Food greentexts new and old

Heres a new one
>sister just moved to her own place
>she only like sweet food and cant cook
>she invite the family over to dinner
>she want to show us what a strong, independent women shes grown into
>we gather in her kitchen where a big pot is boiling
>its a stew
>we sit down to eat and she serve us from the pot
>its a chicken stew, with spices
>its also inedible
>we just sit and poke around in the brown mess with our forks
>finally dad ask whats in it
>eh.. chicken, garlic, onions, tomato..
>how much garlic?
>two
>two cloves?
no two whole fucking goddam garlics holy shit that stew was nasty

Are crackers really like this?

Please delete that racial slur

I've told the story before but I'll greentext it for this
>get invited to thanksgiving at a buddies house
>gonna deep fry a turkey
>tell him I can't wait, been so long since I had that crispy turkey skin
>He's cooking sides in his small kitchen so I hang outside
>few minutes before I start to get the oil hot, I go grab the turkey out of the fridge
>took the foil off because there was a layer of plastic wrap too
>looked a little odd but I didn't check it out
>oil is up to temp and I start to get the turkey ready to drop
>75% of the skin is not on the turkey, there is some on each leg and wing and that's it
>I can't believe what I'm seeing
>go into the kitchen and sarcastically tell him I need the skin for the turkey
>He points at a stock pot and says it's in there
>nothing left to do but drop this thing in the oil
>REALLY want to go home before it finishes
>pull the turkey out and it's black
>charred 1/2-3/4 inch down
>totally disgusting
>sad part is, my buddy is a head chef at a corporate restaurant

nigger detected

This is unrelated to the thread, but may I ask which device you posted this from? I'm particularly curious about what generates that image filename

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>Being mean to your sister for a minor mistake she made during her first steps into independence
>Not appreciating the fact that she tried to cook a meal for you and your family

You're a bad oniisan, user. I'm not sure what to say about the bitterness you have buried inside of you.

When was he mean? According to his story they put up with it rather nicely

how's it feel fucking up that family's thanksgiving because you're an autist?

mental af

I feel skeptical about this.

>Posting the story of his sister's failure online to thousands of mongolian beekeepers for internet attention
>Not mean

Put up with? Really? That makes it sound like it was an insult to his very existence. OP is just being a little bitch.

>garlics
what did xhe mean by this?
Two bulbs?

Not mean to her. What would you have done in his place? Eat the disgusting food just to be nice?

I cringed way too hard at that.

there was nothing else that could be done. the oven was full and there was no time to cook it in the oven even if it wasn't full.
that has to be what was used if it wasn't cloves

Not be a cunt about my sister trying to cook for her family so I can feel better about my own shortcoming? Tell her what was up and help her get better?

OP is an unappreciative little shit.

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>Not be a cunt about my sister trying to cook for her family so I can feel better about my own shortcoming?
How is he being a cunt? He's just sharing a funny story
>Tell her what was up and help her get better?
I see you've never tried giving a woman criticism about something she made, it never goes well

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Anything have that ">he doesn't make his own pasta" greentext?

This a strong womyn does not need criticizm, she needs validation!

You tryna hack me iphone there bro?

Nothing mean about it. She saved the whole thing with some home made cup cakes afterward and we all had a laugh about it

What part of his story was funny? Literally none of it. There were no jokes, no implications, nothing. All it was was "my sister fucked up, look how much sister fucked up, pay attention to me".

>I see you've never tried giving a woman criticism about something she made, it never goes well

I don't think I've ever seen a black woman under 40 capable of cooking at all.
>we ain' nee' dat stove!
>we got ahselves a big ol' buggit o' CHIGGIN!

I bet they wouldn't cry about a bit of garlic either.

I know someone with this exact mindset. Of course he doesn't work, so this can't be him.

The story is fabricated. I didnt want to start a greentext thread without a greentext so i made some shit up. There were never a insulted sister or anything to get mad about. So you can sit back and relax. Or you can try to find sone other small matter to become upset about.

I would suggest you to take a shower first though. There seem to be some sand stuck in your vagina.

Can blacks even eat garlic?

I had a good size party of around 9 people, with 3 members of the opposite sex present.

Please, go back to Facebook. Nobody wants you here and you're being a fucking cunt.

>Lying on the internet

user, your behavior disgusts me.

I think you should go back to fagbook, OP, and take your lame stories with you.

lmao, what a faggot this guy is

You type like a fucking middle schooler. Going to report you as underage just because.

0/10

>op
>everyone who isn't absolutely thrilled about me being here is the same person!
kek

Oh man

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Sorry, darky our food doesnt come to us on a plastic tray that says UNICORP on the bottom of it

>invite friend for steaks
>prepare for hours
>crack some beer, talk shit
>invite him to sit down
>time to fry the steaks
>got them room temperatured and all
>beautiful, beautiful steaks
>heat up oil, put steak in
>while doing so i tell him i thought about 2:30 minutes on each side
>medium rare, if thats all right
>nah, i would like it well done
Night ruined

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You have to go back

Heh. I remember this one.

Reported

>400 lb angry whopper dead on the floor
Obvious fake story but made me chuckle nevertheless.

Nah, just curious. It's an iPhone then? Thanks.

These people are like runaway trains. Better hope you arent in their trajectory.

I understand that the guy was just a kid, but dammit, this made me mad.
>be me in my 20’s, just got apartment with my then gf
>I was super into cooking at the time, and brother had just got me 2 high quality tomahawk steaks from a place called “snake river farms” for my birthday
>had them sitting on counter for when I got back from work so I could make a tasty dinner for gf and I
>walk in to the smell of my steak cooking
>gfs little brother is there and has cut up my $80 steaks into tiny pieces and has them simmering well done for “””steak tips”” in a store bought brown gravy
>he was like 15 at the time and was taking some kind of culinary class at his high school and said he wanted to try this recipe
>he seemed really excited about it

I didn’t even bother getting mad

Holy fuck

>responsible for cooking the turkey
>walks away from the deep-frying food
>ruins it
>tries to blame his friend who was inside preparing the side dishes
You're a terrible person and a danger to everyone around you

>walks away from the deep-frying food
I never seen the food until I pulled it out of the fridge. I know this is bait. but even if my buddy cut off the wing tips, he would of had a better stock than just throwing in some skin

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How am I baiting? You clearly said you put it in the oil, then wanted to go home while it was cooking and came back to find it burnt.

What are you, Fucking illiterate? He never said he went home or want away.

did you fuck tho?

The skin not being on the turkey had little to do with you burning it, you're just not good at deep frying a turkey

Snake river is amazing. I'd have thrown him out.

>>nothing left to do but drop this thing in the oil
>>REALLY want to go home before it finishes
>>pull the turkey out and it's black

Why would he mention wanting to go home unless it caused him to burn the turkey, and it wouldn't have unless he left it unattended for an extended period.

Maybe she was trying to do a 40 clove chicken dish, but didn't realize that it's the slow roasting that makes that dish edible and it won't really work in a stew.

You're just making assumptions

file name for Irish Stew Guy.
From a time when Veeky Forums had memes.

I REALLY want some pussy right now.
Doesn’t mean I have it.
Either you’re ESL or can’t into logic.

I've never burnt a turkey because I was standing in the kitchen wishing I had a gf.

I feel ya. Wife's younger brother lived with us for a year as a NEET and his parents wanted him out of their house:
>Wants to make a Bloomin' Onion
>Mixes together every half bottle of oil in the pantry - coconut, peanut, canola, olive to fill the frying pot to the brim
>heats to 400F and drops in giant onion
>oil splatter everywhere, reeks of smoke
> he didn't pay attention to it; onion fries to a black crisp
> I come home, ask what the fuck, tell him to clean it up
>he asks me if I want it because it doesn't look good enough for him to eat
>say no, tell him to clean it up
>says he can't because he has to visit his boyfriend for the weekend. takes a shower, grabs a bag of dildos or some shit and walks out leaving a huge mess

he no longer lives with us

Was I implying anything of the sort?
If you’re the guy who I replied to you’re weird and I’m disengaging.
That original greentext never SAID he walked away.
It said he WANTED to be at home.
He didn’t say he WENT home.

Explain why his unfulfilled desire to go home caused the turkey to be burnt almost beyond recognition.

what was the recipe?

You're retarded and drawing conclusions out of nothing

His desire to go home didn't cause the chicken to burn, much like how my desire to post on Veeky Forums without retards doesn't stop you from appearing

He seems to be implying that his friend who is a head chef did something that user who is presumably a lower level pleb didn't like so in spite user ruined the chefs turkey instead of going home which he really wanted to do given his tendency to flee and that it's the chefs fault because he is a chef so user backstabbed him ruining Thanksgiving

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There's something here that just isn't connecting in your head.

After seeing the fucking state of the turkey and it's lack of skin user wanted to leave.
Because without the skin it would be ruined.
He didn't actually leave, but he wanted to.
Because he knew there was nothing humanly possible he could have done to salvage that turkey.
Because user is a man of honor he waited for the turkey to be cooked to temperature instead of leaving.
Without its skin it was ruined.
user knew this would happen and probably warned his friend, who cooks professionally.

The games are mentally ill. Not saying it as being a homophobe but it seems they every homosexual male has some sort of mental illness about them something about their personality. They come off as a whiny bratty teenage girl

pretty sure they like to be called "cum skins" now

Why are you whiteknighting for a loser who ruined a turkey because he wanted to go home? Did a chef yell at you for not washing the dishes properly

>mom decides that we're having steaks for Christmas
>her and my grandma spend $200+ on premium steaks from a local butcher
>get charged with cooking steaks for Christmas dinner
>tell them outright that i'm going to cook these correctly
>not "bloody", but i'm not going to make them well done like they usually get
>explain to them that it will taste much better this way
>"oh of course user we trust you you're a good cook"
>Christmas day i get over to Grandma's house and the steaks are already being marinated
>empty bottle of worcestershire next to it and some sort of Walmart spice blend
>god damnit
>whatever, comes time to put them on the grill
>stand outside in the cold darkness and it's lightly sprinkling freezing rain
>can't see a thing because there's no lights out here
>ah yes, this is why i was "chosen" to do this
>grill these steaks by phone light
>getting really depressed standing out there, dad had been killed only 2 months ago
>take steaks off grill, they're not perfect but whatever i don't care anymore
>i go warm up by the fire
>time to eat and i see grandma pull steaks from out of the oven
>broiled the shit out of them
>"oh user these are so good thanks for cooking"
>practically inedible dry texture and tastes like garbage
>drank a whole bottle of eggnog-wine and cried later
the magic of Christmas

(You)

This is one of the weirder greentexts I've read in the past week I'll give you that much. Are your parents disappointed in having a gay son?

i don't know, i don't speak with my mother

Oh. I'm sorry man. But it does get better.

not it's about something else, i don't think she knows or care if she does

Well still I feel like an asshole. Sorry again.

We still got memes. They're shit though.

>grabs a tin of pineapple rings

as a primary school teacher I've learned a specific way to deal with the fucktarded but too young to be guilty: sternly and calmly have them clean up after their fuckups. You don't rip his head off and shit down his throat, you say "sit down a minute boy. Listen, I know you're learning some new stuff and proud to try it, and that's cool and I like it, but you done fucked up by grabbing the wrong steaks without checking with me. So what you're gonna do is replace them." And then make him replace them, or work a debt for it. Don't be a dick about it, just teach him a lesson about wasting good things that don't belong to him. He'll grow up a bigger man for it with a better sense of responsibility and will be less likely to turn into a child-beating angry asshole.

The three part classic

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>have tradition of inviting friends over for meals, drinks and shooting the shit
>usually soup because I'm broke
>this time have enough cash for a nice stew and it's St paddy's
>friend from the other side of the country is even back in hometown
>but the bugger's vegetarian now
>thank god he still eats fish
>make cod liver, parsnip, mackerel filets, shallots and potatoes into a creamy soup
>he buys the booze to excuse himself for forcing arrangements
>have an amazing evening listening to the taxpayers
and then some faggy friend wanted to visit a pub anyway so we went out and I had a 9€ gin, it was alright but not worth the dosh

Bump

>cook something to charcoal
>blame someone else

you could have fixed this by breading it or changing the cooking method you dork

>The host looked annoyed so I told him.

Every fucking time

To be fair, in this screencap the other guy is equally autistic

Well in my experience, my gay friends are more mentally healthy than my straight friends.

I always enjoy this one.

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>Dad's GF is visiting, offers to cook dinner, which is a fresh side of salmon
>The recipe she has for it sounds pretty good, it's coriander, chilli, lime zest, bit of oil etc
>She doesn't wash the coriander before chopping it, I touch some and come away with my hands sandy
>I try not to be a bitch about it, I laugh and complain with her about how some stores irresponsibly don't wash their shit and help her to rinse it before it gets put on the fish, everything seems to have gone fine
>Dad tells her when the guests are going to be arriving so she knows when to put the fish in the oven
>She puts the fish in a good hour before they show up
>Fish is broiled past any salvation
>'This recipe is really good because the oil means you can keep it in the oven for as long as you need to without it burning!'
>About a quarter of the salmon ended up being eaten because no-one liked it
>I got pressured into taking most of it home with me
She's a lovely woman and I like her a lot but I'm not going to trust her with another salmon. My dad's half of the family can't fucking win with salmon, his favorite type of it is this disgustingly soft, tasteless pre-marinated shit that you get from ALDI and cook from frozen.

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