I'm moving out of my folks' place in december and I can't cook worth a shit, at most I can boil an egg

This. It's Darwinian natural selection at work. Die and make room for superior beings (plankton etc).

Use Youtube.

Find recipes you want to make and do what they do.

Find videos that discuss technique, like sweating vs. caramelizing, braising vs. roasting, and do what they do.

If that wasn't obvious before you said, he deserves to live on McD's. You're a softy.

>go to amazon
>pick up a cookbook
>follow directions
>have meal

Alternatively, learn to read the back of frozen meal boxes

Eggs should sustain you just fine

This is retarded who gives a shit about sweating? Just look up recipes and make the food. It's like if someone said they can only play one song on guitar and your suggestion to get better was to learn a bunch of music theory.

Figure out what foods you like and make them. Start buying kitchen supplies and spices now though, and get a rice cooker if you like rice.

>This is retarded who gives a shit about sweating?

It's a fucking important step in a lot of recipes. If you don't know the difference between sweating vs. caremelizing, for example, then how are you supposed to properly follow a recipe that calls for either technique?

>who gives a shit about all that brainiac einstein shit? we're not impressed, college boy
t. average republican voter

>Find videos that discuss technique

The only thing "retarded" is your reading comprehension.

based user giving based advise in thread ofautism. OP listen to him if you've got time.

Get a qt asian gf that cooks for you

>women in this day and age
>knowing how to cook

you don't get to tell me what to do anymore dad!!!!!!!!!!!!

He said Asian, not a worthless white bitch.

This desu famalamadingdongwhyareyousuchaniggerifuckinghateyouanfwishyouwoulddiefaggot

The cute asian girls that cook for you don't look lik that, they're shorter and stockier with crooked teeth, which only makes them hotter if I'm being honest with you right now family

Learn to cook scrambled eggs or omlette.
Learn to cook rice.

Glad to know I'm not the only one into chubby homely asians

Buy a rice cooker.

Worth the investment since rice is cheap, and it's easy to use. You can make a variety of rice dishes depending on what spices and protein you put in with the rice.

Actually, learning music theorey has helped me evolve my musical ability quite a bit. It's not enough to simply be able to imitate another's work. If you really want to improve, you need to understand WHY the song works and how you can change it without breaking it so you can make it your own.

The same with cooking. Unless you understand HOW to cook you might as well just pour shit out of a box into a big pan of browned ground beef.

t. Ukulele player and pretty damned good cook

You're of legal age and cannot cook.

>Add 1/2 cup of rice to 1.5 cups water and a pinch of salt in a saucepan. Cover and bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and cook (ABSOLUTELY NO PEEKING) for 12 minutes.
This is how you make rice.

>Place 1/3 cup dried beans and 2 cups water in a pot with a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of minced garlic. Bring to a boil and reduce heat, simmer for 20 minutes then turn off the heat and allow to sit (AGAIN NO PEEKING) for 2 hours. Add 3 chicken/vegetable boullion cubes (or equivilant), a bay leaf, 1 tsp of crushed red pepper, 1/4 cup diced onion, 1/4 cup diced carrot, 1/4 cup diced bell pepper and 1/4 cup celery sliced on the bias. Bring to a boil. Once boiling, reduce heat to medium-low and add 1/2 tbsp of apple cider vinegar. If you have it you can add 1/4 cup of cubed ham or a chicken thigh.
This is how you make beans.

Place rice in bowl, ladle beans over rice. Eat. This is low-faty, nutricious a complete protien and pretty damned tasty. Do not eat the bay leaf.

Once you reduce the heat on the beans, they should cook for 4-8 hours. Keep checking them to make sure they have enough water and stir then occassionally to ensure they don't burn on the bottom.

learn to cook one thing well and start from there

Look for the best sales on meat in your local grocery. Most of the time the most inexpensive thing I can find is whole chickens, I buy one and either roast it or throw the whole thing in a pot for chicken and dumplings. Both of those are extremely hard to fuck up, your best bet is to find recipes that make a fuckton of food so you don't have to worry about learning something new each week.

These are both really good recipes if you start out with chicken:

kitchme.com/recipes/homemade-creamy-chicken-and-dumplings-soup

deepsouthdish.com/2010/04/mimis-rotisserie-style-sticky-chicken.html

>music theory

Cool. I had someone tell me I needed to get into that when I asked whether classical music composers wrote every note of every instrument in the orchestra and what the role of the arranger and conductor were.

To my amazement, as someone who had studied music he told me the composers wrote every fucking note that was heard. That makes my head spin.

My tips for learning to cook (based upon my own mistakes)

1. Oven shit is easy, same with crock pot. Pretty hard to fuck up
2. If you are doing something on a stovetop, don't be distracted and don't leave the kitchen while you make it. The second it starts burning you can lower the heat, remove it from the hot eye, etc.
3. Beef is your friend, very easy to tell if it's cooked safely. Steak = just cook the outside, inside to your liking, ground beef = no pink. Perfect beef before moving to pork or chicken.
4. Use common sense re: cooking order, if it's a tough sinewy veg like broccoli it will have to cook longer than an onion or a pepper.
5. Get a good non-stick pan. Don't listen to the cast-iron shillers until you can actually cook worth a damn, it's much more useful to have a pan that you can crack 2 eggs into without any oil and still salvage.
5. Have all your prep done before you start cooking shit. If your pan is burning on the eye while you're frantically cutting meat, you will probably burn something and hurt yourself. Use a bunch of bowls and plates, dishwashing is easy.

Non-stick is a meme

You'll end up using oil anyway, and not being able to use high heat because the coating can't withstand it sucks ass

Make pasta. Simple and has protein.

learn how to make foods that cook in the oven like meatloaf, roast veg, potatoes, pizzas, chicken, etc.

dont really need to have quick reflexes and unlike stove food you dont have to bother putting ingredients in a specific order.

An hero

While this is true, non-stick is better for beginners. It's cheap, and it'll be easy for him to learn with. Confidence is key when cooking.

I know how to make pasta and stir fry. How do I go from here?

Damn those are great feet, the proportions are perfect.

footfags GTFO please

Make pan stews.

My favorite easy thing. You just make your stir fry like normal, do a mexican one with beans, do a hearty one with sausage, whatever, then add some flour to oil/buter in the pan until it browns a bit, now you got a roux! It's not a "proper" roux but it's good! Then add in like 1/2 cup broth/bouillon and 1/4 cup white wine/beer and mix it up and simmer it until it thickens.

Serve over rice.

It's good.