment, because that line is so memorable. Think of it as a "GOTO -> LABEL" statement. The LABEL is only placed once, and the GOTO is only needed in later chapters when the subject of the story is significantly different from what you want to reference (typically as a device, you'd like to either reference how much the main character has either A) developed since LABEL, B) not developed when they really should have by now, or C) encountered a new character who is exactly like them at LABEL.)

Another device your friend overuses is the "VERB goes the NOUN" statement, which she uses in describing statements OTHER than the one above. This has the exact problem of again fucking up the whole impact of LABEL above as a marker of the main character's personality and wit, and instead just becomes part of the author's style of prose, which should always fall into the background at the end (and it wouldn't be that original if she adopted it as her own style, honestly).

Finally, sort of a nitpick in the beginning, but an important one when establishing a main character. She lists "for the following reasons:", but then 4 is not a reason and 7 and 8 are not circumstantial reasons but ontological truths (by MC's logic anyway) which makes them unsuitable for such a list. It doesn't mean that MC wouldn't put them in a list, but it does mean that having a list like that makes MC an utter moron with no attention to semantic detail, unlike, hopefully, the author. This jarring carelessness should then have some reflection throughout the story -- MC's growth may help transcend her youthful superficiality and naivete, but will it too surmount her literary shortcomings?

General rule of thumb for meeting NYU kids.

>If they don't immediately make fun of NYU or themselves for going there when you talk about it, they're a bad egg.

I might be a terrible writer, but at least I'll never be this level of terrible. Thanks for the confidence boost, oh-pee.

this is a top-notch diary entry. it rivals some of the best works in my diary desu.

Reading this gave me eye cancer, you dick.

I don't understand, does "graduate" mean that this person actually graduated a university level literature class?

never post again

It's never a good sign when your eyes become unfocused mid-paragraph.
Also the word choice here is lacking in a big way.

Wait... is this legit?

Honestly.

Yes. This person has an undergraduate degree in (presumably) literature.

>"..."

What's the best way to kill myself without leaving much of a mess for the poor sucker who is going to have to clean me up?

That's not what a comma splice is, Abi Smith put in an unnecessary comma.

The above sentence is a comma splice.

...

There's no way this is sincere on any level. Not a sincere story nor a sincere attempt at satire, and frankly I'm appalled at you guys for not realizing this. Please stop congratulating yourselves for being the better writer.

>not knowing the difference between pain and suffering

I would love to agree with you, but the author is called Abi. Unless it's written by op's friend to get a rise out of him it's entirely sincere, because uni sluts called Abi don't have the level of awareness necessary for satire or an insincere joke of this level.