I don't understand half the shit in this book...

Well, that explains everything

I literally just pulled my penis out of a man's ass about two minutes ago.

How will this affect my afterlife?

No, this is the bad advice. You read the Bible for spiritual wisdom, which the Gospels and the Epistles have in spades and which is kind of hard to find in the detailed description of how to build the Ark of the Covenant or how many people were killed in some ancient battle. Sure, there's lots of wisdom in the Old Testament too, but without a knowledge of the New, a Christian is bound to get really confused. You really only need a Wikipedia-level understanding of the history of Israel to get a lot out of the New Testament.

>You read the Bible for spiritual wisdom
stopped there, mental midget detected

homosexuals have an ability to discuss theology and religion right up there with distributionists. I wouldnt be ashamed about your shit stained dick, I would be ashamed of taking bad defenses of bad theology and internalizing them into insincere shitposting.

Worst case scenario: in no way at all.

Hittites were an early Indo-European people from what is now Turkey. She's mad that her sons and husband want to fuck white bitches instead of other proto-Jews.

Here's a good lecture series from Yale to help you follow along.

oyc.yale.edu/religious-studies/rlst-145

But it also helps to keep in mind the fact that nobody has the final word on the bible.

I mean, if you're a Christian this is obviously a major reason why you're reading the Bible, to learn more about your faith. The stuff about Jesus is clearly more important than reading about the particulars of the Mosaic Law, which isn't even applicable to Christians anymore. Any priest would tell you that the New Testament is the place to start. People on Veeky Forums seem to just read the Bible to get the references, which misses the point entirely

I suggest reading a modern English version of the Bible and then the KJV, unless you are very familiar with ye olde English. My first time reading, I kept an annotated modern Bible at the side that I consulted whenever I didn't understand a passage in the KJV, and it helped immensely.

Don't start with Genesis. I assume you are from the West, which means you have knowledge of the basic Old Testament stories (Noah and his ark, Moses and his escape from Egypt, David and Goliath, Samson, etc.), so there is no problem starting with the denser, more interesting Old Testament books such as Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Job. After these, I'd read the New Testament.

In all honesty, though, the Bible needs to be read multiple times and with a good annotation to fully appreciate it.

In Christianity you're fine as long as you repent and accept Jesus as your saviour.

So, keep on sodomizing and do a deathbed conversion, you'll be fine.

Jew is what happens when you stray too far away from God. This is why they are chosen as the prime example of God's broken relationship with man.

Just to be a dick, could I sodomize away, then repent, then keep sodomizing, then repent, etc?

Could you repent?

Start with the Orthodox NT

Robert Alter has really good footnotes in his Bible translations

If you die on a note of true repentance, then it doesn't matter what you did previously.

Start with the definition if the word "repent".

What don't you understand? I'll answer any questions you have that I am able.

Keep reading. I recommend reading the entirety of the Bible, but you should at least read the Torah (the first five books), Psalms, Proverbs, and the Gospels (the first four books of the New Testament) - at minimum.

This is not true. It is a common, erroneous belief.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27: (The Apostle, St. Paul is speaking.)

>"Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain.
>And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.
>I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air:
>But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

If the Apostle Paul believed his salvation could be forfeit by his actions, why should any one else be any different?

These are various passages taken from Revelation, chapters 2 & 3 (Christ is speaking to the Apostle St. John a message to the churches.)

Rev. 2:5 (to the church in Ephesus)
>Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.

Rev. 2:7
>He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God.

Rev. 2:10-11 (to the Church in Smyrna)
>Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; He that overcometh shall not be hurt of the second death.

Rev. 2:16-17 (to the church in Pergamum)
>Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth.He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it.

Rev. 2:21-23 (to the church in Thyatira)
>And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not. Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds. And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.

Rev. 3:2, 3, & 5 (to the church in Sardis)
>Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die: for I have not found thy works perfect before God.
>Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee.

con't below

>He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels.

Notice the, "I will not blot out his name out of the book of life."

Rev. 3:15 & 16(to the church in Laodicea)
>I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.
>So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

Now before anyone says, "Christ says repent, so why can't we just repent on our deathbed like user suggested?"

Jeremiah 17:10
>I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

Proverbs 24:12
>If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not He that pondereth the heart consider it? And He that keepeth thy soul, doth not He know it? And shall not He render to every man according to his works?

Matthew 7:21-23 (Christ is speaking)
>Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
>Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
>And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Hebrews 10:30 & 31
>For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.
>It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

I'll stop here for now, but I welcome discussion or questions.

The passages here seem to mean that it is actually as has been claimed, that repentance is the crucial difference between a sinner and someone allowed to enter paradise.

I think the quote from Paul is meant to say that no matter how good someone is, they are always able to sin and throw it all away, but they are also always capable of washing the sins away again as long as they are truly sorry. It does matter what actions you do, as those sins or holy acts are what count, though it isn't like this works on a system of sins weighed against virtue.

Yes, repentance and faith is.

What I mean to make clear, is that TRUE repentance is what is needed, and that even Christians who have repented and professed faith at one point in their lives are not exempt from continued scrutiny.

One cannot simply scheme against God to live a lascivious, sinful life, utter a few words on your deathbed, and enter Paradise.

The conversion must be real. The repentance must be sincere.

It's one whole story and the books are arranged to also reflect that, but if you are genuinely interested in Christianity, you should start with the New Testament. As Augustine said, "The New Testament lies hidden in the Old and the Old is unveiled in the New". Christ is the key to understanding everything in the bible and, in my opinion, people make the greatest mistakes when they forget to interpret in light of what Jesus did.

If you like the New Testament, you'll have plenty of chances to read it through cover to cover later. And, yeah, sure there are lots of things in the New Testament that are references to the Old Testament that will probably not sink in unless you're familiar with the Old Testament as the Jews Jesus spoke to were. But plenty of people who have read the Old Testament can't see that either, so reading the Old Testament first, especially a translation and without having the experience of living as a Jew in that time, isn't any guarantee you'll be equipped to get the most out of the New Testament.

You could also spend your entire life reading the scriptures and not plumb the depths of all the types and layered meanings.

you can believe in god without believing in christianity or yahweh, you know.