What was the dumbest mistake you made while cooking?

What was the dumbest mistake you made while cooking?

I love retarded pepe

>making a gravy
>want to thicken it up
>dump some corn starch in it
>clumps everywhere
>can't whisk them out
>gravy tastes like pockets of corn starch

i was so fucking pissed

I didn't have any milk while making a bisque, so I used vanilla coffee creamer.

Blend it?

I once tried to make a diy fish curry, but got wasted on special brew, woke up to a load of expensive ingredients basically welded to the bottom of a big cooking pot.

fucking kill yourself

Thought I could compensate salt with sugar as child.

>doesn't abbreviate kill yourself
>adds fucking
this guy means it

Was cooking fillet mignon on the grill for a group but when I served them up they were all undercooked and pink in the inside. Had to toss the lot out to avoid cross contamination/food poisoning. Waste of $100

Posting a stupid frog meme on a cooking board.

>making an omelette
>didn't want to dirty another bowl
>decided to try to whisk everything in the pan before it started to cook
>failed miserably
The omelette sadly perished into a mess.

He fucking means it

We don't use the r-word anymore, and his name is Apu Apustaja.

>leave msg in unlabeled jar
>mom assumes it's sugar and bakes an apple crisp with it

This is good but too obvious

How did it taste?

so? it shoulda amplified the apples flavor. how did it turn out?

Don't even remember what it was, but I was cooking some meat dish that required browning on the stove top and finishing in a 450 degree oven. Went to go pull it out, and since I'd been handling the pan without gloves, grabbed the handle bare handed. Sucked for the next three days.

>preteen
>still use box mix
>calls for vegetable oil
>surely olive oil will do

the memory will never leave me

What were you making?

Was bound to fail if you had the heat up high enough that you couldn't whisk everything together.

>Be stoned 15-year-old
>Been awake for around 30 hours
>Put mozzarella sticks in oven
>Fall asleep on couch, just wanted to rest my eyes
>Wake up to smoke alarm, kitchen is full of smoke
>Mozzarella sticks have turned to charcoal
>Open all the windows in the house
>Have to wait to go back to sleep despite being exhausted, the smell is too awful

That's one detailed wheelchair

brownies.
needless to say, tasted terrible and got tossed.

In my defense I tend to wait before putting everything in the pan. I let the butter melt and just before it browns I pour in the stuff.

I take the Julia Child approach.

>making eggplant lasagna
>pre-heat oven
>get everything in pan
>put in oven
>set timer
>get bottle of beer to relax
turn to see platter of eggplant slices still sitting on counter

FML

I use to improperly store things and make myself sick all the time. I gave up on cooking meat for a while until I get a place of my own.

>half asleep and hungry
>see bag of jumbo shrimp in freezer
>decide to pan fry it because it's late and I'm hungry
>too tired to notice they still have fucking shells on
>cook them
>eat one and notice the shell
>spend 10 minutes peeling them all and seasoning them again
they still turned out fine it was just a huge pain in the ass to take the shells off after they cooked

>deep frying fish
>got the battered filets ready
>getting the oil hot (no deep frier)
>put the fish in
>the oil is much too hot and the fish is charred to a black clump in a minute
>panic
>try to cool down the oil by putting cold water in it
>smoke fills the kitchen
>fire alarm goes off in the entire building
>the entire building is evacuated
>can't turn the fire alarm off for some reason
>it stays on for an hour in every apartment

Gf's parents came for dinner so I made steak and kidney puddings with a shortcrust pastry and a slow braised filling that I didnt trim the fat from... just let it dissolve into the gravy and pulled out any left-over chunks... It was rich as fuck and none of us could finish it.
I gave the left overs to my dog. After eating it, it curled up on the rug and died of a heart attack.

Not cooking but food related. Had been drinking heavy, as usual, and during the night I reached down to the side of my bed to grab a water bottle I always have there and lay down and just let all the goodness flow into my mouth.

Bad thing was it wasn't my water bottle but a bottle of mayo I'd chucked on the floor after putting it on my midnight pizza.

Retched whiskey and mayo all over the floor it was some bad times.

Did good, all that blood, uhg.

Why not cook it through again and hten serve with ketchup though?

>mayo on pizza

Life as an alcy is truly terrible

>Be stoned 15-year-old

To cool to let your brain fully develop before experimenting with drugs? Enjoy your psychosis when you grow up.

>Making middle eastern rice dish that required a crust on the bottom
>set already cooked, refrigerated rice in pot on burner at lowest setting
>estimated one hour, no more, no less until the crust was formed taking into account that the whole thing was cold
>burned 1/3 of the rice
45 minutes would have been enough but got cocky and didn't want to interrupt cardio. still ate the rice because I am not a huge fucking wasteful faggot. didn't taste burnt surprisingly.

moral of the story: given enough time, the lowest setting of a stove top burner will make your neighborhood catch fire.

>from weed

Go after alcohol and smoking first

>things that never happened

Burnt my mother's favorite frying pan (flavorstone) by leaving on the stove too long with no food in it.

She was livid.

Mix flour or cornstarch with a bunch of water first, dilute it a lot, then pour the dilution in and cook down.

Thanks Reddit.

Making it a career.

Dumbest was after. Left a burner on all night.

pull cast iron pan-dish out of oven on to countertop using oven mitts
break concentration
try to move it from one counter top to the other countertop by grabbing hendle with my hand
...not the dumbest thing I've done

one time I tried to be efficient by cooking my oatmeal in coffee,that was bad

>put pan on high heat
>go play round of call of duty
>come back
>pan is stuck to the stove
>freak out, pull as hard as I can
>stove bends but comes off, part of the pans coating comes off and is permanently stuck to stove
>still not really sure what happened

The other day I made risotto with mayonnaise instead of butter

>when you grow up

I'm 27 now and just have most of the same social anxiety issues I had before ever trying weed.

I prefer the Julia Adult approach

just pop it in the freezer ya dingus

Turned on the microwave but forgot to put food in it. Atleast the sparks it made were pretty.

Microwaves don't spark unless you put metal in them, user. Don't make up stories.

Microwaves are made of metal you dingus

>smoking weed anytime after 18 years old
LMAOing at your life

this

this

These

Started cooking for a living

>baking bread in a cast iron pot in the oven
>bread is done
>take pot out with potholders
>bread still needs a little more baking
>pick up pot to put it back in the oven
>forgot to use the potholders

Never thought of that thanks

Cast iron is a fickle mistress

I this'd before it was cool

my mom did this once in mashed potatoes, fucking horrid

Used too much oil in cooking a pork chop. Splashed all over me. Have three scars on my left leg and wouldn't have a dick anymore if my underwear didn't stop it.

>7 years old
>cooking pancakes with no shirt on
>too much oil and butter in pan
>flip pancake
>splash boiling oil all over my chest

>poor as shit
>go to grocery store to buy some expensive ingredients
>self check out
>next day
>go to make thing
>cant find some of the ingredients
>realize i must have left a bag at self checkout

this happened this weekend and i feel like shit because of it
i wish i had a real job so i could buy things

>preheating oven
>forget i left a pan in there
>take pan out using towel and put it on stove
>need to make room on stove
>grab pan without towel
>don't know how long i was holding the pan, but i didn't feel the heat right away
>probably held the fully heated pan handle for 5-10 seconds
>spend the next 2-3 hours running hand under cold water, sweating and writhing around in pain
>half of hand is covered in blisters next day but it doesn't even hurt
years later i still get nervous when going to grab that pan

...

When I was baking cake for my sister the recipe called for 3 whole eggs so I put in the eggs with the shells. I didn't realize that they meant crack the egg and when my sister took a bite she had egg shells in her mouth and called me retarded but all I wanted to do was make something nice for her. I guess I'm nothing but an obese retard

this happened to me back when i didn't know anything about cooking

you gotta dissolve it in some kind of liquid first, oil/melted butter works better. now whenever i need to thicken something at work I'll put some flour/ starch in a bowl with some oil, whisk the shit out of it, and pour it in as needed

Holy shit lmao

>three
>WHOLE
>eggs
ayy lmao :DDDD

The saddest thing is I can believe this actually happened

I hope you were younger than like 9 or 10

>making a homemade onion soup
>actually grew bulk of the ingredients, put alot of love into it
>recipe called a bit of red wine
>my eyes fucking suck
>i mistook strawberry vodka for red wine
>all that work fucking wasted

ill never live that down

Negative I was 18. I am 27 today and I weigh like 370lbs and dropped out of college

Wow, I had a similar incident at that age, except it was bacon on high heat.

Please get help

I put chocolate syrup on pizza

>i mistook strawberry vodka for red wine

Start taking some responsibility for yourself.

It's not my fault, fuck off. People have made me the way I am. What the fuck am I supposed to do besides eat and escape into alternate realities when I am constantly kicked down and psychologically tormented? All I like to do is stay home and eat and watch movies or play vidya. Fuck society and people like you telling me to "take responsibility" for shit which is mostly not my fault. Why don't people like you take responsibility and realize what sort of shitty human beings you are?

This sounds like bullshit, it's not likely that the vodka was unopened and therefore would be almost impossible to confuse with an unopened bottle of wine being stored at room temperature.

...

>chooses to eat too much
>chooses not to exercise

>not his fault

i forgot that you shouldnt put hot glass in water and one day after i finished cooking i put a glass lid under some water and shattered it

My statement stands. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking some responsibility. If you don't, you will never improve and neither will your life.

Neck yourself you fat useless pieces of shit
t depressed alcoholic

That's how they're supposed to be served you uncultured swine

Quit blaming society and humanity for your problems faggot.

Unironically kys

lol, c,mon brah

Making tzatziki for the first time, didn't sweat the cucumber like I was supposed to and just blended all the ingredients, gg liquid dip

Alcohol in moderation is better than smoking weed in moderation and has been shown to increase life expectancy. Abusing alcohol is worse than abusing weed though. Weed isn't always better.

Do you at least have the receipt? Maybe you can go back and explain what happened.

>tfw you've always been able to recover

who /neverdonenothingwrong/ here?

No

...

if you've never done nothing wrong, it's because you haven't done much of anything at all.

this is profound user

Made cookies with way too much flour because I didn't mix it enough and it wasn't thickening up

>probably held the fully heated pan handle for 5-10 seconds

Why lie about something so uninteresting? More likely two second at most. Fucking faggot also the pain isn't that bad you cocksucking pussy bitch. Fuck reditors piss me off